Re: went crazy

[Guest guest]

Hi there Sherry- and everyone else who replied- right there with you!

THANK YOU for posting- this could be a big help for us, too.

We've had some similar situations with Pete in the last few months.

I am not so afraid of his scratching or kicking me as I am of his

strength when he throws stuff now- and sometimes this behavior comes

out of the blue, despite a pretty intensive behavior plan in place.

Two nights now in the the last week I have had him put on boots and

his parka and we walked past 9 pm in the snowy cold. I swear it made

me feel better- just zapped my feelings of anger, frustration, and

helplessness. He had already had evening meds, but seemed to be

winding himself up higher than a kite. I swear he goes through a

personality change during these times- he kind of disappears and

turns maniacal.

We are in a watch and think mode with our dr. about a prn med for

him- for times just as you described. Hhmm- I think I will share

these posts about the ativan. I know *I* needed one the other night.

We are trying our best to do all the preventive stuff, but on days

when he has been awake since 4:30 am I am exhausted and he is wired

for sound. Since DH is deaf, he never hears Pete wake up, and it

makes no sense for me to wake him and have him be up with Pete- one

of us has to be functional.

Only a few months ago I felt that I could safely say I was never

afraid when Pete started to get more agitated- I usually could pretty

confidently turn things around. But when the vacuum cleaner comes

crashing down the stairs, or he throws a cast iron pot in the

kitchen- well, things are not so clear-cut anymore.

I *know* there is a hormonal connection- you can almost feel the

testosterone surge- but unlike periods, there is no predicting when

the tide might change.

Right now, the most powerful tool we have are some photo's of Pete's

uncles that he adores. He literally has them lined up on the floor

and lovingly stares at them. I can take them away for a few minutes

at a time until he pulls himself back together- most of the time. I

say things like, " Show Uncle Dan how you brush your teeth quietly " /

keep your hands to yourself/ have a quiet voice " . Right now, Uncle

Dan has won out over his Uncle , LOL! But once I start to get

on pins and needles because I am not sure if he's going to turn on

me, it's as though he knows he can get the upper hand.

But then, as I go through these things, I don't know that I'd trade

places with my girlfriend whose " typical " grown son just moved back

in with them due to being 50K in debt..... Pick your poison, huh?

One of the things that I reflect on during this time of year is what

might have been feeling during her pregnancy with Jesus, and

that sense of, " WHAT did I get myself into? God help me! "

Otherwise, nothing in our lives makes much sense.

I still go for the cup being half full, and try to be thankful when

the day goes well.

A special prayer for those who are feeling that they are at the end

of their rope with no way to keep holding on. It's posts like

Sherry's that may hold a key to some important help. Thank you.

God Bless Us, Every One!

Beth Pete's Mum in central Ohio