Re: (unknown)

[Guest guest]

Donna,

okay I think I understand what a pediatric gastro doctor is. Thanks for

expaining it thouh.

_________________________________________________________________

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[Guest guest]

Leah,

thank you for sending on that nice story. It reminds me of the stuggles to

keep my son, Gene, included. I see how much he has to offer his school...but

so many other see his disability as a problem....like a $10 painting. I could

go on and on, but suffice it to say, because our country so values physical

beauty, high achievement and competition, finding those who value my son's

individuality and differences are often hard to find.

Lauri

[Guest guest]

lauri,

i agree...i cried like there was no tomorrow when i read that..... it has so

much meaning but also brings peace amongst you when your done...almost like

a soul cleansing...which i really need these days..my life is good on the

most, but my friends are faltering. i have one friend with a 10 yr old with

ds who has decided to put her up for adoption. mom also has 4 yr old with

asd... i have to question this decision and i have no right too....two

disabled children, yet give one up... and another friend with 15 yr old

autism wants to put her son away and another mom says her son is absurd and

belongs in ahome too...not that i have ANY ROOM to talk or judge, lord knows

i am no perfect mom and i am sure ashton could have been given a better mom

than me, but i do exhaust all efforts in making her life the best it can be

and assisting her to utilize all her potential..... if that means sleepless

nights and endless stress, i will do it...but when i see parents who dont it

just bugs and eats away at my heart...how can someone not give their all and

mighty for the child that is truly part of them. i see ashton as a

reflection of me...she is my artwork........ okay i will stop

bitching....sorry just slightly unnerved.....dont mean to take my nastiness

out on yall have a great day.leah

>From: timothytlstein@...

>Reply-To:

>To:

>Subject: Re: (unknown)

>Date: Wed, 7 Feb 2001 09:07:03 EST

>

>Leah,

>

>thank you for sending on that nice story. It reminds me of the stuggles to

>keep my son, Gene, included. I see how much he has to offer his

>school...but

>so many other see his disability as a problem....like a $10 painting. I

>could

>go on and on, but suffice it to say, because our country so values physical

>beauty, high achievement and competition, finding those who value my son's

>individuality and differences are often hard to find.

>

>Lauri

_________________________________________________________________

Get your FREE download of MSN Explorer at http://explorer.msn.com

[Guest guest]

Leah,

I know how you feel. I have been raising for

almost 9 years and the fact that his biological mother

has nothing to do with him makes me so angry and

disgusted that I can barely stand it. I actually don't

want her to because she is not a good person for him

to be around but then it bothers me all the same that

she treats him like he has no value whatsoever. I

think it is because he is the most valuable thing in

my life and I have given up so much and worked so hard

for him to have a decent life. And to have her

" acting " like she cares or whatever she thinks she's

doing makes me sick. Do you know why she has only seen

him about 6 days out of the last 6 years? Because she

will only see if WE drive him the 400 miles to

her house. She says she's not going to come down to

where we live and visit in a hotel room. So if

she doesn't get it her way she just won't see him.

This about sends me over the EDGE!

But you know what? She's the one who is missing out.

is the most satisfying thing in my life.

Probably because I put so much into his life and to

see him progressing is extremely satisfying. So she's

the loser. This is a little different from what you

were talking about but if you can vent, so can I. Just

keep on keeping on Leah. You are a good mommy. Your

daughter is lucky to have you.

Mom to 11

--- leah leah wrote:

> lauri,

> i agree...i cried like there was no tomorrow when i

> read that..... it has so

> much meaning but also brings peace amongst you when

> your done...almost like

> a soul cleansing...which i really need these

> days..my life is good on the

> most, but my friends are faltering. i have one

> friend with a 10 yr old with

> ds who has decided to put her up for adoption. mom

> also has 4 yr old with

> asd... i have to question this decision and i have

> no right too....two

> disabled children, yet give one up... and another

> friend with 15 yr old

> autism wants to put her son away and another mom

> says her son is absurd and

> belongs in ahome too...not that i have ANY ROOM to

> talk or judge, lord knows

> i am no perfect mom and i am sure ashton could have

> been given a better mom

> than me, but i do exhaust all efforts in making her

> life the best it can be

> and assisting her to utilize all her potential.....

