Re: summing it up so far - OT

[Guest guest]

Dreamer--

How I wish I could give your siblings a sense-of-duty transplant. I have a

message for your minister brother. Ironically, it was in my daily Bible reading

yesterday. In 1 5 is talking about how widows should be cared for,

starting with their own families. 1Tim5:8 says, " If anyone does not provide for

his relatives, and especially for his immediate family, he has denied the faith

and is worse than an unbeliever. " You might want to pass that along. It sounds

to me like God doesn't really appreciate someone calling themselves a Christian

if they don't take good care of their immediate family to the best of their

ability. As a minister his first priority is still to his family. Maybe you

could show him tha passage. It seems that God certainly has no reason to be

disappointed in you, however! God bless you for caring even though you have

your own challenges. Sorry to get all religious on you I just have a thing

about people who claim to represent the Lord and then

consistently behave in a way contrary to his teaching.

laura

dreamer_plus <dreamer_plus@...> wrote:

on Saturday while I was caring for my mom and hubby was home sicker than I knew,

Lil Dude was playing. A rock hit him in the eye. I did ntot know until Sun

when Bekky called me to tell me: dad has not been awake since Thursday mom and

Lil DUdes eye is bleediing. I could not find anyone to come watch mom, so I had

to finally leave her alone Sun afternoon to come check hubby and LD. I wound up

havng to take LD to our ER. Our ER said he scratched his cornea and bruised his

conjunctiva. Gave me eyedrops for him and that was all, told me to have

opthamologist check it in 3-4 days. I called optha Mon morn and they could not

see him until THurs.

SO yesterday I took him to optha who freaked. The eye is split in half and he

sent me immediately to another specialist on the spot, who then sent us to

another specialist in chicago. LD cannot eator drink anything cuz they are not

sure if they are going to try corrective repair surgery or not or what. He is

also not to move...they said it is a miracle the eye did not drain dry and fall

out.

He did have considerable pain over the weekend and light hurts his eye terribly.

Turns out he has lost vision in that eye. COmpletely. (sadly he has been

punished ta school for not doing his work)

The pain has gradually lessened until yesterday - which could be from all the

eye docs prodding and or fear over surgery.

Monday I did come back home from moms to stay at home, and realized hubby was

far more ill than I thought and I took him to the VA ER and they admited him....

Hubby is still over at VA hospital....I have been unable to get any docs there

to return any calls to me to tell me whats going on with him or howhe is,

andhubby is um.incohereant, mumbly, confused, disoriented weepy, arguementative.

Visiting hours there do not work out so I have not been able to even go there

around LDs school schedule and me not having anyone to watch LD so I can go, and

only Buffy is old enough to visit hubby. SO hubby has been alone entirely.

Noone went to watch over my mom and Tues she got very ill....

Buffy is freaking out cuz her dad was in hospital on her birthday and her

brother and I were gone many many hours at the eye docs and noone called her to

tell her happy birthday and her party got put on hold indefinetly.

My siblings know hubby is in VA hops very ill and that LDs eye is in question

and that it was Buffys birthday......but they have not called emailed or sent

anything in themail at all and they are not watching mom.

Mom is an hour from me one direction, hubby is 90 mins another direction and

when we get the call to go to eye specialist in chicago, thats at least 2 hours

in yet another direction. My middle dtr told me last nite dad said he might get

discharged today, altho hubby told me nite before that he has been started on

shots in the tummy for blood clots? and without any of the docs returning my

calls so I know whats really wrong with him etc....well, and with me being busy

with LD.....

ACK I am only oneperson and have noidea how to manage it all. I am sticking to

what MY CHILD needs for now. Hubby and mom will have to ....wait it out or

something. Mom has my siblings and their spouses.

But I am going nuts.

Ironically the Marine Corps League wanted me and hubby to go do some VA hospital

visits and volunteer to do things for veterans especially this week as it is

Marine Birthday and also Veterans Day coming.....I emailed them all and said

well we couldn't right now and I told them everything going on..........and I

have not heard one word from them andneither has hubby. Here I am the president

of the auxillary and they just keep on looking for veterans to help-- and

veterans to visit but.......

the cobblers kids go shoeless.

