Re: Re: Mommy coping strategies for school events...

August 3, 2010

If only...my daughter was too afraid to go to administration yet again. She

wants to play it down. The good news is that she received heartfelt apologies

from not only the young " man' but a young " lady " who was with him in the hall...

________________________________

To:

Sent: Mon, August 2, 2010 3:03:26 PM

Subject: Re: Mommy coping strategies for school events...

Â

At a christian school? I would have asked for the child to be suspended and that

would have set the example!

> > >

> > > >

> > > > Sara!!! YOU'RE COMING TO MAINE?????????? WHEN?

> > > >

> > > > Jayne

> >

August 3, 2010

Malama pono means " take good care " ...

________________________________

To:

Sent: Mon, August 2, 2010 3:02:25 PM

Subject: Re: Mommy coping strategies for school events...

Â

It means " You are welcome " . You said " Thank you " , correct?

8)

> > >

> > > >

> > > > Sara!!! YOU'RE COMING TO MAINE?????????? WHEN?

> > > >

> > > > Jayne

> >

August 3, 2010

has participated in " Sibshops " through Easter Seals. Our family counselor

is starting a group for teens for her especially because of everything she has

been through over the past several years...

________________________________

To:

Sent: Mon, August 2, 2010 1:27:32 PM

Subject: Re: Re: Mommy coping strategies for school events...

Â

Desi - MAry is so right. You stand up for both your kids. IS there a

sibling support group nearby where can talk to others who ARE in her

shoes?

Altho my kids were very much older when Elie came to live with us, I know

that my next nearest child to him has had sosme long discussions with others

over the years about having a younger sib with life long disabilities.

>

> Desi, you are a powerhouse!!! You wrote to Mia Hamm, you started a soccer

> team for special needs kids. Your daughter is included as much as

> possible...and you make the world a nicer place for special needs kids! You

> so don't deserve to be taking any cr*p from anyone. About anything.

>

> I'm so sorry about how this all impacts your older child. And yet, I'll bet

> anything that it is helping her become compassionate and strong. Limiting

> Aubrey's exposure to 's peers may not help and may just feed into the

> bullying. The school should be doing more to end the bullying (I think).

>

> Sent from my iPhone

>

> On Aug 2, 2010, at 6:38 PM, Desi McKenzie

><desimckenzie@...<desimckenzie%40yahoo.com>>

> wrote:

>

> Don't understand what you said in Hawai'ian. Sorry. But yes, I've done what

> you

> suggested a few times. I can redirect my daughter's behavior for the most

> part.

> I need help with my feelings in these kinds of situations.

>

> It would help to know additionally I think, that Aubrey's older sister has

> been

> called a " retard " in her school since the sixth grade. Last year she found

> out

> that she lost an election because a classmate who knew the results yelled

> loudly

> across the halls that should never have run for election because her

>

> class is not stupid... " they don't vote for retards " ...and this is a

> Christian

> based school...believe me Admin is aware and has tried to stop the

> " harassment " ...(as " luck " would have it, the disrespectful young man was

> discovered and chewed out heavily by his Father who just happens to be the

> best

> friend of one of mine...)

>

> I bring this up because both Aubrey's older sibling and I struggle with how

> much

> exposure her schoolmates should have to Aubrey. I firmly believe that

> Aubrey has

> the absolute right to participate in ANY school activity that other

> siblings do,

> but I want to be happy, too.

>

> I don't know why I keep feeling like a " subclass citizen " not only because

> I am

> a single Mom, but also because I have a child with such extraordinary needs

> that

> draws more attention to us...maybe that's what people pick up on, and use

> to

> have " power " over me...and I let them have it. Sometimes, I just wish it

> could

> all be normal.

>

> I can go into an event with the best of intentions, feeling great and then

> Aubrey will do something shocking like stick her hand down her pants, and

> then

> it all goes to _______...

>

> I can't wait to hear how others deal with these feelings. Sorry if I'm not

> as

> articulate as one would like on the subject. If I had a good grip on how I

> felt

> about this very sensitive subject to me, I probably could figure it out

> better

> on my own.

>

> Not to worry, the DOE pays for our family counseling. BUT, the therapist

> does

> NOT walk

> in our shoes.

>

> Thanks for sharing...

>

> Desi

>

> ________________________________

> From: agirlnamedsuess21

><agirlnamedsuess@...<agirlnamedsuess%40hotmail.com>

> >

> To:

> Sent: Mon, August 2, 2010 11:54:40 AM

> Subject: Re: Mommy coping strategies for " new " events "

>

> He mea iki!

> When your child runs to the front of the line to cut in. You turn to the

> people

> in line around you and say, " Excuse Me. Could you hold my place here in

> line? We

> are working on taking turns. It is difficult dealing with special needs.

> Thank

> you. " And you leave to go to the front of the line to redirect your child

> saying, " Our place is back here. We have to wait our turn. " (Few words as

> possible).

>

> Does that help?

>

> > >

> > > >

> > > > Sara!!! YOU'RE COMING TO MAINE?????????? WHEN?

> > > >

> > > > Jayne

> >

August 3, 2010

Long live " Supermom! " HA! Thanks for reminding me! Our family does NOT deserve

to be taking cr** from anyone!

