Guest guest Posted January 2, 2006 Report Share Posted January 2, 2006 I was just thinking yesterday that its been almost two years since I got the diagnosis for my daughter and I'm still in mourning.... I can hardly swallow some days I'm so overwhelmed. Today is one of those days so oddly it almost made me feel better to hear I'm not the only one that feels so down at times. Parenting is so much harder in general than I thought but to add in a disability and all that comes with it, really is overwhelming. My daughter is considered high functioning and that should make me feel better but it doesn't. She is still not potty trained, still has a million teachers bombarding my house and privacy, cannot have a conversation with me, ugh, ugh! I know I should list what she can do but I'm mourning what's isn't today. Tomorrow I'll list what she can do. Did you ever hear that song, " Standing out in the Crowd " sung by Trisha Yearwood? Its is meant to be about people with disabilities. I think its about me as a mother with a child with a disability, I don't want to stand out in the crowd. Jen Parent Depression > >> > >>How do you deal? > >> > >>I am so depressed right now. New Year's did me in. I can > >>barely think. > >> > >>Seems we cater to all but ourselves. > >> > >>The outsiders just don't understand our lives....how could they. > >> > >> > >> > >> > >> > >> > >> > >> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 2, 2006 Report Share Posted January 2, 2006 http://i.euniverse.com/funpages/cms_content/2529/4candles.swf Parent Depression > >> > >>How do you deal? > >> > >>I am so depressed right now. New Year's did me in. I can > >>barely think. > >> > >>Seems we cater to all but ourselves. > >> > >>The outsiders just don't understand our lives....how could they. > >> > >> > >> > >> > >> > >> > >> > >> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 3, 2006 Report Share Posted January 3, 2006 Hi I read alot on this group...I rarely post but I had to on this one. I also am a mom of a daughter with autism and I have three other children as well. Some of you probably remember me as I have posted in the past. I can totally relate to you . I have a day every couple of months where all I have held in just comes out in tears and feeling depressed. It is so very hard being so selfless all the time. I am divorced with no support from their father and I am very alone. I do have family that is supportive...but it is just not enough. I appreciate my family very much and I love them so much...but they truely dont understand what I go through everyday. I have three biological children and I adopted my daughter with autism. I love my children more than life itself. They are the world to me and I give them 100 percent of myself. They bring me such joy. But there is so much that I surpress due to the fact that I cannot vent on anyone. I deal with everything by pushing it inward. Fighting the system (DCFS) for eight years for the rights of my adopted daughter...now fighting for her everyday for what she needs. So many other problems as well...just pushed inward so I can do my best for my children. Some people tell me I should date or just go out...I have no time for this....I cant even go to the bathroom without a child busting in! LOL I do love my life dont get me wrong...its just that day every couple of months that I really hate....when I have to face what I suppress...I guess its when I have to face myself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 3, 2006 Report Share Posted January 3, 2006 Hi , Hang in there...things always get better. Can you go to bed for a nap? If not, can you find the time and space to call a friend or listen to some uplifting music? Or, can you possibly get out for a brisk walk? If you need an ear and a kindly shoulder today, (Tues 1/3) please email me privately and I will arrange to call you. I am home today--snow day for kids so the vacation gets extended here in snowy New England. (I'll call you regardless of location assuming it is within US) Melinda Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 3, 2006 Report Share Posted January 3, 2006 I know that it's hard to deal at times. Try to take some time to do something for yourself. Take a break, even if it's just a couple of minutes. I'll be thinking of you. deester_s <no_reply > wrote: How do you deal? I am so depressed right now. New Year's did me in. I can barely think. Seems we cater to all but ourselves. The outsiders just don't understand our lives....how could they. Autism_in_Girls-subscribe ------------------------ Autism_in_Girls-unsubscribe Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 3, 2006 Report Share Posted January 3, 2006 I swear it's the weather, . I don't know about where you are, but here in N. California, we've been bombarded with horrible weather. I spent most of yesterday in shambles, for NO APPARENT REASON. I mean, all in all, it was a better day than most, but you'd think somebody died or something! Just keep thinking: it's a brand new year. Anything is possible. Good things will happen. 