the birthday

[Guest guest]

This is how it went...more or less a success considering the

circumstances. This is the first time in my life where I am being

bad split so the reaction from my " close and loving family " is

painful.

anyway..husband stayed home from work, my kids gave me cute

cards, and cooked! My inlaws came from 3 hours away with gifts

and champagne. We had a lovely family party. I did enjoy it.

My co-banished sis called me to see how things were

going....fine...fine..

my fence sitting sisters husband, who I have genuine affection

for called me from his office in CA. We talked about stuff but he is

not comfortable with family members not talking to each other.

Oh Well.

My younger sis who has her own problems called and was very

supportive but dropped a few insights. Nada has cast me off as

" crazy " and says my sister and I are fabricating the evil stuff.

Family has closed ranks around my mother who is playing the

" old lady " card to the max. I knew this.

What hurts is that my brothers and sisters are such cowards and

will do anything to maintain the family system. But I read about

this in Toxic Parents...I don't matter to them. But I matter to me. It

did not hurt to the point of tears or its taking up all my time. It was

more extremely annoying and frustrating. They do not see that

they are perpetuating the same family system that so destroyed

us. Nada has SUCH a grip on them and she relishes it.

The latest is nada's attempt to gain sympathy and access to the

grandkids. I told my brother in law and sister that unfortunately, I

am the door to the grandchildren. I refuse to be tossed away by

my own mother. I should matter MORE than the grandchildren to

my mother and I will not stand to the side and NOT MATTER. I

also reiterated that I was not going to join a family where my

sister who has been so abused is not welcome. They feel guilty

about it, because my brother in law is hosting the toxic family

Christmas.

No greetings from the other family members including nada. My

younger sis didn't know that nada didn't greet my co-banished

sister on her birthday 10 days ago. Nada is making it seem that

we are boycotting her. She is such a liar.

Today I feel angry about it.

More proof that I don't matter to them as a real person. Only

inasmuch as I help to prop up the family trance.

Kathleen