For your peace of mind, it should also be mentioned that this is a small island

I live on, and word gets around fast. When I started the r-word campaign as

Birthday Gifts for my daughtersÂ here in Hawai'i-after hearing that was

being called the r-word still on her schoolÂ campus after fierce advocacy on

campus for a couple years-friendsÂ toÂ admin went to headmaster personally with

pleas on 's behalf. Headmaster took swift action in Chapel with her peers.

(but seems the word never got to their parents and the great majority of people

hereÂ just don't seem to buy the right to inclusion...)

Supermom has just got to hold her head high and not let the clueless and the

cruel have the power. As said in another post, it is THEIR problem!Easier said

than done though. Last year, in the midst of football season, I had to take meds

to calm the nerves in my stomach it was that stressful...AND Aubrey had an aide

to help!

Please keep the kryptonite coming. I want to continue to have the strength to

bring Aubrey to each and every school event appropriate for her to attend!

If you send me a private email, I'll send you the coolest pix of Aubrey dressed

as " Supergirl " at the Halloween football game last year!

" Supermom " , " Supersis " and " Superspecial! "

________________________________

To: " " < >

Sent: Mon, August 2, 2010 1:00:11 PM

Subject: Re: Re: Mommy coping strategies for school events...

Â

Desi, you are a powerhouse!!! You wrote to Mia Hamm, you started a soccer team

for special needs kids. Your daughter is included as much as possible...and you

make the world a nicer place for special needs kids! You so don't deserve to be

taking any cr*p from anyone. About anything.

I'm so sorry about how this all impacts your older child. And yet, I'll bet

anything that it is helping her become compassionate and strong. Limiting

Aubrey's exposure to 's peers may not help and may just feed into the

bullying. The school should be doing more to end the bullying (I think).

Sent from my iPhone

Don't understand what you said in Hawai'ian. Sorry. But yes, I've done what you

suggested a few times. I can redirect my daughter's behavior for the most part.

I need help with my feelings in these kinds of situations.

It would help to know additionally I think, that Aubrey's older sister has been

called a " retard " in her school since the sixth grade. Last year she found out

that she lost an election because a classmate who knew the results yelled loudly

across the halls that should never have run for election because her

class is not stupid... " they don't vote for retards " ...and this is a Christian

based school...believe me Admin is aware and has tried to stop the

" harassment " ...(as " luck " would have it, the disrespectful young man was

discovered and chewed out heavily by his Father who just happens to be the best

friend of one of mine...)

I bring this up because both Aubrey's older sibling and I struggle with how much

exposure her schoolmates should have to Aubrey. I firmly believe that Aubrey has

the absolute right to participate in ANY school activity that other siblings do,

but I want to be happy, too.

I don't know why I keep feeling like a " subclass citizen " not only because I am

a single Mom, but also because I have a child with such extraordinary needs that

draws more attention to us...maybe that's what people pick up on, and use to

have " power " over me...and I let them have it. Sometimes, I just wish it could

all be normal.

I can go into an event with the best of intentions, feeling great and then

Aubrey will do something shocking like stick her hand down her pants, and then

it all goes to _______...

I can't wait to hear how others deal with these feelings. Sorry if I'm not as

articulate as one would like on the subject. If I had a good grip on how I felt

about this very sensitive subject to me, I probably could figure it out better

on my own.

Not to worry, the DOE pays for our family counseling. BUT, the therapist does

NOT walk

in our shoes.

Thanks for sharing...

Desi

________________________________

To:

Sent: Mon, August 2, 2010 11:54:40 AM

Subject: Re: Mommy coping strategies for " new " events "

He mea iki!

When your child runs to the front of the line to cut in. You turn to the people

in line around you and say, " Excuse Me. Could you hold my place here in line? We

are working on taking turns. It is difficult dealing with special needs. Thank

you. " And you leave to go to the front of the line to redirect your child

saying, " Our place is back here. We have to wait our turn. " (Few words as

possible).

Does that help?

> >

> > >

> > > Sara!!! YOU'RE COMING TO MAINE?????????? WHEN?

> > >

> > > Jayne

>

August 3, 2010

I know it's not easy. It's wrong!!! Was the aide supportive last year??

Sometimes the small towns are the worst...at least in some ways.

doesn't usually go to 's practices because of the late hours. But

he goes to the games. He's still little enough that people think he's funny.

But last spring when he nailed another little child on the head with the child's

own toy...it was hugely embarrassing. Still, in many ways it's easier than when

his two older brothers (with their " invisible disabilities " ) act out. Because

still looks like the toddler he behaves like. I know that we're in the

" sweet spot " now. It's going to get harder as he looks more mature. I get a lot

of dirty looks because of 's behavior and attitude, that's for sure. But

honestly, I'm usually too busy dealing with it to care in the moment. It always

hits me later.

Sent from my iPhon

Long live " Supermom! " HA! Thanks for reminding me! Our family does NOT deserve

to be taking cr** from anyone!

For your peace of mind, it should also be mentioned that this is a small island

I live on, and word gets around fast. When I started the r-word campaign as

Birthday Gifts for my daughters here in Hawai'i-after hearing that was

being called the r-word still on her school campus after fierce advocacy on

campus for a couple years-friends to admin went to headmaster personally with

pleas on 's behalf. Headmaster took swift action in Chapel with her peers.

(but seems the word never got to their parents and the great majority of people

here just don't seem to buy the right to inclusion...)