Re: Another Perspective

[Guest guest]

Lori:

Yes, it makes me tired too! Others, including friends and family, don't

realize how much we have to go through, organize, figure out (not just

typical pack up the kids and go stuff), that we have to do before we can go

anywhere, and sometimes it's just not worth it. I too would rather just spend

the day with my family (or quite honestly, by myself!).

Heidi

[Guest guest]

Oh yeah, Lori! I forgot! Take the day off and drive out to be with your friend

on your own! You are so blessed to have someone you can really trust to leave

your child(ren) with.

You deserve a day off! (AND DON'T ONE BIT FEEL GUILTY BOUT IT!)

Desi

 

________________________________

To:

Sent: Mon, November 23, 2009 8:20:52 AM

Subject: Another Perspective

 

I have a questions more on the lines of, is this a lifestyle we lead? One

of my close friends (at least for the last 10 years) is having a bridal

shower for her daughter this Saturday. They live a good three hours from

us. It is strictly an event for women. I was mentally organizing the

week-end in my head and thinking, there is no way I can go to this. If I

go, my husband and the boys would need to come to and then they could go off

and do something while I am at the event. However, whatever they do would

need to burn up a lot of physical activity since they would ride in a car

three hours to get there. My boys are 11 and 12 and always have a lot of

physical energy to burn off. It is supposed to be cold and wet that day.

So what would they do?

Or, they could all stay home and I could drive down there (3 hours) spend

two hours at the shower and then drive back (3 hours).

While I was trying to figure out why my friend couldn't at least let them

hang at her house and then she could see them too (they love her and her

husband) it dawned on me that maybe she was thinking the same thing. Maybe

she was thinking, " I used to have this really fun friend but then she had

two kids with Down syndrome who take up all of her time and wouldn't it be

great if she would just come visit without them " .

And what do I want to do? I always enjoy a day off with the boys and my

husband. My idea of a fun time would be spending it with them.

So, we all make these kinds of decisions but because you all also have a

child with Down syndrome and maybe some behaviors, doesn't the idea of

taking on this kind of day trip make you tired? Or am I the only one who

gets tired trying to balance all of this.

I will say that my husband is very good with the boys at a park but if they

had to go to a Mall they would all go insane. There are some limitations.

Any thoughts would be appreciated.

Thanks,

Lori

Mom to Isaac 12 and Tony 11

[Guest guest]

Is there another possibility? How about driving down the day before so you

are rested and then return after the day - all without the 'men'???

Anyone you can crash with??

>

>

> I have a questions more on the lines of, is this a lifestyle we lead? One

> of my close friends (at least for the last 10 years) is having a bridal

> shower for her daughter this Saturday. They live a good three hours from

> us. It is strictly an event for women. I was mentally organizing the

> week-end in my head and thinking, there is no way I can go to this. If I

> go, my husband and the boys would need to come to and then they could go

> off

> and do something while I am at the event. However, whatever they do would

> need to burn up a lot of physical activity since they would ride in a car

> three hours to get there. My boys are 11 and 12 and always have a lot of

> physical energy to burn off. It is supposed to be cold and wet that day.

> So what would they do?

>

> Or, they could all stay home and I could drive down there (3 hours) spend

> two hours at the shower and then drive back (3 hours).

>

> While I was trying to figure out why my friend couldn't at least let them

> hang at her house and then she could see them too (they love her and her

> husband) it dawned on me that maybe she was thinking the same thing. Maybe

> she was thinking, " I used to have this really fun friend but then she had

> two kids with Down syndrome who take up all of her time and wouldn't it be

> great if she would just come visit without them " .

>

> And what do I want to do? I always enjoy a day off with the boys and my

> husband. My idea of a fun time would be spending it with them.

>

> So, we all make these kinds of decisions but because you all also have a

> child with Down syndrome and maybe some behaviors, doesn't the idea of

> taking on this kind of day trip make you tired? Or am I the only one who

> gets tired trying to balance all of this.

>

> I will say that my husband is very good with the boys at a park but if they

> had to go to a Mall they would all go insane. There are some limitations.

>

> Any thoughts would be appreciated.

