Re: Spontaneous Family Gatherings (Crash course Letter.........)

[Guest guest]

Your welcome Holly but I learn through you all which keeps me my mind

insane. ; )

I wanted to repeat this post with the Crash Course Letter for Family

& Friends: This helped open the doors.

" Dear Family and Friends " this was written for the purpose of it

being sent to relatives, friends , and hosts of holiday gatherings

that might need a crash course in what to expect from their guest

with autism . this letter is written as if the autistic individual

person is writing it personally . "

Dear Family and Friends: " I understand that we will be visiting each

other for the holidays this year ! Sometimes these visits can be

very hard for me, but here is some information that might help our

visit to be more successful. As you probably know, a hidden disability

called Autism, or what some people refer to as a Persavsive

development Disorder (PDD)challenges me.

Autism/PDD is a neurodevelopment disorder, which makes it hard for

me to understand the environment around me. I have barriers in my

brain that you can't see, but which makes it difficult for me to

adapt to my surroundings.

Thanksgiving & Christmas is one of the roughest holidays for me .

With large crowds and holiday shopping it can be very overwhelming

even a bit scary. When planning a party remember with my over

sensitive hearing and eye sight that Christmas Trees and holiday

smells can cause me to mild to severe pain or discomfort. If the

noises are impossible to control a personal stero with headphones set

to a safe level for children may help drown out background noise and

ease my discomfort.

Sometimes I may seem rude and abrupt, but it is only that because

I have to try so hard to understand people and at the same time, make

myself understood. People with autism have different abilities:

some may not speak, some write beautiful poetry. Others are whizzes in

math ( Albert Einstein was thought to be autistic ), or may have

difficulty making friends. We are all different and need various

degrees of support .

Support when I am touched unexpectedly, it might feel painful and

make me want to run away. I get easily frustated, too. Being with

lots of other people is like standing next to a moving freight

train and trying to decide how and when to jump aboard. I feel

frightened and confused a lot of the time. This is why I need to have

things the same as much as possible. Once I learn how things happen,

I can get by OK. But if somehting, anything changes,then I have to

relearn the situation all over again! It is very hard .

When you try to talk to me, I often can't understand what you say

because there is a lot of distraction around. I have to concentrate

very hard to hear and understand one thing at a time. You might

think I am ignoring you-I am not. Rather, I am hearing everything

and not knowing what is most important to respond to.

Holidays are expectionally hard because there are so many different

people, places, and things going on that are out of my ordianary

realm. This may be fun and adventurous for most people, but for

me,it's very hard work and can be extremely stressful. I often have

to get away from all the commotion to calm down. It would be great

if you had a private place set up to where I could retreat.

If I cannot sit at the meal table, do not think I am misbehaved or

that my parents have no control over me. Sitting in once place for

even five minutes is often impossible for me. I feek so antsy and

overwhelmed by all the smells, sounds, and people-I just have to

get up and move about. Please don't hold up your meal for me--go on

without me, and my parents will handle the situation the best they

know how.

Eating in general is hard for me. If you understand that autism is

a sensory processing disorder, its no wonder eating is a problem!

Think of all the senses involved with eating. Sight,

smell,taste,touch, AND all the complicated mechanics that are

involved. Chewing and swallowing is something that a lot of people

with autism have trouble with. I am not being picky--I literally

cannot eat certain foods as my sensory system and/ or oral motor

coordination is impaired.

Don't be disappointed If Mom hasn't dressed me in starch and bows.

It's because she know how much stiff and frilly clothes can drive

me buggy! I have to feel comfortable inmy clothes or I will just be

miserable. When I go to someone else's house, I may appear bossy

and controlling. In a sense, I am being controlling, because that is

how I try to fit into the world around me (which is so hard to

figure out)! Things have to be done in a way I am familiar with or

else I might get confused and frustrated. It doesn't mean you have to

change the way you are doing things--just please be patient with me,

and understanding of how I have to cope. Mom and Dad have no control

over how my autism makes me feel inside. People with autism often

have little things that they do to help themselves feel more

comfortable. The grown ups call it " self regulation, "

or " stimming " .

I might rock, hum,flick my fingers, or any number of different

things. I am not trying to be disruptive or wierd. Again, I am

doing what I have to do for my brain to adapt to your world.

Sometimes I cannot stop myself from talking, singing, or doing an

activity I enjoy. The grown-ups call this " preserverating " which is

kinda like self-regulation or stimming. I do this only because I have

found to occupy myself that makes me feel comfortable. Perserverative

behaviors are good to a certain degree because they help me calm

down.

Please be respectful to my Mom and Dad if they let me " stim " for a

while as they know me best and what helps to calm me. Remember that

my Mom and Dad have to watch me much more closely that the average

child. This is for my own safety,a nd preservation of your

possessions. It hurts my parents' feelings to be criticized for

being over protective, or condemned for not watching me close

enough.

They are human and have been given an assignment intended for

saints.

My parents are good people and need your support.

Holidays are filled with sights, sounds,and smells. The average

household is turned into a busy , frantic , festive place .

Remember that this may be fun for you, but its very hard for me to

conform.

If I fall apart or act out in a way that you consider socially

inappropriate, please remember that I don't possess the

nuerological system that is required to follow some social rules.

I am a unique person--an interesting person. I will find my place

at this Celebration that is comfortable for us all, as long as you'll

try to view the world through my eyes!