2006 FEELS like a good year. ) Keep thinkin' that... and one of these days, the sun might come back out, the weather crisp and your outlook may brighten. That said - - I understand completely. Whatever it is that you're feeling - - many of us have been there and revisit often. Maybe it will help to know you are most definitely NOT ALONE in this even if your immediate circle of friends IRL do not understand you. Grace Home of the Working German Shepherd www.vomtauglichkeit.com >> Parent Depression >> >>How do you deal? >> >>I am so depressed right now. New Year's did me in. I can >>barely think. >> >>Seems we cater to all but ourselves. >> >>The outsiders just don't understand our lives....how could they. >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 3, 2006 Report Share Posted January 3, 2006 Hi . My name is Debbie ,and you are not alone. Autism has a way of over taking you. Along with all the other life resposibilities that we have. I have learn to cope thruogh prayer,and support from other parents who have a child with autism . Deb deester_s <no_reply > wrote: How do you deal? I am so depressed right now. New Year's did me in. I can barely think. Seems we cater to all but ourselves. The outsiders just don't understand our lives....how could they. Autism_in_Girls-subscribe ------------------------ Autism_in_Girls-unsubscribe Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 3, 2006 Report Share Posted January 3, 2006 I don't remember your exact situation, but one thing I do is to look back and see how far we have come and how much has been accomplished. We tend to forget and not give ourselves credit - ever see that commercial where the guy has a group following him around all day cheering him on? Us parents could use some of that positive reinforcement on an ongoing basis too - " great job! " " keep up the good work " ! you're right - outsiders don't understand - I gave up in frustration trying to explain it a long time ago - actually I have trouble with some " insiders " too sometimes because everyone's suituation is different. I'm a single parent and have very little time. I used to wait until everyone was asleep and then take some time for myself by reading, or watching tv or working on the computer. Needless to say I don't get much sleep. Yeah it's kind of lonely and I didn't really sign up for the situation, but I did unconditionally accept the responsibilty of being a parent. Not to sound too dramatic, but I kinda of rationalized it to myself a long time ago by envisioning myself crossing the street with my child and a big bus goes out of control and heads straight for us with time for only one of us to get out of the way. I would make the decision without a second thought. But that didn't really happen and I am grateful for all the time that I have to be able to do as much as I can for my kids. And do as much as I do, it seems like I can never do enough. It's tough I know.... Loren Parent Depression Date: Tue, 03 Jan 2006 15:30:28 -0000 How do you deal? I am so depressed right now. New Year's did me in. I can barely think. Seems we cater to all but ourselves. The outsiders just don't understand our lives....how could they. Autism_in_Girls-subscribe ------------------------ Autism_in_Girls-unsubscribe Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 3, 2006 Report Share Posted January 3, 2006 I don't remember your exact situation, but one thing I do is to look back and see how far we have come and how much has been accomplished. We tend to forget and not give ourselves credit - ever see that commercial where the guy has a group following him around all day cheering him on? Us parents could use some of that positive reinforcement on an ongoing basis too - " great job! " " keep up the good work " ! you're right - outsiders don't understand - I gave up in frustration trying to explain it a long time ago - actually I have trouble with some " insiders " too sometimes because everyone's suituation is different. I'm a single parent and have very little time. I used to wait until everyone was asleep and then take some time for myself by reading, or watching tv or working on the computer. Needless to say I don't get much sleep. Yeah it's kind of lonely and I didn't really sign up for the situation, but I did unconditionally accept the responsibilty of being a parent. Not to sound too dramatic, but I kinda of rationalized it to myself a long time ago by envisioning myself crossing the street with my child and a big bus goes out of control and heads straight for us with time for only one of us to get out of the way. I would make the decision without a second thought. But that didn't really happen and I am grateful for all the time that I have to be able to do as much as I can for my kids. And do as much as I do, it seems like I can never do enough. It's tough I know.... Loren Parent Depression Date: Tue, 03 Jan 2006 15:30:28 -0000 How do you deal? I am so depressed right now. New Year's did me