sara-leah jr....

[Guest guest]

ahhhhhhh sara that is sooooo sweet.... but do you think they can have the poor

child's name changed; before she learns to recognize it....... lol my mother

thinks I was switched at birth......not really.....just that I am sooooo

spontaneous and free spirited compared to the very conservative " others " in the

family..... poor little leah Jr. may be the odd woman out.....lol

 

I don't think it will ever pass.... loneliness just plain and clearly

sucks....there is nothing else to say...... Ashton, my friend Anne and I went on

a mini road trip today....... went to deliverance and drove around..........

took pictures at Mountain Lake where part of Dirty Dancing was filmed.......

thoughts of patrick swayze make any woman lonely or not feel good...... but

ashton is having a rough time which makes me have a rough time......thank god

for xanax...... never thought I would be a mom taking anxiety meds quite so

needy but when you lie awake at night and the nightmares creep into your

mind........ gotta fight fire with fire........ maybe I should go to vegas and

find a rich sugar daddy lol.....thanks for the support sara just soooooo much

all the time over and over........

>

>

> hello listees.... happy belated bday to .....glad he had a wonderful

> time..... they grow so fast........

>

> hi sherry....how is ms. jamie doing these days......

>

> we are off to Duke again......were at the ER friday night I think...... hey

> mar when did I text you lol....... ashton's tremors are horrid....the

> drooling.... ..the seizures.... ... where did my independent daughter

> go....... i am really having a hard time struggling emotionally and dealing

> with this deep dark regression she has taken..... it is killing me at

> times.... and to be honest I get jealous sometimes and can't read the list

> because she " USED TO BE ONE OF THOSE KIDS " LOL those kids who was doing

> great.... she was making sooooo much progress in school, with reading, her

> flowers, her high school swimming... taking care of her own needs..... and

> now here I am changing her and wiping her butt again after allllllllll these

> years...... its almost time for her to wipe mine......maybe I am having a

> self pity party..... i hate being a single mom, I hate being alone all the

> time....... i hate sitting in the cold er with noone to rub my neck or pull

> me

> close to hug me when I hear dreaded words....... who the hell holds me up

> after i am on the floor scrubbing up vomit and runny poo or

> blood....... ..myself. ...... just once I wish my life was different and the

> struggles weren't so hard..... my living room is in boxes cuz of the move,

> my bank account empty because of the deposits, my heart broken because men

> are pigs, and ummmmm I guess my pity party is over...... I hear ashton

> hollering mommy....... sorry for the grumpy gripe..... must be the

> rain........ ...

>

>