Guest guest Posted October 21, 2005 Report Share Posted October 21, 2005 Oh Tracie, I'm really sorry you're going through this. It just isn't fair the way this disease robs us of the simple pleasures in life. What you're going through is totally normal and you may go through this more than one. I often get angry about what life has dealt me, and wonder why they can send a man to the moon but can't cure this disease. Just know you aren't alone. It's ok to grieve for what is lost. You wouldn't be normal if you didn't grieve. But don't give up hope. Don't stop believing that there will be a cure in our future. If you loose hope, you will always be angry because you won't think things can change, but they can change. Countless members have found treatments that gave them a better quality of life. Life may be different, but that doesn't mean it has to be bad. Just because your doctors feel you should be on disability, it doesn't mean your disease will progress to something devastating. It means that working will just make your quality of life worse and right now they want to ease your burdens so you can get more rest and less stress. It doesn't mean you'll never work again. You may find something that helps and be able to work again one day even if it's just part time. I'm not sure what your primary doctor has to do with your rheumatologist. I have both and my primary has nothing to do with what my rheumy orders. Why should a primary doctor be able to have a say in what treatment your rheumy prescribes? Walking is brutal for me too and I could never do that for exercise. But I can ride a stationary bike, use an elliptical crosstrainer, swim, stretch, and do other joint safe exercises. We each need to find what works for us. Going to physical therapy was a big help for me. The showed me what I can do and how to do it. You are far from the first to get angry. I can bet every member here has been where you are. Please just don't stay there to long. If you find yourself angry for to long, I hope you will talk to your doctor about counseling. Grief and anger just make our disease worse and can cause other health problems. (((((((((((((((((((((gentle hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))) a On Oct 21, 2005, at 10:37 AM, tracierae143 wrote: > Hi everyone, > > I know I have not posted in awhile, but I do read as often as I > can. I have reached the I am really angry stage of my disease. I > assume this is a normal transition now that I have been diagnosed > officially with RA for a year or am I a freak? It has finally sunk > in that I am disabled probably for the rest of my life as every > doctor I see agrees with the disability decision. I am angry > because my hubby is unhappy with his job, but he can do something > about that, like look for another one. Yes, it could take a year or > more for him to find something he likes, but I don't get to switch > diseases or reapply for a different one because I don't like this > one. I get really angry lately about the whole mess. I am sick of > running to doctors, sick of meds, sick of not being able to do the > things I want. This last doctor at this pain clinic told me I would > not be able to walk for exercise as it would be much to hard on my > joints, etc., etc., like I did not know that already since I have > trouble walking through the grocery store and I have handicap plates > just so I can go in and out of the grocery store. Also, I am still > going around and around about my pain management. I now have my > rheumy on my side who agrees that I need long-term chronic pain > medication, but he has to have approval because of my insurance from > my primary care physician who " does not believe in that " . Excuse me > for not falling into the normal range of your patients. I would > love to switch places with him someday. I am sure my rheumy will > get it all straightened out as he has vowed to, but I cannot believe > I am still fighting to just have a semi decent quality of life. You > know where you get up and get dressed and maybe walk around the > house a little and talk to your kids. I am just disgusted with the > whole thing and very ANGRY as I seem to keep saying. I cannot hold > all of this anger in because I am going to scream if I don't let it > out, but I just want to know if this is normal. The doctor said > something about going through the stages of grief and that is what I > was doing???? Because I have lost my way of life, my job and you > know what I miss the most - DANCING, yep, DANCING. My feet are > horrid though. Well, thanks for letting me vent and any thoughts > would be greatly appreciated. I cannot imagine I am the first > person to get angry, but you never know. > > Angry in Maine > > Tracie > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 21, 2005 Report Share Posted October 21, 2005 Oh Tracie, I'm really sorry you're going through this. It just isn't fair the way this disease robs us of the simple pleasures in life. What you're going through is totally normal and you may go through this more than one. I often get angry