> if that means sleepless

> nights and endless stress, i will do it...but when i

> see parents who dont it

> just bugs and eats away at my heart...how can

> someone not give their all and

> mighty for the child that is truly part of them. i

> see ashton as a

> reflection of me...she is my artwork........ okay i

> will stop

> bitching....sorry just slightly unnerved.....dont

> mean to take my nastiness

> out on yall have a great day.leah

>

>

> >From: timothytlstein@...

> >Reply-To:

> >To:

> >Subject: Re: (unknown)

> >Date: Wed, 7 Feb 2001 09:07:03 EST

> >

> >Leah,

> >

> >thank you for sending on that nice story. It

> reminds me of the stuggles to

> >keep my son, Gene, included. I see how much he has

> to offer his

> >school...but

> >so many other see his disability as a

> problem....like a $10 painting. I

> >could

> >go on and on, but suffice it to say, because our

> country so values physical

> >beauty, high achievement and competition, finding

> those who value my son's

> >individuality and differences are often hard to

> find.

> >

> >Lauri

>

>

_________________________________________________________________

> Get your FREE download of MSN Explorer at

> http://explorer.msn.com

>

>

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

--

Leah, Thank you so much for posting the art

writing.That was truly beautiful and really made me

stop and think.I also wanted to comment on a friend s

son who is severly autistic. He was having a meltdown

at schooland the teacher and aide and he were all on

the floor when the fight just went out of him,they

were glad but surprised.What they did not know was

that had seen his mom outside and ready to come

in the room. She

also is very strictand said he looked like he was

thinking " oh **** there goes my tv!!!!The teacher

said it took weeks before he stopped checking the

doorway!!One thing is for sure our kids are good for

some laughs. Carole

- lea

h

leah wrote:

> hey dear friends,

> i thought you might like this!!! i found it very

> inspiring and just calming

> to read......leah

>

> REAL ART

>

> A wealthy man and his son loved to collect rare

> works of art. They had

> everything in their collection, from Picasso to

> Raphael.

>

> They would often sit together and admire the great

> works of art.

>

> When the Viet Nam conflict broke out, the son went

> to war. He was very

> courageous and died in battle while rescuing another

> soldier.

>

> The father was notified and grieved deeply for his

> only son.

>

> About a month later, just before Christmas, there

> was a knock at the door.

> A

> young man stood at the door with a large package in

> his hands.

>

> He said, " Sir, you don't know me, but I am the

> soldier for whom your son

> gave

> his life. He saved many lives that day, and he was

> carrying me to safety

> when

> a bullet struck him in the heart and he died

> instantly. He often talked

> about

> you, and your love for art.

>

> The young man held out his package. " I know this

> isn't much. I'm not really

> a

> great artist, but I think your son would have wanted

> you to have this. "

>

> The father opened the package. It was a portrait of

> his son, painted by the

> young man. He stared in awe at the way the soldier

> had captured the

> personality of his son in the painting. The father

> was so drawn to the eyes

> that his own eyes welled up with tears.

>

> He thanked the young man and offered to pay him for

> the picture. " Oh, no

> sir,

> I could never repay what your son did for me. It's a

> gift. "

>

> The father hung the portrait over his mantle. Every

> time visitors came to

> his home he took them to see the portrait of his

> son before he showed them

> any of the other great works he had collected.

>

> The man died a few months later. There was to be a

> great auction of his

> paintings. Many influential people gathered, excited

> over seeing the great

> paintings and having an opportunity to purchase one

> for their collection. On

> the platform sat the painting of the son. The

> auctioneer pounded his gavel.

> " We will start the bidding with this picture of the

> son. Who will bid for

> this picture? "

>

> There was silence. Then a voice in the back of the

> room shouted, " We want to

> see the famous paintings. Skip this one. "

>

> But the auctioneer persisted, " Will someone bid for

> this painting? Who will

> start the bidding? $100, $200? "

>

> Another voice shouted angrily, " We didn't come to

> see this painting. We came

> to see the Van Goghs, the Rembrandts. Get on with

> the real bids! " But

> still

> the auctioneer continued, " The son! The son! Who'll

> take the son? " Finally,

> a

> voice came from the very back of the room. It was

> the longtime gardener of

> the man and his son. " I'll give $10 for the

> painting. "

>

> Being a poor man, it was all he could afford. " We

> have $10, who will bid

> $20? " " Give it to him for $10. Let's see the

> masters. " " $10 is the bid,

> won't someone bid $20? " The crowd was becoming

> angry. They didn't want the

> picture of the son. They wanted the more worthy

> investments for their

> collections. The auctioneer pounded the gavel.

