Re: Why won't she accept help??? WHY???? (very long post, sorry)

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

I'm sorry to hear about your mom's day. It sounds miserable, and

believe me, I've had a few of them, mine have mostly been with my 17

year old who has ADHD, Bipolar,and Reactive Attachment Disorder

(comes from not attaching to parents early and then being in 7 foster

homes in 18 months before he came to us).

I'm wondering if your mom is in fact scared that your brother will

act appropriately for others when he doesn't for her? None of us

wants to feel like a failure and when our kids don't behave for us

we do feel that we've failed. Compound that when they behave for

others! But the truth is, ALL kids behave better for other people

than they do for their parents. I did it, my kids do it, and I'll

bet you did it too! No one wants to deal with " maybe this behavior

is my fault " (like so many poeple have told us in the past) so we

avoid getting " found out " . If I let someone in and my kid acts

better for them, then maybe it's my fault my kid acts like a terror.

The real truth is, we will do a better job if we get breaks from time

to time, and your brother will do better if he gets breaks too. I'll

tell you, my 11 year old daughter adores me (I don't really now why,

I don't think I'm especially great, but she does) but she gets almost

giddy when once a month her dad and I go out for our monthly date!

It could be insulting, but the truth is most kids are like this to a

degree. So I choose not to get insulted and just enjoy my time away

as much as she does! =)

I hope this helps.

Sincerely,

('s mom, 9 (for 2 more days), DS-A)

>

> It was a rough day for my mom today, and I just got off the

> telephone with her crying.

>

> Where to start? My brother, Jeff (13 DS-Autism), was with my

mother

> alone today, which, in my opinion, is dangerous. Jeff is bigger

and

> stronger. But, the weather was so nice today that my mom agreed

> that my dad should go play golf with his friends. Whenever this

> happens, I can predict with nearly 100% certainty how the day is

> going to end, and that is with my mom at the end of her rope. What

> happened today? Here is the rundown.

>

> My mom took Jeff to the park. She said it all started out well.

> But, as they left, Jeff attacked my mom and ripped her shirt

> completely off. After Jeff calmed down, my mom had to cover

herself

> as she drove home while crying and trying to make sure Jeff didn't

> have another meltdown, all at the same time, which is dangerous.

She

> had to park in the garage so the neighbors wouldn't see.

>

> My mom cooked Jeff dinner while keeping track of him and trying to

> make sure he didn't have another spell. She made him roast beef

and

> corn (cut off the cob). She has always worked hard to make sure

all

> her kids had a home cooked meal, creating some of my fondest

> memories growing up. I'm sure my two grown sisters would agree.

> Anyway, while she was doing her cooking, my dad had called me and

> asked if I had spoken to my mom. I told him that I had, and let

him

> know about the park incident. So, he called my mom and said, " I

> heard it has been a rough day. "

>

> While my dad was on the telephone with her, Jeff runs over and tips

> all the food my mom had just cooked for him onto the floor.

>

> Two things had just happened that had my mother calling me crying

> again. First, the fact that I told my dad she had a rough day with

> Jeff, as if it were some sort of secret or unexpected. Second,

Jeff

> threw his food off the table.

>

> Let's address the first reason, as the second reason for her being

> upset is pretty obvious. My mom was upset with me for telling my

> dad she had a rough day with Jeff. You see, she so badly wants to

> be able to take care of Jeff on her own, for people to perceive her

> as doing a good job, and for my dad to feel comfortable going out

> and doing something for himself, like playing golf. She has this

> attitude that Jeff is her and my dad's obligation alone, and

resists

> shifting the burdon onto somebody else. " Jeff is my

> responsibility, " she often says. It is as if, after all these

years

> with Jeff, she considers herself as " Failing " as a parent because

of

> Jeff's continued behavior. Which brings me to my question for

> anyone who might have advice for me. Why does she have this

> attitude, and WHY WON'T SHE ACCEPT HELP?

