RE: Rule-based autisitic son

May 28, 2004

Angels,

When you give him timeouts extend the time when he continues doing it. You

could also have him write lines if he is writing. Something like: If my

sister does wrong I will tell mom or dad. Start off with just 10 sentences

and add 5 or 10 each time he takes matters into his own hands. Jabari our

8 yr old hates writing sentences so he has been behaving better because of

it. I do it with and Geoffrey as well. It really has improved

their hand writing LOL 8O). Also if he is not writing he has to recite it

so many times and continue adding more if he continues. If you make a list

of rules he needs to remember soon he will know what those rules are by

heart. Then all you will have to do is ask him what is rule #1, 2, 3

etc... I did not think of it before. Just give me some time and it will

eventually surface in my mind 8O). Have a good rest of the week.

Dawn

dstar39@...

Why Wait? Move to EarthLink.

> [Original Message]

>

> To: <autism-aspergers >

> Date: 5/27/2004 4:07:22 PM

> Subject: RE: Rule-based autisitic son

>

> Hi Dawn,

> Thanks for your suggestion. I have tried giving him consequences. He get

> timeout or lose something everytime he does this. He is very upset about

it.

> However, as soon as my two year is out of line again, its like he

completely

> forget the consequence and acts first. Then when he gets the consequence

he

> seems surprised. Not sure what to do about that. Usually, I remind of the

> last time and that he got a consequence then and that he will continue

to,

> until he let's me enforce the rules. I have another daughter, and when

she

> doesn't follow the rules he just tells her or tells me. I don't know why

he

> feels the need to act with my two year old. Maybe because she breaks the

> rules more frequently and is more blatant about it. Thanks for your

> suggestion.

>

> Angels

>

> >

> >Reply-To: autism-aspergers

> >To: autism-aspergers

> >Subject: RE: Rule-based autisitic son

> >Date: Wed, 26 May 2004 23:36:54 -0400

> >

> >Have you tried giving him consequences for his actions? ADHD/AS

> >now almost 13 has been trying to enforce punishments on our youngest who

is

> >6. is now hiting back. I use this to try and teach him that if

> >he continues to do these things he is going to be the one who could get

> >hurt. I don't know if it will work. But it might be worth a try.

> >

> >Dawn.....Mom of 4

> >

> > > [Original Message]

> > >

> > > To: <autism-aspergers >

> > > Date: 5/25/2004 5:31:54 PM

> > > Subject: Rule-based autisitic son

> > >

> > > Hi,

> > > Could you help me with a question about my son. My son is 7 years old

> >and

> > > diagnosis HFA. About a month ago, I told my daughter who is two not

to

> >go

> > > into the house. She tried to anyway and my son slamed her into the

door.

> >I

> > > told him that mommy enforces the rules, not him. that he is not to

push

> >his

> > > sister. Then this morning, my husband put the kids in the car, he told

> >the

> > > two year old not to go in yet (they sit a certain order in the van).

My

> >two

> > > year old tried to get in anyway, and my son pushed her out of the car,

> > > causing her to fall backward and hit her head on the cement. He is

> >determine

> > > to enforce mom and dad rules on her no matter what the consequence. I

am

> > > concerned that he is going to hurt her. I explained to him that she is

> >two

> > > and two year olds are just learning to follow the rules, and sometimes

> >they

> > > don't and mommy or daddy will handle it. Does anyone have suggestions

of

> > > what I can do ? Thanks

> > >

> > > Angels

> > >

> > > _________________________________________________________________

> > > FREE pop-up blocking with the new MSN Toolbar – get it now!

> > > http://toolbar.msn.click-url.com/go/onm00200415ave/direct/01/

> > >

June 1, 2004

Hi Angels,

My son will be 7 in a few days and we have had the same issues with his sister who is no 3.5. It was the worst when she was between 2 and 3 and just begin to assert her independance. We had a very hard time helping him to understand that a 2 - 3 year old doesn't understand rules as well as a "big kid" like himself. We really played up the rules of being a big brother and made a poster. #1 was that he was supposed to protect his sister from being hurt. #2 was that she did not know how to make safe choices so to get mom or dad immediately if a rule was being broken. #3 Remember that he is strong and toddlers don't have good balance. (fall easily)

There were more - but this is an example. The other issue we had was that he did not perceive that she was being hurt if he pushed. has an Aspergers diagnosis and so he does not understand her emotions. Doesn't understand that what he perceives as gentle isn't to her, so we did some role playing. I don't think that he really saw her as a "person" until recently. Her speech is very clear now and she can assert herself with him. We have also been able to teach her to use words that will work with him!

Unfortunately we did end up in the emergency room about 3 months ago. My daughter crawled up on the vanity in the bathroom, so he used the mirror to "move her off". Of course what it did was throw her to the tile floor and she got a serious concussion. That made the biggest impression of all. He never pushes her now.

I hope your lesson isn't learned in such a traumatic manner! I hope this helps.