> " Going once, twice, SOLD for

> $10! "

>

> A man sitting on the second row shouted, " Now let's

> get on with the

> collection! " The auctioneer laid down his gavel,

> " I'm sorry, the auction is

> over. " " What about the paintings? " " I am sorry. When

> I was called to conduct

> this auction, I was told of a secret stipulation in

> the will. I was not

> allowed to reveal that stipulation until this time.

> Only the painting of the

> son would be auctioned. Whoever bought that painting

> would inherit the

> entire

> estate, including the paintings. The man who took

> the son gets everything! "

>

> God gave his Son 2,000 years ago to die on a cruel

> cross. Much like the

> auctioneer, His message today is, " The Son, the Son

> , who'll take the Son? "

> Because you see, whoever takes the Son gets

> everything.

> --author unknown

>

>

_________________________________________________________________

> Get your FREE download of MSN Explorer at

> http://explorer.msn.com

>

>

=====

Carole, wife of Rich, mom to and , m-i-l to and ,

grandmom to ,8 ,with d.s.and a.s.d. and 6 with adhd and possible

a.s.d.and Logan 2 year old chatterbox and Seth,8 month old getting over surgery

but still crawling and pulling up to stand.

Psalm16Preserve me ,O GOD;for in thee do i put my trust.

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

rebecca, i have hotmail too, and often i would have troubles with them and

egroups, either messgages not getting sent or something, just with egroups

though, havent tried it through yahoo, have had enough trouble with them

allready,lol, so i just use our LAN address hubby doesnt really like getting

extra mail in our family one but understands. shawna.

(unknown)

> Hi all,

>

> It's me my other e-mail was

> Brink_00@.... If you send stuff to be from

> the beginning of the month I couldn't see it.

> Something's wrong with my hotmail account so I

> probablly won't use it.

>

> From,

>

>

> =====

> Friends Till The End

>

> __________________________________________________

>

[Guest guest]

I'm glad I'm not the only one that has problems

with hotamil accounts. I've had that hotmail account

like for 3 years and it hasn't been a problem, but it

is- so I'll probablly use this one and the other yahoo

account that I have.

I suppose I could send these e-mails to my

parnet's e-mail account, but I don't think they want

to read extra mail, and plus they don't know that much

about autism and or ds.

From,

=====

Friends Till The End

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 3/21/01 5:22:43 PM Eastern Standard Time,

okieleah@... writes:

<< The teacher, , 36, was arrested at McDonogh 32 in

Algiers. He was booked on two counts of felony cruelty to a juvenile due to

the apparent force used in the attack. >>

SICK...SICK.....SICK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Gail

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 3/29/01 3:30:12 PM Eastern Standard Time,

jfcanfield@... writes:

<< The opening

words of Dr. B. Spock 's third revision of his world-famous book Baby

and Child Care are ' YOU KNOW MORE THAN YOU THINK YOU DO ! A few

pages later he says ,

Love and enjoy your children for what they are , for what they look

like, for what they do , and forget about the qualities that they

don't have ... >>

Irma,

How nice! Why have I always heard he was a quack? I never read any of his

books. Maybe I should! LOL Thanks

Gail

[Guest guest]

Kathleen is fabulous. Take care, Joanwww.DownSyndromeNutrition.comCheck out my blog: Joan.wordpress.com

Hi friends: You are receiving this email because you are somehow connected with special education, Down syndrome and me. After talking about it for years, I'm finally getting around to starting up that Nassau County Support Group for the families, friends and educators of loved ones with Down syndrome. That's why I'm forwarding the information below; hoping you'll join us on Tuesday, January 17th for our kick-off meeting... We've even managed to get Dr. Kathleen Feeley, recognized expert in educating children with Down syndrome, to talk with us--up close and personal--about research-based best practices. I've also attached a flier with the same information and ask that you share it with everyone you know that is involved in the upbringing

and/or education of a child/children with Down syndrome. Please share it with your own support network; your friends who have children with Down syndrome; your child's educators, therapists, aides and any of their classmates who may have Down syndrome; anyone who could benefit from participating in a hands-on, local forum like this:

