Guest guest Posted August 14, 2009 Report Share Posted August 14, 2009 My husband and I are at our wits end with our son ph and don't know what to do. ph's behavior towards everyone has gotten really bad. He's hitting, kicking, biting, yelling, throwing things, using toys and other things as weapons, and generally being abusive to his brothers, sisters, dad, me, our cats, and even his speech therapist. He's always angry and we don't know why. Is it puberty? He'll be 11 next month. How do we get him to stop being abusive? Dena Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 14, 2009 Report Share Posted August 14, 2009 Dena, I remember from your previous posts that you were thinking looking into medications for ph. You have also had some changes in your home in the past year- a new baby, and the loss of ph's speech therapist who was helping him use a communication device. Based on what you told us is going on right now, this is what I would recommend (in order of importance): 1. Thorough physical, beginning with a blood test for his thyroid levels, checking for gut problems, including GERD (see Margaret's recent post to you), molars, seasonal allergies, etc. You said you were trying the GFCF diet- I don't remember if you had been successful with that, if it was because he was having a lot of diarrhea, or what. If he is having bowel problems, that needs to be checked out. Don't forget ears, as some of our kids have high pain thresholds and he could be having an ear infection and you might not know it. If he has sleep problems, that needs to be checked out- poor sleep plays havoc with our kids' behaviors. 2. Get him seen ASAP by a child psychiatrist (has he had a formal diagnosis of autism? ). He should have a full work-up, especially to make sure he has that autism dx and then to have a two-pronged plan: -- of developing a functional behavior assessment (FBA) with a good plan that your whole family can follow. That part will probably be done with someone from the agency that you get services from- I am unclear about how that works when you homeschool. --have him evaluated as to what medications can help. I will be blunt about this. You have a little baby and other children at home. You are living with a child who can be harmful to all of you right now. You do NOT want to expose your family to risk of injury just because you don't want to consider medications. Family after family on this list has been where you are. NO ONE wants to be in the position of medicating children. But in your own words, ph is angry all the time. One time you wrote that you had all stopped going to church. There is no shame or failure in pursuing medications that can help. It will probably take some time. Is your son being seen by a pediatrician? In a DS clinic? An autism clinic? You need the support NOW of someone who has seen lots and lots of kids like ph and who can help you make a plan. 3. I know from several personal friends and from folks on this list that homeschooling is a very personal choice. I know that people make this decision for all kinds of reasons. I also know that in some families, they may decide to have child go to a school program if his needs can no longer be met at home. As a long distance internet fly on the wall, I would like to offer the observation that ph needs a different kind of school program that what you can humanly provide right now. If he were to go to school, you would get a much needed break and the rest of the family would also have a chance to recharge their batteries. 4. Communication piece- speech therapy. Where do you stand in getting those services again for him? Especially since he was making progress on a device. If it looks like it's going to be a while- say, more than a few weeks, you have even one more reason to consider sending him to school. 5. Ask yourself, " Is what I am doing now working? If not, what are the steps I can take to change it? And WHO ELSE CAN I ENGAGE TO HELP WITH THOSE CHANGES?? Posing questions to the list is a first step. 6. I am not saying do not consider bio-medical steps- that is part of #1. 7. Do you have any ties with your local DS organization? I know it can be tough to connect there when your son seems to be struggling so much more, but they may have resources that you weren't aware of. And, there may be families there who have similar issues, you just never know! 8. Figure out some way you can recharge yourself, or you will crash and burn. Even if it means hiring someone for a few hours a week just to be with ph. Good luck, and keep us posted. Beth PS. My Pete had a terrible time with aggressions during (and after) puberty. He has behaved like your ph during different periods of his life. At 19 he is a much calmer kid. When behaviors start to move backwards for him, I go right down the list that I wrote above. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 14, 2009 Report Share Posted August 14, 2009 Love this MB. Irma > > Dena, > > I remember from your previous posts that you were thinking looking > into medications for ph. You have also had some changes in your > home in the past year- a new baby, and the loss of ph's speech > therapist who was helping him use a communication device. > > Based on what you told us is going on right now, this is what I would > recommend (in order of importance): > > 1. Thorough physical, beginning with a blood test for his thyroid > levels, checking for gut problems, including GERD (see Margaret's > recent post to you), molars, seasonal allergies, etc. You said you > were trying the GFCF diet- I don't remember if you had been > successful with that, if it was because he was having a lot of > diarrhea, or what. If he is having bowel problems, that needs to be > checked out. Don't forget ears, as some of our kids have high pain > thresholds and he could be having an ear infection and you might not > know it. If he has sleep problems, that needs to be checked out- > poor sleep plays havoc with our kids' behaviors. > > 2. Get him seen ASAP by a child psychiatrist (has he had a formal > diagnosis of autism? ). He should have a full work-up, especially to > make sure he has that autism dx and then to have a two-pronged plan: > > -- of developing a functional behavior assessment (FBA) with a good > plan that your whole family can follow. That part will probably be > done with someone from the agency that you get services from- I am > unclear about how that works when you homeschool. > > --have him evaluated as to what medications can help. I will be > blunt about this. You have a little baby and other children at home. > You are living with a child who can be harmful to all of you right > now. You do NOT want to expose your family to risk of injury just > because you don't want to consider medications. Family after family > on this list has been where you are. NO ONE wants to be in the > position of medicating children. But in your own words, ph is > angry all the time. One time you wrote that you had all stopped > going to church. There is no shame or failure in pursuing > medications that can help. It will probably take some time. Is your > son being seen by a pediatrician? In a DS clinic? An autism > clinic? You need the support NOW of someone who has seen lots and > lots of kids like ph and who can help you make a plan. > > 3. I know from several personal friends and from folks on this list > that homeschooling is a very personal choice. I know that people > make this decision for all kinds of reasons. I also know that in > some families, they may decide to have child go to a school program > if his needs can no longer be met at home. As a long distance > internet fly on the wall, I would like to offer the observation that > ph needs a different kind of school program that what you can > humanly provide right now. If he were to go to school, you would get > a much needed break and the rest of the family would also have a > chance to recharge their batteries. > > 4. Communication piece- speech therapy. Where do you stand in > getting those services again for him? Especially since he was making > progress on a device. If it looks like it's going to be a while- > say, more than a few weeks, you have even one more reason to consider > sending him to school. > > 5. Ask yourself, " Is what I am doing now working? If not, what are > the steps I can take to change it? And WHO ELSE CAN I ENGAGE TO HELP > WITH THOSE CHANGES?? Posing questions to the list is a first step. > > 6. I am not saying do not consider bio-medical steps- that is part of #1. > > 7. Do you have any ties with your local DS organization? I know it > can be tough to connect there when your son seems to be struggling so > much more, but they may have resources that you weren't aware of. > And, there may be families there who have similar issues, you just > never know! > > 8. Figure out some way you can recharge yourself, or you will crash > and burn. Even if it means hiring someone for a few hours a week > just to be with ph. > > Good luck, and keep us posted. > > Beth > > PS. My Pete had a terrible time with aggressions during (and after) > puberty. He has behaved like your ph during different periods of > his life. At 19 he is a much calmer kid. When behaviors start to > move backwards for him, I go right down the list that I wrote above. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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