We are still working with a private behavioral counselor to work on helping him learn about empathy, being less rigid, etc.

June 1, 2004

Thank you, Dawn. I like this suggest. He can write and I am going to have

him start on this today. I actually don't think he will mind writing them

(won't see it as punishment), but this techniques helps him remember his

spelling words maybe it will work that way with the rules, too. Thanks

Angels

>

>Reply-To: autism-aspergers

>To: autism-aspergers

>Subject: RE: Rule-based autisitic son

>Date: Thu, 27 May 2004 18:02:08 -0400

>

>Angels,

>

>When you give him timeouts extend the time when he continues doing it. You

>could also have him write lines if he is writing. Something like: If my

>sister does wrong I will tell mom or dad. Start off with just 10 sentences

>and add 5 or 10 each time he takes matters into his own hands. Jabari our

>8 yr old hates writing sentences so he has been behaving better because of

>it. I do it with and Geoffrey as well. It really has improved

>their hand writing LOL 8O). Also if he is not writing he has to recite it

>so many times and continue adding more if he continues. If you make a list

>of rules he needs to remember soon he will know what those rules are by

>heart. Then all you will have to do is ask him what is rule #1, 2, 3

>etc... I did not think of it before. Just give me some time and it will

>eventually surface in my mind 8O). Have a good rest of the week.

>

>Dawn

>dstar39@...

>Why Wait? Move to EarthLink.

>

> > [Original Message]

> >

> > To: <autism-aspergers >

> > Date: 5/27/2004 4:07:22 PM

> > Subject: RE: Rule-based autisitic son

> >

> > Hi Dawn,

> > Thanks for your suggestion. I have tried giving him consequences. He get

> > timeout or lose something everytime he does this. He is very upset about

>it.

> > However, as soon as my two year is out of line again, its like he

>completely

> > forget the consequence and acts first. Then when he gets the consequence

>he

> > seems surprised. Not sure what to do about that. Usually, I remind of

>the

> > last time and that he got a consequence then and that he will continue

>to,

> > until he let's me enforce the rules. I have another daughter, and when

>she

> > doesn't follow the rules he just tells her or tells me. I don't know why

>he

> > feels the need to act with my two year old. Maybe because she breaks the

> > rules more frequently and is more blatant about it. Thanks for your

> > suggestion.

> >

> > Angels

> >

> > >

> > >Reply-To: autism-aspergers

> > >To: autism-aspergers

> > >Subject: RE: Rule-based autisitic son

> > >Date: Wed, 26 May 2004 23:36:54 -0400

> > >

> > >Have you tried giving him consequences for his actions?

>ADHD/AS

> > >now almost 13 has been trying to enforce punishments on our youngest

>who

>is

> > >6. is now hiting back. I use this to try and teach him that

>if

> > >he continues to do these things he is going to be the one who could get

> > >hurt. I don't know if it will work. But it might be worth a try.

> > >

> > >Dawn.....Mom of 4

> > >

> > > > [Original Message]

> > > >

> > > > To: <autism-aspergers >

> > > > Date: 5/25/2004 5:31:54 PM

> > > > Subject: Rule-based autisitic son

> > > >

> > > > Hi,

> > > > Could you help me with a question about my son. My son is 7 years

>old

> > >and

> > > > diagnosis HFA. About a month ago, I told my daughter who is two not

>to

> > >go

> > > > into the house. She tried to anyway and my son slamed her into the

>door.

> > >I

> > > > told him that mommy enforces the rules, not him. that he is not to

>push

> > >his

> > > > sister. Then this morning, my husband put the kids in the car, he

>told

> > >the

> > > > two year old not to go in yet (they sit a certain order in the van).

>My

> > >two

> > > > year old tried to get in anyway, and my son pushed her out of the

>car,

> > > > causing her to fall backward and hit her head on the cement. He is

> > >determine

> > > > to enforce mom and dad rules on her no matter what the consequence.

>I

>am

> > > > concerned that he is going to hurt her. I explained to him that she

>is

> > >two

> > > > and two year olds are just learning to follow the rules, and

>sometimes

> > >they

> > > > don't and mommy or daddy will handle it. Does anyone have

>suggestions

>of

> > > > what I can do ? Thanks

> > > >

> > > > Angels

> > > >

> > > > _________________________________________________________________

> > > > FREE pop-up blocking with the new MSN Toolbar – get it now!

> > > > http://toolbar.msn.click-url.com/go/onm00200415ave/direct/01/

> > > >

June 1, 2004

No problem Angels. Let me know how it works out.

I have been told it takes 6 weeks to either form or break a habit.

Jabari is doing better. He still has his outbursts but no where near what

he used to do.

It helped and Geoffrey as well. It reminded them what to do and

they now have beautiful hand writing.

Have a good week. Last day of school here is thursday. Can't wait to

sleep in for another 30 min. to an hour.

Woooo Hoooo Summer Vacation is finally here........................

Dawn.....Mom of 4

dstar39@...

