church

[Guest guest]

Wanted to ask/vent about this. At church, we have a nursery, for kids 0-3ish

and when they are potty trained, they move on. So of course, , 7, is

still in there. Plus she could never sit in a class. Anyways, as she's

getting taller, she's yanking things down in there and just getting more

active and its hard since infants are in there. One of the ladies in charge

of the kids stuff talked to me yesterday and said they thought at first to

do a special needs class, but decided not to, they did not want to separate

the kids, which made me glad. And she said would we be willing ot have one

of the very responsible high school kids come in, I guess more than one, and

be 's aide? I think its great, but I feel like we are putting people

out. And it just makes me realize, yet again, how delayed and different she

is. I am not upset with church, more just sad that she is so delayed, ya

know? Anyone go thru this?

[Guest guest]

,

Email me off-list. I'll try to explain to you how you might get your 1:1 in

school to be

your child's aide in church.

desi

________________________________

To: DS-Autism < >

Sent: Mon, January 25, 2010 10:08:54 AM

Subject: church

 

Wanted to ask/vent about this. At church, we have a nursery, for kids 0-3ish

and when they are potty trained, they move on. So of course, , 7, is

still in there. Plus she could never sit in a class. Anyways, as she's

getting taller, she's yanking things down in there and just getting more

active and its hard since infants are in there. One of the ladies in charge

of the kids stuff talked to me yesterday and said they thought at first to

do a special needs class, but decided not to, they did not want to separate

the kids, which made me glad. And she said would we be willing ot have one

of the very responsible high school kids come in, I guess more than one, and

be 's aide? I think its great, but I feel like we are putting people

out. And it just makes me realize, yet again, how delayed and different she

is. I am not upset with church, more just sad that she is so delayed, ya

know? Anyone go thru this?

[Guest guest]

, there are churches that give all kids who need one, a one on one.

This is just as important for Asperger-ish kids as it is with kids with less

academic ability or lower functioning kids. I think the one on one system

is great. And I'm actually glad for they are thinking of something

besides the nursery for her to do. Even kids who can't sit for stories or

color (and personally I think Sunday school should be SO MUCH MORE) than

this can still participate in some ways. Church nurseries are usually

pretty chaotic. My boys never did very well in the nursery and then we gave

up Sunday school when it was nothing but story, coloring sheet and graham

crackers. Games, computers, cooking projects, service projects have many

more points of entry for our kids.

Maybe will help the Sunday school program become something more. A

truly inclusive program will be able to incorporate her without you

thinking, " my child is so delayed and different " because she will be doing

what she can.

This is a great opportunity for the church.

Lori

Mom to Isaac 13, and Tony 11

_____

From: [mailto: ] On Behalf

Of Soracco

Sent: Monday, January 25, 2010 2:09 PM

To: DS-Autism

Subject: church

Wanted to ask/vent about this. At church, we have a nursery, for kids 0-3ish

and when they are potty trained, they move on. So of course, , 7, is

still in there. Plus she could never sit in a class. Anyways, as she's

getting taller, she's yanking things down in there and just getting more

active and its hard since infants are in there. One of the ladies in charge

of the kids stuff talked to me yesterday and said they thought at first to

do a special needs class, but decided not to, they did not want to separate

the kids, which made me glad. And she said would we be willing ot have one

of the very responsible high school kids come in, I guess more than one, and

be 's aide? I think its great, but I feel like we are putting people

out. And it just makes me realize, yet again, how delayed and different she

is. I am not upset with church, more just sad that she is so delayed, ya

know? Anyone go thru this?

[Guest guest]

My son had a 1:1 when he didn't go to a special separate class. The 1:1 was

one of several h/s students who wanted to befriend my son. What happened in

actuality is that they were a barrier to his being a part of the group. He

learned more and participated more (altho still not much) to his separate

age appropriate group led by a sped teacher and 2 teen aides to a group of

6. They met in a spearate quiet classroom apart from the rest of the

children at a different time. My son - and I assume the others- were just

ovewhelmed by the commotion of large groups of kids.

>

>

> :

>

> I think your church sounds great in that they seem to be willing to do what

>

> it takes to keep your daughter included in things. Remember, if someone

> else helps out with that like the high schooler, that would be their

> ministry - you shouldn't feel like you'd be putting anyone out. And, if she

> did

> get someone 1:1, I wonder if they couldn't then put her in with kids her

> age

> since she'd have someone to help her?

>

> Heidi -- Wisconsin, USA

> (Mom to 8 w/ DS, ASD, epilepsy; Clara 3)

> No two flowers bloom in exactly the same way, but all are beautiful !

>

>

[Guest guest]

I run a special needs ministry at my church. We try to let the parents

direct what age range they want the kids in. My son is in a class that

is for kindergarten and 1st graders; he's a third grader but is small

and still happy there. All the kids but him are toilet trained, but we

have a friendly agreement that they will let me know if he needs a

change, and I'll take care of it. They also often have a helper in

there, not just for , but she helps when he needs it.

