Re: Holland Schmolland...

[Guest guest]

I liked it also.Thanks .

> This is my favorite version of " Holland " -- somewhere between the

original

> and the Beirut version.....

> Blessings!

> K

>

> Holland Schmolland

> by Kreuger Crawford

>

> If you have a child with autism, which I do, and if you troll the

Internet

> for information, which I have done, you will come across a certain

> inspirational analogy. It goes like this: Imagine that you are

planning a

> trip to Italy. You read all the latest travel books, you consult

with

> friends about what to pack, and you develop an elaborate itinerary

for your

> glorious trip. The day arrives. You board the plane and settle in

with your

> in-flight magazine, dreaming of trattorias, gondola rides and

gelato.

> However, when the plane lands you discover, much to your surprise,

you are

> not in Italy -- you are in Holland. You are greatly dismayed at

this abrupt

> and unexpected change in plans. You rant and rave to the travel

agency, but

> it does no good. You are stuck. After a while, you tire of fighting

and

> begin to look at what Holland has to offer. You notice the

beautiful tulips,

> the kindly people in wooden shoes, the French fries and mayonnaise,

and you

> think, " This isn't exactly what I planned, but it's not so bad.

It's just

> different. " Having a child with autism is supposed to be like this -

- not

> any worse than having a typical child -- just different.

>

> When I read that, my son was almost three, completely non-verbal

and was

> hitting me over a hundred times a day. While I appreciated the

intention of

> the story, I couldn't help but think, " Are they kidding? We are not

in some

> peaceful countryside dotted with windmills. We are in a country

under

> siege -- dodging bombs, trying to board overloaded helicopters,

bribing

> officials -- all the while thinking, " What happened to our

beautiful life? "

>

> That was 5 years ago. My son is now 8 and though we have come to

accept that

> he will always have autism, we no longer feel like citizens of a

battle torn

> nation. With the help of countless dedicated therapists and

teachers,

> biological interventions, and an enormously supportive family, my

son has

> become a fun-loving, affectionate boy with many endearing qualities

and

> skills. In the process we've created. well. our own country, with

its own

> unique traditions and customs.

>

> It's not a war zone, but it's still not Holland. Let's call it

Schmolland.

>

> In Schmolland, it is perfectly customary to lick walls, rub cold

pieces of

> metal across your mouth and line up all your toys end to end. You

can show

> affection by giving a " pointy chin. " A " pointy chin " is when you

act like

> you are going to hug someone and just when you are really close,

you jam

> your chin into the other person's shoulder. For the person giving

the

> " pointy chin " this feels really good, for the receiver not so much -

but you

> get used to it. For citizens of Schmolland, it is quite normal to

repeat

> lines from videos to express emotion. If you are sad, you can look

downcast

> and say, " Oh, Pongo. " When mad or anxious, you might shout, " Snow

can't stop

> me! " or " Duchess, kittens, come on! " Sometimes, " And now our feature

> presentation " says it all. In Schmolland, there's not a lot to do,

so our

> citizens find amusement wherever they can. Bouncing on the couch

for hours,

> methodically pulling feathers out of down pillows, and laughing

hysterically

> in bed at 4:00am, are all traditional Schmutch pastimes.

>

> The hard part about living in our country is dealing with people

from other

> countries. We try to assimilate ourselves and mimic their customs,

but we

> aren't always successful. It's perfectly understandable that an 8-

year-old

> boy from Schmolland would steal a train from a toddler at the

the

> Tank Engine Train Table at and Noble. But this is clearly not

> understandable or acceptable in other countries, and so we must

drag our 8

> year old out of the store kicking and screaming while all the

customers look

> on with stark, pitying stares. But we ignore these looks and focus

on the

> exit sign because we are a proud people. Where we live, it is not

surprising

> when an 8-year-old boy reaches for the fleshy part of a woman's

upper torso

> and says, " Do we touch boodoo? " We simply say, " No we don't touch

boodoo "

> and go on about our business. It's a bit more startling in other

countries,

> however, and can cause all sorts of cross-cultural

misunderstandings. And,

> though most foreigners can get a drop of water on their pants and

still

> carry on, this is intolerable to certain citizens in Schmolland who

insist

> that the pants must come off no matter where they are, and

regardless of

> whether another pair of pants are present.

>

> Other families who are affected by autism are familiar and

comforting to us,

> yet are still separate entities. Together we make up a federation of

> countries, kind of like Scandinavia. Like a person from Denmark

talking with

> a person from Norway, (or in our case someone from Schmenmark

talking with

> someone from Schmorway), we share enough similarities in our

language and

> customs to understand each other, but conversations inevitably

highlight the

> diversity of our traditions. " Oh your child is a runner? Mine won't

go to

> the bathroom without asking permission. " " My child eats paper.

Yesterday he

> ate a whole video box. " " My daughter only eats 4 foods, all of them

white. "

> " My son wants to blow on everyone. " " My son can't stand to hear the

word no.

> We can't use any negatives at all in our house. " " We finally had to

lock up

> the VCR because my son was obsessed with the rewind button. "

>

> There is one thing we all agree on: we are a growing population.

>

> 10 years ago, 1 in 10,000 children had autism.

>

> Today the rate is approximately 1 in 250.

>

> Something is dreadfully wrong. Though the causes of the increase

are still

> being hotly debated, a number of parents and professionals believe

genetic

> pre-disposition has collided with too many environment insults --

toxins,

> chemicals, anti-biotics, vaccines -- to create immunological chaos

in the

> nervous systems of developing children. One medical journalist

speculated

> that these children are like the proverbial " canary in the coal

mine " here

> to alert us to the growing dangers in our environment. While this is

> certainly not a view shared by all in the autism community, it

feels true to

> me.

>

> I hope that researchers discover the magic bullet we all so

desperately

> crave. And I will never stop investigating new treatments and

therapies that

> might help my son. But more and more my priorities are shifting

from what

> " could be " to " what is. " I look around at this country my family has

> created, with all its unique customs, and it feels like home. For

us, any

> time spent " nation-building " is time well spent.