Re: new member update and venting by Pam B.

Posted September 5, 2009 · September 5, 2009

Hi, Pam.

It is a roller coaster ride, to live with OCD. The ups and downs are enough to

drive a sane person nuts. I agree, it is hard, because you get your hopes up

and they get dashed again, when the OCD comes back with a vengeance. But, one

good thing that happens is when you get through it a few times, you realize it

can get better again, because it has before. So you live it one day at a time,

(sometimes one moment at a time) learning you can wait it out, waiting for it to

improve again, as the OCD waxes and wanes.

Our son experienced the same while doing ERP. His OCD was constantly changing.

But, they (he and his therapist) fashioned his ERP to confront it immediately,

as things popped up, and tried to shut it down before it had a chance to grow

and become ingrained. We found it got easier as he worked through his list,

gaining confidence as he went. He's now been stable for a couple of years,

accomplishing things I never expected him to be able to. So, don't give up

hope. It can get better. It just takes time and patience. But, it is hard and

heart breaking while working through it. (((hugs to you)))

With our son it was the other way around. . His OCD caused him to be depressed.

Once his OCD started improving, the depression lifted.

Oh boy, the contamination stuff you described sounds so familiar. Our son had

certain things, that were extra special to him, like his game systems, and his

laptop, that were off limits to OCD's perceived germs. When he was doing his

ERP, he had to contaminate them as part of his homework. That was really hard

for him. He told me one day that " now " our whole house was contaminated, and

the only thing that would fix it was to burn the whole house down. Since that

wasn't practical, he decided he was just going to have to live with things being

contaminated, but he sure sounded disgusted and distressed about it. Poor kid.

Yet, I think that was like an extinction burst for him. . .Him ranting about it

and agonizing over it, before he excepted it, then learned to let it go. Now,

it doesn't bother him at all. Thankfully.

I don't think you are overreacting. It is hard to tell what is teenage behavior

and what is OCD. Then, at times, they mesh, which really complicates things. I

was watchful, when our son was going through the worst of his OCD, but tried to

also give him some privacy. I found sometimes it was his OCD he was dealing

with, rather than typical teenage stuff, but his therapist explained that he

needed to learn to deal with it, without me always being there trying to rescue

him. And he was right. It's hard to turn that off as a parent though. And I

only started backing off once he was starting to stabilize, not when he was in

complete crisis. Yet, today, he deals with it without mentioning it to me

sometimes. So, it's him taking responsibility for his disorder, because he's

now armed to. . Which is good. You'll get there someday. You are on the right

track.

I'm sorry things are so rough right now. <sigh> It sounds like the Prozac

hasn't had a chance to reach it's full benefit yet, since it's just been since

the 19th. With our son, we found that he would improve with meds, then take a

step backwards, so needed the dosage raised. Eventually, he leveled off, then

things just kept improving, due to the meds and correct therapy, but it took

months to find the right dosage.

When things were really bad here, Josh would become emotionally needy. He was

suffering so much, unable to even function. I would do whatever he needed to

get through that moment, all the while, promising him that things would improve.

I would give us both a pep talk, reassuring him that we'd been through it before

and we'd get through it again. I think I needed to do that to save both our

sanity. I spoke with confidence, even when I wasn't feeling it. I kept

reminding him that it was just wretched old OCD at work, but that we were doing

all the right stuff to make it better and we just had to give it some time. I

willed us both through the worst of it, on those days where he wasn't able to

even get off the sofa, he was so overwhelmed.

Hang in there. Take it a step at a time. Enjoy and savor those good moments,

remembering them, to encourage you, when going through the bad.

Hopefully tomorrow is a better day for both of you.