>

> Over the past few weeks I have been looking for people who could

> assist with Jeff, and I found a few people with potential. My

> parents interviewed one of them yesterday evening, and he is going

> to spend a few hours with Jeff and my dad tomorrow. But, already,

> even before giving the guy a chance, my mom is saying, " How am I

> going to leave Jeff with this guy when he acts like this? I don't

> want to put this responsibility on someone else. He is not going

to

> be able to handle it. "

>

> The thing is, this guy says he works with people like Jeff for a

> living. He has training. He even runs a camp for people like

> Jeff. Why wouldn't she want to have him help, especially at $40 an

> hour. I'm almost to the point where I think at least a little of

it

> has to do with my mom not wanting people to know how Jeff really is

> for fear they will think that she is not doing a good job with

him.

> I don't think she realizes how much people admire her, even though

> she hears it from people all of the time. But, the funny thing is,

> she almost seems to take offense when people tell her that.

>

> Well, I'm sorry me posting here is such a one way street, with you

> all always the one's giving advice and me not able to offer much in

> exchange. I can't offer much more in exchange other than my

> appreciation.

>

[Guest guest]

Where in the country is your Mom? Possible that we have a family nearby who

could give her an ear from someone in the same boat. I would be glad to

talk to her myself about how difficult life was when A> my son was a teen

with out of control behaviors and B> How help saved my sanity so I could be

a better MOM.

We have been there and she can be led to understand that she is not alone

and IT ISN " T HER FAULT that she has a child with a difficult disability.

And that she AND your Dad need time off. AND that Jeff needs to be with

other GUYS who are not his parents.

BTW - my son Elie - now 23 will be moving very shortly to live with a

similar age NT friend!! We have come a long way from the " no one else can

do what we his parents can do " .

On Fri, Aug 8, 2008 at 7:34 PM, Woodside wrote:

> It was a rough day for my mom today, and I just got off the

> telephone with her crying.

>

> Where to start? My brother, Jeff (13 DS-Autism), was with my mother

> alone today, which, in my opinion, is dangerous. Jeff is bigger and

> stronger. But, the weather was so nice today that my mom agreed

> that my dad should go play golf with his friends. Whenever this

> happens, I can predict with nearly 100% certainty how the day is

> going to end, and that is with my mom at the end of her rope. What

> happened today? Here is the rundown.

>

> My mom took Jeff to the park. She said it all started out well.

> But, as they left, Jeff attacked my mom and ripped her shirt

> completely off. After Jeff calmed down, my mom had to cover herself

> as she drove home while crying and trying to make sure Jeff didn't

> have another meltdown, all at the same time, which is dangerous. She

> had to park in the garage so the neighbors wouldn't see.

>

> My mom cooked Jeff dinner while keeping track of him and trying to

> make sure he didn't have another spell. She made him roast beef and

> corn (cut off the cob). She has always worked hard to make sure all

> her kids had a home cooked meal, creating some of my fondest

> memories growing up. I'm sure my two grown sisters would agree.

> Anyway, while she was doing her cooking, my dad had called me and

> asked if I had spoken to my mom. I told him that I had, and let him

> know about the park incident. So, he called my mom and said, " I

> heard it has been a rough day. "

>

> While my dad was on the telephone with her, Jeff runs over and tips

> all the food my mom had just cooked for him onto the floor.

>

> Two things had just happened that had my mother calling me crying

> again. First, the fact that I told my dad she had a rough day with

> Jeff, as if it were some sort of secret or unexpected. Second, Jeff

> threw his food off the table.

>

> Let's address the first reason, as the second reason for her being

> upset is pretty obvious. My mom was upset with me for telling my

> dad she had a rough day with Jeff. You see, she so badly wants to

> be able to take care of Jeff on her own, for people to perceive her

> as doing a good job, and for my dad to feel comfortable going out

> and doing something for himself, like playing golf. She has this

> attitude that Jeff is her and my dad's obligation alone, and resists

> shifting the burdon onto somebody else. " Jeff is my

> responsibility, " she often says. It is as if, after all these years

> with Jeff, she considers herself as " Failing " as a parent because of

> Jeff's continued behavior. Which brings me to my question for

> anyone who might have advice for me. Why does she have this

> attitude, and WHY WON'T SHE ACCEPT HELP?

