Guest guest Posted August 5, 2002 Report Share Posted August 5, 2002 If you bake it, I will eat. I was just re-reading LWI page 167, Chapter 11 " Doing the Work on the Body and Addictions. " I find it always helps me to go back to the book. Hope it helps you, too! ____________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 5, 2002 Report Share Posted August 5, 2002 Dear Margaret, Thanks for this. How do I ever dare respond to one of my " biggest " issues? I guess I'll have this issue til I really know the truth about it. It seems so much easier (and caustic) to say: Margaret, you're not even fat...what the heck are you worried about?! Look at your beautiful self---what do you even know about fat?!! LOL! I'd be sooo wealthy if I got royalties from the countless times I've rerun this drama with myself/others. Onewoman, I looked again at p. 167 and I still hold fast to my problem/addiction. I agree with the content, but my payoff must be the identification with the unhappy fat person. Or the fat person trying desperately to not be triggered by thin people calling themselves fat, etc. I will continue to do the work on this. Please do share more of your glimpses when you get them, Margaret...I'd love to be reminded of this tenacious thing again. Love, Jeanne Reply-To: Loving-what-is Date: Mon, 05 Aug 2002 17:54:38 -0000 To: Loving-what-is Subject: Shame and Guilt <snip> These days I am noticing more consciously than ever how I 'shame and guilt' myself over my eating habits, the size of my tummy and my not exercising regularly. I brought this up before and I remember getting a little preachy with Warren because he suggested I give my body positive messages. I'm sorry about that Warren - perhaps you don't even remember but I remember feeling that oh so familiar self- righteous feeling. I've struggled with body issues and eating since forever. <snip> I have done everything around food: overeating, fasting for weeks, dieting, losing weight for years at a time, gaining it back for more years. I'm needing a lengthy life to undo this one. <snip> No fit, thin body can teach me real love - it would just cover up my beliefs in this area - and they would always be there waiting to emerge whenever my body didn't fit the bill through illness or whatever. I have always shamed and guilted myself over my body 'you shouldn't have eaten that' and all the variations within the story, spiritual people aren't attached to food, you'll never be free, your body will never be well and energetic, when are you going to give this up, why don't you just face the feelings you're trying to cover up, etc. etc. I do the Work on these and at the same time I feel a turning towards wanting to fully accept my body in whatever way it shows up and seeing how beautifully loving that can be and how liberating it would be. I get glimpses of it. I have put on some weight as I'm taking the lid off how I'm supposed to eat or look. I think I'm going to turn into one big, sassy broad in the pursuit of freedom. I guess if that's what it takes. Good to share again. Love, Margaret Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 5, 2002 Report Share Posted August 5, 2002 And what would you be without that story? Shame and Guilt > > I'm missing you all a little - missing the feeling of anticipation > when I come to the list and there are lots of posts to read. And at > the same time happy to realize I don't feel as needy as usual - not > so desperate for the group to give me a life. > > These days I am noticing more consciously than ever how I 'shame and > guilt' myself over my eating habits, the size of my tummy and my not > exercising regularly. I brought this up before and I remember getting > a little preachy with Warren because he suggested I give my body > positive messages. I'm sorry about that Warren - perhaps you don't > even remember but I remember feeling that oh so familiar self- > righteous feeling. > I've struggled with body issues and eating since forever. > We had a laugh here the other day. My daughter asked me if I would > eat some cheesecake if she made one. Thinking of the movie " Field of > Dreams " and that line 'build it and they will come' or whatever it is > exactly, I said ' bake it and I will eat it'! > I have done everything around food: overeating, fasting for weeks, > dieting, losing weight for years at a time, gaining it back for more > years. I'm needing a lengthy life to undo this one. > So back to my most recent thoughts around this. It feels that it is > more about self-love and self-acceptance than anything else and that > that is why this issue hangs around me, never letting go because it > is the area that seems the hardest for me to love and accept myself > in and the area where I really need