Methodologies, Tips,

& Challenges: Educating Children with Down Syndrome

Join

local family members, friends, teachers and therapists of children with Down

syndrome for OUR FIRST MEETING

NASSAU COUNTY DOWN SYNDROME SUPPORT

GROUP

Speaker: Dr. Kathleen Feeley

Director of LIU,

C.W. Post’s Center for Community Inclusion; Associate Professor at LIU, CW

Post; Renowned Down

syndrome Researcher and Author

* * *

Topic: Research-Based

Methodologies and Tips for Addressing Challenges in Early Intervention, Preschool,

and Elementary Education for Children with Down Syndrome

Followed by Q & A and

Networking

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

7:00 to 8:30

pm

Oceanside

Knights of Columbus

(2985 Pl, Oceanside; just west of Mc’s on corner of Atlantic & )

RSVP to and/or call Maggie Marshall-Hagan with questions at marshallhagan@... or .Presented in affiliation with the Down Syndrome Advocacy Foundation

<NCDS flyer (finl).docx>

[Guest guest]

:  Sounds like our Tori (who is 12) in a way, but she just flat out refuses to move in the mornings.  By the time I get to work, I am exhausted.  Does LIKE school?  Tori does, so the only thing I have found that works the bes (however, not always)..is that I tell her if she is not ready to go when the bus gets here, she is not going and Mommy IS NOT driving her. 

Liz

 

I am in desperate need of some help on how I handle my son, , in the morning.  He is autistic and DS.  For years we have had issues on his dressing in the morning.  He will go through as many  clothes as I make available to him.  I have tried to take all his clothes away from him except for two outfits to pick from to no avail.  The mornings are exhausting and we start off on the wrong foot right away and until the end of the week, I'm crazy.  I have taken his playstation from him, Gameboy and limited his clothes.  Time outs mean nothing to him.  What do I do?  It has been causing definite problems at home.

-- Liz DeSantis " The person who follows the crowd will usually get no further than the crowd. The one who walks alone is likely to find himself in places no one has ever been before. "

" Creativity in living is not without its attendant difficulties, for peculiarity breeds contempt. And the unfortunate thing about being ahead of your time is that when people finally realize you were right, they'll say it was obvious all along. " ---Temple Grandin

" Anyone

can give up, it's the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that's true strength. " - Reeves " Knowing trees, I understand the meaning of patience. Knowing grass, I can understand persistence. "   - Hal Borland

[Guest guest]

Sounds like Luca all over. This was not overnight learning for me, I was stubborn about how I wanted Luca to look. What took me awhile to realize for Luca is his repetition extends to his clothes. And the fact that HE had to pick his clothes, that means the texture, the color and define his style. Since Luca is not a shopper, I went out and purchased many items for him to "approve or return" I will say it took while, naturally I picked all the wrong choices, I picked what I wanted to see him wear. I wanted him in structured clothes. For him, I was wrong and everyday was a fight. His older sister has that comfortable sweat outfit style and she got the ball rolling by getting him a pair of cotton pants, with an elastic waste. Comfy and close to sweats with an over sized t shirt, and zip hoodies. So simple. Luca is small he could easily wear a S or M but he wants a Large. We built on that one outfit, got other colors (he picked). I took a lot of pictures of each color of tee, pants etc, and we worked together to make a calendar with color photo's of his clothing and made an outfit for everyday of the week. He uses that same calendar to this day, plus he has one "holiday outfit" for special occasions...Christmas, birthdays, weddings etc. He wears a full tux with a top coat, fedora and leather gloves (winter or summer!!) For 20 years now, he still only wears 2 colors of shirts, either orange or brown. I have several of each color, he wears orange 4 days a week and brown the other 3. He folds them his way and puts them back in his drawer each night, same place, same colors stacked together. He's 29 years old today and I still need to either wash his clothes when he's asleep or if I move them he follows me into the laundry room and he'll sit in front of the washer and watch his clothes in the front loader, then he'll transfer them to the dryer and wait for them to finish, fold them and put them away in the same exact place in his same dresser he's had since his clothing calendar was started some 20 yrs ago. He won't do another task til his clothes are returned to the spot they belong. The repetition, is also his security of knowing his world is in order. Over the years I learned to get his laundry done or he'd wear a dirty shirt then I'd want him to change and the royal rumble would begin.Although...3 weeks ago he informed me he now wants to have naked Mondays. Not naked just his variation of naked; only socks and undies. From tv, the dad 'Hal' in the old tv show 'Malcom in the Middle' went out in his undies and socks, Luca thought that was hilarious thus his new 'naked Monday's I said ok, then waited about an hour, then asked, is naked Monday over, it's cold. He agreed and let me dress him in his Monday outfit. Yet for 3 Mondays the day starts..."naked"Jaylene, mom to Luca 29 today!To: Sent: Friday, April 13, 2012 10:53:47 AMSubject: (unknown)

