Re: Son can't get out of shower Need HELP NOW!

[Guest guest]

>

> My son has an obsession with germs. He is in the shower saying he

cannot get clean. Given him several wash clothes already. He is crying

and extremely upset. Any suggestions on how I can help him get out of

the shower. Shower is his worst nightmare! Please help

>

> Kerrie

>

DEAR KERRIE, I WENT THRU THE SAME THING WITH MY SON EARLIER THIS YEAR.

HE WOULD TAKE AN HOUR TO AN HOUR AND A HALF, CRYING THE WHOLE TIME. WE

TRIED EVERYTHING, STARTING IN SMALL STEPS. I EVEN BOUGHT THOSE THIN

GARDENING GLOVES WHICH HELPED ALOT!!! WE ALSO TRIED THE LONG HANDLED

SPONGE BRUSHES. I REALLY DONT KNOW WHAT ENDED UP HELPING , I KNOW I

PRAYED ALOT!!!!!!!!!.WE ALSO TRIED TIMERS. JUST TAKE SMALL STEPS AND

LOTS OF PRAISE. I HOPE THIS HELPS.

[Guest guest]

Turn the water off.? He will be upset but it has to be done.? I'm sorry you are

going through this.? Kelley in NV

Son can't get out of shower Need HELP NOW!

My son has an obsession with germs. He is in the shower saying he cannot get

clean. Given him several wash clothes already. He is crying and extremely upset.

Any suggestions on how I can help him get out of the shower. Shower is his worst

nightmare! Please help

Kerrie

[Guest guest]

Kerrie,

How old is your son? Is he in therapy (exposure and response prevention) or on

medication? Is he young enough that he will let you help him (just this time,

as this is an accommodation and is not good as a long-term strategy)? Is he old

enough that you can explain/he can at least partly understand that there is a

glitch in his brain that is telling him he is germy when he is not? It is like

" junk mail " or the salesman who tells you " you may have already won... " when you

know you haven't--only this salesman is telling him " you may still be germy... "

when part of his brain knows he isn't (even though the OCD part thinks he

is/might be).

The other thing to tell him (if he is not hysterical) is that the anxiety will

pass if he gets out of the shower. He will not believe this, but it is true.

If you can get him out, stay with him and help him calm down, try to interest

him in a favorite calming activity.

If your son is not in therapy or you need book suggestions for kids or yourself,

let us know. If we know what part of the country you live in, someone may be

able to recommend a therapist.

Most of all, let him know that you love him and that he can get better (and then

go take a lot of deep breaths). My 9 yr old daughter was using the bathroom

only twice a day for part of the summer and washing her entire arms for up to an

hour afterwards each time. With medication and therapy, she is now doing well

in fourth grade in a new school, making friends and only washing for 10-15

minutes each time (as well as using the bathroom more frequently). She still

has a ways to go, but she has come so far. There is hope. I, too, have OCD

(checking), and have come a long way since my worst days 20 some years ago.

Most of my friends, acquaintances, and coworkers do not know that I have OCD

(except for the few I have told).

Hang in there and let us know what else we can do to help.

>

> Subject: Son can't get out of shower Need HELP NOW!

> To:

> Date: Thursday, September 24, 2009, 8:08 PM

> My son has an obsession with

> germs.  He is in the shower saying he cannot get

> clean.  Given him several wash clothes already. 

> He is crying and extremely upset.  Any suggestions on

> how I can help him get out of the shower.  Shower is

> his worst nightmare!  Please help

>

> Kerrie

>

>

>

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>

[Guest guest]

Thank you for the advise.  Our therapist says not to accomodate the OCD, but

sometimes I think to make things better you have no choice but to accomodate

it.  I think I may try the gardening gloves or the long handled sponge brush...I

never thought of that.  It really helps to hear from someone who has been thru

the terror of OCD rather than just the schooling for OCD.  Thank you with all my

heart.  I hope your son is doing well.~ Kerrie

________________________________

To:

Sent: Thursday, September 24, 2009 5:44:20 PM

Subject: Re: Son can't get out of shower Need HELP NOW!