about what life has dealt me, and wonder why they can send a man to the moon but can't cure this disease. Just know you aren't alone. It's ok to grieve for what is lost. You wouldn't be normal if you didn't grieve. But don't give up hope. Don't stop believing that there will be a cure in our future. If you loose hope, you will always be angry because you won't think things can change, but they can change. Countless members have found treatments that gave them a better quality of life. Life may be different, but that doesn't mean it has to be bad. Just because your doctors feel you should be on disability, it doesn't mean your disease will progress to something devastating. It means that working will just make your quality of life worse and right now they want to ease your burdens so you can get more rest and less stress. It doesn't mean you'll never work again. You may find something that helps and be able to work again one day even if it's just part time. I'm not sure what your primary doctor has to do with your rheumatologist. I have both and my primary has nothing to do with what my rheumy orders. Why should a primary doctor be able to have a say in what treatment your rheumy prescribes? Walking is brutal for me too and I could never do that for exercise. But I can ride a stationary bike, use an elliptical crosstrainer, swim, stretch, and do other joint safe exercises. We each need to find what works for us. Going to physical therapy was a big help for me. The showed me what I can do and how to do it. You are far from the first to get angry. I can bet every member here has been where you are. Please just don't stay there to long. If you find yourself angry for to long, I hope you will talk to your doctor about counseling. Grief and anger just make our disease worse and can cause other health problems. (((((((((((((((((((((gentle hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))) a On Oct 21, 2005, at 10:37 AM, tracierae143 wrote: > Hi everyone, > > I know I have not posted in awhile, but I do read as often as I > can. I have reached the I am really angry stage of my disease. I > assume this is a normal transition now that I have been diagnosed > officially with RA for a year or am I a freak? It has finally sunk > in that I am disabled probably for the rest of my life as every > doctor I see agrees with the disability decision. I am angry > because my hubby is unhappy with his job, but he can do something > about that, like look for another one. Yes, it could take a year or > more for him to find something he likes, but I don't get to switch > diseases or reapply for a different one because I don't like this > one. I get really angry lately about the whole mess. I am sick of > running to doctors, sick of meds, sick of not being able to do the > things I want. This last doctor at this pain clinic told me I would > not be able to walk for exercise as it would be much to hard on my > joints, etc., etc., like I did not know that already since I have > trouble walking through the grocery store and I have handicap plates > just so I can go in and out of the grocery store. Also, I am still > going around and around about my pain management. I now have my > rheumy on my side who agrees that I need long-term chronic pain > medication, but he has to have approval because of my insurance from > my primary care physician who " does not believe in that " . Excuse me > for not falling into the normal range of your patients. I would > love to switch places with him someday. I am sure my rheumy will > get it all straightened out as he has vowed to, but I cannot believe > I am still fighting to just have a semi decent quality of life. You > know where you get up and get dressed and maybe walk around the > house a little and talk to your kids. I am just disgusted with the > whole thing and very ANGRY as I seem to keep saying. I cannot hold > all of this anger in because I am going to scream if I don't let it > out, but I just want to know if this is normal. The doctor said > something about going through the stages of grief and that is what I > was doing???? Because I have lost my way of life, my job and you > know what I miss the most - DANCING, yep, DANCING. My feet are > horrid though. Well, thanks for letting me vent and any thoughts > would be greatly appreciated. I cannot imagine I am the first > person to get angry, but you never know. > > Angry in Maine > > Tracie > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 21, 2005 Report Share Posted October 21, 2005 a, Thank you so much for the kind words and understanding. I thought I was crazy to be angry. I have not given up hope and I still laugh and have fun with the kids, but I just get so mad at the stuff I cannot do sometimes, ugh. My doctor says it is because of my insurance. They won't approve if my primary does not or some darn thing like that. I am sure we will work that out, but it has just added to my frustration level. Bless all of you for being so good to me. I will NEVER give up hope! Hugs, Tracie > > > Hi everyone, > > > > I know I have not