>

> Over the past few weeks I have been looking for people who could

> assist with Jeff, and I found a few people with potential. My

> parents interviewed one of them yesterday evening, and he is going

> to spend a few hours with Jeff and my dad tomorrow. But, already,

> even before giving the guy a chance, my mom is saying, " How am I

> going to leave Jeff with this guy when he acts like this? I don't

> want to put this responsibility on someone else. He is not going to

> be able to handle it. "

>

> The thing is, this guy says he works with people like Jeff for a

> living. He has training. He even runs a camp for people like

> Jeff. Why wouldn't she want to have him help, especially at $40 an

> hour. I'm almost to the point where I think at least a little of it

> has to do with my mom not wanting people to know how Jeff really is

> for fear they will think that she is not doing a good job with him.

> I don't think she realizes how much people admire her, even though

> she hears it from people all of the time. But, the funny thing is,

> she almost seems to take offense when people tell her that.

>

> Well, I'm sorry me posting here is such a one way street, with you

> all always the one's giving advice and me not able to offer much in

> exchange. I can't offer much more in exchange other than my

> appreciation.

>

>

>

--

Sara - Life is a journey- we choose the path.

[Guest guest]

,

Sounds like Jeff did not want to leave the park which caused this

meltdown.

Will Jeff begin school soon? This should be address working on

transitioning to the next level.

Example like out here at the park, some type of a visual pics showing

that will spend some time out at the park (walk, swings, etc), then

time to go home, eat with one of favorite snacks like ice cream.

Have to have some type of visual pics of what is going to happen next.

Sounds like his comprehension is pretty good.

It is hard within these steps for mom to take.

She is hurting herself, stressing very much and really could use this

guys help so that she could re-energize and be able to tackle the

challenges or just enjoy continuing being with Jeff.

This is one of the things that some of us mom will look for to see

that this person has some patience.

It can happen, to let go but it is going to take baby steps for her to

feel this.

It is building to accept, understand and see that this guy has

patience with him. She will have to see if for herself though in order

for this to happen.

I'll pray that your mom will be able to let go, have some trust and

that Jeff will show that he likes this guy or make some connection,

this will give mom a little of this comfort she needs to observe.

Maybe this guy due to his experiences will prayers need on assisting

where needed, there are ways to break this ice but it is hard for us

moms.

Looking forward on how it turns out when this happens with the first

visit.

Transition Time: Helping Individuals on the Autism Spectrum Move

Successfully from One Activity to Another

Contributed By Kara Hume, Ph.D.

http://www.iidc.indiana.edu/irca/education/TransitionTime.html

When working around the transition, there has to be something he

really likes, a good reinforcement would help as it seems he has

master so much. Not alone, when my son was 13 y/o officially dx'd with

AU, this was the beginning of my journey of also working around like

what you had mentioned. It is going to take baby steps here and prayers.

Irma,20,DS/ASD

[Guest guest]

,

Thank you for the response.

I honestly don't know. Maybe she would feel a little resentful

seeing others have greater success with Jeff's behavior. I wouldn't

doubt if that were part of it. But, the bottom line is that my mom

just wants Jeff to be happy... To have fun. She does just about

everything for the kid, and she, like so many of you, has completely

and utterly dedicated her life to him.

I will print out your advice for her (minus the first couple of

paragraphs;).

Thanks again,

Woodside

> >

> > It was a rough day for my mom today, and I just got off the

> > telephone with her crying.

> >

> > Where to start? My brother, Jeff (13 DS-Autism), was with my

> mother

> > alone today, which, in my opinion, is dangerous. Jeff is bigger

> and

> > stronger. But, the weather was so nice today that my mom agreed

> > that my dad should go play golf with his friends. Whenever this

> > happens, I can predict with nearly 100% certainty how the day is

> > going to end, and that is with my mom at the end of her rope.

What

> > happened today? Here is the rundown.

> >

> > My mom took Jeff to the park. She said it all started out

well.

> > But, as they left, Jeff attacked my mom and ripped her shirt

> > completely off. After Jeff calmed down, my mom had to cover

> herself

> > as she drove home while crying and trying to make sure Jeff

didn't

> > have another meltdown, all at the same time, which is dangerous.

> She

> > had to park in the garage so the neighbors wouldn't see.