>

> Thanks,

>

> Lori

>

> Mom to Isaac 12 and Tony 11

>

>

[Guest guest]

Is there a really good reason you can't leave the boys with your husband

overnight? I mean I know our husbands are never quite as good at handling

our kids on their own, but what could happen if they stay home and it is

just one night. I think it is important to make " me " time even though you

love being with your family. Wouldn't you enjoy yourself with your friend

if you just gave yourself permission to take the day off? I think it would

be good for all of you!

I am spending two nights in Atlantic City over Christmas break with my

husband and no kids and I don't feel the least bit guilty about it :-)

Amy

_____

From: [mailto: ] On Behalf

Of Lori

Sent: Monday, November 23, 2009 1:21 PM

To:

Subject: Another Perspective

I have a questions more on the lines of, is this a lifestyle we lead? One

of my close friends (at least for the last 10 years) is having a bridal

shower for her daughter this Saturday. They live a good three hours from

us. It is strictly an event for women. I was mentally organizing the

week-end in my head and thinking, there is no way I can go to this. If I

go, my husband and the boys would need to come to and then they could go off

and do something while I am at the event. However, whatever they do would

need to burn up a lot of physical activity since they would ride in a car

three hours to get there. My boys are 11 and 12 and always have a lot of

physical energy to burn off. It is supposed to be cold and wet that day.

So what would they do?

Or, they could all stay home and I could drive down there (3 hours) spend

two hours at the shower and then drive back (3 hours).

While I was trying to figure out why my friend couldn't at least let them

hang at her house and then she could see them too (they love her and her

husband) it dawned on me that maybe she was thinking the same thing. Maybe

she was thinking, " I used to have this really fun friend but then she had

two kids with Down syndrome who take up all of her time and wouldn't it be

great if she would just come visit without them " .

And what do I want to do? I always enjoy a day off with the boys and my

husband. My idea of a fun time would be spending it with them.

So, we all make these kinds of decisions but because you all also have a

child with Down syndrome and maybe some behaviors, doesn't the idea of

taking on this kind of day trip make you tired? Or am I the only one who

gets tired trying to balance all of this.

I will say that my husband is very good with the boys at a park but if they

had to go to a Mall they would all go insane. There are some limitations.

Any thoughts would be appreciated.

Thanks,

Lori

Mom to Isaac 12 and Tony 11

[Guest guest]

I think that's great about Atlantic City but you get to go with your

husband. I would take two days with mine and no kids. We almost did this

summer but then the one friend who I knew could handle the boys (because she

raised two special needs boys of her own!) ripped her knee while jumping in

a bouncy castle. She is still recovering from surgery.

My husband is very sweet and technically he is completely up to the job (he

does have a Master's in Social Work) but this morning I had to leave for

work first. When we switched and my 11 year old came with me his shirt was

backwards, his jeans were backwards and he was missing a sock. My husband

does really great for a few hours or when we are on vacation but he forgets

the boys need structure to their day. He divorced his first wife when his

first kids were in high school. They are typical and didn't need to be

supervised like these kids do. He had a good five years to be an " older "

bachelor before the boys and I came along. He is a good guy but this way of

life has been a bit of an adjustment for him. He is always willing he just

forgets. He especially forgets that Tony has started to wander off. Today

he asked if there was gluten in sugar. When I said " no " he got all excited

because here is another food group to feed the boys! :-)

And actually I won't enjoy this party because I will only know two or three

people. There will be lots of drinking and comparing of designer clothes (I

have no problem buying my stuff from Goodwill or St. de 's).

I'm kind of a walk in the woods or kayak a lake kind of person. I'm

completely into green living (hence the used clothes so they won't go into a

landfill). Nonetheless, just on principal, to prove that I can still

schmooze if I have to, I think I should go. I found two parks and a

library (my boys love libraries) within a short drive of the party. We are

all going to go and then find something fun on the way home. Yes, we will

have to take the two dogs as well because it will be impossible to find

doggie day care for this week-end. Oh joy.

I do enjoy the different perspectives.

Lori

Mom to Isaac 12 and Tony 11

_____

From: [mailto: ] On Behalf

Of Amy Banta

Sent: Monday, November 23, 2009 7:14 PM

To:

Subject: RE: Another Perspective

Is there a really good reason you can't leave the boys with your husband

overnight? I mean I know our husbands are never quite as good at handling

our kids on their own, but what could happen if they stay home and it is

just one night. I think it is important to make " me " time even though you

love being with your family. Wouldn't you enjoy yourself with your friend

if you just gave yourself permission to take the day off? I think it would

be good for all of you!