posted in awhile, but I do read as often as I > > can. I have reached the I am really angry stage of my disease. I > > assume this is a normal transition now that I have been diagnosed > > officially with RA for a year or am I a freak? It has finally sunk > > in that I am disabled probably for the rest of my life as every > > doctor I see agrees with the disability decision. I am angry > > because my hubby is unhappy with his job, but he can do something > > about that, like look for another one. Yes, it could take a year or > > more for him to find something he likes, but I don't get to switch > > diseases or reapply for a different one because I don't like this > > one. I get really angry lately about the whole mess. I am sick of > > running to doctors, sick of meds, sick of not being able to do the > > things I want. This last doctor at this pain clinic told me I would > > not be able to walk for exercise as it would be much to hard on my > > joints, etc., etc., like I did not know that already since I have > > trouble walking through the grocery store and I have handicap plates > > just so I can go in and out of the grocery store. Also, I am still > > going around and around about my pain management. I now have my > > rheumy on my side who agrees that I need long-term chronic pain > > medication, but he has to have approval because of my insurance from > > my primary care physician who " does not believe in that " . Excuse me > > for not falling into the normal range of your patients. I would > > love to switch places with him someday. I am sure my rheumy will > > get it all straightened out as he has vowed to, but I cannot believe > > I am still fighting to just have a semi decent quality of life. You > > know where you get up and get dressed and maybe walk around the > > house a little and talk to your kids. I am just disgusted with the > > whole thing and very ANGRY as I seem to keep saying. I cannot hold > > all of this anger in because I am going to scream if I don't let it > > out, but I just want to know if this is normal. The doctor said > > something about going through the stages of grief and that is what I > > was doing???? Because I have lost my way of life, my job and you > > know what I miss the most - DANCING, yep, DANCING. My feet are > > horrid though. Well, thanks for letting me vent and any thoughts > > would be greatly appreciated. I cannot imagine I am the first > > person to get angry, but you never know. > > > > Angry in Maine > > > > Tracie > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 21, 2005 Report Share Posted October 21, 2005 a, Thank you so much for the kind words and understanding. I thought I was crazy to be angry. I have not given up hope and I still laugh and have fun with the kids, but I just get so mad at the stuff I cannot do sometimes, ugh. My doctor says it is because of my insurance. They won't approve if my primary does not or some darn thing like that. I am sure we will work that out, but it has just added to my frustration level. Bless all of you for being so good to me. I will NEVER give up hope! Hugs, Tracie > > > Hi everyone, > > > > I know I have not posted in awhile, but I do read as often as I > > can. I have reached the I am really angry stage of my disease. I > > assume this is a normal transition now that I have been diagnosed > > officially with RA for a year or am I a freak? It has finally sunk > > in that I am disabled probably for the rest of my life as every > > doctor I see agrees with the disability decision. I am angry > > because my hubby is unhappy with his job, but he can do something > > about that, like look for another one. Yes, it could take a year or > > more for him to find something he likes, but I don't get to switch > > diseases or reapply for a different one because I don't like this > > one. I get really angry lately about the whole mess. I am sick of > > running to doctors, sick of meds, sick of not being able to do the > > things I want. This last doctor at this pain clinic told me I would > > not be able to walk for exercise as it would be much to hard on my > > joints, etc., etc., like I did not know that already since I have > > trouble walking through the grocery store and I have handicap plates > > just so I can go in and out of the grocery store. Also, I am still > > going around and around about my pain management. I now have my > > rheumy on my side who agrees that I need long-term chronic pain > > medication, but he has to have approval because of my insurance from > > my primary care physician who " does not believe in that " . Excuse me > > for not falling into the normal range of your patients. I would > > love to switch places with him someday. I am sure my rheumy will > > get it all straightened out as he has vowed to, but I cannot believe > > I am still fighting to just have a semi decent quality of life. You > > know where you get up and get dressed and maybe walk around the > > house a little and talk to your kids. I am just disgusted with the > > whole thing and very ANGRY as I seem to keep saying. I