Re: Relationships online

[Guest guest]

Ken:

> It's actually fairly easy to deconstruct what you consider real

and demonstrate that physical "reality" may in fact be less real thancyber-reality. Distracted by vibrations emanating from the entity inphysical proximity can easily confuse one in a way that the purercybercontact where emotion comes across in subtle ways that are easierto verify for an Aspie than the barrage of sensory input that comesthrough in physical contact. At least that's true for me.

Yes! For me too. Thanks for describing it so perfectly!

> In the short time I've been posting on this group, I feel that I knowsome of the folks in a much deeper way than I know some NTs that I'vebeen hanging out with for decades.

Same here!

Inger

> > ...are you able to see how the on line forum can still bring good > and true friends together and the potential for even more?> > There are people in this forum I consider freinds and the fact > that we have not met in person is more based on physical > proximity and location not desire or need. I feel we have the three > elements already, caring, communication, and commitment....> > RuthFAM Secret Society is a community based on respect, friendship, support and acceptance. Everyone is valued. Don't forget, all female members of FAM Secret Society may join FAM Ladies' Lodge http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/FAMLadiesLodge/ and all males from Secret Society may join FAM Gentlemen's Guild http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/FAMGentlemensGuild/.

[Guest guest]

Zer, the online friendship I'm talking about does put sympathy into live action when need be. For example, when one guy in another forum tried to kill himself, those of us awake at that time sat up all night trying to locate his address so that I could phone the local police to intervene (which was extremely difficult since he was unlisted). But none of us hesitated for a second in putting our other obligations & needs to the side for a day in order to try to save his life. (They DID get there in time.) For him to find that people he had never even met and only talked to online for a few months, cared enough about him to do that touched him profoundly.

In my Swedish forums, I sometimes mail or phone depressed members up to see how they are. I feel very warmly about the ones I have gotten to know from the very deep and open contact we've had on the forums.

I am now arranging meetings every month so that the isolated Aspies who have no partner or friends at least get out once a month to meet others that accept them unconditionally and have a good time. If the members of FAM only lived closer, I would do the same for everyone here.

Inger

> Might the attraction of an online relationship be that it does not clash as some 3D or real-life relationships do? I know people in real life who talk a good game. Very pleasant folks to know. But without real substance in terms of producing anything tangible. Until I see some substance, I am wary of being too trusting. It is a fact that most problems involve an imbalance, so I look for a balance in a relationship. What is offered? What is asked from me? Is there balance? If a guy talks a good game, there had better be some substance showing up now and then, or I am as likely to think he's blowing smoke as anything. I do not put a lot of weight on what someone says online, as one can listen and not challenge what is said. After all, maybe some folks find that it works for them, whatever yarn they spin -- and we all know of how easy it is to buffalo folks with blather online. I do not care if someone wants to create a persona that appeals, but I am not calling someone a friend without some of what Gorski says is part of a healthy functional relationship. Some folks want the excitement of getting intimate with strangers, as one sees on tv. So, the upshot is, I'm listening to y'all talk about what works for you and -- it's fine with me. I hope y'all allow me the same as I offer you. I'm an old-fashioned cautious person when dealing with people who are basically strangers to me. -Zer > > No, I have no expectation of finding friends online. ... What I do see is that I can learn what good support feels like and I can pursue in REAL life the sort of relationship that supports me as I'm supported in lists online. >... For me, using Gorski's guidelines helps to set boundaries and to keep me from finding myself in a confused relationship.FAM Secret Society is a community based on respect, friendship, support and acceptance. Everyone is valued. Don't forget, all female members of FAM Secret Society may join FAM Ladies' Lodge http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/FAMLadiesLodge/ and all males from Secret Society may join FAM Gentlemen's Guild http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/FAMGentlemensGuild/.