Why Wait? Move to EarthLink.

> [Original Message]

>

> To: <autism-aspergers >

> Date: 6/1/2004 4:53:05 PM

> Subject: RE: Rule-based autisitic son

>

> Thank you, Dawn. I like this suggest. He can write and I am going to have

> him start on this today. I actually don't think he will mind writing them

> (won't see it as punishment), but this techniques helps him remember his

> spelling words maybe it will work that way with the rules, too. Thanks

>

> Angels

>

> >

> >Reply-To: autism-aspergers

> >To: autism-aspergers

> >Subject: RE: Rule-based autisitic son

> >Date: Thu, 27 May 2004 18:02:08 -0400

> >

> >Angels,

> >

> >When you give him timeouts extend the time when he continues doing it.

You

> >could also have him write lines if he is writing. Something like: If my

> >sister does wrong I will tell mom or dad. Start off with just 10

sentences

> >and add 5 or 10 each time he takes matters into his own hands. Jabari

our

> >8 yr old hates writing sentences so he has been behaving better because

of

> >it. I do it with and Geoffrey as well. It really has improved

> >their hand writing LOL 8O). Also if he is not writing he has to recite

it

> >so many times and continue adding more if he continues. If you make a

list

> >of rules he needs to remember soon he will know what those rules are by

> >heart. Then all you will have to do is ask him what is rule #1, 2, 3

> >etc... I did not think of it before. Just give me some time and it will

> >eventually surface in my mind 8O). Have a good rest of the week.

> >

> >Dawn

> >dstar39@...

> >Why Wait? Move to EarthLink.

> >

> > > [Original Message]

> > >

> > > To: <autism-aspergers >

> > > Date: 5/27/2004 4:07:22 PM

> > > Subject: RE: Rule-based autisitic son

> > >

> > > Hi Dawn,

> > > Thanks for your suggestion. I have tried giving him consequences. He

get

> > > timeout or lose something everytime he does this. He is very upset

about

> >it.

> > > However, as soon as my two year is out of line again, its like he

> >completely

> > > forget the consequence and acts first. Then when he gets the

consequence

> >he

> > > seems surprised. Not sure what to do about that. Usually, I remind of

> >the

> > > last time and that he got a consequence then and that he will continue

> >to,

> > > until he let's me enforce the rules. I have another daughter, and when

> >she

> > > doesn't follow the rules he just tells her or tells me. I don't know

why

> >he

> > > feels the need to act with my two year old. Maybe because she breaks

the

> > > rules more frequently and is more blatant about it. Thanks for your

> > > suggestion.

> > >

> > > Angels

> > >

> > > >

> > > >Reply-To: autism-aspergers

> > > >To: autism-aspergers

> > > >Subject: RE: Rule-based autisitic son

> > > >Date: Wed, 26 May 2004 23:36:54 -0400

> > > >

> > > >Have you tried giving him consequences for his actions?

> >ADHD/AS

> > > >now almost 13 has been trying to enforce punishments on our youngest

> >who

> >is

> > > >6. is now hiting back. I use this to try and teach him

that

> >if

> > > >he continues to do these things he is going to be the one who could

get

> > > >hurt. I don't know if it will work. But it might be worth a try.

> > > >

> > > >Dawn.....Mom of 4

> > > >

> > > > > [Original Message]

> > > > >

> > > > > To: <autism-aspergers >

> > > > > Date: 5/25/2004 5:31:54 PM

> > > > > Subject: Rule-based autisitic son

> > > > >

> > > > > Hi,

> > > > > Could you help me with a question about my son. My son is 7 years

> >old

> > > >and

> > > > > diagnosis HFA. About a month ago, I told my daughter who is two

not

> >to

> > > >go

> > > > > into the house. She tried to anyway and my son slamed her into the

> >door.

> > > >I

> > > > > told him that mommy enforces the rules, not him. that he is not to

> >push

> > > >his

> > > > > sister. Then this morning, my husband put the kids in the car, he

> >told

> > > >the

> > > > > two year old not to go in yet (they sit a certain order in the

van).

> >My

> > > >two

> > > > > year old tried to get in anyway, and my son pushed her out of the

> >car,

> > > > > causing her to fall backward and hit her head on the cement. He is

> > > >determine

> > > > > to enforce mom and dad rules on her no matter what the

consequence.

> >I

> >am

> > > > > concerned that he is going to hurt her. I explained to him that

she

> >is

> > > >two

> > > > > and two year olds are just learning to follow the rules, and

> >sometimes

> > > >they

> > > > > don't and mommy or daddy will handle it. Does anyone have

> >suggestions

> >of

> > > > > what I can do ? Thanks

> > > > >

> > > > > Angels

> > > > >

> > > > > _________________________________________________________________

> > > > > FREE pop-up blocking with the new MSN Toolbar – get it now!

> > > > > http://toolbar.msn.click-url.com/go/onm00200415ave/direct/01/

> > > > >

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