Making friends? Warning very,very,very long post!

[Guest guest]

I'm pretty sure I've asked something about this subject here before but I really

could use help. Our daughter started 2nd grade today and will turn 8 next month

and still has no friends.

She was an only child till she was almost 5 when her first sibling was born. In

that time she was mostly around adults other than short preschool classes and

occasional visits with cousins. When she went to preschool as dumb as it sounds

it never occured to me that I should be having " playdates " for her. Honestly

even that word sounds silly to me. I guess that's because growing up we never

had anything like that. I just remember playing outside with neighborhood kids

and then when I was in about 4th grade I was beginning to get closer to some

kids and we had sleepovers and hung out after school and talked on the phone and

all that. I certainly didn't have planned times set up to play with other kids

though when I was a child. I suppose this is why it really just never crossed my

mind to set this up for our child when she was in preschool.

Cut to kindergarten and apparently many other kids had already been doing this

and had spent lots of time together outside of school. Unfortunately this is a

very small school and community so many of the children's parents are friends

and they are friends too. Not that this is a bad thing but it is if you're the

odd child out. My husband and I aren't anti-social or anything but we pretty

much just spend our time together as a family. Most of the people we know go out

and drink a lot and we don't. My husband is close with the other deputies but we

don't spend time with them outside of work. So my dd never got the chance to

meet kids through our friends because well, we don't hang out with anybody.

We've also never lived nearby any other children close to my dd's age either so

she never had playmates that way either. Growing up as a child I always had

friends. I was a chubby akward kid but for some reason I always had a ton of

friends and very close best friends as well.

My poor little girl just cannot seem to make any friends at all. I've read book

after book about how to help your child make friends but honestly they don't

seem to help. If my daughter was obnoxious or mean or anything like that I could

understand but she's not. I will say of course that she's not perfect. Like most

children she can get bossy but nothing like most of the girls she goes to school

with. And she is a bit of a different drummer. When she was younger I tried to

instill in her that it was okay to do and be what she felt was right no matter

if others thought it was weird or not. She has really taken that to heart and

almost always stays true to herself even when trying to be something she's not

would be easier.

Since kindergarten she's spent the majority of her recesses at school, all three

of them, alone. She has to work very hard to try to get someone to play with and

then most of the time she just isn't into what they want to do or vice versa.

We've had one girl over to play and went out bowling with another this summer

but nothing ever came of it. I don't know how to explain this but the kids she

goes to school with just must not be raised the way she is. For instance we were

out having pizza with one girl with us who was 7 years old. She pulled a high

chair (the regular kind you'd have at home with tray and all) over to the table

and climbed up into it. Now her and my daughter were a bit hyped up but still I

couldn't believe this kid. I asked her if she thought that was a good idea to

sit in that chair and she just laughed and laughed and proceeded to put the tray

on it. I was afraid the darn kid would get stuck!!! Luckily for me the girls'

teacher worked part time at this place and came out and saw what was going on.

She was able to calm the kid down and get her out of there. Now I'm no push over

at all,I would never allow my child to do something like this. Let's face it my

child would just never think to do something like this. So I just didn't know

how to handle this behavior.

What I'm saying I guess is that it's like my daughter is on a different level

than the children I've met. I'm NOT saying she's smarter or anything like that

because that's not the case. She's just different. It's like she just cannot

relate to them.

She's very, very lonely because of this. We've talked for hours about how she

has to really put effort into trying to play with kids at recess and sticking

with them and whatever game they are playing all the way through to the end. She

tends to get bored and wants to go do her own thing.

Today she came home from her first day of school and attempted to play with some

kids at recess and was told that she couldn't. This is the norm. They will say

" maybe tomorrow " or something like that. Sometimes she does end up playing with

them but sometimes not. I tell you the stories I hear about the little girls on

the playground! If you've seen the movie Mean Girls...well it reminds me of that

but they are only in 2nd grade. The cattiness of these children appalls me.

Growing up as a chubby kid I can remember that kids can be cruel but the stuff

my daughter tells me is different than what I grew up with and I'm only 30!

I'm sorry for rambling here but I'm just so heartbroken for my child. As I said

I've read book after book and just don't know what to do. I plan to try to

invite more kids over for one on one playdates as that's what most of these

books seem to advocate. Truthfully though she just doesn't seem to have fun with

these kids and believe me she REALLY wants to.

I'm wondering if I should talk to the elementary schools' guidance counselor

about this and see if he has any suggestions. I really don't expect much though

with the way the staff has been with the OCD issue. I just really need some help

and don't know what to do. I'm hoping she can attend more theater classes and

hopefully being around other children who love what she loves will help her bond

with someone there.

In the meantime though I have one very lonely little girl. So many people keep

telling me she'll grow out of it but I don't think that's the case. I think it's

just going to get harder for her to make friends the longer she goes without

them. And even worse is that her school is so small it's not like she has a lot

of people to choose from. Where as the schools I went to were in decent larger

sized cities and if you didn't fit in in one group, well there were lots more to

try out. Not the case in this little school.

Does anyone have any suggestions or advice? Do many of your children have this

problem too? I'm wondering if kids with OCD and the anxiety it brings tend to

have this problem. I'm just heartbroken and don't know where else to turn and

really hope you guys might have something to say that might help us out.