Hugs,

BJ

>

> Hi, all. It's late and I am feeling alone in the OCD fight. My son, Elijah,

was diagnosed end of June/beginning of July. To recap, that's when extreme OCD

set in; I took to him to drs who didn't think it was PANDAS because he's never

had strep and was rarely sick. Began ERP therapy right away and started prozac

Aug. 19th, the same time started school. The OCD is ever changing so the ERP

therapy has been difficult and changes with each visit. Since school/prozac

started, he had been doing very well, until yesterday. Of course, I was hoping

that the med was working miracles as the psych dr. said sometimes severe

depression can cause OCD symptoms. The last two weeks I didn't know if he was

doing better because he can control himself at school and was busy or if

possibly it was depression and the meds were working.

> I am sad right now because after two good weeks, the OCD is subtlely worse and

more strange to me. I know that I am wrong in not expecting it to be bad again.

It's just so scary when you get a break and think maybe, by some miracle, it

will-just go away- and then you find yourself back in that terrifying place

searching for your child.

> He can't walk around the house without looking at certain " things " for a

certain time - intense, emotional, stiff - and now, he is pretending to be blind

and walking around with his eyes closed to avoid looking at things. (Back to

imagination - forced play topic?) He can play with friends and do homework when

he's dirty, (which means just out of the bath or shower), but can't get on his

Xbox until he's clean (straight out of the shower). He has to have me get him

everything when he's clean or it will make him dirty again. I already struggle

with doing too much for him and now it's even worse than before. And, the most

shocking of all, he goes to bed early. Just gets up and says I'm going to bed,

even on weekend nights. I have never been able to get him to go to bed without

a fight. And he has never closed his door all the way before, but he is now.

-Ok, haha, I just totally realized that this may be an actual teenager thing. -

I am probably over-reacting right now. too many changes for me...

> But I do feel like everytime I say " things are better " , they get worse. And

everytime I realize something new, it gets worse or starts again. And as hard

as it was to not be able to hug my child when he was going thru the

contamination stage, it's really hard for me when he clings to me for help.

He's in a hugging stage right now. (so unusual for him, and it's all day long

with the hugging) Sweet, heartfelt, sincere hugs like he doesn't want to lose

me. I'm just in tears because I feel so helpless. And perhaps the ups and

downs and never knowing what will happen next is what is hardest for me. I

don't like being unprepared, especially emotionally, and with OCD you never know

what you're going to get, day to day, sometimes morning to night.

> Thanks for listening. Thanks for your support.

> Pam B.

>

Posted September 5, 2009 · September 5, 2009

BJ-thank you. I'll sleep better tonite because of your post. I will keep in

mind that we'll get through this as you and others have, to take it one day or

moment at a time, and wait for the right time to ween him from me being at his

beck and call until the time is right. I know it's premature for me to expect

things to be better so fast, I'm just still in the denial phase, or greiving

phase...All the experiences that we all have in common make me grateful for this

group. You just can't make some of this stuff up. My family is still not

fully understanding the things we go through. And very much believe that mom

has just spoiled him too much.

Thank you so much for your comfort.

-Pam

> >

> > Hi, all. It's late and I am feeling alone in the OCD fight. My son,

Elijah, was diagnosed end of June/beginning of July. To recap, that's when

extreme OCD set in; I took to him to drs who didn't think it was PANDAS because

he's never had strep and was rarely sick. Began ERP therapy right away and

started prozac Aug. 19th, the same time started school. The OCD is ever

changing so the ERP therapy has been difficult and changes with each visit.

Since school/prozac started, he had been doing very well, until yesterday. Of

course, I was hoping that the med was working miracles as the psych dr. said

sometimes severe depression can cause OCD symptoms. The last two weeks I didn't

know if he was doing better because he can control himself at school and was

busy or if possibly it was depression and the meds were working.

> > I am sad right now because after two good weeks, the OCD is subtlely worse

and more strange to me. I know that I am wrong in not expecting it to be bad

again. It's just so scary when you get a break and think maybe, by some

miracle, it will-just go away- and then you find yourself back in that

terrifying place searching for your child.

> > He can't walk around the house without looking at certain " things " for a