social life and relationships

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 12/30/03 8:26:07 PM Central Standard Time, autism-aspergers writes:

Christmas with the boyfriend" hasn't been as bad as I expected becausehe was out of state all last week, visiting relatives. Woooohoooo! Buthe's here today...at my house. And I'm sure he'll probably be here onemore time before next Monday, when school starts again. I wouldn't mindif they would be out with the family but they always want to be in herroom!

Maralee

While this may not be comforting to you, it was intended to be so. I wanted to mention that you can take some heart in all of this. My son, your daughter's same age, is Aspergers and ADHD. He has no friends that call, and no girl friends. The girls at school are nice and nurturing and speak to him in a decent way. He does not know how to talk to them and is shy to them. He just is not socially able to be like his peers at all. I know that is typical with Aspergers people. So, while you are upset or rather worried about this relationship that your daughter has, at least take some comfort that she at least has a friend. She has a relationship that will help to build her future communications with others. My son must seem odd to others as no one calls him and he just sits home all of the winter break on the computer or reads books ( tons of those).That is it. So, I have some worries at the opposite end of the situation than you do. I just wonder sometimes which one is worse?

Good luck and Happy New Year

hugs

in IL

[Guest guest]

I think that is the greatest thing about a group like this... the

diversity of our children and how 'different' yet how alike they

are. I have the 14 yr old son who's much like yours... shy, no

friends... would love to THINK he could actually speak to a girl

And then I have my older one *never dx'd with Asperger's...but

everything else* who's married and has a child now. (whole other

nightmare) He was the 'social bee' in our family, but his idea of a

relationship was more on lines of Maralee's daughter; OVERKILL!

Eventually he met someone just as obcessive and 'oblivious' to the

world around them....and they married *within months* Unfortunatly,

he turned 18...and took off with her (she was 19 already).

so which is more difficult? From experience... they are the same to

raise!

Problem I see now with the older... he has a 5 month old daughter who

he cannot 'relate' to. How do babies communicate? Through sounds

and body language! BOY! He's missing whats she's trying

to 'communicate', he's trying to understand what she wants and

getting frustrated. The mom seems to be easily cued in, but she's

wearing out quickly. Thats the 'social' problems he is facing

now.... being able to understand the nonverbal cues of a child.

tough situation.

DES

[Guest guest]

, of

course you’re right. I am very thankful that Beth has relationships at

her private school. She didn’t at her old school. I totally understand

what you are saying because we have been there, done that, TOO. Of course Beth had an aversion to

talking on the phone anyway and would never call a friend if she did have one.

It’s hard to grow a friendship when you won’t talk to the

person! So yes, I really am very

thankful she’s where she is and has felt emotionally safe, and blossomed

there. She has 3 good girlfriends now (one stayed overnight last night) and now

she talks on the phone all the time to them. And of course,

to her boyfriend. Hours every day. I am

thankful for that.

The part that

worries me is that she has gone obsessive about this relationship as she does

with anything that has her strong interest. She just turned 15 in October, he will turn 18 in February. They are talking

marriage, children! He is ‘just as oblivious’ as DES puts it like

her older son is….and that’s why they click so well together. They

understand each other’s weaknesses. But who is going to pay the

bills? They don’t even

understand that there is rent, electricity, water bills, groceries, etc.

Neither drive. So I’m trying to do whatever I

can to supervise the relationship and educate them as I can and . . .there’s

no individual dating until she’s 16 (no going anywhere alone)….of

course, they can’t drive so I don’t know where they would go

anyway. But they are VERY affectionate and cuddley

and kissey and that is the part that scares me the

most! I don’t want to end up where DES’s

oldest is . . . having a baby and not knowing how to raise it. Beth thinks she

wants children but she has no idea what a 24/7 commitment to a child means….she

doesn’t have patience! She’s ego centric.

