RE: nadas and birthdays

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 11/15/01 9:00:19 AM Central Standard Time,

ilene@... writes:

<< <<The prime manoeuvre is to ignore my brithday>>>

Yep, this is another one from the " nada school of training " .

Mine doesn't ignore the kids, tho, - " look at me, I'm a wonderful

grandmother,

and look how awful your mother is!! " >>

My mother used to just have me write out my check to myself from her

checkbook. That was my birthday present. I guess I shouldn't complain as I

did get a check, but there's something about having to write out your own

birthday check. When I was a kid, after about age 12 I wrapped my own Xmas

presents so I'd have something to open. Why I don't hold my father

responsible like I do my mother is beyond me. He could have done it, I

guess. Altho' I wrapped his and my mother's presents too. (I also did the

tree and all the decorations from about that age on too! Is there a pattern

here?)

But now my mother is in a nursing home and I have to pay for her. But she

wants to be sure that I shop for something for her grandson and be sure to

wrap it and tell him it's from her! He's 18, it's not like he hasn't figured

out who is actually buying these things!

[Guest guest]

Actually, this year I was thrilled that my nada DIDN'T send me a card!! Last

years was the end of everything - she sent the card with a nice check and a

letter telling me she was going to disinherit me. She was tired of the horrible

way I talked to her

(I asked her to quit bringing up my daughter's weight problem all the time - of

course, she said I brought it up.) It didn't take my thrapist anytime to see

the BPD in that letter! In a way, I'm glad she did it - it forced me to deal

with the continual hurts and gave me solid proof to show to someone.

Ilene