Guest guest Posted July 18, 2007 Report Share Posted July 18, 2007 I was just thinking how awful it was after Elie was 7 and his brother turned 20 and went away for college. Yes, I missed my older son, but I hadn't realized how MUCH HELP he was! No more built in last minute babysitter to run to the store or visit a friend. Everything was a major production. Things do get better with behaviors I do believe. It gets difficult to find companions or sitters, but it gets easier to keep Elie with us. We can go out in the evening WITH Elie and it isn't quite as tortuous as it used to be. Keep on truckin'!!! > > I know how you feel. we, like many others have struggled most of our > lives > together, little to no money etc. We have a very small two bedroom house > we > bought around 4-5 yrs ago, very cheap, it needs lots of TLC and fixing up > but its our little cracker box, as hubby puts it, lol, and nathan doesnt > seem to mind. we have nice vechiles, but for our jobs we needed this and > are still paying on them, but we keep them up and will drive them until > they > dont drive anymore. thankfully after all our prayers I was hired on at our > local hospital, only a few blocks away, no more driving and get to save > $$$ > due not have to buy so much gas. we have worked very hard for what little > we have, but we have done it ourselves, no help from our parents, so its > easier to enjoy our crappy little bit of heaven, lol. I also completely > understand the pool thing, never gettting to hang out with the adults, > been > there and still doing that, but has gotten better with age, last year > hubby > and I joined bowling league on monday nights, this is very cheap, and we > get > to hang out with adults. I am starting to learn of people and what is > going > on in our county a tiny bit, as I have spent the last 15 years pretty much > my boys, espeically worry about how, what, when or where for nathan, Ive > learned to relax a little, and nathan's brother nicholas loves to watch > nathan for short periods of time, and gets payed for it, he is greedy, > lol, > we are never more than a few blocks away when he does this as is grandma > in > the case she is needed, but nathan is more likely to listen to nicholas > than > grandma, lol, and hopefully it is teaching them both a little bit of > independence. Many hugs!! will keep you in my prayers. shawna > > On 7/17/07, <cynthiamiltonburns@...<cynthiamiltonburns%40yahoo.com>> > wrote: > > > > Liz, I remember when your truck got repossessed.I was devasted for > > you.I don't think I knew about the house.We have a local church here > > that helps with finances during the summer months.It is a handup and > > not handout that is their motto.We are going to a Christian retreat > > camp this weekend for families of kids with disabilities.I am so > > looking forward to this getaway with the whole family. Thanks for > > sharing in your experiencs. I was a mortage executive/loan officer > > for years if I can help with any advice let me know. Cyndi B > > > > > > Cyndi: BTDT-My dh and I HAD to sell our house back in 2005 to > > stop foreclosure and have been renting since. We just downsized > > because it is still a great struggle. My truck was repossessed in > > March (as I was pulling out of my garage with Tori on my way to > > work/school) at 6:00 a.m. We have borrowed from every Tom, Dick & > > Harry to get us through. We have been waiting on a lawsuit > > settlement since 2003 and are still waiting. Not that the $$ we get > > from that won't help, it won't make Tori better. > > > > > > Liz > > > Re: lonely - long (sorry) > > > > > > > > > , I have very few friends and I feel very lonely even > > thougth > > > I have a friend that had a kid with Ds 3 yrs after I had .He > > > daughter does not have autism, only DS.Her child is high > > functioning > > > and will be able to work a job.To me her child is normal just a > > > little slow.Thank goodness my sister has an inground pool and we > > go > > > swimming at her house everyday in the summer.My sister will > > watch my > > > son briefly while I go into the house to the restroom or > > whatever.On > > > the weekends our relatives and friends come to her house for > > pool > > > parties and even though people are willing to help I still feel > > > isolated.They have their teaching careers,talk about expensive > > > cruises they take,retirement,etc.I know where you are coming > > from.I > > > do not know if we can ever retire and my income went from a six > > > figure down to 4,000 a year.I am embarrassed that we might have > > to > > > sell our home that we love because we just cannot make it on my > > > husband income alone.My husband makes a decent salary but with > > > private school tuition,therapies for and the rising cost of > > > everything we now struggle.I want a nice life like everyone else > > and > > > I wonder why this had to be my life.I do everything I can to > > teach > > > and help him be the best person he can be and every bit of > > the > > > way it is a struggle.We used to take family vacations yearly and > > now > > > we cannot even do that.I get very depressed and so I am thankful > > > that I do have this group that does understand what I am feeling > > and > > > what real life is like.Remember you are not alone and most of us > > > struggle in the same ways. your friend Cyndi B > > > > > > > > wrote: > > > > > > > > > > My husband and I have a group of friends that we've known > > for > > > more > > > > > than 20 years, since we were in college. We get together on > > most > > > > > holidays and some weekends with our families and drink and > > swim > > > and > > > > > hang out. Lately though, meaning for the last few years, > > I've not > > > > > enjoyed spending time with