My sister does Meals on Wheels and also meals to families in crisis and theres

our mom sitting there and heres us sitting here......and we have not heard one

word from her. And my other brother who not only is a minister with a

congregation but also a hospital chaplain for several hospitals......his mom

sits alone.

SOmehow Ineed tofigure out how to clone myself so mom is not unsupervised and

gets fed and to her doc appts and how to force hubbys docs to talk with me and

somehow let my husband know and get the message thru his head that our son is in

crisis and I have not abandoned hubby......and I hafta take care of my

son.....Meanwhile Buffy feels totally neglected cuz her birthday was not what

she expected at all. Now she is off who nows where on her own. I need to be

atleast 4 people. But I am only one. with all these eople in immediate

crisis.....all depending on only ME

My mom had lung cancer twice, now it is in her brain. I have been there the

last 5 weeks 24-7 sleeping beside her and sitting beside her nonstop.

My husband has COPD, multiple cancers from AGent Orange and multiple mental

illnesses from combat PTSD and his spine is deteriiarating. He drifts in and out

of cataonic fugue states (and has since 1990)

My oldest, (turned 17 yesterday) is bipolar, has major major painic attacks, is

not able to be in school, My middle dtr is 15 and has HS course overload, all

honors classes and is very active in community service. My youngest is the one

whose eye is hurt, he is 10 and has something called heterotopia, (his gray

matter and white matter in his brain are all in wrong places) he also has

seizures and cerebal palsy. But he is an active 10 year old boy. (most obvious

issue is he cannot read or write) And then me, with RA and Lupus.

[Guest guest]

Dreamer--

How I wish I could give your siblings a sense-of-duty transplant. I have a

message for your minister brother. Ironically, it was in my daily Bible reading

yesterday. In 1 5 is talking about how widows should be cared for,

starting with their own families. 1Tim5:8 says, " If anyone does not provide for

his relatives, and especially for his immediate family, he has denied the faith

and is worse than an unbeliever. " You might want to pass that along. It sounds

to me like God doesn't really appreciate someone calling themselves a Christian

if they don't take good care of their immediate family to the best of their

ability. As a minister his first priority is still to his family. Maybe you

could show him tha passage. It seems that God certainly has no reason to be

disappointed in you, however! God bless you for caring even though you have

your own challenges. Sorry to get all religious on you I just have a thing

about people who claim to represent the Lord and then

consistently behave in a way contrary to his teaching.

laura

dreamer_plus <dreamer_plus@...> wrote:

on Saturday while I was caring for my mom and hubby was home sicker than I knew,

Lil Dude was playing. A rock hit him in the eye. I did ntot know until Sun

when Bekky called me to tell me: dad has not been awake since Thursday mom and

Lil DUdes eye is bleediing. I could not find anyone to come watch mom, so I had

to finally leave her alone Sun afternoon to come check hubby and LD. I wound up

havng to take LD to our ER. Our ER said he scratched his cornea and bruised his

conjunctiva. Gave me eyedrops for him and that was all, told me to have

opthamologist check it in 3-4 days. I called optha Mon morn and they could not

see him until THurs.

SO yesterday I took him to optha who freaked. The eye is split in half and he

sent me immediately to another specialist on the spot, who then sent us to

another specialist in chicago. LD cannot eator drink anything cuz they are not

sure if they are going to try corrective repair surgery or not or what. He is

also not to move...they said it is a miracle the eye did not drain dry and fall

out.

He did have considerable pain over the weekend and light hurts his eye terribly.

Turns out he has lost vision in that eye. COmpletely. (sadly he has been

punished ta school for not doing his work)

The pain has gradually lessened until yesterday - which could be from all the

eye docs prodding and or fear over surgery.

