Re: revealing details here

[Guest guest]

Joy, You can always go to yahoo and change your info and get a new " name " by

which no one would know you.

I understand about opening up here - there are a lot of lurkers. I, personally,

don't care if someone reads my posts, but my nada doesn't even own a computer.

As for anyone else - if you eavesdrop, you'll eventually hear something that you

didn't want to hear and it's no one's fault but your own.

Don't worry about details - it's more about feelings anyway!

Ilene

[Guest guest]

when I found this main list, I signed up under a new secret name

" mizwho " and signed it that way too.

After a little while, I felt comfortable enough to sign in as

Kathleen, which is my real name,

after feeling a little more comfortable, I signed in as this

ID...figured a sign in name like " thanksforthisday " would help me

be grateful for the present gifts in my life.

I was VERY scared to start posting, almost as if there were

secret police who would report me.

But gradually I've felt more and more secure and if there were a

KO convention, I would love to go.

If you are afraid that your father might discover you, then change

details and change your name. Anonymity gives you freedom.

There is still a little voice that still tells me that I will be

" discovered " but then I think rationally about it and say, " So

What? " . Everything I've posted is true.

Kathleen

-- In ModOasis@y..., Joy <iwillrespectme@y...> wrote:

> I have to admit I get nervous about sharing alot of

> specific details on this list. I admire people who go

> as far as quoting interactions.

>

> What if he ever saw these posts? Or what if someone

> who knows us is subscribed? I'm not usually a

> paranoid type of person, but for some reason this

> makes me nervous.

>

> Joy

>

>

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>

[Guest guest]

--- thanksforthisday

wrote:

>

> There is still a little voice that still tells me

> that I will be

> " discovered " but then I think rationally about it

> and say, " So

> What? " . Everything I've posted is true.

And the more you post the more confidence and insight

you gain into everything that is troubling you *and*

causing you this fear.

I had those initial feelings, " What if my FOO

discovers me through what I post? " I was nervous as

heck posting about my brother & SIL. I could change my

name, (which I have,) I could change theirs - but I

can't change the details. They speak for themselves. I

mean who else could possibly have 3 brothers and two

of those who have since died from AIDS?

I risk being discovered. That's a risk I took and am

glad I did. I've gained much more - lost that grip

that fear had over me. Keeping secrets is what kept us

in our pain. Telling the truth will set you free.

Then for some of us, we fear being disloyal. It's that

obligation and guilt thing. Are we being disloyal, the

bad girl for talking about Dad this way? Shame on me?

What will my father think if he knew I felt this way

and actually told other people about him? I felt this

way about my exh. So I kept his secret and it wound up

eating me alive. I became isolated in my marriage.

Couldn't have any friends that I could tell the truth

to. I kept myself a virtual prisoner by keeping the

*secrets.*

Then I feared this too. What if my sibling come onto

this list and said, " But let me tell you what *she*

did. " Which is fine. I've got fleas, I know it. I'd

engaged and said and done things in the throws of

enmeshment and engagement just like anyone else who

first comes here. So what's to discover? I've got

nothing to hide.

Then, if you find a post where you think it's a FOO

member who's gotten through to your support network -

advise the moderators.

Then too, are you afraid your father will beat you up

over it? Disown you? Maybe it's something you need

anyway! Sometimes my prolonged decisions (or lack of

making them,) have been made for me. I've been left

w/no other choice. So what if my FOO did discover me

here? Just gives me all the more reason to stand my

own ground. That's it, decision done and over with. No

more brother and SIL in life. Period. Accept it and

move on...

Then there are those other lists that Edith mentions.

On the smaller lists it's more confidential. Of course

there are risks there too. I've often found in my life

that I can meet someone from thousands of miles away

who may know someone I know. That's fine too.

Hopefully, they are my friend and won't hurt me. If it

does happen that someone would hurt me, that's a risk

I took and something I'd hopefully learn some valuable

lessons from. But I don't think not posting would be

one of them.

Taking the risk of posting here releases you from

these fears. It sets you free. You learn to detach

from all that FOG spell that you under & you don't

care anymore. You learn to rely on yourSelf and stand

firmly on your own two feet. This is a place where I

can release my fears, distrust, and powerlessness so

that I can go through the rest of my day feeling

better... This where I dump and learn. From here I go

out into the world and take what I have here with me -

inside. It's not worn on my shirtsleeve anymore.

The longer you allow your father to control you

through fear, the longer you will remain where you

are. Of course, you need to do what you feel

comfortable with doing. If there's too much to risk,

and you don't feel comfortable - that's your choice.

Maybe take smaller risks at first. Post as anonomously

as possible without devulging many details. As time

goes by you may find that you feel that fear easing

up.

I hope I made some sense and put some of that fear in

perspective.

Cyndie

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