I am in desperate need of some help on how I handle my son, , in the morning. He is autistic and DS. For years we have had issues on his dressing in the morning. He will go through as many clothes as I make available to him. I have tried to take all his clothes away from him except for two outfits to pick from to no avail. The mornings are exhausting and we start off on the wrong foot right away and until the end of the week, I'm crazy. I have taken his playstation from him, Gameboy and limited his clothes. Time outs mean nothing to him. What do I do? It has been causing definite problems at home.

[Guest guest]

Thank you so much for your advice Jaylene. It seems I have tried some of your suggestions just in different ways. is sitting here with me now and I am asking him what I can do better to make it easier. They are simple questions, but to no avail do I get answers. What I am worried about is it is affecting our home life. His father and I divorced because of resentment and any relationship I get in, can not be tolerated after a while. I don't want to spend my life alone and I just tried talking to his father about taking him shopping for what may want, but he was in a bar somewhere and we were cut off. LOL Or he just doesn't want to hear it. Yes, I am venting because I don't know what else to do after almost 20

years., mother of (DS/ASD,Epilepsy..... and so on To: Sent: Friday, April 13, 2012 4:09 PM Subject: Re: (unknown)

Sounds like Luca all over. This was not overnight learning for me, I was stubborn about how I wanted Luca to look. What took me awhile to realize for Luca is his repetition extends to his clothes. And the fact that HE had to pick his clothes, that means the texture, the color and define his style. Since Luca is not a shopper, I went out and purchased many items for him to "approve or return" I will say it took while, naturally I picked all the wrong choices, I picked what I wanted to see him wear. I wanted him in structured clothes. For him, I was wrong and everyday was a fight. His older sister has that comfortable sweat outfit style and she got the ball rolling by getting him a pair of cotton pants, with an

elastic waste. Comfy and close to sweats with an over sized t shirt, and zip hoodies. So simple. Luca is small he could easily wear a S or M but he wants a Large. We built on that one outfit, got other colors (he picked). I took a lot of pictures of each color of tee, pants etc, and we worked together to make a calendar with color photo's of his clothing and made an outfit for everyday of the week. He uses that same calendar to this day, plus he has one "holiday outfit" for special occasions...Christmas, birthdays, weddings etc. He wears a full tux with a top coat, fedora and leather gloves (winter or summer!!) For 20 years now, he still only wears 2 colors of shirts, either orange or brown. I have several of each color, he wears orange 4 days a week and brown the other 3. He folds them his

way and puts them back in his drawer each night, same place, same colors stacked together. He's 29 years old today and I still need to either wash his clothes when he's asleep or if I move them he follows me into the laundry room and he'll sit in front of the washer and watch his clothes in the front loader, then he'll transfer them to the dryer and wait for them to finish, fold them and put them away in the same exact place in his same dresser he's had since his clothing calendar was started some 20 yrs ago. He won't do another task til his clothes are returned to the spot they belong. The repetition, is also his security of knowing his world is in order. Over the years I learned to get his laundry done or he'd wear a dirty shirt then I'd want him to change and the royal rumble would begin.Although...3 weeks ago he informed me he now wants to have naked Mondays. Not naked just his variation of naked; only socks and undies. From tv, the dad 'Hal' in the old tv show 'Malcom in the Middle' went out in his undies and socks, Luca thought that was hilarious thus his new 'naked Monday's I said ok, then waited about an hour, then asked, is naked Monday over, it's cold. He agreed and let me dress him in his Monday outfit. Yet for 3

