Re: New to OCD Parenting

[Guest guest]

Your daughter sounds just like me son, who is 10. He went through the phase of

asking the same thing over again. We finally put a limit onto the number of

times he could ask the question, especially in school. When he has this issue I

tell him, while looking him directly into his eyes, that I am going to explain

it only once and to make sure he is listening. Then he needs to think about

what I said, and I have him reiterate it to me.

My son also has ADHD, anxiety and OCD. He take strattera and prozac. We talk

openenly about his diagnose. He doesn't have many friends, but the ones he does,

we try to explain that sometimes his brain get stuck and that's why he does

certain things.

Dawn

>

> There are so many questions, I don't really know where to begin.  My daughter

is 9, has ADHD with impulsivity being the strongest problem, she has anxiety and

we have questioned OCD for a couple of years now.  After this summer, there is

no doubt in my mind that she is fully OCD.  She is on meds for ADHD and

anxiety.  We started CBT a week ago with a therapist, but as you all know it is

very hard for her to want to participate because it is scary, she doesn't see

how it will help and it " makes 'it' stronger " when we talk about it. 

>

> My biggest concern at this time is her need for reassurance and total

explanations for everything.  Unfortunately, nothing we say is good enough and

it has to be explained over and over and over or we tell her the conversation is

over and she will not let it rest.  There is never a good ending to this because

she begins to cry, tells us she does not want to live this way, doesn't

understand why she has to be this way, why we don't understand and on and on. 

The crying usually lasts for 45 minutes to an hour.  I read recently that this

need for reassurance is just part of the OCD.  Therefore, we are stuck in a

position of trying to set normal boundaries for her as a child vs helping her to

understand vs getting or not getting caught up on the routine with her.  I am

overwhelmed with grief for her. 

>

> She also has had a very hard time making and keeping friends because they

think she is different.  She has recently made one friend and has visited at

their house.  At what point do I let the parents know about her condition so

they will not go down the same road of thinking she is different and not good

for their child. Any help on these two issues would be greatly appreciated.

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hi .

I have a 7 year old daughter with mild OCD.? I'm pretty up front with parents of

new friends.? Obviously, I don't tell people right when I meet them, but I

usually will when 's having a hard time accepting an invitation to play at

someone's house or go to a birthday party.? I don't want the kids to have their

feelings hurt and think just doesn't want to go.? In my experience,

everyone who knows is very understanding and accommodating.?

Good luck to you.

Missy in OH

New to OCD Parenting

There are so many questions, I don't really know where to begin.? My daughter is

9, has ADHD with impulsivity being the strongest problem, she has anxiety and we

have questioned OCD for a couple of years now.? After this summer, there is no

doubt in my mind that she is fully OCD.? She is on meds for ADHD and anxiety.?

We started CBT a week ago with a therapist, but as you all know it is very hard

for her to want to participate because it is scary, she doesn't see how it will

help and it " makes 'it' stronger " when we talk about it.?

My biggest concern at this time is her need for reassurance and total

explanations for everything.? Unfortunately, nothing we say is good enough and

it has to be explained over and over and over or we tell her the conversation is

over and she will not let it rest.? There is never a good ending to this because

she begins to cry, tells us she does not want to live this way, doesn't

understand why she has to be this way, why we don't understand and on and on.?

The crying usually lasts for 45 minutes to an hour.? I read recently that this

need for reassurance is just part of the OCD.? Therefore, we are stuck in a

position of trying to set normal boundaries for her as a child vs helping her to

understand vs getting or not getting caught up on the routine with her.? I am

overwhelmed with grief for her.?

She also has had a very hard time making and keeping friends because they think

she is different.? She has recently made one friend and has visited at their

house.? At what point do I let the parents know about her condition so they will

not go down the same road of thinking she is different and not good for their

child. Any help on these two issues would be greatly appreciated.

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

Hugs to you on the overwhelm and grieving. It is so very hard to see our kids

go through such a hard time with the OCD. There are many here who will

understand and empathize with you on this.

Others have already stressed the need to not keep reassuring, as hard as this

can be to do. If you explain in advance that you are going to answer only once,

and why you are doing this. That to answer over and over is feeding the OCD and

making it grow and make her want to ask more and more.

Ours could have the anxiety last a long time too. If something went " wrong " ,

according to him, the bad feeling could last days. It can be really hard for

them, and then hard for us as parents to not just do what they are asking, since

it will give immediate, if temporary relief. But that's the rub, it IS only

temporary, and will just keep building...

Talking about the OCD can trigger it, and make it worse for them. Which makes

it hard to problem solve. You can try asking her to think about what signals

you could use, so you don't have to use words. We used a hand up as a stop

sign, which could be used if my son wanted me to stop talking because something

was triggered. Then I knew at least, before it escalated. He would also say

the word " cue " or " trigger " , to cue me that the OCD had been set off. Nice to

have a warning sometimes!

Many find a name for the OCD, like " the bully " , and then refer to it by name.

You might try asking her what she would name the OCD, and then talk back to it

together. By referring to it as separate from her, it can help her to separate

from it too, and to focus her frustration and anger on the OCD and not you.

Telling others about the OCD is a personal thing, but if it means the difference

between someone thinking your child is being rude, or behaving strangely or

whatever, vs them knowing and understanding there is something underlying, I

would tell. Usually you can get a good sense if it is " safe " to share or not.

It is good to think about how you want to explain it, so you can feel

comfortable with your words, and this can take some time figuring out.

I would usually say, our son has an anxiety disorder that can cause him to be

(fill in the blank). Usually they ask more questions, and then I would say it

is OCD, and explain it as unwanted repetitive thoughts that can cause repetitive

actions when they try to cope. I kept it as brief and simple as possible.

I'm glad you have a therapist to work on the ERP. It does take time for them to

build trust with the therapist, and then for them to build a heirarchy to work

on. But it does work, it just might take some time. Write down your questions

and specific OCD stuff that comes up, so you can take them to the sessions for

advice. I kept an ongoing journal to track medication changes, behaviors, and

all OCD stuff.

Hang in there, it gets easier as you kind of get used to all the weirdness and

figure out strategies. Hopefully your therapist will be helpful in this way.

Do take care of yourself too, as this disorder is exhausting to live with, and

you will need endurance!

More hugs!

Barb

Ontario, Canada

Son, 18, OCD, LD - doing quite well now!