to learn the meaning of self- > love. No fit, thin body can teach me real love - it would just cover > up my beliefs in this area - and they would always be there waiting > to emerge whenever my body didn't fit the bill through illness or > whatever. > I have always shamed and guilted myself over my body 'you shouldn't > have eaten that' and all the variations within the story, spiritual > people aren't attached to food, you'll never be free, your body will > never be well and energetic, when are you going to give this up, why > don't you just face the feelings you're trying to cover up, etc. etc. > I do the Work on these and at the same time I feel a turning towards > wanting to fully accept my body in whatever way it shows up and > seeing how beautifully loving that can be and how liberating it would > be. I get glimpses of it. I have put on some weight as I'm taking the > lid off how I'm supposed to eat or look. I think I'm going to turn > into one big, sassy broad in the pursuit of freedom. I guess if > that's what it takes. > Good to share again. > > Love, Margaret > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 5, 2002 Report Share Posted August 5, 2002 " Onewoman, I looked again at p. 167 and I still hold fast to my problem/addiction. I agree with the content, but my payoff must be the identification with the unhappy fat person. Or the fat person trying desperately to not be triggered by thin people calling themselves fat, etc. " This is a part of my story too so I will revisit that section in LWI. My payoff seems to be less with the results i.e. thin body/fat body/somewhere-in-between body. I learned from a short fast that my payoff with respect to overeating is not having to feel. When I was on the fast, nasty feelings would surface and a thought would pop into my head, " Go feed your face/feel better " . I didn't eat because I was committed to the fast, but it was amazing to observe that process at work. Nasty feeling...gotta go eat to feel better...sugar high...and round and round she goes. I'm looking forward to doing the work on it. Tricia Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 5, 2002 Report Share Posted August 5, 2002 Jeanne dear, Well, of course, I hear you and at the same time I don't think it's about the relative size. It's the internal violence and that's what we share. Self-rejection is self-rejection and is felt equally by the child/ego. I saw this movie " Lovely and Amazing " on the weekend. There's this woman in it who is beautiful looking with the most beautiful body and she is in total angst because her boyfriend thinks her upper arms aren't toned enough. Her self-rejecting thoughts, her argument with reality - same as ours, same, same, same. I heard say one time that judgements from others about the physical body are the most painful to hear, I guess because our identification with the body as who we are runs so deep. What helps me right now is having some compassion for the 'eater' in me who is trying to comfort me in the only way she knows how. Remembering I am not the doer helps me too. and how do I know I'm supposed to be eating cheesecake? I'm eating it. said one less drink and she wouldn't be where she is today. It's good to know we're both working on this. Love, Margaret -- In Loving-what-is@y..., Jeanne <jeannesmi@m...> wrote: > Dear Margaret, > > Thanks for this. How do I ever dare respond to one of my " biggest " issues? I > guess I'll have this issue til I really know the truth about it. It seems so > much easier (and caustic) to say: Margaret, you're not even fat...what the > heck are you worried about?! Look at your beautiful self---what do you even > know about fat?!! LOL! I'd be sooo wealthy if I got royalties from the > countless times I've rerun this drama with myself/others. > > Onewoman, I looked again at p. 167 and I still hold fast to my > problem/addiction. I agree with the content, but my payoff must be the > identification with the unhappy fat person. Or the fat person trying > desperately to not be triggered by thin people calling themselves fat, etc. > > I will continue to do the work on this. > > Please do share more of your glimpses when you get them, Margaret...I'd love > to be reminded of this tenacious thing again. > > Love, Jeanne > > > From: " madodeane " <madodeane@a...