Mondays the day starts..."naked"Jaylene, mom to Luca 29 today!To: Sent: Friday, April 13, 2012 10:53:47 AMSubject: (unknown)

I am in desperate need of some help on how I handle my son, , in the morning. He is autistic and DS. For years we have had issues on his dressing in the morning. He will go through as many clothes as I make available to him. I have tried to take all his clothes away from him except for two outfits to pick from to no avail. The mornings are exhausting and we start off on the wrong foot right away and until the end of the week, I'm crazy. I have taken his playstation from him, Gameboy and

limited his clothes. Time outs mean nothing to him. What do I do? It has been causing definite problems at home.

[Guest guest]

We have our daughter " pick her color " first, which limits her choices. (We have her clothes separated into clear totes that she is able to see the color through without opening them up.)

She then looks through the totes for her shirts and pants or skirts, and picks no more than 3 of her chosen color. These are put on her bed. She picks what she will wear from those choices on her bed, and then goes to get her socks, headbands, etc, (which " have to match " what she is wearing.) She lays them all out beside her on a table next to her bed.

The key is that this is done the night before, and before bath time, etc. To get her to co-operate in the bathroom, stay in bed, and keep her leg braces and CPAP on all night, she is " working for " the clothes she picked out.

If she gets up, etc, during the night, or for whatever reason, she doesn't earn her reward, I have another set of clothes that I picked, which she must wear the next day.

She doesn't like it when she has to wear what I picked, so she most often does follow the rules.

Even when she doesn't earn her reward, we talk about " next time " , and what she is working for the next time. Tantrums do sometimes occur, but not very often now.

 

I am in desperate need of some help on how I handle my son, , in the morning.  He is autistic and DS.  For years we have had issues on his dressing in the morning.  He will go through as many  clothes as I make available to him.  I have tried to take all his clothes away from him except for two outfits to pick from to no avail.  The mornings are exhausting and we start off on the wrong foot right away and until the end of the week, I'm crazy.  I have taken his playstation from him, Gameboy and limited his clothes.  Time outs mean nothing to him.  What do I do?  It has been causing definite problems at home.

[Guest guest]

Hi -

I think you need to re-frame some of this to looking at rewarding behavior you

want to see happen. In other words, rather than getting caught in the cycle of

punishment and increased punishment, reward action toward what you want.

Is the issue that once he is dressed, the clothes come off? I don't remember how

old is. If he's going to school, what happens at school? If it doesn't

happen at school, consider that it's happening because he is not engaged?

Before you read the rest, ask yourself if there is a Medical reason for his

clothes coming off. Recently when Andy's reflux was at a crisis point, I

realized his pants were a comfort issue. They tend to sag over time and then

when he sat, they dug into his stomach, which made the reflux worse. So they

came off. For a time I switched to shorts to see if that made a difference, and

it did. So I did a little tailoring of his pants (they sag because they were

just a smudge too long and he'd step on them). This has helped immensely. I see

that you've received a lot of sensory suggestions, so I'll not dive in to that.

Onward to PBIS techniques.

If so, the reward comes for either length of time the clothes are worn or

reduced number of changes in a day. Which ever is the best first step (make it a

small step, then increase).

At first the rewards are immediate. then you build in some time. For example,

reward him for keeping his cloths on for just a smudge longer than usual.

Here's your homework to do this:

1. Make a list of all the things that motivate . Big and little.

2. Make a list of techniques that work for : when are you most successful

with ? When are others most successful with ?

3. Make a list of techniques that do NOT work for . Punishment seems to be

one.

These lists help you understand how to work with and focus on what works

rather than what does NOT work. You will want to integrate what DOES work into

how you handle this situation. I encourage you to gather everyone who is

involved with and have them contribute to these lists. I find other

people's perspectives and experiences with Andy very insightful.

Create a chart that shows how well he's doing. Make it visual so he can see his

progress toward the reward. Not too much delay at first, mind you! He needs to

learn this is the new you. and the new key to good things is to do things that

are asked.

Clearly punishment is not motivating for him. This is true for most people.

