Would like ideas on what we can do to help 9yo

[Guest guest]

Looking back our 9yo dd has always had some quirks, but a few months ago things

increased in intensity. Our dog had to be put down, and we got new furniture.

The loss combined with a major change seems to have triggered OCD.

She increased her desire to keep things (used to be mostly craft supplies) and

now wants to save bites of her dinner, trash, and even hasn't been able to give

her pets their food because it would be gone.

She struggles with decisions (what to wear, what to eat, whether to do an

activity or not...)

And is now ritualizing tasks (can't eat breakfast before getting dressed...) and

making things even (get kisses on left cheek, must have one on right) and gets

horribly upset if this doesn't happen.

No specific fears seems to be tied into these behaviors, just the sense that it

has to be this way to be right.

She saw a therapist (first visit 2 weeks ago) and on the second visit (last

week) was taught a self hypnosis technique to help relax, and to visualize what

to do (worked specifically on choosing clothes). It helped for a few days, but

she has been refusing to do it. We're in the process of finding another one

because this one doesn't do ERP.

In the past she has had lots of leeway on decisions, she usually chose what to

eat for b-fast and lunch, what to wear, determined to a large extent what time

to turn the lights off and go to sleep.... It worked fine, until a few months

ago. We have tried to discuss with her that her decision making skills are

stuck now and we need to help her decide what to eat and wear, but she explodes

and gets anxious. If we do put out food she generally refuses to eat it, (the

low blood sugar doesn't help with being rational) and will tear off any clothes

we manage to get on her. After trantruming for a while she will usually calm

down enough to comply, and is sorry for her behavior but can't seem to stop it

when it is happening.

We need some tips on what to do. Hubby favors telling her to do something and

walking away until it is done (not horribly effective), but telling her to do

something and staying with her while she cries saying she needs help doesn't

seem to work well either and is taking longer and longer (hold and rock her

while talking calmly to her, she calms and we discuss that task at hand, she

explodes again and we repeat with me taking breaks away to keep sane - can last

over an hour). Either way it is taking longer and longer for her to get through

a task.

We're scheduled to go on vacation tomorrow and we're terrified that it will be 2

weeks of trauma. Any suggestions on how to help her get through the days so she

can enjoy vacation?

[Guest guest]

My daughter's OCD came up while on vacation. It was very difficult to deal

with while visiting friends because she was supposed to be upstairs having

fun with the other kids and instead she was lying in bed with me, up until

2-3 in the morning, worrying about toxins.

For us, evenings are the worst. We've tried melatonin, visualization, and

relaxation exercises without really finding a solution. Eventually she just

collapses and falls asleep around 11 p.m. (at home).

But back to your question. My daughter does very well when distracted. So

actually doing fun things during the day was good for her. We just made

sure we had a sufficient--but not too much--number of really fun things

going on.

Interestingly enough, while we were in the mountains, she did an alpine sled

and some bungee jumping and a zip line. I am scared of heights and could do

none of these things. So it actually did wonders for her self-confidence

that we could point to all this courage and these great accomplishments.

She's 11, but we still made a big deal of them and she seemed really pleased

with herself.

I hope that helps.

>

>

> Looking back our 9yo dd has always had some quirks, but a few months ago

> things increased in intensity. Our dog had to be put down, and we got new

> furniture. The loss combined with a major change seems to have triggered

> OCD.

>

> She increased her desire to keep things (used to be mostly craft supplies)

> and now wants to save bites of her dinner, trash, and even hasn't been able

> to give her pets their food because it would be gone.

>

> She struggles with decisions (what to wear, what to eat, whether to do an

> activity or not...)

>

> And is now ritualizing tasks (can't eat breakfast before getting

> dressed...) and making things even (get kisses on left cheek, must have one

> on right) and gets horribly upset if this doesn't happen.

>

> No specific fears seems to be tied into these behaviors, just the sense

> that it has to be this way to be right.

>

> She saw a therapist (first visit 2 weeks ago) and on the second visit (last

> week) was taught a self hypnosis technique to help relax, and to visualize

> what to do (worked specifically on choosing clothes). It helped for a few

> days, but she has been refusing to do it. We're in the process of finding

> another one because this one doesn't do ERP.

>

> In the past she has had lots of leeway on decisions, she usually chose what

> to eat for b-fast and lunch, what to wear, determined to a large extent what

> time to turn the lights off and go to sleep.... It worked fine, until a few

> months ago. We have tried to discuss with her that her decision making

> skills are stuck now and we need to help her decide what to eat and wear,

> but she explodes and gets anxious. If we do put out food she generally

> refuses to eat it, (the low blood sugar doesn't help with being rational)

> and will tear off any clothes we manage to get on her. After trantruming for

> a while she will usually calm down enough to comply, and is sorry for her

> behavior but can't seem to stop it when it is happening.

>

> We need some tips on what to do. Hubby favors telling her to do something

> and walking away until it is done (not horribly effective), but telling her

> to do something and staying with her while she cries saying she needs help

> doesn't seem to work well either and is taking longer and longer (hold and

> rock her while talking calmly to her, she calms and we discuss that task at

> hand, she explodes again and we repeat with me taking breaks away to keep

> sane - can last over an hour). Either way it is taking longer and longer for

> her to get through a task.

>

> We're scheduled to go on vacation tomorrow and we're terrified that it will

> be 2 weeks of trauma. Any suggestions on how to help her get through the

> days so she can enjoy vacation?

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks .  It was great to hear that in your experience doing things can

distract and help.  I empathize on your fear of heights.  I don't like climbing

up 3 rungs on a ladder!  But kudos to your dd for trying those activities. 

Today was actually a very good day.  She had only 2 explosions, and they were

fairly short.  There were a few other brain locks, but we made it though fairly

calmly and quickly.  I think all our talking about fighting OCD (she calls it

HiccupFart) helped today.  As did opening up the Club Penguin DS game we bought

for vacation.  She got to play it as she got ready.  :-)  Whatever works at this

point!

But back to your question. My daughter does very well when distracted. So

actually doing fun things during the day was good for her. We just made

sure we had a sufficient-- but not too much--number of really fun things

going on.

Interestingly enough, while we were in the mountains, she did an alpine sled

and some bungee jumping and a zip line. I am scared of heights and could do

none of these things. So it actually did wonders for her self-confidence

that we could point to all this courage and these great accomplishments.

She's 11, but we still made a big deal of them and she seemed really pleased

with herself.

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

My DD also needs things to be just right. I had to learn how

hard it was for her to transition and it was a shock for me to know

that even a transition to a fun activity created anxiety. So perhaps

the vacation itself is a big trigger. Two things that helped my DD

was telling her ahead of time exactly what we were going to do and

then not changing the plan at the last minute which I tended to do.

Second, my DD can calm herself by turning on the t.v. as soon as she

gets home (especially from school) for 30 minutes before I even talk

to her. (She can and does initiate conversation when she's ready but

I hold my tongue for the 30 minutes.) That's hard too because I think

she's fine since she's asking me for things (snacks) but it's only

when she turns off the t.v. early that I know she's over that

particular transition.

Like you, it didn't help for me to " insist " on her doing

something and walking away added fuel to the fire. It took 9 months

before transitions became aggression free 99% of the time. So, for

us, knowing the triggers and giving her space helped tremendously

after medications did their part to stabilize her.

Dorelle