Scared and searching for help

[Guest guest]

I have been watching the posts for a couple of weeks and have not seen this

issue addressed.  If anyone can help it would be greatly appreciated.  I know

" bad thoughts " go with OCD, however I don't know how bad is too bad (hope that

makes sense).  My daughter is  very open with me about the kinds of thoughts she

has and quite frankly they scare me.  Is there anyone out there that has a child

who openly shares their thoughts?  If so, do you find them highly disturbing?  I

read that they don't act on their thoughts, but I am not sure of my daughter

will or won't actually act.  She has had thoughts of " putting lead in her eyes "

and then later she hit a pencil so hard that the led flipped up in her eye.  It

scared her and she asked me to help her get it out.  The fact that she " made "

her thought come true is frightening.  She says she loves violence.  She has

thoughts of hurting others or killing.  Last night I found her trying to kill a

baby

toad.  She didn't do it because " she was too scared. "  

Although she is very open with me about her thoughts she does not want me to

share them with her therapist or her doctor.  I did tell them that she talked

about hurting herself because it worries me that she is crossing that line.  She

is 9 years old.  She is on celexa and methvin (for ADHD).  We are getting CBT as

well.  She seems to thrive on defiance.  She loves argueing with us, and if

allow it, we end up in the cycle of never being able to explain things away. 

Therefore we usually just stop it and then she is angry and doesn't know what to

do with her feelings.  I am so confused as to how to help her more than we

already are.  If anyone can help address the " bad thought " issue, I would

greatly appreciate it.