> >

> > My mom cooked Jeff dinner while keeping track of him and trying

to

> > make sure he didn't have another spell. She made him roast beef

> and

> > corn (cut off the cob). She has always worked hard to make sure

> all

> > her kids had a home cooked meal, creating some of my fondest

> > memories growing up. I'm sure my two grown sisters would

agree.

> > Anyway, while she was doing her cooking, my dad had called me

and

> > asked if I had spoken to my mom. I told him that I had, and let

> him

> > know about the park incident. So, he called my mom and said, " I

> > heard it has been a rough day. "

> >

> > While my dad was on the telephone with her, Jeff runs over and

tips

> > all the food my mom had just cooked for him onto the floor.

> >

> > Two things had just happened that had my mother calling me

crying

> > again. First, the fact that I told my dad she had a rough day

with

> > Jeff, as if it were some sort of secret or unexpected. Second,

> Jeff

> > threw his food off the table.

> >

> > Let's address the first reason, as the second reason for her

being

> > upset is pretty obvious. My mom was upset with me for telling

my

> > dad she had a rough day with Jeff. You see, she so badly wants

to

> > be able to take care of Jeff on her own, for people to perceive

her

> > as doing a good job, and for my dad to feel comfortable going

out

> > and doing something for himself, like playing golf. She has

this

> > attitude that Jeff is her and my dad's obligation alone, and

> resists

> > shifting the burdon onto somebody else. " Jeff is my

> > responsibility, " she often says. It is as if, after all these

> years

> > with Jeff, she considers herself as " Failing " as a parent

because

> of

> > Jeff's continued behavior. Which brings me to my question for

> > anyone who might have advice for me. Why does she have this

> > attitude, and WHY WON'T SHE ACCEPT HELP?

> >

> > Over the past few weeks I have been looking for people who could

> > assist with Jeff, and I found a few people with potential. My

> > parents interviewed one of them yesterday evening, and he is

going

> > to spend a few hours with Jeff and my dad tomorrow. But,

already,

> > even before giving the guy a chance, my mom is saying, " How am I

> > going to leave Jeff with this guy when he acts like this? I

don't

> > want to put this responsibility on someone else. He is not

going

> to

> > be able to handle it. "

> >

> > The thing is, this guy says he works with people like Jeff for a

> > living. He has training. He even runs a camp for people like

> > Jeff. Why wouldn't she want to have him help, especially at $40

an

> > hour. I'm almost to the point where I think at least a little

of

> it

> > has to do with my mom not wanting people to know how Jeff really

is

> > for fear they will think that she is not doing a good job with

> him.

> > I don't think she realizes how much people admire her, even

though

> > she hears it from people all of the time. But, the funny thing

is,

> > she almost seems to take offense when people tell her that.

> >

> > Well, I'm sorry me posting here is such a one way street, with

you

> > all always the one's giving advice and me not able to offer much

in

> > exchange. I can't offer much more in exchange other than my

> > appreciation.

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Sara,

I very much appreciate your response.

My family is from the Gateway to the West--beautiful Saint Louis,

Missouri, which is actually a great place to live if you are a

parent of a child with behavior issues. The special school district

here is one of the best. If you go to

https://www.scotsmanauctionco.com/staff.aspx you can see a picture

of my dad and I. My sister's is a little bit lower.

Gosh, I would love you to talk to my mother. Everyone loves her.

She is really great. I'm just not sure how I could get that all set

up. I'm not saying we would need to be sneaky about it, but it

would have to subtle. I hate to put you on the spot, but maybe we

could do something where you call her and say something like, " My

name is Sara and I'm a member of an online support group for

children with . I became a member of the group to look for

new ways to help me better care for my son Elie. I'm doing some

research and was hoping you might be able to help me. " Then go on

to say how you have seen my posts and were wanting to learn about

some of the challenges that she has faced over the years that might

help parents with younger children... etc. etc. etc. I think she

would warm up to something like that. Her name is Sandy, she is

54.

Let me know if this is something you would be interested in doing,

and I'll make a $100 donation to the charity of your choice. It is

the least I could do for all the advice you all have shared with me.

-

>

> > It was a rough day for my mom today, and I just got off the

> > telephone with her crying.

