Help, I'm wasting away!

[Guest guest]

and group,

I hopped on the scale at the gym yesterday and was shocked to see that I weighed 134 lbs . This is from a high of 146 about 2 1/2 weeks ago. I use 5mg of Androgel 1 a day, (twice if I remember) and a shot of Nadralone 100mg every 2 weeks. I know this is 1/2 rec dose, but I did have polycythemia in the past with full dose -200mg-and testosterone replacement. (Both shots at the time.) My Hct is only slightly elevated.

Some background: I am presently on disability. About 6 weeks ago I answered an ad for part-time work at a clinic I had worked before through a registry. (I'm a physical therapist.) The manager who was familiar with my work was so excited to have me apply she had me fill out the endless paperwork then and there and gave me drug screen. I told her it would be positive for marijuana, but that I had a letter from my doc. She said "no problem" Well, it was, the corporate office said it was illegal, I could harm patients etc. (Of course I could have been an alcoholic or shot heroin 2 days before and that would be OK, but that's another story.)

Anyway, I received another job offer at another clinic, but I checked it out and the same thing was going to happen, so about 4 weeks ago I gave up smoking pot. My use has been erratic, but to be honest, I've probably smoked at least a little bit daily for 20+ years, increasing the first time I went on disability in 1994, but just a little in the evening when I returned to work in 1998. I'm an old radical hippie btw and have always preferred pot to alcohol. During the first bout on disability, I did need the MJ in order to eat and presently it did help me to sleep.

Anyway, the cravings pretty much went away the first week, but I have been a virtual basketcase since then: blowing up at friends, crying at the slightest provocation. (You may remember my wussy crying comment last week, lol) and still have a terrible time falling asleep and staying asleep for any length of time. I had been taking 2 10 mg of Ambien, still doesn't seem to work---I'm still awake 2 hours after taking it. Last night on my shrink's advice I tried Ativan, but was still awake 2 hours after taking it and finally took 1 ambien which seemed to work. This was at 1AM, woke up this morning at 4:30 unable to go back to sleep. I know these emotional behaviors are due to withdrawls and the lack of sleep, but....

On the plus side, since stopping pot, I've noticed an increase in energy and an increase in libido, which had been pretty much absent.

I did not go to the gym for the past week due to the above. I had been increasing my running which I know can be counterproductive to weight gain, but it does make me feel so much better. I would say since 1992, (poz since before 1983) I have had trouble keeping weight on. I have had to give up doing AIDs Rides due to the loss of weight I incur even though I'm eating like a pig. I lost 15 lbs the last Paradise Ride and I've never weighed more than 150.

Thoughts, comments?

Larry