> > Reply-To: Loving-what-is@y... > Date: Mon, 05 Aug 2002 17:54:38 -0000 > To: Loving-what-is@y... > Subject: Shame and Guilt > > <snip> > These days I am noticing more consciously than ever how I 'shame and > guilt' myself over my eating habits, the size of my tummy and my not > exercising regularly. I brought this up before and I remember getting > a little preachy with Warren because he suggested I give my body > positive messages. I'm sorry about that Warren - perhaps you don't > even remember but I remember feeling that oh so familiar self- > righteous feeling. > > I've struggled with body issues and eating since forever. > <snip> > > I have done everything around food: overeating, fasting for weeks, > dieting, losing weight for years at a time, gaining it back for more > years. I'm needing a lengthy life to undo this one. > <snip> > No fit, thin body can teach me real love - it would just cover > up my beliefs in this area - and they would always be there waiting > to emerge whenever my body didn't fit the bill through illness or > whatever. > > I have always shamed and guilted myself over my body 'you shouldn't > have eaten that' and all the variations within the story, spiritual > people aren't attached to food, you'll never be free, your body will > never be well and energetic, when are you going to give this up, why > don't you just face the feelings you're trying to cover up, etc. etc. > > I do the Work on these and at the same time I feel a turning towards > wanting to fully accept my body in whatever way it shows up and > seeing how beautifully loving that can be and how liberating it would > be. I get glimpses of it. I have put on some weight as I'm taking the > lid off how I'm supposed to eat or look. I think I'm going to turn > into one big, sassy broad in the pursuit of freedom. I guess if > that's what it takes. > Good to share again. > > Love, Margaret > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 6, 2002 Report Share Posted August 6, 2002 Re: Shame and Guilt Dear Margaret, Jeanne and all, I too am struggling with doing the work on " being fat " . This has been an issue with me since I was a child and may well be my most deep seated. I did the work on it about six weeks ago and thought I had come to a point where I was happy with myself as I was. I promptly put one stone on and then realised that I was not happy with it at all! So I am back trying to eat better. I have noticed two things since doing the work though:- I am aware of the self abuse of eating badly in the moment, as you say Jeanne ,to stuff those bad feelings down and at the same time to make myself dislike myself more Also that I am no longer planning out great weight loss regimes, with targets and time limits weekly goals etc ( guaranteed to send me into first a high and then a low and ultimately to fail ). But I still dont want to be fat!!!!! Love Rob ____________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 6, 2002 Report Share Posted August 6, 2002 Rob You wrote: But I still dont want to be fat! That's what you don't want. What DO you want? steve Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 6, 2002 Report Share Posted August 6, 2002 I'm needing a lengthy life to undo this one. Is that true? Knowing you Margaret my friend, this line was maybe just poking a bit of fun and smiling as you wrote it. Still it caught my attention so I decided to bring it up for closer examination. doug Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 6, 2002 Report Share Posted August 6, 2002 Hey guys, I'm usually anti-clutter about this board, but couldn't help sharing. Saw this was from " me " and then read it. But it wasn't! It was Rob. It's really neat seeing something and being able to say, " Hey, wait a minute -- this isn't true! " In a message dated 8/6/2002 4:09:18 AM Central Standard Time, Rag.on1@... writes: > > > Re: Shame and Guilt > > > Dear Margaret, Jeanne and all, > I too am struggling with doing the work on " being fat " . > > This has been an issue with me since I was a child and may well be my > most deep seated. > > I did the work on it about six weeks ago and thought I had come to a > point where I was happy with myself as I was. I promptly put one stone on > and then realised that I was not happy with it at all! > > So I am back trying to eat better. I have noticed two things since doing > the work though:- > > I am aware of the self abuse of eating badly in the moment, as you say > Jeanne ,to stuff those bad feelings down and at the same time to make > myself dislike myself more > > Also that I am no longer planning out great weight loss regimes, with > targets and time limits weekly goals etc ( guaranteed to send me into first > a high and then a low and ultimately to fail ). > > But I still dont want to be fat!!!!! > > Love Rob Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 6, 2002 Report Share Posted August 6, 2002 RE: Shame and Guilt Good point Steve, very good point and now I think about it I don't know! Time to do the work again Rob > Rob > You wrote: But I still dont want to be fat! > > That's what you don't want. > > What DO you want? > > steve > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.