Monday I did come back home from moms to stay at home, and realized hubby was

far more ill than I thought and I took him to the VA ER and they admited him....

Hubby is still over at VA hospital....I have been unable to get any docs there

to return any calls to me to tell me whats going on with him or howhe is,

andhubby is um.incohereant, mumbly, confused, disoriented weepy, arguementative.

Visiting hours there do not work out so I have not been able to even go there

around LDs school schedule and me not having anyone to watch LD so I can go, and

only Buffy is old enough to visit hubby. SO hubby has been alone entirely.

Noone went to watch over my mom and Tues she got very ill....

Buffy is freaking out cuz her dad was in hospital on her birthday and her

brother and I were gone many many hours at the eye docs and noone called her to

tell her happy birthday and her party got put on hold indefinetly.

My siblings know hubby is in VA hops very ill and that LDs eye is in question

and that it was Buffys birthday......but they have not called emailed or sent

anything in themail at all and they are not watching mom.

Mom is an hour from me one direction, hubby is 90 mins another direction and

when we get the call to go to eye specialist in chicago, thats at least 2 hours

in yet another direction. My middle dtr told me last nite dad said he might get

discharged today, altho hubby told me nite before that he has been started on

shots in the tummy for blood clots? and without any of the docs returning my

calls so I know whats really wrong with him etc....well, and with me being busy

with LD.....

ACK I am only oneperson and have noidea how to manage it all. I am sticking to

what MY CHILD needs for now. Hubby and mom will have to ....wait it out or

something. Mom has my siblings and their spouses.

But I am going nuts.

Ironically the Marine Corps League wanted me and hubby to go do some VA hospital

visits and volunteer to do things for veterans especially this week as it is

Marine Birthday and also Veterans Day coming.....I emailed them all and said

well we couldn't right now and I told them everything going on..........and I

have not heard one word from them andneither has hubby. Here I am the president

of the auxillary and they just keep on looking for veterans to help-- and

veterans to visit but.......

the cobblers kids go shoeless.

My sister does Meals on Wheels and also meals to families in crisis and theres

our mom sitting there and heres us sitting here......and we have not heard one

word from her. And my other brother who not only is a minister with a

congregation but also a hospital chaplain for several hospitals......his mom

sits alone.

SOmehow Ineed tofigure out how to clone myself so mom is not unsupervised and

gets fed and to her doc appts and how to force hubbys docs to talk with me and

somehow let my husband know and get the message thru his head that our son is in

crisis and I have not abandoned hubby......and I hafta take care of my

son.....Meanwhile Buffy feels totally neglected cuz her birthday was not what

she expected at all. Now she is off who nows where on her own. I need to be

atleast 4 people. But I am only one. with all these eople in immediate

crisis.....all depending on only ME

My mom had lung cancer twice, now it is in her brain. I have been there the

last 5 weeks 24-7 sleeping beside her and sitting beside her nonstop.

My husband has COPD, multiple cancers from AGent Orange and multiple mental

illnesses from combat PTSD and his spine is deteriiarating. He drifts in and out

of cataonic fugue states (and has since 1990)

My oldest, (turned 17 yesterday) is bipolar, has major major painic attacks, is

not able to be in school, My middle dtr is 15 and has HS course overload, all

honors classes and is very active in community service. My youngest is the one

whose eye is hurt, he is 10 and has something called heterotopia, (his gray

matter and white matter in his brain are all in wrong places) he also has

seizures and cerebal palsy. But he is an active 10 year old boy. (most obvious

issue is he cannot read or write) And then me, with RA and Lupus.

[Guest guest]

Dear Dreamer,

I feel so bad bragging about how helpful my family has been when you

are going thru so much and with no help or support. It has not always

been that way with my family but they're getting better.

I think Buffy needs a large dose of reality--sure she's disappointed

about her birthday, but she should be mature enough to realize what is

going on and lend a hand. As far as your siblings, I can't understand

their attitude. But I have 2 older brothers who could care less about

their sister, and that's just fine with me. They were never there when

I needed them and if anything happened to them I'd feel bad, but that's

all. Can you have a social worker contact your siblings about your mom?

