Re: Why, why why....is my son only bad for me?

[Guest guest]

Hi , (((hugs))) I sent you a private email, look for it! Just some

thoughts but not really OCD related except a sentence or two.

>

> Sorry I know I have posted this question before but it is so upsetting when he

has a great day with dad and with grandma then all week long, even this morning

(see my earlier post) he is awful, horrible for me. I just don't get it.It MUST

be me-or something I do. And no one wants to hear about it, even my hubby

because he sees the good kid only.

>

>

[Guest guest]

It is not you. My 10 yod does the same thing with me. I am the only one she is

mean to for the most part. It is very hard to deal with I know. She can say

and do some really hurtful things.

> >

> > Sorry I know I have posted this question before but it is so upsetting when

he has a great day with dad and with grandma then all week long, even this

morning (see my earlier post) he is awful, horrible for me. I just don't get

it.It MUST be me-or something I do. And no one wants to hear about it, even my

hubby because he sees the good kid only.

> >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Well, it is personal, you are the chosen one....he feels safest with you! I

know it doesn't help knowing that, but it seems to be pretty universal. No one

can get under your skin quite like your mother can.

It was the same with ours. He would say very specifically no one else triggered

the OCD like I would. I think it is the very close bond, dependencies, need for

you to make it all better - and you can't! So they lash out at you. That plus

the fact that often you are the one spending the most time with them and making

sure they do what they should be doing etc.

Beyond that, some kids are just extremely challenging and require special

handling. I read every parenting book, attended courses, and consulted people,

trying to learn how to parent my kid. Most of the time I felt like a failure,

but eventually I learned that I was a " good enough " mother. Just do your best

is all you can ever do, and sometimes, esp with OCD it just isn't enough, and we

have our limits too!

Many hugs to you !

Barb

>

> Sorry I know I have posted this question before but it is so upsetting when he

has a great day with dad and with grandma then all week long, even this morning

(see my earlier post) he is awful, horrible for me. I just don't get it.It MUST

be me-or something I do. And no one wants to hear about it, even my hubby

because he sees the good kid only.

>

>

[Guest guest]

My daughter was taking out every frustration on me. We would go to a party and

if something upset her she would hit me (not Dad ever).

Once on the zoloft this particular behavior came to a halt completely. She could

regulate her emotions better and could restrain herself better. It was not a

magic pill many other anxiety issues persist. But I could see it was clearly not

all behavior problems.

I have also benefitted greatly from working with a

behaviorist that teaches me how to shape behaviors by reinforcing the positives.

But I tell you I got nowhere until the depressed angry

mood was treated.

Pam

>

> Sorry I know I have posted this question before but it is so upsetting when he

has a great day with dad and with grandma then all week long, even this morning

(see my earlier post) he is awful, horrible for me. I just don't get it.It MUST

be me-or something I do. And no one wants to hear about it, even my hubby

because he sees the good kid only.

>

>

[Guest guest]

Zoloft has significantly reduced the intensity of my 11-yr old OCD daughter's

rages. I hated to put her on medication, but must admit things are calmer now.

My 8-year old son without OCD behaves much worse for me than for my husband. He

has sworn at me, hit me, kicked, etc...and has never sworn at his Dad!

Joanne

>

>

>

> >

> > Sorry I know I have posted this question before but it is so upsetting when

he has a great day with dad and with grandma then all week long, even this

morning (see my earlier post) he is awful, horrible for me. I just don't get

it.It MUST be me-or something I do. And no one wants to hear about it, even my

hubby because he sees the good kid only.

> >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

My son is on 50 mg Zoloft- I think it helps but it makes him hyper (he has to

take it in the morning and boy is he revved). The Risperdal .25 mg helped with

the rages for awhile but I don't know now. I don't want to add an extra dose if

he just needs to adjsut to school or something. I am trying to wait it out.

> > >

> > > Sorry I know I have posted this question before but it is so upsetting

when he has a great day with dad and with grandma then all week long, even this

morning (see my earlier post) he is awful, horrible for me. I just don't get

it.It MUST be me-or something I do. And no one wants to hear about it, even my

hubby because he sees the good kid only.

> > >

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

For us too there is more motor activity on the zoloft. It looks

like restless legs. She takes it in the am too. But it is so worth it

WOW! How and why did we live with the rages for so long.

It is such a shame these kids have to suffer like this.

Pam

-- In , " shellspace71 " wrote:

>

> My son is on 50 mg Zoloft- I think it helps but it makes him hyper (he has to

take it in the morning and boy is he revved). The Risperdal .25 mg helped with

the rages for awhile but I don't know now. I don't want to add an extra dose if

he just needs to adjsut to school or something. I am trying to wait it out.

>

>

>

> > > >

> > > > Sorry I know I have posted this question before but it is so upsetting

when he has a great day with dad and with grandma then all week long, even this

morning (see my earlier post) he is awful, horrible for me. I just don't get

it.It MUST be me-or something I do. And no one wants to hear about it, even my

hubby because he sees the good kid only.

> > > >

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I once attended a meeting with a guest speaker who is a well-known and authored

psychiatrist. She says that children can be fairly well -behaved in school and

for people outside the family (doctors included) and then give it all to their

parents at home means that the child does have insight about their behavior and

has learned some coping skills. She said that this is actually a good sign -

just not a good thing for parents. True or not, it works for me!!! The

challenge is to convince others of this and to keep your own sanity. Schedule

in some " you " time. If your child behaves for a sitter, it sounds like you have

a head start on that too!

Best wishes,

Bonnie

[Guest guest]

Bonnie thank you for stating this so succintly. There were many times I wanted

to, well frankly, let loose on a professional, who did not seem to understand

this phenomenon. And it is very difficult to not take it all personally, since

you cannot show evidence...Although I have read here that some have videotaped

their child and showed it to a disbelieving professional. Wish I'd thought of

that.

I did have a degree of vindication on this one once. As our son was waiting for

me to pick him up from his hospital based program, the psychiatrist happened to

be nearby, and witnessed the change of face and demeanor that came over my son

simply seeing me drive up. She commented on this to me, and did speak to my

son, which was something.

Even when they understand this happens, since they don't live it, they can have

no real understanding of the depth and breadth of the whole thing.

AAAAAAHHHHH.....I hate to even remember how crazy making it all was!!!! So glad

to be past it.

Barb

>

> I once attended a meeting with a guest speaker who is a well-known and

authored psychiatrist. She says that children can be fairly well -behaved in

school and for people outside the family (doctors included) and then give it all

to their parents at home means that the child does have insight about their

behavior and has learned some coping skills. She said that this is actually a

good sign - just not a good thing for parents. True or not, it works for me!!!

The challenge is to convince others of this and to keep your own sanity.

Schedule in some " you " time. If your child behaves for a sitter, it sounds like

you have a head start on that too!

>

> Best wishes,

> Bonnie

>