I would suggest you move to the next older room or even an age

appropriate room and see how that goes. The other kids might like her

a lot, and it would be good for them, too. If you stay in the

building, there's no reason why they couldn't come get you or call

your cell if she gets smelly, so toilet training shouldn't be an

issue. The high school kid who helps her would be a great idea for

that class, and could give her assistance with crafts and activities.

Hang in there. It is hard to see how different are kids are, but they

sure are the same in God's eyes, in all the ways that matter. Her

presence with those in your church is a gift to them.

Beth

Quoting Soracco :

> Wanted to ask/vent about this. At church, we have a nursery, for kids 0-3ish

> and when they are potty trained, they move on. So of course, , 7, is

> still in there. Plus she could never sit in a class. Anyways, as she's

> getting taller, she's yanking things down in there and just getting more

> active and its hard since infants are in there. One of the ladies in charge

> of the kids stuff talked to me yesterday and said they thought at first to

> do a special needs class, but decided not to, they did not want to separate

> the kids, which made me glad. And she said would we be willing ot have one

> of the very responsible high school kids come in, I guess more than one, and

> be 's aide? I think its great, but I feel like we are putting people

> out. And it just makes me realize, yet again, how delayed and different she

> is. I am not upset with church, more just sad that she is so delayed, ya

> know? Anyone go thru this?

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks everyone! I guess what worried me is that I don't know yet that there are

kids who for sure want to do this. I hope there would be more than 1, so they

can rotate and not miss out on church. Do you know what I mean? I know that when

they come in for worship, a husband and wife come in and play the guitar. She

gets right up, puts her hands on the guitar and loves the vibrations. So that is

pretty neat.

>

> wow it sounds like much thought is given about how to best integrate 's

needs. My daughter is similar and became dangerous to babies and toddlers

> cAN i INVITE YOU to reflect on what 's ministry is. ? Often we look at

the ways our children must me ministered to. yet really, our children have a

ministry in the church and the world. It really helps me to be intensional

about naming those ways which Kezia is a blessing. Teenagers are enriched.

They learn, they have opportunity to gain skills, add to their life and work

experience and are often creative at problem solving and can come up with out of

the box solutions because they aren't closed up in methodology. You too

spread your love and learning to all who come in contact with and the

ministry widens. Just a thought born of this shared experience. Sometimes i

am amazed to run into fold who genuinely were touched from the experience of

knowing Kez. I bet many feel the same about 's presence in their lives.

Hugs. jay, kezia's mom 12

>

> ________________________________

>

> To: DS-Autism < >

> Sent: Mon, January 25, 2010 3:08:54 PM

> Subject: church

>

>

> Wanted to ask/vent about this. At church, we have a nursery, for kids 0-3ish

> and when they are potty trained, they move on. So of course, , 7, is

> still in there. Plus she could never sit in a class. Anyways, as she's

> getting taller, she's yanking things down in there and just getting more

> active and its hard since infants are in there. One of the ladies in charge

> of the kids stuff talked to me yesterday and said they thought at first to

> do a special needs class, but decided not to, they did not want to separate

> the kids, which made me glad. And she said would we be willing ot have one

> of the very responsible high school kids come in, I guess more than one, and

> be 's aide? I think its great, but I feel like we are putting people

> out. And it just makes me realize, yet again, how delayed and different she

> is. I am not upset with church, more just sad that she is so delayed, ya

> know? Anyone go thru this?

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Now why didn't I think of that?! If I can run a soccer league for children with

disabilities, and have been a liturgical music minister in the Church for most

of my life, after 12 years of experience with Aubrey as well, why couldn't I run

a special needs ministry in our Church?

 

We left our Church because people were so horrible to Aubrey...you would think

that

in the House of God that most people would share the same values and help make

God's house a haven for our family, but there is nothing like people that say

you should " keep it at home like my aunt does her's... "

 

After going to our Pastor with several concerns regarding the fact that Aubrey

was not being included in Sunday School as well and begging him to speak to our

congregation about inclusion and then hearing that I should just " lower my

expectations " and not " expect other people to have the same values " , that people

in his congregation " come to Church for different reasons... " I walked out of

his office and have been looking for a REAL Church for almost two years

now...just way too gun shy to try another for fear of this happening again.

If your Church rejects your child, that can be the most devastating rejection of

all...

 

Maybe I could volunteer to do this at the new Church...Hmmmm...

 

Desi

Subject: Re: Church

To:

Date: Thursday, April 29, 2010, 7:01 AM

 

I run a special needs ministry and we have a few kids and a couple adults with

developmental disabilities who attend worship. My son sits on the floor in

front of the praise band and rocks back and forth. The pastor's son paces in the

hall, talking to himself, and once yelled out obscenities. One young man in a

wheelchair comes occasionally with his mom and often moans. It took a long time

in this ministry, but I'm happy to say the church is accepting and loving. The

praise band loves having up front as their groupie. I never thought we'd

get to this, but really, a lot of people in church are very willing to love and

accept if you just explain it to them with kindness.