cannot hold > > all of this anger in because I am going to scream if I don't let it > > out, but I just want to know if this is normal. The doctor said > > something about going through the stages of grief and that is what I > > was doing???? Because I have lost my way of life, my job and you > > know what I miss the most - DANCING, yep, DANCING. My feet are > > horrid though. Well, thanks for letting me vent and any thoughts > > would be greatly appreciated. I cannot imagine I am the first > > person to get angry, but you never know. > > > > Angry in Maine > > > > Tracie > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 21, 2005 Report Share Posted October 21, 2005 HI Tracie, Sorry you are going through such a rough phase right now, but believe me, being angry is the BEST thing you can do! It is better than quiet acceptance, because it motivates you to do whatever you can to make your life better, whether it is reading, sharing on this board, talking to your rheumy (sounds like your primary is a jerk!) or what. When I first found out I had Dercum's, I was (and still am!) mad because there is so little treatment, no research, and of course, no cure yet. But I refuse to give in or give up, no matter how bad it gets. Wednesday I let my little grandson rake leaves and cover me up, so I was still outside when it was nice, just not working as hard as I used to. You'll find your personal tolerance level, and with proper medication, as a says, you will get some relief. You might even find a whole new person inside you, with new and exciting things to do and see and learn. Life is definitely not over yet! Take care, Judi Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 21, 2005 Report Share Posted October 21, 2005 HI Tracie, Sorry you are going through such a rough phase right now, but believe me, being angry is the BEST thing you can do! It is better than quiet acceptance, because it motivates you to do whatever you can to make your life better, whether it is reading, sharing on this board, talking to your rheumy (sounds like your primary is a jerk!) or what. When I first found out I had Dercum's, I was (and still am!) mad because there is so little treatment, no research, and of course, no cure yet. But I refuse to give in or give up, no matter how bad it gets. Wednesday I let my little grandson rake leaves and cover me up, so I was still outside when it was nice, just not working as hard as I used to. You'll find your personal tolerance level, and with proper medication, as a says, you will get some relief. You might even find a whole new person inside you, with new and exciting things to do and see and learn. Life is definitely not over yet! Take care, Judi Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 22, 2005 Report Share Posted October 22, 2005 In a message dated 10/22/2005 8:14:00 A.M. Eastern Daylight Time, Tracie writes: Angry phase of my RA Hi Tracie ... I have read the wisdom of what others have so eloquently written so I will not repeat. Just know that, you are not alone in your anger and your honesty is very much appreciated. I think we do ourselves and this community a diservice if we cannot be honest about those things that are difficult to look at. Please know that you are and will remain in my prayers, as are the others on this fine list. Love and Prayers, Beth Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 22, 2005 Report Share Posted October 22, 2005 In a message dated 10/22/2005 8:14:00 A.M. Eastern Daylight Time, Tracie writes: Angry phase of my RA Hi Tracie ... I have read the wisdom of what others have so eloquently written so I will not repeat. Just know that, you are not alone in your anger and your honesty is very much appreciated. I think we do ourselves and this community a diservice if we cannot be honest about those things that are difficult to look at. Please know that you are and will remain in my prayers, as are the others on this fine list. Love and Prayers, Beth Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 22, 2005 Report Share Posted October 22, 2005 Tracie: You have every right to feel angry. You didn't ask to have RA, it's just one of those unwanted diseases that targets us for some unknown reason. I know there are genetic reasons for some, but for others who have no family history, it's frustrating. Sometimes we wonder if there's something that WE did to ourselves to bring it on. I've been through an angry phase, and I'm sure it will happen again. I just know that I have to try and keep my emotions in check, but worrying about this disease only makes it worse for me in the form of a flare. I think what's triggered your upset could have a lot to do with the medical care, or lack thereof - that you've been receiving. Any doc that isn't willing to make every effort to get a person with RA pain under control, is totally uncaring. The pain is real, and it hurts us not only physically, but financially, emotionally and socially. I wish there was a way to transfer the pain temporarily to those in the medical field who work with RA patients. Just give