Variations in Maternal Functioning

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Table 2-1. " Variations in Maternal Functioning " ,

from Ann Lawson's book,

" Understanding The Borderline Mother " , page 35.

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" The Ideal Mother "

1. Comforts her child

2. Apologizes for inappropriate behavior

3. Takes care of herself

4. Encourages independence in her children

5. Is proud of her children's accomplishments

6. Builds her children's self-esteem

7. Responds to her children's changing needs

8. Calms and comforts her children

9. Disciplines with logical and natural consequences

10. Expects that her children will be loved by others

11. Never threatens abandonment

12. Believes in her children's basic goodness

13. Trusts her children

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" The Borderline Mother "

1. Confuses her child

2. Does not apologize or remember inappropriate behavior

3. Expects to be taken care of

4. Punishes or discourages independence

5. Envies, ignores, or demeans her children's accomplishments

6. Destroys, denigrates, or undermines self-esteem

7. Expects children to respond to her needs

8. Frightens and upsets her children

9. Disciplines inconsistently or punitively

10. Feels left out, jealous or resentful if the child is

loved by someone else

11. Uses threats of abandonment (or actual abandonment)

to punish the child

12. Does not believe in her children's basic goodness

13. Does not trust her children

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