in. I can barely think. Seems we cater to all but ourselves. The outsiders just don't understand our lives....how could they. Autism_in_Girls-subscribe ------------------------ Autism_in_Girls-unsubscribe Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 3, 2006 Report Share Posted January 3, 2006 - Thanks Melinda. I live in CT so I know about the snow today. Thanks everyone. I always grew up that you can go to family with any problems. Thing is they are the problem. They are the ones to open wounds about my father's recent death. They are the ones who don't know my daily stuggles and stresses. When I try to not let my daughter 'eat' the finger/toenail clippings and are just thankful that she lets me cut them at all. Stuff like that. Worrying that my daughter didn't clean herself after using the toliet and someone will noticed. Or the day she refused to let me brush her hair or put on her shoes. Will they think I'm a bad mom for letting my kid go to school in slippers and untidy hair?? What will happen in the future when were not around. What will happen at the next school meeting.....etc..... My almost 3 year old looks like he's showing autistic symptoms.... will this be something I'm going to be given? I'm at breaking point now..... -- In Autism_in_Girls , EbuyerMTC@a... wrote: > > Hi , > Hang in there...things always get better. Can you go to bed for a nap? If > not, can you find the time and space to call a friend or listen to some uplifting > music? Or, can you possibly get out for a brisk walk? > > If you need an ear and a kindly shoulder today, (Tues 1/3) please email me > privately and I will arrange to call you. I am home today--snow day for kids so > the vacation gets extended here in snowy New England. (I'll call you > regardless of location assuming it is within US) > Melinda > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 3, 2006 Report Share Posted January 3, 2006 In a message dated 1/3/2006 1:03:42 PM Central Standard Time, lhofmeister@... writes: Seems we cater to all but ourselves wish i could be an encouraging postee, but i can't right now...i'm in the dumps too, but i'll tell u it comforts me knowing i am not alone...we just settled with our school district on friday and avoided due process this week...i am thrilled about that....yet it cost us A LOT of money...i have 3 kids with autism...their ages: 5,4,3...so i find it very difficult to have a day where i'm up or where i'm just down...my emotions are on a rollercoaster...good news on one kiddo, bad news on the next, good on the next, then bad on the next...this is what i go thru on a daily basis....i have no less than 3 therapists in my house at all times...no privacy....aba is my life...therapists are my family....we have no family that live within 700 miles...so life has been HARD!!!!!!! on top of it all, we are going thru a divorce...where do i find the strength to go on?? only answer i can come up with is God...b/c i just don't know how i get out of bed each day...i see those 3 sets of eyes looking at me and there is my motivation...but some days even that's not enough...i found great support from friends online who live what i live and can totally empathize...those who don't live it don't understand, and i finally learned to not fault them for that...most important thing i have learned, there is a ME...and i matter...and i deserve something just for me...so i now take time just for me...in the evening i go to the mall or for a walk or see friends...i let my husband get them ready for bed and into bed...and he's quite capable...i learned it's ok to not do it all...it's hard but i have to do that or i won't survive this hard journey we are all on....prayers are with u.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 3, 2006 Report Share Posted January 3, 2006 Wow, , a divorce on top of it all. I've been there too. Hang in, hang in, tomorrow is another day. Melinda Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 3, 2006 Report Share Posted January 3, 2006 >>Subject: Re: Parent Depression >> >>I was just thinking yesterday that its been almost two years >>since I got the diagnosis for my daughter and I'm still in >>mourning.... It is hard to get from the mourning stage to the celebratory stage. I work harder at trying to remember that there is, in reality, a whole lot more to be happy about in the kids' progress than in what I have lost. Sure, you only have one life to live, and many dreams we had were lost, but in the end -- it's just LIFE. Big deal.... or so I try to think. I try not to put too much weight on the bad days and value the good days more. And when the bad days, like yesterday, happen - - - I take it for what it is - - a real crappy mood day where it FEELS like there is no hope left.... but over the last 5 years or so, one thing I have learned is that there is always hope. <Much like the link you sent, Jen! I liked it a lot!