MONEY versus other rewards

[Guest guest]

We have tried money as a reward - wanting Elie to feel the accomplishment of

money and then using it to buy things. Has not worked. Periodically (maybe

twice a year for 15 years ) we try again. We once got as far as coupons for

jr frosty, then substituted $1 for each one. HE still didn't care. Much

prefers knowing the reward, working for the reward, getting the reward. No

longer needs or asks for smiley's though so I guess that is something.

Just talked to Elie on the phone to remind him that we leave on vaction with

him and on TUESDAY. HE said- OK - Mommy, Daddy, , Elie -

I-HOP????? So I guess we can go on vacation, as long as we stop at least

once at IHop!!!! Where he will still only eat Hamburger and FF. And then

want a jr frosty.!!!!!

>

>

> has a sticker chart at school and our morning routine chart at home.

> He prefers real money, though. The teacher for the deaf at school worked in

> 's classroom this year. She knew and took an interest in . She

> made a deal with him

> If he saved up enough school dollars (a very large sum!), she'd build a

> balloon popper Rube Goldberg thing with him...something he saw in an " I Spy "

> book. He did it and they had a great time building the thing...she got the

> whole school involved in finding parts and pieces. It was really wonderful

> for !!

>

> In kindergarten, he was in a program that had him

> In a self-contained am class and inclusion for pm. The am class had kids

> with LDs and kids with mild spectrumish issues. The cst was hoping that the

> kids would help each other, but it didn't work our that way. The teacher

> kept everyone pretty much isolated. She had a class behavior plan. Each day

> was broken into periods and each period had 3 smiley faces. Bad behavior got

> a crossed-out smiley; if all 3 got crossed out, the kid got a red dot.

> Otherwise they got a green dot. This teacher tested , found out he was

> reading on a first-grade level, and gave him first-grade work to do. But he

> has dysgraphia and was still having to focus on each letter...and was being

> required to write sentences. When I complained that he was spending 2 hours

> on hw and not understanding his work, the teacher was incredulous and asked

> if I'd given him 's hw by mistake. I went to the CST ed specialist a

> few times, and she gave me modifications to try at home

> ( has NLD and was often unable to make sense of pictures). At the

> parent-teacher conference, I mentioned how 's behavior plans had

> prgressed from red dots at work time, to red dots at work time and the

> period before, then after a while it was everything leading to work time,

> and finally, meltdowns on the way to class in the morning. was saying

> " I'm stupid " and " this work is too hard " and this witch of a teacher just

> said " he can do the work if he wants to " .

>

> I pulled him from her class the day after the PT conference. After hearing

> me talk about the importance of positive behavior support for (who has

> a history of giving up when things get tough), he came home with a behavior

> card that made me want to scream. Not only did she give him his red dot for

> " completed classwork " but she also took an empty square at the bottom of the

> card and drew in happy faces so she could cross them out.

>

> He was placed in integrated classes all day. I wish I could say that the

> year ended well, but it really didn't. School is awful, for .

>

> Anyway, we learned early that earning beats punishment with him. Probably

> with most kids. But it only goes so far. Sigh!

>

>

>

> Sent frommy iPhone

>

>

> On Aug 14, 2010, at 10:32 AM, Sara Cohen

<pastmidvale@...<pastmidvale%40gmail.com>>

> wrote:

>

> - I know we are bombarding you - but maybe something in what is

> written

> will give you an idea. using the concrete stickers on the chart was very

> helpful to us.

> With Elie - he got a smiley face for each thing he completed - getting

> dressed, putting clothes in hamper, eating breakfast (before bus arrived),

> each item he needed to do in school. At the end of the day we would add up

> the smiles, and give him what ever the reward was for the day.

>

> Shortly we learned that the smiles were enough! The joke was that he would

> work for smile. HE really got tearful if he missed one or the sub gave him

> a frowny(People don't get it that disincentives don't work as well as

> nothing or positives!) Some times a sub would think that if smily's were a

> reward, then she should use frowny's for not complying - what would happen

> is a melt down.

>

> Now that he is older - much older, he works for fjr frosty's and he can

> wait

> a week for a reward - just the mention of a reward and we get " Oh sure " ,

> and then he completes what is asked of him. Sometimes he even bargains for

> an I-HOP AND Frosty!!!.

>

> On Sat, Aug 14, 2010 at 10:04 AM,

<charlyne1121@...<charlyne1121%40sbcglobal.net>>

> wrote:

>

> >

> >

> > ,

> > My daughter has 3 boys and 1 girl. They are better behaved now but at one

> > time they were at each other constantly. She married a guy with two boys.

> > I'll save my comments on that one but they both have issues. The Dad

> worked

> > 2 fulltime jobs and a part-time job on the weekend when those boys were

> very

> > young. He came home one evening and the Mom was gone. The boys were

> alone, 3

> > and 8 mos. The older boy has attachment disorder, adhd and was sight

> > impaired., not diagnosed at that time.The younger boy is different. I can

> > tell you that their behavior was challenging. She worked with a very good

> > psychologist that helped her get daily life in order. She put up a white

> > board in the kitchen with each child's daily schedule and chores. They

> all

> > have a reward chart. She runs the place like a militant. It took sometime

> to

> > get their life manageble. The boys have their days but overall their

> change

> > in behavior is amazing. She never cuts them any slack. I'm not

> > certain I could live that rigid but she says it's the only way with these

> > boys. The kids are all doing great and are happy. She never takes them

> > shopping together. She is doing school shopping and takes each child out

> > after dinner alone. Dad stays with the other kids. The 3 that remain home

> > are all given a strict schedule in her absence. I suppose the key is to

> be

> > extremely organized.

> > Charlyne

> >

> > >

> > > One thing that I have reiterated until I am blue: IF one is talking to

> my

> > > son - giving a direction, anything -

> > > FIRST: Get his attention. Make sure he is facing you and focused on

> your

> > > face.

> > > Second: Never ever say anything which has an either or unless you can

> > live

> > > with either choice.

> > > THIRD: Never give an ultimatum -(- First clean your room and THEN we

> will

> > > get a frosty. No clean room, no frosty). UNLESS you are willing to

> listen

> > > to request for the frosty even if he hasn't done what you asked -

> > > Forth and do not give in . EVER>

> > >

> > > The best part of the stage of parenting I am in, is that I get to give

> > > suggestions, advice, reflections - but only once a month do I have to

> > > apply.

> > >

> > > The above firmness and structure with which I lived for 20 years for

> him

> > > (and not to say how many years before with his siblings and other

> various

> > > kids in my house) is EXHAUSTING> But the consequences of not being

> FIRM,

> > > CONSISTANT, UNWAIVERING, is chaos.

> > >

> > > IMHO>

> > >

> > > --

> > > Sara- different pathways lead to Nirvana.

> > >

> > >