I am spending two nights in Atlantic City over Christmas break with my

husband and no kids and I don't feel the least bit guilty about it :-)

Amy

_____

From: @yahoogrou <mailto:%40yahoogroups.com> ps.com

[mailto:@yahoogrou <mailto:%40yahoogroups.com> ps.com] On

Behalf

Of Lori

Sent: Monday, November 23, 2009 1:21 PM

To: @yahoogrou <mailto:%40yahoogroups.com> ps.com

Subject: Another Perspective

I have a questions more on the lines of, is this a lifestyle we lead? One

of my close friends (at least for the last 10 years) is having a bridal

shower for her daughter this Saturday. They live a good three hours from

us. It is strictly an event for women. I was mentally organizing the

week-end in my head and thinking, there is no way I can go to this. If I

go, my husband and the boys would need to come to and then they could go off

and do something while I am at the event. However, whatever they do would

need to burn up a lot of physical activity since they would ride in a car

three hours to get there. My boys are 11 and 12 and always have a lot of

physical energy to burn off. It is supposed to be cold and wet that day.

So what would they do?

Or, they could all stay home and I could drive down there (3 hours) spend

two hours at the shower and then drive back (3 hours).

While I was trying to figure out why my friend couldn't at least let them

hang at her house and then she could see them too (they love her and her

husband) it dawned on me that maybe she was thinking the same thing. Maybe

she was thinking, " I used to have this really fun friend but then she had

two kids with Down syndrome who take up all of her time and wouldn't it be

great if she would just come visit without them " .

And what do I want to do? I always enjoy a day off with the boys and my

husband. My idea of a fun time would be spending it with them.

So, we all make these kinds of decisions but because you all also have a

child with Down syndrome and maybe some behaviors, doesn't the idea of

taking on this kind of day trip make you tired? Or am I the only one who

gets tired trying to balance all of this.

I will say that my husband is very good with the boys at a park but if they

had to go to a Mall they would all go insane. There are some limitations.

Any thoughts would be appreciated.

Thanks,

Lori

Mom to Isaac 12 and Tony 11

[Guest guest]

Hi Lori, the simple answer for me is YES. This is a lifestyle change.

Completely. Sometimes I go to something without Darwym but it is a lot of effort

and occasionally I feel light and happy and refreshed after, but I'm often left

feeling oddly empty afterwards especially if the social group is old friends who

don't get the way life has changed for me.

We just say no to most social stuff. Life is quieter, different, and

deliberately so because then Darwyn is happier and sleeps better and doesn't

barf.

2 years ago we went to a Christmas party but Darwyn " communicated " his desire to

go home by barfing all over my husband. It worked very well. We've never tried

that again.

I do go away with my daughter (9 and NT) a couple of times a year for one

night " Mommy/ weekends " . She does the same with her dad.

And sometimes we still go for it and try to do something different and outgoing

as a family. And once in a blue moon it all comes together.

Best of luck whatever you decide.

Another Perspective

I have a questions more on the lines of, is this a lifestyle we lead? One

of my close friends (at least for the last 10 years) is having a bridal

shower for her daughter this Saturday. They live a good three hours from

us. It is strictly an event for women. I was mentally organizing the

week-end in my head and thinking, there is no way I can go to this. If I

go, my husband and the boys would need to come to and then they could go off

and do something while I am at the event. However, whatever they do would

need to burn up a lot of physical activity since they would ride in a car

three hours to get there. My boys are 11 and 12 and always have a lot of

physical energy to burn off. It is supposed to be cold and wet that day.

So what would they do?

Or, they could all stay home and I could drive down there (3 hours) spend

two hours at the shower and then drive back (3 hours).

While I was trying to figure out why my friend couldn't at least let them

hang at her house and then she could see them too (they love her and her

husband) it dawned on me that maybe she was thinking the same thing. Maybe

she was thinking, " I used to have this really fun friend but then she had

two kids with Down syndrome who take up all of her time and wouldn't it be

great if she would just come visit without them " .

And what do I want to do? I always enjoy a day off with the boys and my

husband. My idea of a fun time would be spending it with them.

So, we all make these kinds of decisions but because you all also have a

child with Down syndrome and maybe some behaviors, doesn't the idea of

taking on this kind of day trip make you tired? Or am I the only one who

gets tired trying to balance all of this.