> >

> > Where to start? My brother, Jeff (13 DS-Autism), was with my

mother

> > alone today, which, in my opinion, is dangerous. Jeff is bigger

and

> > stronger. But, the weather was so nice today that my mom agreed

> > that my dad should go play golf with his friends. Whenever this

> > happens, I can predict with nearly 100% certainty how the day is

> > going to end, and that is with my mom at the end of her rope.

What

> > happened today? Here is the rundown.

> >

> > My mom took Jeff to the park. She said it all started out well.

> > But, as they left, Jeff attacked my mom and ripped her shirt

> > completely off. After Jeff calmed down, my mom had to cover

herself

> > as she drove home while crying and trying to make sure Jeff

didn't

> > have another meltdown, all at the same time, which is dangerous.

She

> > had to park in the garage so the neighbors wouldn't see.

> >

> > My mom cooked Jeff dinner while keeping track of him and trying

to

> > make sure he didn't have another spell. She made him roast beef

and

> > corn (cut off the cob). She has always worked hard to make sure

all

> > her kids had a home cooked meal, creating some of my fondest

> > memories growing up. I'm sure my two grown sisters would agree.

> > Anyway, while she was doing her cooking, my dad had called me and

> > asked if I had spoken to my mom. I told him that I had, and let

him

> > know about the park incident. So, he called my mom and said, " I

> > heard it has been a rough day. "

> >

> > While my dad was on the telephone with her, Jeff runs over and

tips

> > all the food my mom had just cooked for him onto the floor.

> >

> > Two things had just happened that had my mother calling me crying

> > again. First, the fact that I told my dad she had a rough day

with

> > Jeff, as if it were some sort of secret or unexpected. Second,

Jeff

> > threw his food off the table.

> >

> > Let's address the first reason, as the second reason for her

being

> > upset is pretty obvious. My mom was upset with me for telling my

> > dad she had a rough day with Jeff. You see, she so badly wants to

> > be able to take care of Jeff on her own, for people to perceive

her

> > as doing a good job, and for my dad to feel comfortable going out

> > and doing something for himself, like playing golf. She has this

> > attitude that Jeff is her and my dad's obligation alone, and

resists

> > shifting the burdon onto somebody else. " Jeff is my

> > responsibility, " she often says. It is as if, after all these

years

> > with Jeff, she considers herself as " Failing " as a parent

because of

> > Jeff's continued behavior. Which brings me to my question for

> > anyone who might have advice for me. Why does she have this

> > attitude, and WHY WON'T SHE ACCEPT HELP?

> >

> > Over the past few weeks I have been looking for people who could

> > assist with Jeff, and I found a few people with potential. My

> > parents interviewed one of them yesterday evening, and he is

going

> > to spend a few hours with Jeff and my dad tomorrow. But, already,

> > even before giving the guy a chance, my mom is saying, " How am I

> > going to leave Jeff with this guy when he acts like this? I don't

> > want to put this responsibility on someone else. He is not going

to

> > be able to handle it. "

> >

> > The thing is, this guy says he works with people like Jeff for a

> > living. He has training. He even runs a camp for people like

> > Jeff. Why wouldn't she want to have him help, especially at $40

an

> > hour. I'm almost to the point where I think at least a little of

it

> > has to do with my mom not wanting people to know how Jeff really

is

> > for fear they will think that she is not doing a good job with

him.

> > I don't think she realizes how much people admire her, even

though

> > she hears it from people all of the time. But, the funny thing

is,

> > she almost seems to take offense when people tell her that.

> >

> > Well, I'm sorry me posting here is such a one way street, with

you

> > all always the one's giving advice and me not able to offer much

in

> > exchange. I can't offer much more in exchange other than my

> > appreciation.

> >

> >

> >

>

>

>

> --

> Sara - Life is a journey- we choose the path.

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Irma,

Great information... Looks like my printer at work will be busy

printing out this post, and the contents of the website you

suggested.

You are exactly right. Jeff did not want to leave... (probably not

because he enjoyed being there as much as he knew if he left he

wouldn't have an opportunity to tip over this big trash can that is

there. Jeff loves to tip things).

Yes, Jeff starts school on Thursday, thank goodness. His teacher is

great with him, which is a complete blessing. I don't know how we

lucked out on that one.

