Re: Angry phase .....Hi Tracie in Maine/for Ebony

October 23, 2005

Hi Ebony,

Thanks so much for your support in the anger issue. I feel so much

better just since getting all these responses and not so much like a

freak. I have to say that venting some of my anger has been good.

I also have taken some action. For example, I had my son dig up my

flower beds on his hands and knees this weekend just so I would no

longer have to look at something I could no longer take care of.

They had those plastic trim work thingys and then I would fill them

when I was well with my annuals. This year they were all weeds. So

by having him dig up the edging, my hubby can mow right over it and

I don't have to constantly be reminded of one more thing I cannot do

everytime I walk in the house. It made me feel liberated to watch

it disappear actually. It was causing me pain and much anger to

look at it and I Was tired of asking people to weed it for me when

they did not want to. I used to enjoy it sooo much. I still have

some beautiful perennials in the yard that I don't have to tend to

so I can look at those next summer.

The feedback has been awesome. My hubby actually washed my windows

outside this weekend on a stepladder, can you believe it? How

awesome was that? NO, I did not have to ask. He just did it. That

was very nice. I get sick of asking. Everyone knows I cannot climb

a ladder and do it.

I totally get what you mean about your cousin whining about losing

40 lbs. HELLO! Unucurable disease here vs weight loss, hmmmmmm,

DUH! Honestly, I get mad at stuff like that. I know they are just

ignorant of our disease, but still it makes me mad. I get that all

the time so I don't bother telling people what is wrong with me

anymore because the minute you say you have arthritis they have it

too, of course, it is probably osteoarthritis and I know that can be

painful, but come on don't compare please; it drives me nuts. My

favorite response is " take some ibuprofen or Aleve " . My dad said

that one, nice huh?

Well, again, thanks so much for understanding and anytime you need

to vent to me, by all means, go for it. This group is awesome. I

know my anger will come and go, but this time around I think it was

actually helpful. Got some stuff off my chest so to speak.

Take care,

Tracie

>

> Hi Tracie in Maine,

>

> Healing and hugs to you.

>

> I know oh too well what you are feeling. I wish I could say

> something to make it better. However, I do hold on to the hope of

a

> very long-term remission and is the reason I try to keep the body

as

> healthy as possible to set up an environment for spontaneous

> remission. It happens. So hold out hope for one day going in a

very

> long-term remission.

>

> In the meantime, you have me to vent to and to the board here. It

> has been 10 years and I am sad to say the anger comes and goes

with

> the RA, but the doc is right in that it is a grieving process. I

do

> still dream of one day being healthy and miss my old self

terribly.

> I was so very proud of my strength and healthy body and that I was

> taking good care of myself to maintain my health. Very shocked

when

> I got sick and stayed that way. And stayed in denial for a long

time.

>

> I would love to have a clean house, so I can relate to a lot of

the

> responses you got. I do try to do a little at a time but I look

at

> my baseboards in horror and marks on the walls from when the

stepson

> lived here and felt the need to play basketball against every wall

in

> the house even though he had a place in the driveway for that. I

can

> go on and on about things in the house I wish I had the strength

to

> clean. Otherwise, they would never get cleaned. I can no longer

get

> on my knees to do anything including garden. I just do the best I

> can, a little everyday. On top of that I have a very messy

husband

> who will help with cleaning but only after it looks so bad and

there

> are no clean dishes in the house to eat off of. I prefer more to

> maintain things before they get out of hand. Naturally we would

have

> 2 different styles of cleaning. I too am really tired of saying

well

> I would do if I didn't have such a flare. They just don't get

it.

> Their brains can't understand how a person can have chronic severe

> pain. It does not compute. It doesn't to me either but I have no

> choice but to deal with it because it is in my body. My husband

aslo

> dislikes his work but doing things to switch departments. The

> spouses get tired of the disease as we do. It would be nice if

RAers

> chose their challenge and could switch illnesses like you said in

you

> message. No we don't get to do that, unfortunatley. Lately I have

> been getting upset with my cousin who hasn't a clue about RA and

> struggles to lose 40 pounds. I told her I wish my only worry was

to

> lose 40 pounds because once you lose it, you just have to maintain

> it. You can still go on to live a healthy productive life, run

for

> office, run a coffe shop, paint, sing, dance, etc. whatever your

> little heart disires. She says well I guess we all have

something.

> Whatever. I know I am just being snotty because I am tired of the

> pain, but losing weight just doesn't seem to compare to facing

this

> level of pain daily that we have to face. Ooops I have written a

> novel, haven't I. I better go. You are going to have your anger

> days. It's okay, just try not to stay there and turn bitter if

you

> can help it. I do remind myself things can always be worse. I

know

> it doesn't seem that way but thing really can always be much much

> worse. You don't even want to take your mind there where things

can

> be worse. Also try to stay hopeful and I will stay hopeful for

you.

> One day you can go into remission. It can happen.

>

> Blessings and healing.

> Ebony in Atlanta

>

October 23, 2005