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Re: Re: Re:husbands

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I thought about this when I answered, ...really! But her comment was

about her husband and that's who I have experience with.

I know another family where the husband is the one who is more involved in

the child's care related to the disability---and believe me, he feels the

same way I do with gender reversed. He was the first person I really could

open up to about such things...it was refreshing to talk about it with the

gender issue removed. We just talked about actions and responses---not

about husbands and wives. It kept it from becoming too stereotypical.

It's tough no matter who does what. I'm just thankful one person does

something in all the areas! Rex has the job with benefits....I finally

found a job that accomodates my need to be overly involved with Andy. The

graveyard thing was the pits, though.

j

At 12:24 AM 1/25/01 +0100, you wrote:

>Male coming in,

> *I* think you are all sexists !! :-) It's the CAREGIVER, who

>always notices things and knows how to treat the child and what works

>with them. I know that in our case with Ignacio I was the first one

>to notice his ASD, as I was/am the one with him the most, as his mother

>in our case *(someone) has to pay the bills right?* as said quite

>correctly !!! The main advantage that women have over men in this

>aspect is their highly developed sense of intuition *honed* over many

>years of practice since their childhood !!! :-):-)

>

>

>

> http://www.onelist.com/community/

>

>

>

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,

You are absolutely right.

Mom to 11

--- Carmen Gomez Galan wrote:

> Male coming in,

> *I* think you are all sexists !! :-) It's

> the CAREGIVER, who

> always notices things and knows how to treat the

> child and what works

> with them. I know that in our case with Ignacio I

> was the first one

> to notice his ASD, as I was/am the one with him the

> most, as his mother

> in our case *(someone) has to pay the bills right?*

> as said quite

> correctly !!! The main advantage that women have

> over men in this

> aspect is their highly developed sense of intuition

> *honed* over many

> years of practice since their childhood !!! :-):-)

>

>

>

__________________________________________________

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In a message dated 1/24/01 6:45:16 PM Eastern Standard Time,

carmabo@... writes:

<< Male coming in,

*I* think you are all sexists !! :-) It's the CAREGIVER, who

always notices things and knows how to treat the child and what works

with them. I know that in our case with Ignacio I was the first one

to notice his ASD, as I was/am the one with him the most, as his mother

in our case *(someone) has to pay the bills right?* as said quite

correctly !!! The main advantage that women have over men in this

aspect is their highly developed sense of intuition *honed* over many

years of practice since their childhood !!! :-):-)

>>

Yikes!!! Sorry if all this sounded like male-bashing . I think it

started with (oh gosh....you don't sign your name...:) having a real problem

with her hubby. You are right; typically it IS the caregiver who *gets it*

regarding our kids with ASD. However, I'm like CK. Duff is a hands on Dad.

He doesn't have a whole lot of choice; we've got five kids and we're

extremely busy. Unless someone clones me, he's gotta kick in.

I am a stay at home Mom, so it only makes sense that the brunt of it falls on

me. That's the deal. And for a long time, Duff couldn't connect with

Maddie because first she was nursing 24/7, then onset of autism and she

wanted no parts of anybody. Yes, it was me who recognized the autism first,

but Duff and I have always been on the same page; even if we don't always

agree, we agree to be on the same page with our kids. Sometimes I have to

give in, sometimes he does. Maddie has grown so much in the last two years,

and one of the wonderful things that have come out of that is her

relationship with her Dad. The other day, they were both lying in our bed

and Duff leaned in and kissed her and said.. " My Buddy " . It's like she knew

what he said. She reached up and hugged him. Almost made me cry.

We all work so hard on communication with our kids and we get so caught up in

just living. But communication is just as essential in our relationships

with our spouses. Even more than average couples, because of what we have to

deal with. Duff and I agreed 21 years ago when we got married, that the

best gift we could give to our children is the example of a solid

relationship. I believe that by nurturing our relationship with each other,

we teach our kids how to develop their own sound relationships.

Besides, this makes for a good excuse to get wined and dined by your

spouse....:)

Donna

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In a message dated 1/24/01 7:03:39 PM Eastern Standard Time,

jmedlen@... writes:

<< The

graveyard thing was the pits, though.

j

>>

God, I bet Joan. Ten years ago, Duff went back to school full time for his

MBA and we all packed up and moved to Boston. It was exciting, scary,

terrifying, but mostly incredibly hard. Essentially, I was a single parent

for two years. This was all pre-Maddie and pre-Allie; or else I probably

would have been put in a straight jacket.

Donna

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In a message dated 1/24/01 11:03:39 PM Eastern Standard Time,

smilinggail@... writes:

<<

OOPS!!!!! You're right . It just happens to be the Mom that is usually

the main care giver. LOL I must say, I have met a few men lately that

are

the main care givers and are doing a better job than some women I know.

Gosh, some of them cook and clean better too! LOL Now, why wasn't I

looking

for a man like that when I got married? LOL

Gail-who is teaching her daughters what is really important in finding a

mate! LOL >>

LOL Gail. My SIL has two children and a hubby who is more the caregiver in

some respects than her. When my nephew was little, the joke in the family

was that had two mothers.

Donna

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In a message dated 1/25/01 8:43:36 AM Eastern Standard Time, duffey48@...

writes:

<< LOL Gail. My SIL has two children and a hubby who is more the caregiver

in

some respects than her. When my nephew was little, the joke in the family

was that had two mothers.

Donna

>>

Donna,

I believe the same percentage of men and women are born with the natural

instinct to care for their children. I also believe that a larger percentage

of men don't want that responsibility! LOL Too tough for most men! LOL I

have noticed though, that the men I have seen that are the care givers, they

do a really great job at it. :-) I guess it's like anything else, it

depends on if you WANT to do it or not. I am a firm believer in that you can

learn to do anything, maybe not be the best in the world, but you can learn.

But, you will only be good at the things you really enjoy working at to be

good at. My husband has mastered the art of nap taking! LOL He works

really hard at it and enjoys it. LOL I, on the other hand, don't enjoy

trying to get him up, but I am working at it and learning how! LOL Okay,

enough husband bashing for today...sorry ! LOL It's just that all

husbands are not like you when it comes to the care of their kids. We are a

young nation just learning, remember? LOL

Gail-off to be the care giver to the kitchen floor, AGAIN!!!

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In a message dated 1/25/01 10:59:22 AM Eastern Standard Time,

smilinggail@... writes:

<< But, you will only be good at the things you really enjoy working at to be

good at. My husband has mastered the art of nap taking! LOL He works

really hard at it and enjoys it. >>

ROTFLOL Gail!!!! My SIL is real good at that too. Another family joke is

" where's Eileen " . The answer... " Horizontal " . LOL

Donna

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In a message dated 1/25/01 12:32:35 PM Eastern Standard Time,

jmedlen@... writes:

<< mcdonalds.... >>

LOL Joan. Of course, I forgot. You simply MUST factor in Mcs.

Donna

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probably around $500 by now.

My insurance covered some of it after I paid a bunch in deductible. We saw

more than Dr. Capone...slp, AAC, psych, OT, behaviorist....mcdonalds....

At 10:10 AM 1/25/01 -0500, you wrote:

>What does an evaluation or dx form Dr. Capone cost. does ins. cover any

>of this?--

>

>

> http://www.onelist.com/community/

>

>

>

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