> Sometimes, a bad spread lasts for a week... and sometimes, it's just a day. But the quicker you realize that you really don't have a choice, that calling it quits was never one of the options nor will it ever be - - the quicker I feel I snap out of it. What's the point of brooding around if it isn't going to fix a thing? Clean the cabinets out, scrub the baseboards, clean clean clean.... rearrange your furniture, read a good book <nothing sappy or sad, please!> and drag yourself forward. I can tell you that while mourning, I feel, was NECESSARY and not a stage I could have skipped even if I tried - - - - the only good thing that came of it was it leading to where I am now. I guess we all have to mourn what we've " lost " to be able to truly see and <attempt to> appreciate what we've gained. >> I can hardly swallow some days I'm so >>overwhelmed. Today is one of those days so oddly it almost >>made me feel better to hear I'm not the only one that feels >>so down at times. Parenting is so much harder in general >>than I thought but to add in a disability and all that comes >>with it, really is overwhelming. It really is. I had no idea how overwhelming all of this would be -- even without the autism, so I agree. And misery loves company, you know, LOL - so of course, it is always helpful to realize that you are not the only one who is down and out about the situation you find yourself in. It's been a huge help to me, I know. What is oftentimes so hard to bear about our situation is how ALONE you can feel in all of this, where even your own kids are outside of your emotional reach.... nobody seems to really realize what you are going through and some days, there are no words to express the grief and incredible sense of loss you feel. I know. I think we all do..... But it's the silly things that pick you up. Like me, today..... in spite of my feelings yesterday, this morning, the kids went back to school <praise GOD lol> and boy, did they look adorable in their pigtails, running out to the bus, by themselves, holding hands while I watched from the door. I suppose most parents don't look upon this like I did - - but it wasn't so long ago that I had carry one wailing kid out, belt them in, come back to the house to carry the other kicking one out with the help of my husband no less, and belt them in. Cured - no, but gosh, how far we've come.... how big they have gotten that they can walk out to the bus on their own.... that when they woke up this morning and I told them we're going to school, they just accepted it as fact even after a 2.5 week break. WOW, you know? >> My daughter is considered >>high functioning and that should make me feel better but it >>doesn't. She is still not potty trained, still has a million >>teachers bombarding my house and privacy, cannot have a >>conversation with me, ugh, ugh! Well, I am one of those people who really got sick of in-home programs real quick LOL. Just the incessant interruptions through the day, never having a moment to just let all of us be as we are.... god, it was tiring!! At the same time, it was a huge help, so worth sticking with - - but I hear ya..... just too many people coming and going, constantly reminding you things just " ain't right " ..... When I finally called the home program off - - - it was a HUGE relief for me. After school - - we all get to be whoever we really are. They spend so many hours in a day trying to be who society thinks they should be... I figure if they feel like lining up the house from 3 pm to 8 pm, so be it. >>I know I should list >>what she can do but I'm mourning what's isn't today. >>Tomorrow I'll list what she can do. Did you ever hear that >>song, " Standing out in the Crowd " sung by Trisha Yearwood? >>Its is meant to be about people with disabilities. I think >>its about me as a mother with a child with a disability, I >>don't want to stand out in the crowd. I don't know the song but will look for it. You know... regarding your last statement.... while standing out in a crowd sucks - - - - melding in to be like everyone else is no party either. While *I* would have gladly picked another way to stand out, it sure does make our life a bit different and interesting. I know, if nothing else, it has made me a bigger and hopefully better person that I would ever have been, if not for my experiences in the last 5 years. I don't think it is overstating it to say that given a life like everyone else's - - I would have lived 70 years plus without knowing a single thing about other people's pains and hardships. It's taught me more about " life " than I could have ever known, and frankly - - a lot more than I would have OPTED to learn LOL. But it's not all bad. It's never all bad. Hang in there, guy. Like I said - - - NEW YEAR!!! New is always good (at least until June, when you can say half of it is gone and it still sucks!!!) ;o) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 3, 2006 Report Share Posted January 3, 2006 >>Stuff like that. Worrying that my daughter didn't clean herself >>after using the toliet and someone will noticed. Or the day she >>refused to let me brush her hair or put on her