I'm so sorry about LD's eye, and I will keep him, your hubby, and you

in my prayers. I thought the Marines " took care of their own. "

Judi

[Guest guest]

Dear Dreamer,

I feel so bad bragging about how helpful my family has been when you

are going thru so much and with no help or support. It has not always

been that way with my family but they're getting better.

I think Buffy needs a large dose of reality--sure she's disappointed

about her birthday, but she should be mature enough to realize what is

going on and lend a hand. As far as your siblings, I can't understand

their attitude. But I have 2 older brothers who could care less about

their sister, and that's just fine with me. They were never there when

I needed them and if anything happened to them I'd feel bad, but that's

all. Can you have a social worker contact your siblings about your mom?

I'm so sorry about LD's eye, and I will keep him, your hubby, and you

in my prayers. I thought the Marines " took care of their own. "

Judi

[Guest guest]

You're in an impossible situation and it sounds like you're handling

it as intelligently and skillfully as is humanly possible. Amazing to

hear about all the people in your life focused on giving to others

but unable to respond to a need in their immediate

family/organization. Hang in there and keep your eyes open for

potential sources of help...

Sierra

--- In , " dreamer_plus " <dreamer_plus@w...>

wrote:

>

> on Saturday while I was caring for my mom and hubby was home sicker

than I knew,

> Lil Dude was playing. A rock hit him in the eye. I did ntot know

until Sun

> when Bekky called me to tell me: dad has not been awake since

Thursday mom and

> Lil DUdes eye is bleediing. I could not find anyone to come watch

mom, so I had

> to finally leave her alone Sun afternoon to come check hubby and

LD. I wound up

> havng to take LD to our ER. Our ER said he scratched his cornea and

bruised his

> conjunctiva. Gave me eyedrops for him and that was all, told me to

have

> opthamologist check it in 3-4 days. I called optha Mon morn and

they could not

> see him until THurs.

> SO yesterday I took him to optha who freaked. The eye is split in

half and he

> sent me immediately to another specialist on the spot, who then

sent us to

> another specialist in chicago. LD cannot eator drink anything cuz

they are not

> sure if they are going to try corrective repair surgery or not or

what. He is

> also not to move...they said it is a miracle the eye did not drain

dry and fall

> out.

> He did have considerable pain over the weekend and light hurts his

eye terribly.

> Turns out he has lost vision in that eye. COmpletely. (sadly he has

been

> punished ta school for not doing his work)

> The pain has gradually lessened until yesterday - which could be

from all the

> eye docs prodding and or fear over surgery.

> Monday I did come back home from moms to stay at home, and realized

hubby was

> far more ill than I thought and I took him to the VA ER and they

admited him....

> Hubby is still over at VA hospital....I have been unable to get any

docs there

> to return any calls to me to tell me whats going on with him or

howhe is,

> andhubby is um.incohereant, mumbly, confused, disoriented weepy,

arguementative.

> Visiting hours there do not work out so I have not been able to

even go there

> around LDs school schedule and me not having anyone to watch LD so

I can go, and

> only Buffy is old enough to visit hubby. SO hubby has been alone

entirely.

> Noone went to watch over my mom and Tues she got very ill....

> Buffy is freaking out cuz her dad was in hospital on her birthday

and her

> brother and I were gone many many hours at the eye docs and noone

called her to

> tell her happy birthday and her party got put on hold indefinetly.

> My siblings know hubby is in VA hops very ill and that LDs eye is

in question

> and that it was Buffys birthday......but they have not called

emailed or sent

> anything in themail at all and they are not watching mom.

> Mom is an hour from me one direction, hubby is 90 mins another

direction and

> when we get the call to go to eye specialist in chicago, thats at

least 2 hours

> in yet another direction. My middle dtr told me last nite dad said

he might get

> discharged today, altho hubby told me nite before that he has been

started on

> shots in the tummy for blood clots? and without any of the docs

returning my

> calls so I know whats really wrong with him etc....well, and with

me being busy

> with LD.....