them a day or two of life with RA. It would be similar to people who work with the blind trying to get by for a few hours blindfolded and on their own. It's difficult, but it allows people the insight needed in order to care for and treat patients that live with this disease. I know you're tired and I know that emotionally you're not really feeling strong enough to take on more stuff right now. Whatever it takes, make your mission in life to take care of yourself first. Advocate, educate and stand up for what's right for you. I know you've been doing the best you can, but try and get some help from your local chapter of the Arthritis Society. They may have a local volunteer or social worker that could go with you to doctor's appointments to help advocate on your behalf. I know that I sometimes get overwhelmed when I am at my Rheumy's or my doc's office. I forget why I am really there and don't always ask for what I need. Having someone there will be of a benefit to you. You're not going to feel like you're fighting this battle on your own. I am going to mention something I have said before to you. Please, nobody take offense, it's just an honest opinion on how I feel. There are times where I wish I didn't have RA. The pain is so chronic and I, like many of you here, I haven't had much success getting it under control. I get sick at the thought of living my life like this for another 30 - 40 plus years. The only thing that keeps me going most days are the wonderful people and friends I've met here. The other thing is the hope I have that one day there might be a cure for RA. Even if there isn't a cure, there might be a med that's created to control it better for those of us who've tried many drug combos and been unsuccessful so far. This is what keeps me going. Tracie, you're a wonderful friend, Mom, wife and person. I know it seems very discouraging right now, but hang in there. I know that things will get better. The cloud will lift and life will seem " normal " again. Take care, > > Hi everyone, > > I know I have not posted in awhile, but I do read as often as I > can. I have reached the I am really angry stage of my disease. I > assume this is a normal transition now that I have been diagnosed > officially with RA for a year or am I a freak? It has finally sunk > in that I am disabled probably for the rest of my life as every > doctor I see agrees with the disability decision. I am angry > because my hubby is unhappy with his job, but he can do something > about that, like look for another one. Yes, it could take a year or > more for him to find something he likes, but I don't get to switch > diseases or reapply for a different one because I don't like this > one. I get really angry lately about the whole mess. I am sick of > running to doctors, sick of meds, sick of not being able to do the > things I want. This last doctor at this pain clinic told me I would > not be able to walk for exercise as it would be much to hard on my > joints, etc., etc., like I did not know that already since I have > trouble walking through the grocery store and I have handicap plates > just so I can go in and out of the grocery store. Also, I am still > going around and around about my pain management. I now have my > rheumy on my side who agrees that I need long-term chronic pain > medication, but he has to have approval because of my insurance from > my primary care physician who " does not believe in that " . Excuse me > for not falling into the normal range of your patients. I would > love to switch places with him someday. I am sure my rheumy will > get it all straightened out as he has vowed to, but I cannot believe > I am still fighting to just have a semi decent quality of life. You > know where you get up and get dressed and maybe walk around the > house a little and talk to your kids. I am just disgusted with the > whole thing and very ANGRY as I seem to keep saying. I cannot hold > all of this anger in because I am going to scream if I don't let it > out, but I just want to know if this is normal. The doctor said > something about going through the stages of grief and that is what I > was doing???? Because I have lost my way of life, my job and you > know what I miss the most - DANCING, yep, DANCING. My feet are > horrid though. Well, thanks for letting me vent and any thoughts > would be greatly appreciated. I cannot imagine I am the first > person to get angry, but you never know. > > Angry in Maine > > Tracie > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 22, 2005 Report Share Posted October 22, 2005 Tracie: You have every right to feel angry. You didn't ask to have RA, it's just one of those unwanted diseases that targets us for some unknown reason. I know there are genetic reasons for some, but for others who have no family history, it's frustrating. Sometimes we wonder if there's something that WE did to ourselves to bring it on. I've been through an angry phase, and I'm sure it will happen again. I just know that I have to try and keep my emotions in check, but worrying about this disease only makes