Re: Re: Was Intimacy and Asperger Syndrome – Can They Coexist? now personal relationships

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Hi ;In social settings, there are so many variables, combinations of variables, and nuances; What 'works' in one case seems not to 'work' in another situation, which to me seems to be the same type of situation.Eventually, I decided I had expended sufficient time and energy on trying to get along in social settings, feeling like I was puoring my energy and time into a bottomless pit, without sufficient success to make it worthwhile.(an extrovert or NT reading this might find this incomprehensible)Now I mostly avoid social things, and have directed my learning towards how to get

along in a work setting without being 'social.'renaissanzelady

"Maybe there is something within most people that assumes 'everyone' knows or can learn social nuances, an 'everyone knows that" type of thing. That is the impression I got from my husband in our early years, a snide comment when I did someting socially inept. Eventually, he gave up trying to reform me, when he learned that I did not want to be 'reformed'"

I personally feel that anyone of average or above average intelligence ought to be able to memorize and recall facts and apply them. It will be harder for some than for others, but it can be done if they try hard.

This is why I always had very little sympathy for the kids who always said "I don't get it" in school if they were the ones most likely to talk in class and pass notes and so on.

My teaching classes confirm that the majority of students learn in three different ways even though developmentally, they may be functioning at different levels. Thus how a student is taught is NOT necessarily the issue when a student does not learn. Complexity of material is, as is their metal capacity to absorb what is being taught. But if a person truly applies themselves as best they can...and more than most people generally do...they can certainly learn more than they would otherwise.

In the matter of social interaction, that is a different story. Socially interaction happens between one person and another person, or one person and a group of people. One person can do everything right, and the other person can utterly reject them on a whim. Thus even when people do everything right socially, they can be utterly rejected anyway.

"My daughter is much more acccepting of my 'differences' , she will suggest a different way of doing something to me but in a way that is not a 'put-down'.

"I have told my daughter about this group, but not my husband, because of his lack of empathy for my social differences. "

My parents are aware that I run these forums, but they have never bothered to ask what they are called or where to find them on the net. My mother has been spending the last six years since I told her my DX grieving that she gave me AS, and my father believes as your husband does, and that these forums are a waste of my time, as is the MIC project.

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