> ACK I am only oneperson and have noidea how to manage it all. I am

sticking to

> what MY CHILD needs for now. Hubby and mom will have to ....wait it

out or

> something. Mom has my siblings and their spouses.

> But I am going nuts.

> Ironically the Marine Corps League wanted me and hubby to go do

some VA hospital

> visits and volunteer to do things for veterans especially this week

as it is

> Marine Birthday and also Veterans Day coming.....I emailed them all

and said

> well we couldn't right now and I told them everything going

on..........and I

> have not heard one word from them andneither has hubby. Here I am

the president

> of the auxillary and they just keep on looking for veterans to help-

- and

> veterans to visit but.......

> the cobblers kids go shoeless.

> My sister does Meals on Wheels and also meals to families in crisis

and theres

> our mom sitting there and heres us sitting here......and we have

not heard one

> word from her. And my other brother who not only is a minister with

a

> congregation but also a hospital chaplain for several

hospitals......his mom

> sits alone.

> SOmehow Ineed tofigure out how to clone myself so mom is not

unsupervised and

> gets fed and to her doc appts and how to force hubbys docs to talk

with me and

> somehow let my husband know and get the message thru his head that

our son is in

> crisis and I have not abandoned hubby......and I hafta take care of

my

> son.....Meanwhile Buffy feels totally neglected cuz her birthday

was not what

> she expected at all. Now she is off who nows where on her own. I

need to be

> atleast 4 people. But I am only one. with all these eople in

immediate

> crisis.....all depending on only ME

>

> My mom had lung cancer twice, now it is in her brain. I have been

there the last 5 weeks 24-7 sleeping beside her and sitting beside

her nonstop.

> My husband has COPD, multiple cancers from AGent Orange and

multiple mental illnesses from combat PTSD and his spine is

deteriiarating. He drifts in and out of cataonic fugue states (and

has since 1990)

> My oldest, (turned 17 yesterday) is bipolar, has major major painic

attacks, is not able to be in school, My middle dtr is 15 and has HS

course overload, all honors classes and is very active in community

service. My youngest is the one whose eye is hurt, he is 10 and has

something called heterotopia, (his gray matter and white matter in

his brain are all in wrong places) he also has seizures and cerebal

palsy. But he is an active 10 year old boy. (most obvious issue is

he cannot read or write) And then me, with RA and Lupus.

>

[Guest guest]

You're in an impossible situation and it sounds like you're handling

it as intelligently and skillfully as is humanly possible. Amazing to

hear about all the people in your life focused on giving to others

but unable to respond to a need in their immediate

family/organization. Hang in there and keep your eyes open for

potential sources of help...

Sierra

>

> on Saturday while I was caring for my mom and hubby was home sicker

than I knew,

> Lil Dude was playing. A rock hit him in the eye. I did ntot know

until Sun

> when Bekky called me to tell me: dad has not been awake since

Thursday mom and

> Lil DUdes eye is bleediing. I could not find anyone to come watch

mom, so I had

> to finally leave her alone Sun afternoon to come check hubby and

LD. I wound up

> havng to take LD to our ER. Our ER said he scratched his cornea and

bruised his

> conjunctiva. Gave me eyedrops for him and that was all, told me to

have

> opthamologist check it in 3-4 days. I called optha Mon morn and

they could not

> see him until THurs.

> SO yesterday I took him to optha who freaked. The eye is split in

half and he

> sent me immediately to another specialist on the spot, who then

sent us to

> another specialist in chicago. LD cannot eator drink anything cuz

they are not

> sure if they are going to try corrective repair surgery or not or

what. He is

> also not to move...they said it is a miracle the eye did not drain

dry and fall

> out.

> He did have considerable pain over the weekend and light hurts his

eye terribly.