shoes. Will >>they think I'm a bad mom for letting my kid go to school in >>slippers and untidy hair?? , I once hired, as a live-in nanny, a young woman who was an aide in one of our classrooms. It was a great opportunity for us. The attitude she had when she started work, and how she thought when she left this job were drastically different. Yes, the school personnel might look at your child and wonder why her mother could not even brush her hair... or put some good shoes on. But you know what - - nobody but those of us who live this very life can understand WHY. They can't even fathom WHY. When Jackie first worked here - - she thought " SHE " could do it all. I think it was maybe 5 days into living here, she started to realize why she/we can't sometimes. But until each and every person has that kind of exposure to what our life is actually like - - - they can go ahead and think what they will. You can try explaining, but believe me, it STILL doesn't help them understand. ly - - WE would not understand if we didn't live it. >> >>What will happen in the future when were not around. What >>will happen at the next school meeting.....etc..... >>My almost 3 year old looks like he's showing autistic symptoms.... >>will this be something I'm going to be given? I'm at >>breaking point now..... With your father's recent passing <for which I am sorry to hear....> and all of the above, you have a LOT on your plate, . Anyone would feel pretty horrible right now - - anyone. Don't worry about the future or the next meeting - - what happens will happen. Worrying about it now won't make one thing better or worse.... and you have a lot of other bigger issues to worry about right now. For your son - - - do what you must to make yourself feel better and then dive into that, I guess. I cannot imagine how frightening that must be, and I am really sorry you're even having to deal with it. But one thing you can be sure of - - - - our breaking points, however close they may feel, are never THAT close. In fact, given your current situation, I'd bet your breaking point just upped itself another few meters. You can deal with this, . I am 100% certain of it. Just hang in there and wait for a better day. Some days, you just have to say " screw it " to everything else, and do what you want. I cannot tell you how many days/weeks I spent when the kids were really young, where I declared to myself that I would not do a single thing having to do with AUTISM for that whole day or 4 days, etc. And I really wouldn't. If the kids didn't talk, I didn't make them. If they stimmed, I actually let it slide. Not a single thing... it would only be about living the rest of life, ignoring autism completely and doing simply the basics to make sure everyone was fed and taken care of to the legal sense of the word. Sometimes, enough is enough. Do whatever you have to do to pull yourself together. Really..... this will pass, . I think you SHOULD call Melinda, and cry it out, hash it out, and then laugh a little too. Having a close friend, family or not, stranger or not, but someone who UNDERSTANDS, can make all of the difference. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 3, 2006 Report Share Posted January 3, 2006 Wow this is a true blessing for me to have found this group! I feel so much of what you all do and I thought I too was all alone. I dont have much time in my life right now to cry or sit alone with my thoughts...but when I do have a minute here or there and I sit at my computer and read all of your posts, it just touches my heart in such a way that I have never known exsisted. I get so upset sometimes (and then I feel guilty) when my sister or anyone else complains about her life or some simple problem, because I think in my head " try on my life " ! I know it is wrong to do this...but I find myself doing alot lately. Then after, I feel so guilty for minimizing what is so real to somene else. Its just that I never give my heartaches and hardships the time of day and then I find myself sitting on the phone or at my childrens school listening to someone elses problems and trying to fix them on top of my own. It is just great for me to hear all of you wonderful women out there that are going through what I am and you truely understand and listen to what all of us have to say and can definatly relate. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 3, 2006 Report Share Posted January 3, 2006 my prayers are with you...I am so sorry that you are going through so much at this time. I went through a similar situation as well...right after my daughter was diagnosed I went through a divorce and had alot going on with a termination trial going on for my adopted daughter. It seems when it rains it pours. I pulled through as you will pull through, by never giving up hope and I prayed night and day for strength and wisdom to make it. It may seem dark now but the light always finds its way in. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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