Bathroom Issues and Wanting to Give Up

[Guest guest]

My 11 year old daughter refuses to go to the bathroom until is it is too late.

She says it " annoys " her to go. When pushed, it's that it interrupts whatever

she is doing. We seem to have tried everything possible; setting a schedule,

punishment, rewards.

Truth be told, I had a complete meltdown yesterday. In trying to understand the

issue better, I asked questions and she became argumentative - changing the

subject just enough that I found we were arguing about a peripheral issue,

coming back, another engagement off topic, etc. I ended up screaming like a

banshee in order to get her attention and finally getting out of her that going

to the bathroom is " annoying. "

Annoying is having to clean the poop out of her underwear. Annoying is smelling

pee in the laundry room 100% of the time. Annoying is smelling her bedroom

which attracts the cat to pee in her bedroom leading to her never wanting to

sleep in it again and sleeping on the floor in the family room where she has

accidents anyway.

Annoying is feeling like a crappy parent when the screaming disturbs your

sensitive son so much that he cries and wonders if I will end up hurting him

because I am so angry at his sister.

I am so tired of caring so much more about personal hygiene and bossing back OCD

than she does. I am exhausted from doing so much laundry. I've tried having

her do it but going into the laundry room is an OCD thing for her. It's one

more battle and I'm battle weary.

She is doing ERP with her therapist but she is doing baby steps. I'm feeling

resentful because her goals are so small they don't address the issues of her

OCD except to give her a little confidence in those little places like stepping

in the imaginary rectangle. I know these are OCD issues for her but I am tired

of her getting e. Coli, bladder infections, and ignoring her three siblings.

By the way, her therapist is not confrontational. I have talked to her about the

bathroom problems and she gauges my daughter's willingness to address it (she

won't) and it gets dropped.

So many issues regarding the bathroom, skin picking until it bleeds, bodily

functions anyplace but the bathroom, spitting on the carpet, personal hygiene

(showering, combing hair and teeth) and the only goals she makes steer

completely clear of these issues.

Anybody else feel like a completely inept parent, want to run away and never

come back, and rolling in a ball in the corner and crying like blubbering baby?

Sorry for the rambling. I am having a bad, bad day.