I will say that my husband is very good with the boys at a park but if they

had to go to a Mall they would all go insane. There are some limitations.

Any thoughts would be appreciated.

Thanks,

Lori

Mom to Isaac 12 and Tony 11

[Guest guest]

It tires me just to think of going somewhere. Last Saturday we decided to go to

a garden nursery place to check out the Christmas items and it was too

overwhelming for Emelinne. They kept talking over the loudspeaker, it was

crowded, and she is afraid of Santa. She started pulling me toward the way we

came in and doing her arm thing where she raises them and kinda stretches them

and tenses them. She will walk right in front of people and not move. I just

felt like crying. I also got angry thinking why can't I do such simple things?

Anyway, my boyfriend took her back to the car and told me to go enjoy myself.

Next we went to a warehouse type place that I had wanted to check out. Same

thing. This time I felt like just physically restraining her in there. I

wanted to hold her arms down and make her stop. Who am I kidding? I bought her

a bag of pretzels and my boyfriend took her to the car and left me in there to

look around. I don't know why I thought we could go out and do something like a

normal family. I don't even want to go to his sister's house even though they

are great. They don't understand that I am always on ALERT. I could be sitting

in the living room and she could be in the kitchen but my ears are tuned in to

every little sound. Their house is not Emelinne proof. Yeah, most times it

just is not worth the trouble for me. People just don't understand unless they

have been through it. A simple thing like Emelinne going back to the car with

my boyfriend causes me anxiety. Doesn't he understand that she can walk or run

in front of a car in a split second?! Hold her hand or block her please and

don't let her walk on the outside closest to the street when you are on a

sidewalk. Just thinking of her safety all the time drains me.

Nereida in NC

Emelinne (17) DS

>

> I have a questions more on the lines of, is this a lifestyle we lead? One

> of my close friends (at least for the last 10 years) is having a bridal

> shower for her daughter this Saturday. They live a good three hours from

> us. It is strictly an event for women. I was mentally organizing the

> week-end in my head and thinking, there is no way I can go to this. If I

> go, my husband and the boys would need to come to and then they could go off

> and do something while I am at the event. However, whatever they do would

> need to burn up a lot of physical activity since they would ride in a car

> three hours to get there. My boys are 11 and 12 and always have a lot of

> physical energy to burn off. It is supposed to be cold and wet that day.

> So what would they do?

>

>

>

> Or, they could all stay home and I could drive down there (3 hours) spend

> two hours at the shower and then drive back (3 hours).

>

>

>

> While I was trying to figure out why my friend couldn't at least let them

> hang at her house and then she could see them too (they love her and her

> husband) it dawned on me that maybe she was thinking the same thing. Maybe

> she was thinking, " I used to have this really fun friend but then she had

> two kids with Down syndrome who take up all of her time and wouldn't it be

> great if she would just come visit without them " .

>

>

>

> And what do I want to do? I always enjoy a day off with the boys and my

> husband. My idea of a fun time would be spending it with them.

>

>

>

> So, we all make these kinds of decisions but because you all also have a

> child with Down syndrome and maybe some behaviors, doesn't the idea of

> taking on this kind of day trip make you tired? Or am I the only one who

> gets tired trying to balance all of this.

>

>

>

> I will say that my husband is very good with the boys at a park but if they

> had to go to a Mall they would all go insane. There are some limitations.

>

>

>

> Any thoughts would be appreciated.

>

>

>

> Thanks,

>

>

>

> Lori

>

> Mom to Isaac 12 and Tony 11

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I agree here!! " me " time is very important, and you proabably have a cell phone

right, you can check in with hubby and boys if needed. I know my hubby often

needs reminders, you know, medication, baths, make sure they change into clean

clothes, lol. Many hubbies arnt as good and organized as us moms, but they seem

to survive. loves " dad " time, they usualy veg out on the xbox, lol, go

out for pizza and stay up late, but hey they make it out alive and still

healthy. shawna

May all your ups and downs in life be with a needle and thread.

http://sewshawna.blogspot.com

To:

From: amybanta@...

Date: Mon, 23 Nov 2009 20:13:36 -0500

Subject: RE: Another Perspective

Is there a really good reason you can't leave the boys with your husband

overnight? I mean I know our husbands are never quite as good at handling

our kids on their own, but what could happen if they stay home and it is

just one night. I think it is important to make " me " time even though you

love being with your family. Wouldn't you enjoy yourself with your friend

if you just gave yourself permission to take the day off? I think it would

be good for all of you!