Beth

____________ _________ _________ __

From: Mahnke <tlmahnkeyahoo (DOT) com>

To: @yahoogrou ps.com

Sent: Thu, April 29, 2010 10:18:18 AM

Subject: Church

I have taken my (now 18) to church since he was a baby. Not every Sunday,

but fairly often. My DH is not Catholic & doesn't attend any

other church, so he keeps if I don't take him. I guess we've been lucky

because no one there has ever said anything negative to me. Yes,

people will look when makes loud noises. If he gets too loud I take him out

to the " lobby " . Now that he is older I give him a choice of whether to

go with me or not. Sometimes he wants to go & sometimes not. Sometimes I cannot

take him, but he is accepted. I have actually had people tell me

that they thought it was great that I had brought him, since I could easily have

left him at home with dad.

, I hope that you talk to the priest or someone at that church about this.

If you get the word out that you need help, maybe someone will step forward.

People may not realize this until you tell them.

, mom to 18, DS & PDD-NOS

in KC, MO

[Guest guest]

Hi, Desi. While it's true that not everyone in the church will accept our kids,

and we can't expect to be embraced by everyone no matter who we are, we also I

think can fairly expect the church itself to set the standard. So if the Sunday

school doesn't include Aubrey, the pastor should have been willing to talk with

you and the teacher and discover what the concerns were and explore ways to

include Aubrey and help the teacher feel more comfortable. For instance, we

might use a buddy/aid, have the parent attend for part of the time the first

couple of sessions, have an info session where the teacher gets some disability

training and some info on the child joining her class, etc. I think the idea

that you should just accept it and move on is accepting the church to be

knowingly not Christlike in that way is a shame.

I'd like to reassure you that if the pastor was that clueless, starting a

disability ministry there might have been difficult. I do think you could start

one in a new church, or you could look for a church that has one already and

volunteer to help. If you want to start one in a new church, I'd have a little

conversation with the pastor and make sure he/she is supportive. If you want to

know more about ours, the website is

http://www.speedway-umc.org/specialneeds.html . If you scroll all the way down

to the bottom you'll see our special needs policy statement. That's what we

started with, and we got it to the version we wanted with the senior pastor as

part of the process, and we got a voted approval by the church council. It gave

the ministry some validity within the church and is a nice thing to pull out if

we need to remind anyone why we are inclusive. Feel free to email me offline if

you would like - dehoff5@.... There are also some good books

about this.

Beth

________________________________

To:

Sent: Fri, April 30, 2010 4:38:20 AM

Subject: Re: Church

Now why didn't I think of that?! If I can run a soccer league for children with

disabilities, and have been a liturgical music minister in the Church for most

of my life, after 12 years of experience with Aubrey as well, why couldn't I run

a special needs ministry in our Church?

We left our Church because people were so horrible to Aubrey...you would think

that

in the House of God that most people would share the same values and help make

God's house a haven for our family, but there is nothing like people that say

you should " keep it at home like my aunt does her's... "

After going to our Pastor with several concerns regarding the fact that Aubrey

was not being included in Sunday School as well and begging him to speak to our

congregation about inclusion and then hearing that I should just " lower my

expectations " and not " expect other people to have the same values " , that people

in his congregation " come to Church for different reasons... " I walked out of

his office and have been looking for a REAL Church for almost two years

now...just way too gun shy to try another for fear of this happening again.

If your Church rejects your child, that can be the most devastating rejection of

all...

Maybe I could volunteer to do this at the new Church...Hmmmm. ..

Desi

From: Beth DeHoff <dehoff5att (DOT) net>

Subject: Re: Church

To: @yahoogrou ps.com

Date: Thursday, April 29, 2010, 7:01 AM

I run a special needs ministry and we have a few kids and a couple adults with

developmental disabilities who attend worship. My son sits on the floor in

front of the praise band and rocks back and forth. The pastor's son paces in the

hall, talking to himself, and once yelled out obscenities. One young man in a

wheelchair comes occasionally with his mom and often moans. It took a long time

in this ministry, but I'm happy to say the church is accepting and loving. The

praise band loves having up front as their groupie. I never thought we'd

get to this, but really, a lot of people in church are very willing to love and

accept if you just explain it to them with kindness.

Beth

____________ _________ _________ __

From: Mahnke <tlmahnkeyahoo (DOT) com>

To: @yahoogrou ps.com

Sent: Thu, April 29, 2010 10:18:18 AM

Subject: Church

I have taken my (now 18) to church since he was a baby. Not every Sunday,

but fairly often. My DH is not Catholic & doesn't attend any

other church, so he keeps if I don't take him. I guess we've been lucky

because no one there has ever said anything negative to me. Yes,

people will look when makes loud noises. If he gets too loud I take him out

to the " lobby " . Now that he is older I give him a choice of whether to

go with me or not. Sometimes he wants to go & sometimes not. Sometimes I cannot

take him, but he is accepted. I have actually had people tell me

that they thought it was great that I had brought him, since I could easily have

left him at home with dad.

, I hope that you talk to the priest or someone at that church about this.

If you get the word out that you need help, maybe someone will step forward.

People may not realize this until you tell them.

, mom to 18, DS & PDD-NOS

in KC, MO