You might want to check out Hodgdon's work with visual strategies and ABA

(usevisualstrategies.com) to help structure this. She also has a fee-based

membership site that appears to have a wealth of information that leads to some

" how to's. " http://www.autismfamilyonline.com/

This is highly inadequate for you,but perhaps offers some first steps. Even if

it's sensory, sometimes the lesson is to learn to tolerate the unwanted sensory

issue.

Last, if not a medical issue, then all behavior communicates. If he's not

communicating a sensory defensive issue (doesn't sound like that is the primary

issue based on the fact you can get him to wear many outfits), then ask yourself

this:

What is the the benefit to this behavior from his perspective?

What is he getting from it?

Is it possible, that he's getting YOU and your attention from it? If so, you'll

need to practice a few things:

1. Giving attention for what you WANT to see in this and other areas.

2. More meaningful engagement with you or other people he enjoys.

3. NOT reacting when he strips.

That means, not reacting emotionally or loudly. No emotion. Do not state that he

can't be naked. In fact, the less talking the better. Calmly pick up his clothes

and ask him to put them on again.

Now...before you head off to try this stuff, remember this:

Things always get messier before they get better. He has to test your resolve to

this new positive system. Do not react to the unwanted behavior in a way that is

more intense than you would for behavior you want.

And if you think it's engagement, try setting a visual timer, or a stopwatch,

and see if things go better throughout the day if you are focused on engaging

him and being in HIS moment more often.

Last, find a partner in crime if you can. I always do better when I have a

collaborator. I have two girlfriends who are my favorites for this in town. Rex

likes our energy and winds up on board with the plan because he values these

ladies too (it's not a " Joan inspired idea. " )

This is hard stuff! It's lots of work to inspire change of an unwanted behavior.

It's tiring. IT won't be perfect. life isn't perfect. But it can improve and get

much better.

Keep us posted.

Joan, Andy's Mom. He's 23 now, with DS-ASD, celiac, and has few words.

Joan Medlen

www.JoanMedlenRD.com

>

> Thank you so much for your advice Jaylene.  It seems I have tried some of

your suggestions just in different ways.   is sitting here with me now

and I am asking him what I can do better to make it easier.  They are simple

questions, but to no avail do I get answers.  What I am worried about is it is

affecting our home life.  His father and I divorced because of resentment and

any relationship I get in, can not be tolerated after a while.  I don't

want to spend my life alone and I just tried talking to his father about taking

him shopping for what may want, but he was in a bar somewhere and we were

cut off.  LOL  Or he just doesn't want to hear it.  Yes, I am venting because

I don't know what else to do after almost 20 years.

>

> , mother of (DS/ASD,Epilepsy..... and so on

>

>

>

> ________________________________

>

> To:

> Sent: Friday, April 13, 2012 4:09 PM

> Subject: Re: (unknown)

>

>

>  

> Sounds like Luca all over. This was not overnight learning for me, I was

stubborn about how I wanted Luca to look. What took me awhile to realize for

Luca is his repetition extends to his clothes. And the fact that HE had to pick

his clothes, that means the texture, the color and define his style. Since Luca

is not a shopper, I went out and purchased many items for him to " approve or

return " I will say it took while, naturally I picked all the wrong choices, I

picked what I wanted to see him wear. I wanted him in structured clothes. For

him, I was wrong and everyday was a fight. His older sister has that comfortable

sweat outfit style and she got the ball rolling by getting him a pair of cotton

pants, with an elastic waste. Comfy and close to sweats with an over sized t

shirt, and zip hoodies. So simple. Luca is small he could easily wear a S or M

but he wants a Large. We built on that one outfit, got other colors (he picked).

I took a lot of pictures of

> each color of tee, pants etc, and we worked together to make a calendar with

color photo's of his clothing and made an outfit for everyday of the week. He

uses that same calendar to this day, plus he has one " holiday outfit " for

special occasions...Christmas, birthdays, weddings etc. He wears a full tux with

a top coat, fedora and leather gloves (winter or summer!!) For 20 years now, he

still only wears 2 colors of shirts, either orange or brown. I have several of

each color, he wears orange 4 days a week and brown the other 3. He folds them

his way and puts them back in his drawer each night, same place, same colors

stacked together. He's 29 years old today and I still need to either wash his

clothes when he's asleep or if I move them he follows me into the laundry room

and he'll sit in front of the washer and watch his clothes in the front loader,

then he'll transfer them to the dryer and wait for them to finish, fold them and

put them away in the

> same exact place in his same dresser he's had since his clothing calendar was

started some 20 yrs ago. He won't do another task til his clothes are returned

to the spot they belong. The repetition, is also his security of knowing his

world is in order. Over the years I learned to get his laundry done or he'd wear

a dirty shirt then I'd want him to change and the royal rumble would begin.