I am spending two nights in Atlantic City over Christmas break with my

husband and no kids and I don't feel the least bit guilty about it :-)

Amy

_____

From: [mailto: ] On Behalf

Of Lori

Sent: Monday, November 23, 2009 1:21 PM

To:

Subject: Another Perspective

I have a questions more on the lines of, is this a lifestyle we lead? One

of my close friends (at least for the last 10 years) is having a bridal

shower for her daughter this Saturday. They live a good three hours from

us. It is strictly an event for women. I was mentally organizing the

week-end in my head and thinking, there is no way I can go to this. If I

go, my husband and the boys would need to come to and then they could go off

and do something while I am at the event. However, whatever they do would

need to burn up a lot of physical activity since they would ride in a car

three hours to get there. My boys are 11 and 12 and always have a lot of

physical energy to burn off. It is supposed to be cold and wet that day.

So what would they do?

Or, they could all stay home and I could drive down there (3 hours) spend

two hours at the shower and then drive back (3 hours).

While I was trying to figure out why my friend couldn't at least let them

hang at her house and then she could see them too (they love her and her

husband) it dawned on me that maybe she was thinking the same thing. Maybe

she was thinking, " I used to have this really fun friend but then she had

two kids with Down syndrome who take up all of her time and wouldn't it be

great if she would just come visit without them " .

And what do I want to do? I always enjoy a day off with the boys and my

husband. My idea of a fun time would be spending it with them.

So, we all make these kinds of decisions but because you all also have a

child with Down syndrome and maybe some behaviors, doesn't the idea of

taking on this kind of day trip make you tired? Or am I the only one who

gets tired trying to balance all of this.

I will say that my husband is very good with the boys at a park but if they

had to go to a Mall they would all go insane. There are some limitations.

Any thoughts would be appreciated.

Thanks,

Lori

Mom to Isaac 12 and Tony 11

[Guest guest]

Yea, me too Amy. I have learned to hand over the reigns for my own sanity.

And also learned that I don't feel guilty, and everyone benefits. I've been a

mom for almost 29 years now, and ceding didn't come easy....;-) But it's good

for the Dads, good for the sibs, good for the family, to get time to do it their

way. Yes, Maddie's clothes often don't match when Dad dresses her, hair is

not combed neatly, and she definitely does NOT look as *cool* as when her

sisters do *Maddie duty*, but Dad does things with Maddie that I can't. Never

mind that if we can learn to let go a bit, and go off and get the time away to

ourselves, we come back rejuvenated, rested, and eager to do it again.

Donna (who's leaving Friday for her annual wild weekend in NYC with her

childhood friend )

Another Perspective

I have a questions more on the lines of, is this a lifestyle we lead? One

of my close friends (at least for the last 10 years) is having a bridal

shower for her daughter this Saturday. They live a good three hours from

us. It is strictly an event for women. I was mentally organizing the

week-end in my head and thinking, there is no way I can go to this. If I

go, my husband and the boys would need to come to and then they could go off

and do something while I am at the event. However, whatever they do would

need to burn up a lot of physical activity since they would ride in a car

three hours to get there. My boys are 11 and 12 and always have a lot of

physical energy to burn off. It is supposed to be cold and wet that day.

So what would they do?

Or, they could all stay home and I could drive down there (3 hours) spend

two hours at the shower and then drive back (3 hours).

While I was trying to figure out why my friend couldn't at least let them

hang at her house and then she could see them too (they love her and her

husband) it dawned on me that maybe she was thinking the same thing. Maybe

she was thinking, " I used to have this really fun friend but then she had

two kids with Down syndrome who take up all of her time and wouldn't it be

great if she would just come visit without them " .

And what do I want to do? I always enjoy a day off with the boys and my

husband. My idea of a fun time would be spending it with them.

So, we all make these kinds of decisions but because you all also have a

child with Down syndrome and maybe some behaviors, doesn't the idea of

taking on this kind of day trip make you tired? Or am I the only one who

gets tired trying to balance all of this.

I will say that my husband is very good with the boys at a park but if they

had to go to a Mall they would all go insane. There are some limitations.

Any thoughts would be appreciated.

Thanks,

Lori

Mom to Isaac 12 and Tony 11