Re: difficult post.. needing some advice.

[Guest guest]

First, go to Child Protection and Advocacy (they should be in the phone

book) and lay it out to them. Ask if one of their lawyers can represent

him; they're free. If this is not an option, then by all means go for a

public defender. Meet with this person and tell them the whole story,

including your informing the school about his disability and what will

set him off. Ask that the P.D. call your son's psychologist and/or

neurologist as a witness, or that they at least file affadavits as to

his condition and what that entails. Ask the public defender to file

for a continuance, if that's possible here. If that public defender will

not work with you, ask the court for another. It's your right to have

an adequate defense, by Constitutional law, so they have to give you

another attorney if the first is clueless. Explain to your son that

this is not a murder charge, and he will not be taken away from you

forever. Over and over, if that's what it takes. Don't let him see you

sad or scared, because (as you probably know) he'll pick up on that and

mirror it.

For now, make yourself a cup of tea (or a stiff drink, if you're into

that), put up your feet, and try to relax.

I wish I could help more, I really do. But longdistance advice is all

the internet will allow.

Annie, who loves ya annie@...

--

" I've gained a few pounds around the middle. The only lower-body

garments I own that still fit me comfortably are towels. " -- Dave Barry

[Guest guest]

DES,

Oh hon. Here's a hug {{{{{{{{{{{{{}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

I understand exactly what you are going through. A similar situation

recently happened to my son.

Why isn't this going through a Juvenile Court officer first? Here when a

situation like this happens (or any other situation involving legal charges

for a minor) it has to go through Juvenile Court Services first.

Especially if it is a child's first time the usual thing is to give them

Community Service hours to work off. This lessens the caseloads in the

courts (as they then only refer on to the courts either those youth that are

repeat offenders or only the serious - serious charges). Is there not such

an entity where you live? If there is, I think I would ask them why it

wasn't handled through them first. If there isn't, perhaps the court

retains this option.

The public defender should be available pro bono. Usually you will have to

go in and fill out a financial affidavit explaining why you are requesting

it. In our case, I only make about $675 a month (part time work) and there

was no way that I could have afforded an attorney. If you quality, they

will assign you a public defender at no charge to you. They are attorneys

that work on a revolving basis (to spread the work and responsibility around

instead of heaping it all on one attorney). The one got was

wonderful.

The similarities between your son's incident and 's are uncanny. His

happened in late November. He had a severe migraine and had been told to

take his hood down, when he refused they called the vice principal. Vice

principal demanded the hood be taken down, again said no - his head

hurt and the bright lights made it worse. They called me - I started out

there. went to leave the room, vice principal stood in his way and

tried to push past him so he could go wait for me. Vice principal

said " that's assault. " poked him with his index finger and said " no,

that's assault " . At which point they called the police. I got there, got

to take him home and Friday (this was the Wednesday before Thanksgiving) the

officer shows up at the door and proceeds to give him two tickets for

assault (he had also tried to push past the liaison officer) and a

disorderly conduct. Like your son, crowding him or calling the police

instantly makes things escalate. So much could have gone differently if

they had just tried a different tact. Don't they get it that our children

don't respond the way most kids do? Like your son, didn't want to go

back to school ... couldn't face the teachers or classmates. Like your son,

thought for sure they were going to throw the book at him and haul

him off to placement. He has poor frustration tolerance and once starts

escalating - it is very difficult to calm him down. Intervene improperly

and you have a volcano going off.

I would suggest sitting down with him when he is calm and doing okay (not

when he is stressed or tired) and letting him know that charges were filled

and that he will need to face them in court. Remind him of what transpired

(memories can be selective things - especially in 14 year olds. Lol.) Let

him know that you will be right there with him and that you will help him

deal with this. If he shows remorse (which it sounds like he has had plenty

of) to the judge and the judge is aware of his diagnosis, I believe that

things will go very well.

As far as the IEP meeting, research alternative ways to handle things when

he gets either overstimulated or loses his cool. The usual confrontational

ways of getting most other youth to work totally do not work on our kids

(not like I have to tell you that!)

I would make sure not only for the IEP but also for the court date that you

have verfication of his diagnosis and as much information for both the

participants in the hearing (judge, county attorney, public defender, etc.)

as well as those in on the IEP meeting, on the issues that your son is

dealing with as far as diagnosis. The more they know, the better. It made

all the difference in the world for when I handed out a Tourette's

pamphlet called " it's not just the tics " , that explained all the other

issues he deals with on a daily basis .... anxiety, OCD, etc. What could

have lead to placement in a facility, instead lead to being placed on a

" Child in Need of Assistance " petition through Department of Human Services

(basically a program that will pay for further help if it is needed).

has ADHD, OCD, Severe Anxiety and possible AS (no difinitive

diagnosis, but school psychologist says she will proceed as if he is since

he shows so many of the signs. He too is 14.

Why don't you fill me in on his diagnoses and I will do some of the legwork

for you if you would like. I can look up some of the information that would

be instrumental to have and either tell you the URLS or send the information

to you via attachments. You are welcome to email me directly if you want

more information or just to talk if you need to. Just remember, you are not

alone in this.

Hugs,

Steph

>

>Reply-To: autism-aspergers

>To: autism-aspergers

>Subject: difficult post.. needing some advice.

>Date: Fri, 23 Jan 2004 23:19:52 -0000

>

>One of those days you wish you could wipe from history?

>

>I received in the mail today 2 envelopes.. one for me and one for my

>middle son. Court summons... he's being charged in Juvenile Court

>with 4th degree assault.