>

> Although...3 weeks ago he informed me he now wants to have naked Mondays. Not

naked just his variation of naked; only socks and undies. From tv, the dad 'Hal'

in the old tv show 'Malcom in the Middle' went out in his undies and socks, Luca

thought that was hilarious thus his new 'naked Monday's  I said ok, then waited

about an hour, then asked, is naked Monday over, it's cold. He agreed and let me

dress him in his Monday outfit. Yet for 3 Mondays the day starts... " naked "

>

> Jaylene, mom to Luca 29 today!

> ________________________________

>

> To:

> Sent: Friday, April 13, 2012 10:53:47 AM

> Subject: (unknown)

>

>  

> I am in desperate need of some help on how I handle my son, , in the

morning.  He is autistic and DS.  For years we have had issues on his dressing

in the morning.  He will go through as many  clothes as I make available to

him.  I have tried to take all his clothes away from him except for two outfits

to pick from to no avail.  The mornings are exhausting and we start off on the

wrong foot right away and until the end of the week, I'm crazy.  I have taken

his playstation from him, Gameboy and limited his clothes.  Time outs mean

nothing to him.  What do I do?  It has been causing definite problems at home.

>

[Guest guest]

I love Naked Monday!  LOL.  I love that you didnt argue just said okay, but then asked if it was over.   , one thing that works with our Jake (just turned 13 on Saturday) is that I started getting his clothes, pants, shirt, socks and laying them out on the floor.  I then lock the closet and leave the room.  Not sure if can dress himself.  Jake does so that makes it easier.  On the weekends IF he should put his clothes on backwards, I dont correct until we have to leave the house for something.  One a school day, I correct.  I also stick with the schedule that he doesnt get his breakfast or Ipad until he gets dressed.  This has changed over the year since now he doesnt fight getting dressed.  In the beginning I would peak back in to see if he was getting dressed but I did my best not to prompt him vey many times.  I gave him time to process and get the job done.  His time, not mine.  I know this is hard when you have the bus coming, etc.  There have been plenty of times we didnt make the bus.  That doesnt happen as much now. 

 We just went through a behavior intervention plan meeting with our state and school and it really helped me see some of the things I might be doing to increase his behavior.  Mine is specific to him not wanting to get on the bus.  ONLY FOR ME. Everyone else he gets right on.  I give him too much attention for it.  The planner told me to prompt, set a timer, come back, ask if he is ready, set a time, come back, promt, etc.  In 5 minute intervals (we decided 2 was better because Jake would get into a mess a trouble in 5).  But you see my point, right?  Prompt, give him time to process and attempt to start....then you can start the praise,etc to get the motivation to do it. 

 Hope that makes sens.  Mornings are such a treat, right?Hugs!Holly

[Guest guest]

We just went through a behavior intervention plan meeting with our state and school and it really helped me see some of the things I might be doing to increase his behavior.  Mine is specific to him not wanting to get on the bus.  ONLY FOR ME. Everyone else he gets right on.  I give him too much attention for it.  The planner told me to prompt, set a timer, come back, ask if he is ready, set a time, come back, promt, etc.  In 5 minute intervals (we decided 2 was better because Jake would get into a mess a trouble in 5).  But you see my point, right?  Prompt, give him time to process and attempt to start....then you can start the praise,etc to get the motivation to do it. 

Holly - absolutely!Most of the things that we struggle with ARE about that, aren't they? Attention - need to engage people - does not always mean it's when you're happy. But if that's how they gain your attention, that's what they do - we all do. The attention to focus on is the praise! Nice example.

Hard to change - and it's why I say that change often means a bigger mess (they have to make sure you still won't offer attention) before it gets better.Joan