I appreciate you adding your prayers to ours. My dad has always

said that this challenge is their test, and that Jeff is their

ticket to heaven.

Woodside

>

> ,

>

> Sounds like Jeff did not want to leave the park which caused this

> meltdown.

>

> Will Jeff begin school soon? This should be address working on

> transitioning to the next level.

> Example like out here at the park, some type of a visual pics

showing

> that will spend some time out at the park (walk, swings, etc), then

> time to go home, eat with one of favorite snacks like ice cream.

> Have to have some type of visual pics of what is going to happen

next.

> Sounds like his comprehension is pretty good.

>

> It is hard within these steps for mom to take.

> She is hurting herself, stressing very much and really could use

this

> guys help so that she could re-energize and be able to tackle the

> challenges or just enjoy continuing being with Jeff.

>

> This is one of the things that some of us mom will look for to see

> that this person has some patience.

> It can happen, to let go but it is going to take baby steps for

her to

> feel this.

> It is building to accept, understand and see that this guy has

> patience with him. She will have to see if for herself though in

order

> for this to happen.

>

> I'll pray that your mom will be able to let go, have some trust and

> that Jeff will show that he likes this guy or make some connection,

> this will give mom a little of this comfort she needs to observe.

> Maybe this guy due to his experiences will prayers need on

assisting

> where needed, there are ways to break this ice but it is hard for

us

> moms.

>

> Looking forward on how it turns out when this happens with the

first

> visit.

>

> Transition Time: Helping Individuals on the Autism Spectrum Move

> Successfully from One Activity to Another

> Contributed By Kara Hume, Ph.D.

>

> http://www.iidc.indiana.edu/irca/education/TransitionTime.html

>

> When working around the transition, there has to be something he

> really likes, a good reinforcement would help as it seems he has

> master so much. Not alone, when my son was 13 y/o officially dx'd

with

> AU, this was the beginning of my journey of also working around

like

> what you had mentioned. It is going to take baby steps here and

prayers.

>

> Irma,20,DS/ASD

>

[Guest guest]

, I had to leave out of town to celebrate my mom's birthday this

Sunday morning and return the same day which was about near 11:30

p.m., it was just about 155 miles away from where I live, well worth

it when I saw how happy she was on her special day and temperature hit

about 103, whew! Master Steveo did awesome and actually spoke to some

of his second cousins who I use to care for once upon a time. I was

just so proud of him using some of his words loud and clear to my 3

munchkins, " What, No, yeah, come here, hug " , etc., have not heard this

for quite some time as he regress here as he use to have over 200

words, just awesome!

Anyways, it seems though that I had replied to this post but it did

not go through and would like to try it again on forwarding it and if

not, guess it was not meant to be.

Remember no expert here but hope that I do not bombard you too much

with what I have to share as my mind spins if anything will help to

work around some of the challenges your mom works around.

RE:

,

Amazing how we have to step back, analysis of what is going on.

It is being a detective all the time.

What we share of course this is only based via email here on what you

post. Hope something helps.

Glad Jeff will be returning to school and nice that he has a wonderful

teacher, too. He must miss her. This will definitely give each one a

break.

Was ESY (Extended School Year) services offer to Jeff? Jeff sounds

like a pretty smart cookie and may require to keep his mind stimulated

or he will get bored and frustrated. Something to look into when break

happen next year.

But then who knows maybe if all works out mom will be ready to look

into something like a summer camp next year, this will be hard with

these steps for mom though, but sounds like this is more of Jeff,

always on the go, craving for that structure, not that he is not

receiving it at home.

Just like your mom, staying on top of things and ready to confront any

challenges but of course it will be hard for him to express this.

Such a 12 y/o needing to explore but of course working around his

learning style.

Do not know if this has been mentioned but does your mom share any of

the behavior episodes to Jeff's teacher? Hopefully not in front of

Jeff though, as he does understand a lot and do not want to embarrass

or get him upset.

Do you know if your parents have ever requested for In-Home & parent

training or how about some ABA services? This could be something to

look into since he enjoys school. Whatever they are using at school

could be carried over at home or at least similar to help your parents.

