Re: abuse/RA/Cami and all

November 21, 2005

Dear Cami,

I absolutely believe that we control our own lives.It took

therapy and a lot of years and a wonderful husband but I now

have a relationship with my mother.She is also on medication now

for what I would call an anxiety disorder and depression.She was

abused by 2 alcoholic parents as a child.IT's NO EXCUSE though.I

have never touched my boys and worked very very hard not to be

like my Mom.

And I certainly agree that the mental and verbal abuse was the

worse and does the most damage.

{{{{((CAMI}}}}))

At my first appointment with a rheumy last week,she asked me if

I had been abused as a child so there must be some kind of

connection.

November 21, 2005

,

See?! I find that SO interesting that these doctors for auto-immune

diseases are asking these questions!

My mom & I still have a 'rocky' relationship. She was diagnosed with

manic depression (medically termed bi-polar now) after I was out of

the house. She won't stay on her med's though...she reads up on them

& belongs to a depression group here on ...I think some of the

people are legitimate, but some of them are quacks & give her all

kinds of bad advice. As soon as one group of med's really start to

help her, she 'freaks' & quits taking them, saying they are habit-

forming, cause her to shake, etc. The woman has always been shaky &

VERY high-strung...she can't sit without shaking at least one leg up

& down constantly. She also has a really bad eating disorder...she

will eat nothing but a piece of bread for days on end, then

literally stuff herself...all-you-can-eat fish or something (SEVERAL

plate fulls), then turn around & go home & eat an entire chocolate

cake by herself! She weighs just under 100 pounds & is 5' tall. She

also chain smokes...at least 3 packs a day! And I wonder why I'm so

messed up! LOL!

Anyway, my mom honestly does not like me. I have no idea why. She

has apologized over & over again about my childhood, yet when I talk

to her, she acts as if it's strictly out of obligation most days.

Sometimes we can really talk & have a great time, then

others...well...I don't call very often anymore. Maybe once every 2

or 3 months. She only lives 20 minutes away. I've had my house for 9

years...she's been here twice...last time was over 5 years ago. That

says a lot, huh?

My brother is 6 years younger than I am...he'll be 28 December 3rd.

He's been in prison for the last 5 years for theft (drug related -

self medicating). He'll be in there until he's at least 32. My mom

adores him. She sends him money orders every week for at least $50

and talks to him on the phone every day. I love my brother too...he

really is a great guy. He's mentally ill like my mom, only he also

has anti-social disorder, which is maddening! But, wouldn't you

think a parent would at least equally love the child that has done

something with their life? Oh well...I'll never figure it out.

Cami

>

> Dear Cami,

> I absolutely believe that we control our own lives.It took

> therapy and a lot of years and a wonderful husband but I now

> have a relationship with my mother.She is also on medication now

> for what I would call an anxiety disorder and depression.She was

> abused by 2 alcoholic parents as a child.IT's NO EXCUSE though.I

> have never touched my boys and worked very very hard not to be

> like my Mom.

> And I certainly agree that the mental and verbal abuse was the

> worse and does the most damage.

> {{{{((CAMI}}}}))

> At my first appointment with a rheumy last week,she asked me if

> I had been abused as a child so there must be some kind of

> connection.

>

November 21, 2005

Cami and , Hi guys, sorry to butt in but, my problem was that the

doctors would ask if I had been abused in the past and when I said, " No " they

wouldn't believe me. Especially the rheumatologist who thinks fibro is all in

your head. The worst part of my fibro (other than shoulder pain if I lie on

them) is the extreme vaginal pain and he asked if I had been sexually abused

and would not believe my negative reply. He said that vaginal pain ABSOLUTELY

has a " psychological component " and wouldn't even discuss other ideas, such as

a pinched nerve (which a neurologist says can definitely be the source).

If his you-know-what was hurting or if a man came in and said his manly parts

were in pain, he wouldn't be saying that it was psychological. I'm sure that

the trauma from being abused can exacerbate any organic illness. When your

soul is spending so much energy healing from the pain caused by others, there's

not as much left to heal our bodies.

God bless you both for being strong enough to say, " This problem stops with

me. My kids won't have to go through this, and l will treat others with

compassion and respect. " You guys are lovely people and I'm pleased to be

getting to know you.

laura

Cami DeFries <gsplovers@...> wrote: ,