Children with disabilities may not pick up danger signs

[Guest guest]

http://www.theliberal.com/News/Regional%20News/article/89512

Regional News

March 26, 2009 10:45 AM

Children with disabilities may not pick up danger signs

Hunting for targets

Kim Zarzour, kzarzour@...

In a school system designed for round holes, " square pegs " often get bullied.

Sometimes that squareness is simply red hair or glasses, or being a goth or

geek. Other times, it's more complicated.

When we think about learning disabilities, we think about kids who have trouble

reading or doing math.

But there are a myriad of less obvious learning differences, such as

attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder, Asperger syndrome, non-verbal learning

disorder, central auditory processing disorder and sensory processing disorder,

that also cause difficulties outside the classroom.

Their differently wired brains may make children with disabilities too honest,

socially awkward or lead to difficulties managing their own reactions and

emotions.

These are the students who, when bullies shop around for their targets, provide

that satisfying reaction that makes the aggressors keep coming back for more,

experts say.

And while the more streetwise aggressors may be adept at flying under school

staff's radar, those with learning difficulties never quite figure it out.

If you have a disorder that impairs your social skills, it's hard to understand

what you're doing wrong and figure out how to avoid it, says Dr. Maggie Mamen,

family psychologist and author of The Pampered Child Syndrome and Understanding

Non-Verbal Disabilities.

Obviously, bullies don't walk around saying, " I'm going to bully you, " Dr. Mamen

says.

" But if you can read social signals, you know they hang out in certain places,

use certain intimidating gestures and voices and you pick that up and take

appropriate action, whether it's evasive or challenging. "

Some children with learning disorders, such as non-verbal learning disorder,

don't pick up those first signs and danger signals.

" It's not that they're more targeted, but they don't put up the expected

defences. They don't give that signal `don't mess with me', so it may go a

little further. "

There's no easy answer, says Dr. Mamen, because many students with these

complicated learning problems don't generalize or learn from experience. Telling

such a student how to respond to a bully doesn't work unless the adult is there

each time it's happening to coach the child through it.

At the same time, if a student with a non-verbal learning disorder is

continually protected or bailed out, he never learns self-protective behaviours,

she says.

Another problem Dr. Mamen points out is, often, teachers don't know the student

has learning disabilities or an individualized education plan (IEP).

" I'm not blaming teachers, " she says. " Some teachers have more kids in class

with an IEP than without. It's completely impossible to teach every child in the

world differently. "

But it may be what leads some teachers to tell targeted students their own

behaviour has led to the bullying.

" I don't care how flippy or different a kid is at school, he should still be

safe, " says Gresko, whose child, currently being tested for

attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder, was blamed by his Grade 1 teacher for

causing himself to be bullied in his Richmond Hill school.

" It sounds extreme, I know, but it's like when a woman is raped and they say she

asked for it. There's no right, whatever your religion or skin colour or

personality, to make someone feel like that. "

Bullying of kids with " additional needs " is a huge problem and not limited to

schools in York Region, Toronto Family Network co-ordinator Janis Jaffe-White

says.

" It's enormous around this province. There are systemic problems that are not

isolated ... and it's getting worse. "

Private schools are not immune.

One Unionville family, whose son attended a private school in Richmond Hill and

was diagnosed with attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder and non-verbal

learning disorder, was shocked to learn despite the school's superior

reputation, their son was ostracized by other students until Grade 8. He's now

in a public high school in Markham and is hoping his new surroundings will mean

a fresh start.

Increasing peer support and tolerance for differences in schools might help,

Canada's National Crime Prevention Strategy suggests. In its report, Bullying

Prevention in Schools, the group also recommends interventions to improve social

and behavioural skills of children with learning disabilities.

Society can erase the stigma by talking more about learning differences, says

Lynn Ziraldo, head of the Learning Disabilities Association of Ontario and

member of Ontario's Safe Schools Action Team.

" We, as adults, are uncomfortable talking about it, " she says.

" We talk more about health than we do about learning and cognitive conditions.

If someone's got cancer and is having a bad day and acting inappropriately we

understand that. "

Not so when it's a more hidden challenge, such as a learning disability, autism

or mental health issue. Society needs to " create a culture of respect and

empathy " , Ms Ziraldo says.

That may be a great long-term approach, but families in the thick of bullying

problems want something more immediate. They want schools to work harder at

protecting the most vulnerable students now.

Students with learning disabilities have enough on their plates, without the

additional burden of being bullied, says Sebben, whose son also has

special ed identification and was bullied for years. She believes these children

should be offered extra protection.

" Had my son's identification been visible, if he'd been in a wheelchair, it

would have stopped immediately, " she says. " Do you think the principal would

have allowed a wheelchair-bound person to be harassed like that?

" At the end of the day, " says Mrs. Sebben, " unless you fit into a box, unless

you're an average student, school may just not be a safe place to be. "

Beating Bullies

Lynn Ziraldo, head of the Learning Disabilities Association of Ontario and

member of Ontario's Safe Schools Action Team, makes these suggestions:

• Teach students healthy ways to deal with bullying: walk away, write it down,

talk with someone

• Give them scripts - this is what may happen, here's what to do, how to express

how you feel

• Offer peer coaches

• Provide opportunities to build up self esteem - catch them being good

• Find a " champion " - someone the child can go to for leadership and guidance -

a teacher, coach or students.

Students with learning disorders or attention problems are especially vulnerable

to bullying, studies show.

Author and educator Lavoie says that's because these students may have a

hard time negotiating the maze of social interactions and " hidden curriculum " in

schools.