Guest guest Posted January 3, 2007 Report Share Posted January 3, 2007 Hi Leah, I dont know you but after reading your post i feel for you. Things sound real tough for you and your family right now and I just wanted to let you know that Ill be keeping you in my prayers. hello from leah Hello to all, Merry Belated Christmas and Delayed Happy New Year :-) I opened my email to 3,168 messages. Needless to say it is very doubtful they will all get read. Life is pretty rough right now...Ashton is having increased behaviors, left school and noone called me, got a note from the teacher, no explanation, no reasoning, just she left... ARGGGGG She is having increased behaviors, refusal to do ANYTHING unless it's her idea, wants to " hole up " in the basement with her tv, fashion magazines, markers and " forget " that life exist around her. In the midst of all of this, I pulled my cardiac skeletal muscles...hurt like hell from lifting her up..... school not very open to TTAC coming in or having the autism inclusion specialist give input.... harder as they get older. Cam is having issues as well, preteen, hates school, noone is right but him, father remarried, father probably moving to Texas, hateful, impulsive, hates having a sister with special needs and resents me being a single mom..... SIGHHHHHHH " Will I ever win " AS for me, I was promoted to Director of Social Services at my place of employment, HUGE raise, more hours, lol so there is a negative to the bonus...... I finally broke down and went to the doctor who put me on Wellbutrin 300mg and ambien at night because I am in this deep dark depressive mood that I have never experienced..... to the point I took Ashton to respite care until xmas eve even though she was not feeling so well.... I was at that breaking point.. She is never going to get a waiver slot at the rate we are going and in the meantime, I am TRYIng to survive in the very ugly world of special needs single parent no support hell.. She is lonely and sad,,,, breaks my heart.... because I can't " Fix " it........ She is getting older, I am getting burnt out and I feel like it's only gloomier...... I can't see myself doing " this " for the rest of my life//// Where is the " me myself and I, Leah person " in all of this..She is lost...... I honestly feel 94 instead of 34... She will be 16 very soon, only 6 years of school left........ then what????????? sorry for the long vent, but I just needed tooo......... for all of those whom I am usually close too...... keep me and my crazy bunch in your prayers..... I know it will get better, it usually does........ but for some reason harder for me to grasp " a POSITIVE " attitude........ and look to a brighter tomorrow...... I just dream of being on a beach with my book, camera, and noone bugging me......lolol until I wake up and hear the beep beep beep of the alarm........ hugs, prayers, and happy holidays to all,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, Leah argggggggggggggg __________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 3, 2007 Report Share Posted January 3, 2007 Oh Leah so good to hear from you and so sad to hear all the challenges with Ashton and Cam. Congratulations for the promotion that was fantastic. Good you were able to have Ashton go to respite for a time, I hope you can take advantage of that more often. It does sound like this is one of those awful times, know what you mean it will pass, but that doesn’t make it any easier now. You are all in my thoughts and prayers. Hugs, Louise hello from leah Hello to all, Merry Belated Christmas and Delayed Happy New Year :-) I opened my email to 3,168 messages. Needless to say it is very doubtful they will all get read. Life is pretty rough right now...Ashton is having increased behaviors, left school and noone called me, got a note from the teacher, no explanation, no reasoning, just she left... ARGGGGG She is having increased behaviors, refusal to do ANYTHING unless it's her idea, wants to " hole up " in the basement with her tv, fashion magazines, markers and " forget " that life exist around her. In the midst of all of this, I pulled my cardiac skeletal muscles...hurt like hell from lifting her up..... school not very open to TTAC coming in or having the autism inclusion specialist give input.... harder as they get older. Cam is having issues as well, preteen, hates school, noone is right but him, father remarried, father probably moving to Texas, hateful, impulsive, hates having a sister with special needs and resents me being a single mom..... SIGHHHHHHH " Will I ever win " AS for me, I was promoted to Director of Social Services at my place of employment, HUGE raise, more hours, lol so there is a negative to the bonus...... I finally broke down and went to the doctor who put me on Wellbutrin 300mg and ambien at night because I am in this deep dark depressive mood that I have never experienced.-.... to the point I took Ashton to respite care until xmas eve even though she was not feeling so well.... I was at that breaking point.. She is never going to get a waiver slot at the rate we are going and in the meantime, I am TRYIng to survive in the very ugly world of special needs single parent no support hell.. She is lonely and sad,,,, breaks my heart.... because I can't " Fix " it........ She is getting older, I am getting burnt out and I feel like it's only gloomier....-.. I can't see myself doing " this " for the rest of my life//// Where is the " me myself and I, Leah person " in all of this..She is lost...... I honestly feel 94 instead of 34.... She will be 16 very soon, only 6 years of school left........ then what????????-? sorry for the long vent, but I just needed tooo........-. for all of those whom I am usually close too...... keep me and my crazy bunch in your prayers..... I know it will get better, it usually does........ but for some reason harder for me to grasp " a POSITIVE " attitude....-.... and look to a brighter tomorrow....-.. I just dream of being on a beach with my book, camera, and noone bugging me......lolol until I wake up and hear the beep beep beep of the alarm.......-. hugs, prayers, and happy holidays to all,,,,,,,,,-,,,,,, Leah argggggggggggggg -- No virus found in this incoming message. Checked by AVG Free Edition. Version: 7.5.432 / Virus Database: 268.16.4/615 - Release Date: 1/3/2007 1:34 PM -- No virus found in this outgoing message. Checked by AVG Free Edition. Version: 7.5.432 / Virus Database: 268.16.4/615 - Release Date: 1/3/2007 1:34 PM Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 3, 2007 Report Share Posted January 3, 2007 Hi Leah, its Dawn, dont know if you remember me, I am glad you wrote, you did the right thing by telling the dr. how you feel and getting some help. those times of depression are real and you have alot on you. I just wanted you to know I will be praying for you often here. You are a good mom, a good person and things will get better. I bet the medication will help, I have and I am sure many others of us have been on medication and it is okay to ask for help for ourselves too!! I pray Ashton will feel better soon and your son, I have a teenager too and this sounds familiar. Happy for you though for your raise and promotion even though I know the hours are hard and I really hope you feel better soon with your medical issues. I am so sorry things have been so hard. sending hugs your way Leah, Dawn, s mom (keep on writing, it is good for you!!!!! ) -- In , Leah Baker wrote: > > Hello to all, Merry Belated Christmas and Delayed Happy New Year :- ) > > I opened my email to 3,168 messages. Needless to say it is very doubtful they will all get read. Life is pretty rough right now...Ashton is having increased behaviors, left school and noone called me, got a note from the teacher, no explanation, no reasoning, just she left... ARGGGGG She is having increased behaviors, refusal to do ANYTHING unless it's her idea, wants to " hole up " in the basement with her tv, fashion magazines, markers and " forget " that life exist around her. In the midst of all of this, I pulled my cardiac skeletal muscles...hurt like hell from lifting her up..... school not very open to TTAC coming in or having the autism inclusion specialist give input.... harder as they get older. > > Cam is having issues as well, preteen, hates school, noone is right but him, father remarried, father probably moving to Texas, hateful, impulsive, hates having a sister with special needs and resents me being a single mom..... SIGHHHHHHH " Will I ever win " > > AS for me, I was promoted to Director of Social Services at my place of employment, HUGE raise, more hours, lol so there is a negative to the bonus...... I finally broke down and went to the doctor who put me on Wellbutrin 300mg and ambien at night because I am in this deep dark depressive mood that I have never experienced..... to the point I took Ashton to respite care until xmas eve even though she was not feeling so well.... I was at that breaking point.. She is never going to get a waiver slot at the rate we are going and in the meantime, I am TRYIng to survive in the very ugly world of special needs single parent no support hell.. She is lonely and sad,,,, breaks my heart.... because I can't " Fix " it........ She is getting older, I am getting burnt out and I feel like it's only gloomier...... I can't see myself doing " this " for the rest of my life//// Where is the " me myself and I, Leah person " in all of this..She is lost...... I honestly feel 94 instead of 34.... > She will be 16 very soon, only 6 years of school left........ then what????????? sorry for the long vent, but I just needed tooo......... for all of those whom I am usually close too...... keep me and my crazy bunch in your prayers..... I know it will get better, it usually does........ but for some reason harder for me to grasp " a POSITIVE " attitude........ and look to a brighter tomorrow...... I just dream of being on a beach with my book, camera, and noone bugging me......lolol until I wake up and hear the beep beep beep of the alarm........ > > hugs, prayers, and happy holidays to all,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, > > Leah argggggggggggggg > > > > __________________________________________________ > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 3, 2007 Report Share Posted January 3, 2007 Hi Leah ~ Good to hear from you. Wish I lived closer to help give you a break - sounds like you could really use it. Hang in there, we've all been though rough times and they aren't easy, but know that we all care about you and are here for you if you need us. Becky Leah Baker wrote: Hello to all, Merry Belated Christmas and Delayed Happy New Year :-) I opened my email to 3,168 messages. Needless to say it is very doubtful they will all get read. Life is pretty rough right now...Ashton is having increased behaviors, left school and noone called me, got a note from the teacher, no explanation, no reasoning, just she left... ARGGGGG She is having increased behaviors, refusal to do ANYTHING unless it's her idea, wants to " hole up " in the basement with her tv, fashion magazines, markers and " forget " that life exist around her. In the midst of all of this, I pulled my cardiac skeletal muscles...hurt like hell from lifting her up..... school not very open to TTAC coming in or having the autism inclusion specialist give input.... harder as they get older. Cam is having issues as well, preteen, hates school, noone is right but him, father remarried, father probably moving to Texas, hateful, impulsive, hates having a sister with special needs and resents me being a single mom..... SIGHHHHHHH " Will I ever win " AS for me, I was promoted to Director of Social Services at my place of employment, HUGE raise, more hours, lol so there is a negative to the bonus...... I finally broke down and went to the doctor who put me on Wellbutrin 300mg and ambien at night because I am in this deep dark depressive mood that I have never experienced..... to the point I took Ashton to respite care until xmas eve even though she was not feeling so well.... I was at that breaking point.. She is never going to get a waiver slot at the rate we are going and in the meantime, I am TRYIng to survive in the very ugly world of special needs single parent no support hell.. She is lonely and sad,,,, breaks my heart.... because I can't " Fix " it........ She is getting older, I am getting burnt out and I feel like it's only gloomier...... I can't see myself doing " this " for the rest of my life//// Where is the " me myself and I, Leah person " in all of this..She is lost...... I honestly feel 94 instead of 34.... She will be 16 very soon, only 6 years of school left........ then what????????? sorry for the long vent, but I just needed tooo......... for all of those whom I am usually close too...... keep me and my crazy bunch in your prayers..... I know it will get better, it usually does........ but for some reason harder for me to grasp " a POSITIVE " attitude........ and look to a brighter tomorrow...... I just dream of being on a beach with my book, camera, and noone bugging me......lolol until I wake up and hear the beep beep beep of the alarm........ hugs, prayers, and happy holidays to all,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, Leah argggggggggggggg __________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 3, 2007 Report Share Posted January 3, 2007 Hi Leah, Happy New Year! I drove my in-laws to FL this past week and thought of you as I drove through your state. I wish I had contacted you before I left, we may have been able to meet for coffee or whatever. My respite was leaving Zeb home with his Dad but I am not certain who had the better week. Congrats on your promotion! Sorry to hear that Ashton is not happy at school and that Cam is giving you a hard time. I lived through two teens and it does get better. Call me. Charlyne Mom to Zeb 14 DS/OCD/ASD? Leah Baker wrote: Hello to all, Merry Belated Christmas and Delayed Happy New Year :-) I opened my email to 3,168 messages. Needless to say it is very doubtful they will all get read. Life is pretty rough right now...Ashton is having increased behaviors, left school and noone called me, got a note from the teacher, no explanation, no reasoning, just she left... ARGGGGG She is having increased behaviors, refusal to do ANYTHING unless it's her idea, wants to " hole up " in the basement with her tv, fashion magazines, markers and " forget " that life exist around her. In the midst of all of this, I pulled my cardiac skeletal muscles...hurt like hell from lifting her up..... school not very open to TTAC coming in or having the autism inclusion specialist give input.... harder as they get older. Cam is having issues as well, preteen, hates school, noone is right but him, father remarried, father probably moving to Texas, hateful, impulsive, hates having a sister with special needs and resents me being a single mom..... SIGHHHHHHH " Will I ever win " AS for me, I was promoted to Director of Social Services at my place of employment, HUGE raise, more hours, lol so there is a negative to the bonus...... I finally broke down and went to the doctor who put me on Wellbutrin 300mg and ambien at night because I am in this deep dark depressive mood that I have never experienced..... to the point I took Ashton to respite care until xmas eve even though she was not feeling so well.... I was at that breaking point.. She is never going to get a waiver slot at the rate we are going and in the meantime, I am TRYIng to survive in the very ugly world of special needs single parent no support hell.. She is lonely and sad,,,, breaks my heart.... because I can't " Fix " it........ She is getting older, I am getting burnt out and I feel like it's only gloomier...... I can't see myself doing " this " for the rest of my life//// Where is the " me myself and I, Leah person " in all of this..She is lost...... I honestly feel 94 instead of 34.... She will be 16 very soon, only 6 years of school left........ then what????????? sorry for the long vent, but I just needed tooo......... for all of those whom I am usually close too...... keep me and my crazy bunch in your prayers..... I know it will get better, it usually does........ but for some reason harder for me to grasp " a POSITIVE " attitude........ and look to a brighter tomorrow...... I just dream of being on a beach with my book, camera, and noone bugging me......lolol until I wake up and hear the beep beep beep of the alarm........ hugs, prayers, and happy holidays to all,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, Leah argggggggggggggg __________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 3, 2007 Report Share Posted January 3, 2007 Don't feel bad about needing meds. I'd be willing to bet that a whole lot more Moms of special needs kids are on antidepressants, mood enhancers, stress reducers, sleep aids, or other meds than not. We have a very hard job! Hang in there. I raised 2 girls already and we all survived the pre-teen to adult years. P. -------------- Original message -------------- Hello to all, Merry Belated Christmas and Delayed Happy New Year :-) I opened my email to 3,168 messages. Needless to say it is very doubtful they will all get read. Life is pretty rough right now...Ashton is having increased behaviors, left school and noone called me, got a note from the teacher, no explanation, no reasoning, just she left... ARGGGGG She is having increased behaviors, refusal to do ANYTHING unless it's her idea, wants to " hole up " in the basement with her tv, fashion magazines, markers and " forget " that life exist around her. In the midst of all of this, I pulled my cardiac skeletal muscles...hurt like hell from lifting her up..... school not very open to TTAC coming in or having the autism inclusion specialist give input.... harder as they get older. Cam is having issues as well, preteen, hates school, noone is right but him, father remarried, father probably moving to Texas, hateful, impulsive, hates having a sister with special needs and resents me being a single mom..... SIGHHHHHHH " Will I ever win " AS for me, I was promoted to Director of Social Services at my place of employment, HUGE raise, more hours, lol so there is a negative to the bonus...... I finally broke down and went to the doctor who put me on Wellbutrin 300mg and ambien at night because I am in this deep dark depressive mood that I have never experienced..... to the point I took Ashton to respite care until xmas eve even though she was not feeling so well.... I was at that breaking point.. She is never going to get a waiver slot at the rate we are going and in the meantime, I am TRYIng to survive in the very ugly world of special needs single parent no support hell.. She is lonely and sad,,,, breaks my heart.... because I can't " Fix " it........ She is getting older, I am getting burnt out and I feel like it's only gloomier...... I can't see myself doing " this " for the rest of my life//// Where is the " me myself and I, Leah person " in all of this..She is lost...... I honestly feel 94 instead of 34.... She will be 16 very soon, only 6 years of school left........ then what????????? sorry for the long vent, but I just needed tooo......... for all of those whom I am usually close too...... keep me and my crazy bunch in your prayers..... I know it will get better, it usually does........ but for some reason harder for me to grasp " a POSITIVE " attitude........ and look to a brighter tomorrow...... I just dream of being on a beach with my book, camera, and noone bugging me......lolol until I wake up and hear the beep beep beep of the alarm........ hugs, prayers, and happy holidays to all,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, Leah argggggggggggggg __________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 3, 2007 Report Share Posted January 3, 2007 Hi Leah, Nice to hear from you, here is wishing you a Blessed New Year 2007 that you will hang on, glad you were able to seek for some help when needed, you do what you have to, as who will be there for you when you are one of the most important person needed and you shall get repaid in many nice ways when that time happens, these are all part of the Trials and Triumps. Sorry to hear about Ashton and Cameron giving you a hard time, hopefully this will pass so that they are able to fit in and reach their optimal goals. What a nice huge promotion that you deserved despite with personal issues going on. I say this is an accomplishment. Such a piece of the mountain you have climbed and you did this all on your own. May down the road you be recognized for your amazing transformation you have gone through as a single mom, despite how you feel many would of given up and you are not allowing anything to stand in your way. Its alright to have these breakdown moments. At least you have us to understand as where right along with you but I know its not the same. I so admire you for moving forward. Take it one day at a time and there is an angel watching over you. Prayers that you receive the services needed for Ashton so that you could have some of that respite time needed even out at a beach. Lots of hugs! Irma Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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