Ok. I’ve

gone on long enough here….thanks for listening. And thanks for reminding

me that I do indeed have a lot to be thankful for, . Beth is happier than

she’s been in years.

maralee

social

life and relationships

In a message dated 12/30/03 8:26:07

PM Central Standard Time, autism-aspergers writes:

Christmas with the boyfriend "

hasn't been as bad as I expected because

he was out of state all last week, visiting relatives. Woooohoooo! But

he's here today...at my house. And I'm sure he'll probably be here one

more time before next Monday, when school starts again. I wouldn't mind

if they would be out with the family but they always want to be in her

room!

Maralee

While this may not be comforting to

you, it was intended to be so. I wanted to mention that you can take some

heart in all of this. My son, your daughter's same age, is Aspergers and ADHD.

He has no friends that call, and no girl friends. The girls at school are nice

and nurturing and speak to him in a decent way. He does not know how to talk to

them and is shy to them. He just is not socially able to be like his peers at

all. I know that is typical with Aspergers people. So, while you are upset or

rather worried about this relationship that your daughter has, at least take

some comfort that she at least has a friend. She has a relationship that

will help to build her future communications with others. My son must

seem odd to others as no one calls him and he just sits home all of the winter

break on the computer or reads books ( tons of those).That is it. So, I

have some worries at the opposite end of the situation than you do. I

just wonder sometimes which one is worse?

Good luck and Happy New Year

hugs

in IL

Yahoo!

Groups Links

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To visit your group on the

web, go to:

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/autism-aspergers/

·

[Guest guest]

Hi , I have the same fears for my son who is only 6, but then sometimes, I feel guilty even saying this, I am really glad that I know where he is and what he is doing. With all the stuff that goes now (learning from my 15 yo neighbor), I am afraid of what the world is now. I thought I was so cool and with the program, boy, was I wrong, and it showed in my face when she tells me things about kids these days. I am only 37, so I don't feel that old!!!!

social life and relationships

In a message dated 12/30/03 8:26:07 PM Central Standard Time, autism-aspergers writes:

Christmas with the boyfriend" hasn't been as bad as I expected becausehe was out of state all last week, visiting relatives. Woooohoooo! Buthe's here today...at my house. And I'm sure he'll probably be here onemore time before next Monday, when school starts again. I wouldn't mindif they would be out with the family but they always want to be in herroom!

Maralee

While this may not be comforting to you, it was intended to be so. I wanted to mention that you can take some heart in all of this. My son, your daughter's same age, is Aspergers and ADHD. He has no friends that call, and no girl friends. The girls at school are nice and nurturing and speak to him in a decent way. He does not know how to talk to them and is shy to them. He just is not socially able to be like his peers at all. I know that is typical with Aspergers people. So, while you are upset or rather worried about this relationship that your daughter has, at least take some comfort that she at least has a friend. She has a relationship that will help to build her future communications with others. My son must seem odd to others as no one calls him and he just sits home all of the winter break on the computer or reads books ( tons of those).That is it. So, I have some worries at the opposite end of the situation than you do. I just wonder sometimes which one is worse?

Good luck and Happy New Year

hugs

in IL

[Guest guest]

Hey, that describes me. Hah. For now I'm plenty content with my

family and people I talk to on the internet, I'll worry about

friends when I go to college, the college I'm going to is a couple

hours from here so I'll be forced to get to know at least my

roommate since I'll be living there.

> While this may not be comforting to you, it was intended to be

so. I wanted

> to mention that you can take some heart in all of this. My son,

your

> daughter's same age, is Aspergers and ADHD. He has no friends that

call, and no girl

> friends. The girls at school are nice and nurturing and speak to

him in a decent

> way. He does not know how to talk to them and is shy to them. He

just is not

> socially able to be like his peers at all. I know that is typical

with

> Aspergers people. So, while you are upset or rather worried about

this relationship

> that your daughter has, at least take some comfort that she at

least has a

> friend. She has a relationship that will help to build her future

communications

> with others. My son must seem odd to others as no one calls him

and he just

> sits home all of the winter break on the computer or reads books

( tons of

> those).That is it. So, I have some worries at the opposite end of

the situation

> than you do. I just wonder sometimes which one is worse?

>

> Good luck and Happy New Year

> hugs

> in IL