>

>Back in December my son had a meltdown at school... was sent to OR

>and *long story short* they threatened to call the police if he

>didn't calm down. He walked in and ripped the phone cord out of the

>wall. Then 'supposedly' pushed the staff. Including the one with

>the camera (yea.. I gave my permission at the beginning of this

>program thinking this would help us see him at school.) Bad thing,

>during esculation they video tape him.. which sets him over the top.

>Yelling, cussing, screaming.. threating verbally. Now... I won't

>disclaim he pushed anyone probably... but the incident was relayed to

>me by telephone; and NOTHING was said about assault charges... just

>filling out the police report for the property damage. The police

>did go to the school.. and he calmed down immediately and responded

>approp. to the officer. He came home on the van that evening and was

>sorry he got so upset. Had ONE problem the next day getting him to

>go again (he was afraid.. he couldn't face them) I told him that

>when you do something wrong; you apologize. Period.

>

>*deep breath* The whole thing is written out by the County

>Attorney. He has to get an attorney of his own.. or pay for a public

>defender. etc etc.

>

>How am I going to tell this child he has to face charges now...for

>something happened last month? Doesn't anyone understand that this

>kid will think he's facing a 'murder charge' in his own mind?

>

>I'm clueless here.. scared, just plain falling apart over this right

>now. He's suppose to go to school on Monday... and I have an IEP on

>Monday afternoon. HOW do I deal with all this?

>

>I know this is alot to post in one frantic post.. but I'm feeling

>like my son is being treated as a juvenile deliquent who will now

>have a record because of his inability to NOT panic (when they

>threaten calling 911), to be able to not 'go over the top " with his

>words. AND.. they restrained him.. A HUGE THING for my sensory kid.

>14 or not. I have no idea where to start.. what to do.. where to

>turn.

>

>The Court date is Feb. 6th.

>

>DES

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Annie,

All wonderful advice! See that is why we are on these lists! Great minds

working together can work miracles!

Hugs,

Steph

>

>Reply-To: autism-aspergers

>To: autism-aspergers

>Subject: Re: difficult post.. needing some advice.

>Date: Fri, 23 Jan 2004 17:26:05 -0700

>

>First, go to Child Protection and Advocacy (they should be in the phone

>book) and lay it out to them. Ask if one of their lawyers can represent

>him; they're free. If this is not an option, then by all means go for a

>public defender. Meet with this person and tell them the whole story,

>including your informing the school about his disability and what will

>set him off. Ask that the P.D. call your son's psychologist and/or

>neurologist as a witness, or that they at least file affadavits as to

>his condition and what that entails. Ask the public defender to file

>for a continuance, if that's possible here. If that public defender will

>not work with you, ask the court for another. It's your right to have

>an adequate defense, by Constitutional law, so they have to give you

>another attorney if the first is clueless. Explain to your son that

>this is not a murder charge, and he will not be taken away from you

>forever. Over and over, if that's what it takes. Don't let him see you

>sad or scared, because (as you probably know) he'll pick up on that and

>mirror it.

>

>For now, make yourself a cup of tea (or a stiff drink, if you're into

>that), put up your feet, and try to relax.

>

>I wish I could help more, I really do. But longdistance advice is all

>the internet will allow.

>

>Annie, who loves ya annie@...

>--

> " I've gained a few pounds around the middle. The only lower-body

>garments I own that still fit me comfortably are towels. " -- Dave Barry

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Des,

I can't tell you how sorry I am to hear about this.

There is a man called Dennis Debbaudt, based in Florida, who works to inform

law enforcement and criminal justice agencies about autism issues. Here's an

address for him:

> Dennis Debbaudt

> Port St. Lucie, Florida

> http://www.policeandautism.cjb.net

>

I would have thought he would be able to give you useful information about

how to deal with this.

He has written a book called Autism, Advocates and Law enforcement

professionals: recognising and reducing risk situations for people with ASDs

( Kingsley publishers).

> >

> >Back in December my son had a meltdown at school... was sent to OR

> >and *long story short* they threatened to call the police if he

> >didn't calm down.

I would want to know why they thought that threatening him would have any

positive effect. There should be agreed procedures for what to do in a

meltdown situation - did they follow these? ASDs are not capable of rational

thought at these sort of times, and HAVE to be given an outlet for their

emotion (anger). They simply are not able to 'calm down' because someone

tells them to.

> >I know this is alot to post in one frantic post.. but I'm feeling

> >like my son is being treated as a juvenile deliquent

Been there, done that, have the mental scars to prove it! I do feel for you.

in England

[Guest guest]

I Totally agree with Annie! I would also be seriously considering

removing him from that school!

Sherryxx

> First, go to Child Protection and Advocacy (they should be in the

phone

> book) and lay it out to them. Ask if one of their lawyers can

represent

> him; they're free. If this is not an option, then by all means go

for a

> public defender. Meet with this person and tell them the whole

story,

> including your informing the school about his disability and what

will

> set him off. Ask that the P.D. call your son's psychologist and/or

> neurologist as a witness, or that they at least file affadavits as

to

> his condition and what that entails. Ask the public defender to

file

> for a continuance, if that's possible here. If that public defender

will

> not work with you, ask the court for another. It's your right to

have

> an adequate defense, by Constitutional law, so they have to give

you

> another attorney if the first is clueless. Explain to your son

that

> this is not a murder charge, and he will not be taken away from

you

> forever. Over and over, if that's what it takes. Don't let him

see you

> sad or scared, because (as you probably know) he'll pick up on that

and

> mirror it.

>

> For now, make yourself a cup of tea (or a stiff drink, if you're

into

> that), put up your feet, and try to relax.

>

> I wish I could help more, I really do. But longdistance advice is

all

> the internet will allow.

>

> Annie, who loves ya annie@r...

> --

> " I've gained a few pounds around the middle. The only lower-body

> garments I own that still fit me comfortably are towels. " -- Dave

Barry