 

>

> My son has an obsession with germs. He is in the shower saying he

cannot get clean. Given him several wash clothes already. He is crying

and extremely upset. Any suggestions on how I can help him get out of

the shower. Shower is his worst nightmare! Please help

>

> Kerrie

>

DEAR KERRIE, I WENT THRU THE SAME THING WITH MY SON EARLIER THIS YEAR.

HE WOULD TAKE AN HOUR TO AN HOUR AND A HALF, CRYING THE WHOLE TIME. WE

TRIED EVERYTHING, STARTING IN SMALL STEPS. I EVEN BOUGHT THOSE THIN

GARDENING GLOVES WHICH HELPED ALOT!!! WE ALSO TRIED THE LONG HANDLED

SPONGE BRUSHES. I REALLY DONT KNOW WHAT ENDED UP HELPING , I KNOW I

PRAYED ALOT!!!!!!!! !.WE ALSO TRIED TIMERS. JUST TAKE SMALL STEPS AND

LOTS OF PRAISE. I HOPE THIS HELPS.

[Guest guest]

Kerrie,

Sometimes you do have to accommodate some things while you are working on others

or working on pieces of the whole that is too big to tackle at once.

>

> Subject: Re: Re: Son can't get out of shower Need HELP NOW!

> To:

> Date: Thursday, September 24, 2009, 10:03 PM

> Thank you for the advise.  Our

> therapist says not to accomodate the OCD, but sometimes I

> think to make things better you have no choice but to

> accomodate it.  I think I may try the gardening gloves or

> the long handled sponge brush...I never thought of that. 

> It really helps to hear from someone who has been thru the

> terror of OCD rather than just the schooling for OCD. 

> Thank you with all my heart.  I hope your son is doing

> well.~ Kerrie

>

>

>

>

> ________________________________

>

> To:

> Sent: Thursday, September 24, 2009 5:44:20 PM

> Subject: Re: Son can't get out of shower

> Need HELP NOW!

>

>  

>

>

> >

> > My son has an obsession with germs. He is in the

> shower saying he

> cannot get clean. Given him several wash clothes already.

> He is crying

> and extremely upset. Any suggestions on how I can help him

> get out of

> the shower. Shower is his worst nightmare! Please help

> >

> > Kerrie

> >

> DEAR KERRIE, I WENT THRU THE SAME THING WITH MY SON EARLIER

> THIS YEAR.

> HE WOULD TAKE AN HOUR TO AN HOUR AND A HALF, CRYING THE

> WHOLE TIME. WE

> TRIED EVERYTHING, STARTING IN SMALL STEPS. I EVEN BOUGHT

> THOSE THIN

> GARDENING GLOVES WHICH HELPED ALOT!!! WE ALSO TRIED THE

> LONG HANDLED

> SPONGE BRUSHES. I REALLY DONT KNOW WHAT ENDED UP HELPING ,

> I KNOW I

> PRAYED ALOT!!!!!!!! !.WE ALSO TRIED TIMERS. JUST TAKE SMALL

> STEPS AND

> LOTS OF PRAISE. I HOPE THIS HELPS.

>

>

>

>

>

>      

>

>

[Guest guest]

Kerrie the treatment for OCD is ERP and sometimes

medication. I have a daughter however that refuses to

cooperate with therapy. I had success getting her on zoloft and

it helped greatly. We also got her into a special needs

school because she couldn't take the stress of public school

even with many accomodations.

I understand what you are going thru. My daughter's anxiety was

so high last spring

we were frozen. I could not at all wash anything in the kitchen

during the day. Not dishes or my hands or the floor.

We were frozen. Life was painful.

However, this type of a plan may work if your son is not

at an extreme anxiety level. I could use this on my daughter

now that she is on medication because she is suggestable.

This kind of approach should work as long as you are

not punitive. It has to be positive and you need to

be confident in telling him he is cleaning himself

ineffectively and wasting time to boot. Change the thinking.

He can clean himself in 5 minutes anything longer is wasting water

and time. You want to reward him for trying a more effective

cleaning strategy.

1. If he is suggestable explain that his hygiene needs

to be improved. Tell him to get clean there are steps

to follow and he is not effective and he is wasting water

(if he cares about ecology some kids do). None of this will

work if he is extremely anxious. But it works well if the

anxiety is somewhat manageable.