them. It's become hard, making the > > > > > conversation that used to come so naturally. I feel like I'm > > > making > > > > > small talk, like I would with someone I had just met. " How's > > > > > work? " " Are you enjoying your summer? " etc. And I can tell > > that > > > > > they notice as well. It seems that whomever gets stuck at a > > table > > > > > talking to me ends up going for a drink and not coming back. > > I've > > > > > been analyzing why this might be. I cannot walk away from > > these > > > > > people, because my husband would not, so I am stuck with > > them. I > > > > > just feel different, estranged. Since the girls were born... > > we > > > > > would get together at someone's house, and all the kids > > would run > > > > > off and play in someone's room. Of course, Katy couldn't go. > > So > > > > > she'd either be stuck with me and my " friends " , or I'd take > > her > > > into > > > > > the bedroom so she could play with the kids too. > > My " friends " did > > > > > not come along. So it was me with the kids and them in the > > living > > > > > room. Did they not notice? Did they not care? Did they think > > I > > > > > didn't want to have some adult conversation? I don't know. > > Same > > > > > thing now. Kids are in the pool, the adults go inside. I > > can't do > > > > > that. I can't leave Katy in the pool without me. So I swim > > with > > > the > > > > > kids, while they talk and laugh inside. When all the kids > > get > > > tired > > > > > of swimming and head inside to play video games or whatever, > > the > > > > > grownups get in the hot tub. Well, I can't do that either. My > > > > > husband will not understand these feelings. These are his > > > > > fraternity brothers and their wives, and they can do no > > wrong. > > > And > > > > > when one of them does talk to me about something, its their > > kids > > > > > sports (obsessively) or they ask how Katy's doing, how's her > > > school, > > > > > what's she doing now. Truthfully, I'm tired of talking about > > > these > > > > > things with people who cannot understand. Ask about MY job. > > Ask > > > > > about our vacation. And I feel frustrated by people who > > spend all > > > > > this money on shit. New cell phones and home remodels to > > already > > > > > beautiful homes, and world cruises, when we have to make > > these > > > > > impossible choices. Special school for Katy or family > > vacations. > > > > > Therapy for Katy or new siding for the house. A trust fund > > for > > > Katy > > > > > or daily joys for our family. I feel guilt when we spend > > money on > > > > > anything. We recently bought some new bedroom furniture (we > > had > > > > > none -- a bed and lots of laundry baskets) and I'm not even > > > excited > > > > > to get it. Just a knot in my stomach for spending so much on > > > > > something for myself. My dad's about to retire, and they are > > > going > > > > > to sell their house and travel around the world. When my > > husband > > > > > suggested they hang onto their house because of skyrocketing > > > values > > > > > in their area, they said they didn't want that burden, and > > that > > > they > > > > > really had enough money already. Is it horrible, terrible, > > awful > > > > > for me to think " then give it to Katy. " Don't spend her > > > > > inheritance. Don't drive a Mercedes when your granddaughter > > will > > > > > need to be supported all her life. It's not my money, it's > > not > > > > > Katy's, but she needs it. And they have it. And they are > > > planning to > > > > > spend it all. But they worked all their lives. They saved and > > > > > scrimped and drove crappy cars, and now is their reward. So > > I'm > > > so > > > > > selfish. > > > > > > > > > > I just feel sometimes so estranged by all those in my life. > > And I > > > > > can't talk with anyone about it, so I'm reaching out to you > > guys > > > to > > > > > see if any of you have been through this, and if you have > > any > > > ideas > > > > > of how to make it better. > > > > > > > > > > Thanks for reading. > > > > > > > > > > Hugs, > > > > > > > > > > mom to Ally and Katy (DS/ASD), twins age 7 > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > ---------------------------------------------------------- > > > ------- > > > > > > > > > > No virus found in this incoming message. > > > > > Checked by AVG Free Edition. > > > > > Version: 7.5.476 / Virus Database: 269.10.6/900 - Release > > Date: > > > 7/14/2007 3:36 PM > > > > > > > > > , I understand totally what you are feeling. i find > > that i > > > dont > > > > want to hang out with friends too sometimes and i get so tired > > of > > > > explaining whats going on with Haylee, my daughter. You know > > when > > > > someone asks hows she doing? How long will she have to have > > the g- > > > tube, > > > > etc. its like hello, dont you gthink i wouldve told you guys > > if i > > > knew? > > > > I mean i would be updating the whole world if i had the > > answers,. > > > > anyway, i also know what you mean about being stuck with the > > > kids. Im > > > > always the one keeping an eye on haylee while my husband is > > having > > > a > > > > good time and i cant enjoy myself. I also hate going to bday > > > parties > > > > for my friends kids. My daughter doesnt really care about bday > > > parties > > > > and a part of me is sad because we havent experienced what a > > bday > > > party > > > > is like so i always decline these stupid birthday parties. > > Baby > > > showers > > > > too. It sounds to me that you are a great mom and doing a > > great > > > job. I > > > > really do know what you are talking about though. Take Care, > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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