Have your parent's ever requested about any type of resources on

autism that may be available that the school has to offer?

Sometimes the school district provide some parent training workshops

on (communication strategies, behavior strategies, How to make some

visual strategies, etc.)or will help pay for conferences or workshops

related to autism. The school district might even have a resource room

with books, handouts, videos, etc. on autism. This is something else

to ask Jeff's teacher and in writing so that a paper trail will be

documented for the you never know down the road throughout his school

years, heaven forbid should anything happen, it will be part of the

records. I would take advantage of whatever through the school

district to assist with these challenges occurring at home or when mom

takes him out into the community.

Apologies for asking these questions, just my mind wandering off here

as always. I tend to do this a lot. ; )

Sounds like the tipping over as it could also be a habit now, could

also mean relieving his frustration. Do not mind me, just throwing

some things here.

I also wonder if seeking some Propriocetive input or if tactile defensive.

http://www.sensory-processing-disorder.com/tactile-defensiveness.html

Proprioceptive Sense: input from the muscles and joints about body

position, weight, pressure, stretch, movement, and changes in position

in space.

http://www.sensory-processing-disorder.com/sensory-processing-disorder-checklist\

..html

May require something like this:

Heavy Work Activities

(Proprioceptive Input)

They Need Them, They Crave Them!

http://www.sensory-processing-disorder.com/heavy-work-activities.html

Can't tell with what you have posted if it really sounds like seeking

some sensory input.

Hate to admit it even I do this when I get upset, tip things over or

throw things. My husband has learn to stay away from me and let me

cool down. I really have learn to adapt now when I get upset.

No wonder this is one of my comfort zone out at the bowling alley

which is pretty therapeutic an fun, I say when it is time to relieve

some frustration, glad enjoys it very much too as he can

tolerate the noise.

This has help me relate when my son gets frustrated, it is just

letting him cool down then once I know it is safe, then I could

redirect him to whatever at the time. Of course there have been some

moments where I had to make quick decisions if it was not a safe

environment, like at a busy parking lot.

In the past when my son was about your brother's age, had been

approach at the mall by a security while he was having a melt down.

I just told him that my son has autism which requires some down time

with this behavior episode where no talking or eye contact is given &

they would just mosey on.

I have had the opportunity in this journey meeting several

professionals who specialize in the autism arena stay in touch with me

when issues arise, this is where I have been very Blessed.

Dennis Debbaudt with Autism Risk Management had given me some wallet

cards to pass on to my friends and carry with me, if I am ever

approach by any Law enforcement.

http://www.autismriskmanagement.com/

If there is a way you could print this out and minimize it to a wallet

size on a cardstock paper and have this laminated for your mom to

carry. If not if interested could always contact Dennis to order some,

website above this paragraph. Just make sure that Dennis's information

is on it, thanks. This depends as some of this may not relate to some

of Jeff's challenging issues. Just thought I share this.

Front of card:

Autism

COMMUNICATION

The person you are interacting with:

* May be non verbal or have limited verbal skills

* May not respond to your commands or questions

* May repeat your words & phrases; your body language and emotional

reactions

* May have difficulty expressing needs

BEHAVIOR

* May display tantrums or extreme distress for no apparent reason

* May laugh, giggle or ignore your presence

* May be extremely sensitive to lights, sounds or touch

* May have no fear of real danger

* May appear insensitive to pain

* May exhibit self-stimulating behavior: hand flapping, body rocking

or attachment to objects.

IN CRIMINAL JUSTICE SITUATIONS

* May not understand rights or warnings

* May become anxious in new situations

* May not understand consequences of their actions

* If verbal, may produce false confession or misleading statement

Back of card.

As with Alzheimer's patients,persons with autism may wander. Person

with autism may be attracted to water, roadways, or peer into and

enter dwellings.

TIPS FOR INTERACTIONS WITH PERSONS WITH AUTISM

* Display calming body language: give person extra personal space

* Use simple language

* Speak slowly, repeat and rephrase questions

* Use concrete terms and ideas; avoid slang

* Allow extra time for response

* Give praise and encouragement

* Exercise caution during restraint

* Person may have seizure disorders and low muscle tone

* Avoid positional asphyxia. keep airway clear. Turn person on side often.