> Turns out he has lost vision in that eye. COmpletely. (sadly he has

been

> punished ta school for not doing his work)

> The pain has gradually lessened until yesterday - which could be

from all the

> eye docs prodding and or fear over surgery.

> Monday I did come back home from moms to stay at home, and realized

hubby was

> far more ill than I thought and I took him to the VA ER and they

admited him....

> Hubby is still over at VA hospital....I have been unable to get any

docs there

> to return any calls to me to tell me whats going on with him or

howhe is,

> andhubby is um.incohereant, mumbly, confused, disoriented weepy,

arguementative.

> Visiting hours there do not work out so I have not been able to

even go there

> around LDs school schedule and me not having anyone to watch LD so

I can go, and

> only Buffy is old enough to visit hubby. SO hubby has been alone

entirely.

> Noone went to watch over my mom and Tues she got very ill....

> Buffy is freaking out cuz her dad was in hospital on her birthday

and her

> brother and I were gone many many hours at the eye docs and noone

called her to

> tell her happy birthday and her party got put on hold indefinetly.

> My siblings know hubby is in VA hops very ill and that LDs eye is

in question

> and that it was Buffys birthday......but they have not called

emailed or sent

> anything in themail at all and they are not watching mom.

> Mom is an hour from me one direction, hubby is 90 mins another

direction and

> when we get the call to go to eye specialist in chicago, thats at

least 2 hours

> in yet another direction. My middle dtr told me last nite dad said

he might get

> discharged today, altho hubby told me nite before that he has been

started on

> shots in the tummy for blood clots? and without any of the docs

returning my

> calls so I know whats really wrong with him etc....well, and with

me being busy

> with LD.....

> ACK I am only oneperson and have noidea how to manage it all. I am

sticking to

> what MY CHILD needs for now. Hubby and mom will have to ....wait it

out or

> something. Mom has my siblings and their spouses.

> But I am going nuts.

> Ironically the Marine Corps League wanted me and hubby to go do

some VA hospital

> visits and volunteer to do things for veterans especially this week

as it is

> Marine Birthday and also Veterans Day coming.....I emailed them all

and said

> well we couldn't right now and I told them everything going

on..........and I

> have not heard one word from them andneither has hubby. Here I am

the president

> of the auxillary and they just keep on looking for veterans to help-

- and

> veterans to visit but.......

> the cobblers kids go shoeless.

> My sister does Meals on Wheels and also meals to families in crisis

and theres

> our mom sitting there and heres us sitting here......and we have

not heard one

> word from her. And my other brother who not only is a minister with

a

> congregation but also a hospital chaplain for several

hospitals......his mom

> sits alone.

> SOmehow Ineed tofigure out how to clone myself so mom is not

unsupervised and

> gets fed and to her doc appts and how to force hubbys docs to talk

with me and

> somehow let my husband know and get the message thru his head that

our son is in

> crisis and I have not abandoned hubby......and I hafta take care of

my

> son.....Meanwhile Buffy feels totally neglected cuz her birthday

was not what

> she expected at all. Now she is off who nows where on her own. I

need to be

> atleast 4 people. But I am only one. with all these eople in

immediate

> crisis.....all depending on only ME

>

> My mom had lung cancer twice, now it is in her brain. I have been

there the last 5 weeks 24-7 sleeping beside her and sitting beside

her nonstop.

> My husband has COPD, multiple cancers from AGent Orange and

multiple mental illnesses from combat PTSD and his spine is

deteriiarating. He drifts in and out of cataonic fugue states (and

has since 1990)

> My oldest, (turned 17 yesterday) is bipolar, has major major painic

attacks, is not able to be in school, My middle dtr is 15 and has HS

course overload, all honors classes and is very active in community

service. My youngest is the one whose eye is hurt, he is 10 and has

something called heterotopia, (his gray matter and white matter in

his brain are all in wrong places) he also has seizures and cerebal

palsy. But he is an active 10 year old boy. (most obvious issue is

he cannot read or write) And then me, with RA and Lupus.

>