'whine and cheese

[Guest guest]

Hi Friends...I know I have been down a lot lately, and I hope you forgive me

for rattling on. I just need to talk a little here. Something that we all here

have discussed before. I went to my folks and I love them to pieces. They are

great, and love me dearly. As does my sister (my only sibling). But, they do

NOT get 'why' I feel so lousy sometimes. Believe me, I hardly say anything, as

I know it is not a subject that will be comfortable for them. (I have tried to

explain things in the past.) But when asked 'How are you doing? " I answer

honestly, though without all the details. I am sick and tired of saying " I'm

fine. " when I am not.

My folks and sister are NEVER mean or unkind. They just get so uncomfortable

and will not spend even a minute discussing things with me. If I say I am in a

flare and not feeling well they will tell me, " Oh, well, Mrs. is dying of

cancer. " OH MY GOODNESS. Rarely do they say, " Honey, I'm sorry you are feeling

poorly. " What in the world threatens or scares them so much that I get this

kind of response? I am a compassionate and empathetic person. I have lived

through a love one dying from cancer (more than one loved one.) I am NOT ever

implying that I have it " worse' than anyone, for Pete's sake. I am just trying

to be honest and speak what is on my heart. My sister, who was a social worker

for 25 years and the head of adoption services for our county, is just as bad.

She STILL 'doesn't get' RA. I think in her mind RA is just a 'touch of

arthritis'. I tried to explain to her that RA and FMS are systemic and affect

more than just one lone joint. She said, " What is systemic? "

OK, I really am having a hard time here. I am more tired of feeling crappy

than any of my relatives are of hearing about it, I am sure. I have kept so

much inside because it is not received well. Why? If one of my kids say

something is wrong or they are not feeling well, I WANT to know what is wrong, I

ask questions, I do research, I call them and tell them I am sorry and ask what

I can do.

Now, I am feeling like I am being too hard on my folks and sister. For there

love for me is unquestionable. But I hate feeling lonely even when I am with

them because they cannot or do not 'get it'. They show their love for me in so

many other ways for which I am grateful. But this still hurts.

I know feeling crummy all night, waking up with my fingers throbbing and my

hips screaming colors things. But just needed to vent a little.

Love to all...

Tess in Oregon