2. Stepwise change the habit of the shower. Structure it

as much as you can. Give him a check list if you have to.

Give a reward chart for each task he completes.

If he stays longer than on the chart, tell him oops

I can't give a sticker for that. But make sure there

are lots of ways to earn points.

If he is too old to supervise sit outside the door and

manage the steps.

List the steps for clean up. You might try a bath. Limit

soap. It is not really necessary tell him at all to get clean.

But if he wants to he can use it on his underarms.

1. Sit in tub for 3 min and relax or Let water run on

body 3 min and stand relaxing.

2. Wash underarms once and if he wants he can use soap. But just one

later is all. After all you don't want to dry out your skin.

3. Wash face once.

4. Rinse hair, one squeeze of shampoo, rinse and try to keep

it under 2 min

2. This is not a punishment. Suggest you have another method

to get clean and you will reward him for trying it.

You will reward him with for each part that he cleans

just once with 5 points. The points will add up to a small

reward not costly.

3. Make sure at first the reward is immediate.

It could be extra computer time for each 5 pt he earned.

Make sure the rewards come from a grab bag list.

Otherwise they get bored with the incentives. The

incentives don't have to be great. You want to be

able to afford sustaining it. At first immediate

rewards such as extra TV or computer time.

Or play a 30 minute game with Mom such as cards etc.

It is a good idea to think of things he can do with you with

this extra time. The shorter the clean up the longer

the time with a game, a book, tv or computer.

4. Tell him this is for his health. Too long of a shower

is not good for your skin and will have the opposite effect.

I totally understand if this dosn't work. Then the

emotional level is just too severely anxious to respond

to behavior modification. Medication worked for iur

11 year old it lowered the anxiety and she was than suggestable.

Pam

>

> My son has an obsession with germs. He is in the shower saying he cannot get

clean. Given him several wash clothes already. He is crying and extremely

upset. Any suggestions on how I can help him get out of the shower. Shower is

his worst nightmare! Please help

>

> Kerrie

>

[Guest guest]

Hi, Kerrie. I'm so sorry your are going through this. How did it go last night

when he finally was able to get out?

How old is your son? Is he on any medications? Is he currently doing any ERP

therapy? Both meds and therapy helped our son tremendously. He also had a lot

of germ issues. Is this a nightly occurrence?

When our son was in crisis, we had to be careful about what we said to him, to

not add to the guilt and shame OCD was already making him feel about something

that was out of his control. His OCD was pretty unreasonable, which is typical

of OCD, so no amount of trying to reason with him worked. For him, the meds

brought the intensity down so he could do the work needed, using ERP.

The key for our son was learning and accepting that he was going to have to feel

the feelings that would come when he didn't give in to OCD and let it have its

way. And determining that he was going to fight it, to get the control. Then

letting the feeling come and waiting it out. Each time he did that, the

feelings decreased a little more, until they eventually disappeared or got to a

point that they were easily ignored.

They have to be in the frame of mind to fight it and be willing to allow the

feelings of anxiety come, or they can have a complete meltdown.

If he is younger, you could try bossing back the OCD for him or with him, to

help him understand the idea, encouraging him to participate. For instance, if

you explained to him that it is OCD making him feel like he cannot get clean,

and that it is not true, but that together you are going to boss the OCD back,

then do it, would that help him? Sometimes, when our son was young, if I made

light of it, or tried to make it sort of funny, he would get distracted from his

crisis, and would sometimes even join in, to participate. Of course, if your

son is older, that wouldn't work.

Another thing that worked when our son was younger, was rewards. For instance,.

.. . If he could find a way to get past what was making him stuck, we could have

a bowl of ice cream, for instance, or watch a movie. Anything that could

encourage him to push through and get past the moment.

When our son got older, it was a matter of him understanding that the OCD was

telling him stuff that wasn't true, so it needed to be recognized as OCD, then

disregarded at something that wasn't real or true. Either way, either age, it

is hard. OCD is wretched, but controllable with the right tools.

BJ

>

> My son has an obsession with germs. He is in the shower saying he cannot get

clean. Given him several wash clothes already. He is crying and extremely

upset. Any suggestions on how I can help him get out of the shower. Shower is

his worst nightmare! Please help

>

> Kerrie

>