Answers to questions about Ian

[Guest guest]

Hi, and thank you for your warm words and wishes, both on the list and

backchannel.

Ian did not *have* to leave Pathfinder Village. He graduated from the

school component there, and could have stayed as a lifelong resident. They

would have found him a job in the community and continued working with him,

and I would have *loved* that. But there were two reasons he left: first,

because he wanted to be closer to us, and second, because we wanted to be

closer to him. Pathfinder is a 3-hour drive from our door to his. I was

making the drive every 3-4 weeks either to spend a day with him or bring him

home for a visit, and it was exhausting. He had wanted to move back here

for several years, and we kept putting him off by reminding him that he had

to graduate first. Then he graduated, and the day he graduated, he was on

the road back here. We spent so much time and effort making sure he knew

that he belonged here after graduation so he wouldn't obsess about going

back to Pathfinder that once we decided it might be better to have him back

there, he wouldn't go because he had already graduated.

As for cost, I have no idea because as a student, his costs were paid for by

our school district and the state. I know that it's very expensive. We

were told at the beginning that sometimes grandparents (presumably wealthy

ones) set up trust funds that will cover the expenses . There are

" scholarships " and we might have been able to get one; there is no way we

could afford to pay for him to live there. We're talking about $40000/year,

if I remember correctly, although that was 10 years ago so it might have

increased by now.

My husband and I have guardianship rights, and we could pull him out of CDS

if we wanted to, but we're limited as to what to do with him then. Other

agencies have huge waiting lists -- we were lucky that at the right time,

CDS was opening this new house and Ian could just slide right in -- and home

is not an option because my husband and I both work and Ian really does need

24/7 attention. That was one of the reasons we had him go to Pathfinder

Village in the first place -- we were exhausted from no sleep. At least

with an agency, there are 8 hour shifts; here, we were going continuously.

Having him here for breaks and holidays was exhausting enough; we just

couldn't have him live here, or even come to visit every week. We'd never

do anything else but watch him. I'm sure you all know what that's like.

But if I could bring him home, I would.

Every time I walk into his residence, my stomach churns and I get a

headache. I just hate what they're doing to him there, or what they're not

doing *for* him. Ian has picked up my concerns, of course, and when I ask

him what he is going to do today, he says, " I'm going to sit in my room all

day long. " Clever boy. You know, there was a Christmas party when his

house manager brought her 18 month old son along, and Ian had more

interaction with this toddler than he does with any of the other residents.

Okay, enough from me. CK