* Given time and space, person may deescalate their behavior

* Seek advice from others on the scene who know the person with autism

If in custody, alert jail authorities. Consider initial isolation

facility. Person would be at risk in general prison population.

REMEMBER: Each individual with autism is unique and may act or react

differently. PLEASE contact a professional who is familiar with autism.

Further Info: ddpi@...

Another card to have if interested is also this card as there are

others to use that will explain about the unique and challenging

issues when one interacts with a person with autism or let them know

about autism.

http://www.dimensionsspeech.com/autism-registry.shtml

Irma,20,DS/ASD

>

> Irma,

>

> Great information... Looks like my printer at work will be busy

> printing out this post, and the contents of the website you

> suggested.

>

> You are exactly right. Jeff did not want to leave... (probably not

> because he enjoyed being there as much as he knew if he left he

> wouldn't have an opportunity to tip over this big trash can that is

> there. Jeff loves to tip things).

>

> Yes, Jeff starts school on Thursday, thank goodness. His teacher is

> great with him, which is a complete blessing. I don't know how we

> lucked out on that one.

>

> I appreciate you adding your prayers to ours. My dad has always

> said that this challenge is their test, and that Jeff is their

> ticket to heaven.

>

> Woodside

[Guest guest]

Wow... Thank you so much for this detailed post.

Very glad to learn Master Steveo did so well at your mom's birthday

bash. It sounds like he had a good time and used one of my favorite

words, " hug. "

Yes, Jeff had extended school services. Basically, we just call it

summer school. I think it is about a month long, Monday thru

Friday, from 8a to noon.

My parents have gone to so many classes and read so many books...

They really have. They even went to a two-week long Judivine

class. They have learned a lot and continue to learn, thanks in

part to the DS-Autism posters like yourself. My printer has been

busy:)

Good point with your observation of the throwing out of anger from

an unfulfilled need. That is part of it, no doubt. But honestly,

he really does enjoy tipping things just for fun.

Hey, thanks again for you willingness to help my family. A big old

cyber hug from me to you.

-

> >

> > Irma,

> >

> > Great information... Looks like my printer at work will be busy

> > printing out this post, and the contents of the website you

> > suggested.

> >

> > You are exactly right. Jeff did not want to leave... (probably

not

> > because he enjoyed being there as much as he knew if he left he

> > wouldn't have an opportunity to tip over this big trash can that

is

> > there. Jeff loves to tip things).

> >

> > Yes, Jeff starts school on Thursday, thank goodness. His

teacher is

> > great with him, which is a complete blessing. I don't know how

we

> > lucked out on that one.

> >

> > I appreciate you adding your prayers to ours. My dad has always

> > said that this challenge is their test, and that Jeff is their

> > ticket to heaven.

> >

> > Woodside

>

[Guest guest]

Your welcome .

I have heard some wonderful stories from friends who have had their

individuals with autism treated out at Judevine.

I have also had the opportunity to have met the Director from Judevine

who was one of the guest for a national conference out here in SA in

regards to the Transition and adult issues about 2 years ago.

It is great that your parents had the opportunity to receive some

great information and training.

Really did like what the Director had shared my way, so I can imagine.

Such a journey we are all on but nice to hear how much to choose from

when one shares as you have within a siblings perspective. This is a

Blessing having you aboard.

My Best,

Irma

>

> Wow... Thank you so much for this detailed post.

>

> Very glad to learn Master Steveo did so well at your mom's birthday

> bash. It sounds like he had a good time and used one of my favorite

> words, " hug. "

>

> Yes, Jeff had extended school services. Basically, we just call it

> summer school. I think it is about a month long, Monday thru

> Friday, from 8a to noon.

>

> My parents have gone to so many classes and read so many books...

> They really have. They even went to a two-week long Judivine

> class. They have learned a lot and continue to learn, thanks in

> part to the DS-Autism posters like yourself. My printer has been

> busy:)

>

> Good point with your observation of the throwing out of anger from

> an unfulfilled need. That is part of it, no doubt. But honestly,

> he really does enjoy tipping things just for fun.

>

> Hey, thanks again for you willingness to help my family. A big old

> cyber hug from me to you.

>

> -