it worse for me in the form of a flare. I think what's triggered your upset could have a lot to do with the medical care, or lack thereof - that you've been receiving. Any doc that isn't willing to make every effort to get a person with RA pain under control, is totally uncaring. The pain is real, and it hurts us not only physically, but financially, emotionally and socially. I wish there was a way to transfer the pain temporarily to those in the medical field who work with RA patients. Just give them a day or two of life with RA. It would be similar to people who work with the blind trying to get by for a few hours blindfolded and on their own. It's difficult, but it allows people the insight needed in order to care for and treat patients that live with this disease. I know you're tired and I know that emotionally you're not really feeling strong enough to take on more stuff right now. Whatever it takes, make your mission in life to take care of yourself first. Advocate, educate and stand up for what's right for you. I know you've been doing the best you can, but try and get some help from your local chapter of the Arthritis Society. They may have a local volunteer or social worker that could go with you to doctor's appointments to help advocate on your behalf. I know that I sometimes get overwhelmed when I am at my Rheumy's or my doc's office. I forget why I am really there and don't always ask for what I need. Having someone there will be of a benefit to you. You're not going to feel like you're fighting this battle on your own. I am going to mention something I have said before to you. Please, nobody take offense, it's just an honest opinion on how I feel. There are times where I wish I didn't have RA. The pain is so chronic and I, like many of you here, I haven't had much success getting it under control. I get sick at the thought of living my life like this for another 30 - 40 plus years. The only thing that keeps me going most days are the wonderful people and friends I've met here. The other thing is the hope I have that one day there might be a cure for RA. Even if there isn't a cure, there might be a med that's created to control it better for those of us who've tried many drug combos and been unsuccessful so far. This is what keeps me going. Tracie, you're a wonderful friend, Mom, wife and person. I know it seems very discouraging right now, but hang in there. I know that things will get better. The cloud will lift and life will seem " normal " again. Take care, > > Hi everyone, > > I know I have not posted in awhile, but I do read as often as I > can. I have reached the I am really angry stage of my disease. I > assume this is a normal transition now that I have been diagnosed > officially with RA for a year or am I a freak? It has finally sunk > in that I am disabled probably for the rest of my life as every > doctor I see agrees with the disability decision. I am angry > because my hubby is unhappy with his job, but he can do something > about that, like look for another one. Yes, it could take a year or > more for him to find something he likes, but I don't get to switch > diseases or reapply for a different one because I don't like this > one. I get really angry lately about the whole mess. I am sick of > running to doctors, sick of meds, sick of not being able to do the > things I want. This last doctor at this pain clinic told me I would > not be able to walk for exercise as it would be much to hard on my > joints, etc., etc., like I did not know that already since I have > trouble walking through the grocery store and I have handicap plates > just so I can go in and out of the grocery store. Also, I am still > going around and around about my pain management. I now have my > rheumy on my side who agrees that I need long-term chronic pain > medication, but he has to have approval because of my insurance from > my primary care physician who " does not believe in that " . Excuse me > for not falling into the normal range of your patients. I would > love to switch places with him someday. I am sure my rheumy will > get it all straightened out as he has vowed to, but I cannot believe > I am still fighting to just have a semi decent quality of life. You > know where you get up and get dressed and maybe walk around the > house a little and talk to your kids. I am just disgusted with the > whole thing and very ANGRY as I seem to keep saying. I cannot hold > all of this anger in because I am going to scream if I don't let it > out, but I just want to know if this is normal. The doctor said > something about going through the stages of grief and that is what I > was doing???? Because I have lost my way of life, my job and you > know what I miss the most - DANCING, yep, DANCING. My feet are > horrid though. Well, thanks for letting me vent and any thoughts > would be greatly appreciated. I cannot imagine I am the first > person to get angry, but you never know. > > Angry in Maine > > Tracie > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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