from naz

[Guest guest]

just typed a page or 3 and have lost it. hope it doesnt duplicate.

put on a smile for the kids on xmas day, and that was about it. went

to the cremotorium thinking that this would shock my into reality

that Mal is really gone, but didnt work, walked around aimlessly for

a couple of hrs, had a couple of tears rolling down my cheek, but

that was about it.went to Dr as i thought there was something wrong

with me as Im not falling apart and not crying, and just doing what

has to be done. But still feeling cold all the time. she said that I

was still in shock, and the grieving process may not hit me for a

while, being that I have two little kids to look aftre as

well.Cremotorium was very busy there. People were having family

picnincs ontop of loved ones grave sites. How bizare. ohh well each

to there own.

People have been so very generous, i even got a hamper from the blue

mountains from a lady from scrapbooking that I have never met. My

girlfriend even bought the kids exactly what they asked santa for a

play station 2 and a barbie ride on jeep. Santa wasnt getting these

as they were farrrrr toooo expensive, but she went and bought them,

and put them and wrote merry xmas remember I will always love you

forever, LOVR DADDY. The children went beserk. jumping for joy that

Daddy had got them what they always wanted. How do some people be so

very generous. kids got some nice pressies, some of them were from

santa and I didnt put them there, thanks for the xtra pressies santa

claus, you know who u are.

Lost my mums presant couldnt find where Mal put it. was obsessed

with finding it. Took me 3 hrs on xmas day but I did find it. not

that anyone cared but I did.

Well that was the good stuff.

Social security should be shot, Bloody goivernment. 5 visits later

and finally get some sort of payment out of them , only to find that

Which Bank put a stop on my card on friday night of xmas weekend,

and left me with a trolley of groceries, and no way of accessing and

funds.No petrol either.

Ther excese on tuesday was that it was partiall my fault as it was a

hard situation for them to be in last week, and hadnt comunicated to

me accurate information. How the hell is it my fault that they are

incapable of doing there job. I worked for a bank for 10 yrs, and

specifically asked them about my cards. There reply was that they

wouldnt freeze them until I offically notified them with the death

certificate, which I hadnt done, but someone thought that it would

be a nice thing to do to freeze everything over xmas., and then

blame the customer. bloody banks should be shot as well. got a

letter from bank today asking when I thought I might finalise the

creditcard account. My husbands body is not even cold yet.

got the death certificate last week, even though the autopsy report

has not been done yet , I got a premilary report that stated heart

attack, this is fine, however I recieved the full death certificaste

dated 4 days after death saying the wrong cause of death and the

last illness was hypertenision BP, which he didnt have. Bloody

government. I now have to wait for the coronors rpt then lodge a

formal complaint with gov to have it changed. As iff my life is not

hard enough.

Kids are really playing up 2yo is crying all the time and being very

rebelous. 6yo is getting very anger and frustrated and back

answering, and being difficult. I know I have to give them some

leway, as this is how they are dealing with Mals death but how do u

do that when there is not enough of me or my strength ot go around.

I was basicall a single parent anyway except for sundays,and I never

had this prob before.

My sister has been up for 3 days which has been a great help. she

went home today as Mals brother wife and son have come from QLD for

4 days. Next monday its back to just us , well us 3 anyway, might

have a meltdown when everyone has gone home. who knows. Dr says to

stop trying to shock myself into one as iT will happen eventually,

when my body lets its.

I know he is gone , I burried him,but in my heart I dont feel this,

hes just at work again. even drove his car today, but didnt feel

anything. Dont feel much at all these days.

on a good not lost 6kn in 10 days. Told Mal Id loose 1.6kg before

xmas. Well its midnight time to go any listen to nelly on the radio,

maybe that will put me to bed.