Guest guest Posted September 10, 2003 Report Share Posted September 10, 2003 Maralee, I do feel very blessed with Tyler… and for some unusual circumstances that really helped him and us during his early years. When Tyler was 5, we began doing foster care for some pretty intense kids. We dealt with oppositional/defiant, obsessive/compulsive, and manic-depressive… Sometimes all three diagnoses were in the same kiddo. During that time, we worked really closely with counselors who trained us to teach life-skills to these kiddos. Since it was “assumed” that our family was “normal” and that we would be supporting these kiddos as a whole, we all went through the training together. My son became used to going through calming exercises with others, dealing with anger issues, dealing with stress related issues, and learning to focus his energies into something that would make him feel better. The worse the kiddos acted out, the more we practiced these things as a family and the more close-knit we became. Even though we have been “foster-free” now for almost three years, my son still uses the skills he learned to calm, think, and then act. We still use the skills we learned to help him unwind after school and between activities. For us, right now, it works… I don’t know what it will be like when I work outside the home and am not here with him before and after school… It is a worry of mine, because he is so used to going through the process with me… But the day will come……. I do understand many things about your daughter though!!! I have the dry skin on my face. No one else seems to notice and often people tell me how soft it looks… but it drives me NUTS!!! It is a sensory thing… If I get really nervous, I will start picking at it and have occasionally created sores where there wasn’t anything before… I am still trying to find a good enough moisturizer to help. Yet, it is the only location on my body that dryness bugs me, other than on my fingertips… Also, your daughter’s needs to plan your after school and after work life are so incredibly similar to what we do. Tyler has a day planner that he schedules everything in to. Since we have many extracurricular activities right now, it allows him to feel some control over the scheduling and he figures out when everything “necessary” to do each night fits between activities. It does take a load off of me… I just ask him what we are doing when… ~winks~ Thanks for sharing and listening!!! Rabecca Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 13, 2003 Report Share Posted September 13, 2003 Rabecca.... Thanks for sharing about your skin...that helps me try to be more patient with my daughter and her skin obsessions/sensitivities. It's hard for me to understand how her skin feels 'dry.' What does dry skin feel like???! Maralee . . . . . "The events in our lives, when we let God use them, become the mysterious and perfect preparation for the work He has called us to do." RE: overcome with anxiety I do understand many things about your daughter though!!! I have the dry skin on my face. No one else seems to notice and often people tell me how soft it looks… but it drives me NUTS!!! It is a sensory thing… If I get really nervous, I will start picking at it and have occasionally created sores where there wasn’t anything before… I am still trying to find a good enough moisturizer to help. Yet, it is the only location on my body that dryness bugs me, other than on my fingertips… Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 13, 2003 Report Share Posted September 13, 2003 If dry skin is a problem, I suffer feeling that my skin is too tight on my face and every piece of dead skin flake feels bad. I recommend the following however... OLIVE OIL. Lightly apply some to your face a couple times a week (one or two drops on a latex make- up sponge, and make sure you wash it well and dry it completely before you use it, otherwise your face will smell funny - cotton balls drag on skin and feel gross and there's an almost inaudible squeaking sound that really bugs me like a rabbit growl sound). Your skin will love you. Get an organic, extra virgin in a can like Zoe brand. Also careful about your soaps and shampoos. There are few that won't cause allergic reactions of some kind, even in whole food stores. Good luck! -Eva > Rabecca.... > Thanks for sharing about your skin...that helps me try to be more patient with my daughter and her skin obsessions/sensitivities. It's hard for me to understand how her skin feels 'dry.' What does dry skin feel like???! > > Maralee . . . . . > > " The events in our lives, when we let God use them, > > become the mysterious and perfect preparation for > > the work He has called us to do. " > > > RE: overcome with anxiety > I do understand many things about your daughter though!!! I have the dry skin on my face. No one else seems to notice and often people tell me how soft it looks. but it drives me NUTS!!! It is a sensory thing. If I get really nervous, I will start picking at it and have occasionally created sores where there wasn't anything before. I am still trying to find a good enough moisturizer to help. Yet, it is the only location on my body that dryness bugs me, other than on my fingertips. > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 13, 2003 Report Share Posted September 13, 2003 Maralee, For me, the skin on my face often feels like a… hmmmmm…. Tightening mask. I feel little bits of skin that seem to stick together instead of individualized cells. I guess this would feel to most people like a very thin scab or something… Yet, when I feel this, I want to break it up or pick it off… If there are any bumps, they also cause sensory issues and must be dealt with. It can get so bad that it makes me feel like scratching due to itchiness or just dryness… I honestly think my face would look better if I could just leave it alone!!! (It doesn’t look “bad” but I am constantly aware of the skin and how the skin feels) Regular moisturizer doesn’t do it… but more intensive moisturizer can cause more skin irritation or can clog pores, so it is a fine balance. I do not envy your daughter…. Because I have also been dealing with this from an early age (12-13y/o) Good luck!!! Rabecca -----Original Message----- From: Maralee Sent: Friday, September 12, 2003 8:31 PM To: autism-aspergers Subject: Re: overcome with anxiety Rabecca.... Thanks for sharing about your skin...that helps me try to be more patient with my daughter and her skin obsessions/sensitivities. It's hard for me to understand how her skin feels 'dry.' What does dry skin feel like???! Maralee . . . . . " The events in our lives, when we let God use them, become the mysterious and perfect preparation for the work He has called us to do. " ----- Original Message ----- From: Rabecca Whalen To: autism-aspergers Sent: Wednesday, September 10, 2003 12:52 PM Subject: RE: overcome with anxiety I do understand many things about your daughter though!!! I have the dry skin on my face. No one else seems to notice and often people tell me how soft it looks… but it drives me NUTS!!! It is a sensory thing… If I get really nervous, I will start picking at it and have occasionally created sores where there wasn’t anything before… I am still trying to find a good enough moisturizer to help. Yet, it is the only location on my body that dryness bugs me, other than on my fingertips… To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to: autism-aspergers-unsubscribeegroups Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 14, 2003 Report Share Posted September 14, 2003 Wow, Rabecca, thank you so much. I really do appreciate your (logical) input on this. It helps me understand Beth's 'skin obsession' more. As you an aspie, Rabecca? Maralee . . . . . "The events in our lives, when we let God use them,become the mysterious and perfect preparation forthe work He has called us to do." RE: overcome with anxiety I do understand many things about your daughter though!!! I have the dry skin on my face. No one else seems to notice and often people tell me how soft it looks… but it drives me NUTS!!! It is a sensory thing… If I get really nervous, I will start picking at it and have occasionally created sores where there wasn’t anything before… I am still trying to find a good enough moisturizer to help. Yet, it is the only location on my body that dryness bugs me, other than on my fingertips… Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 14, 2003 Report Share Posted September 14, 2003 Thanks for the input, Eva. I'll see if she will give it a try! Maralee . . . . . "The events in our lives, when we let God use them,become the mysterious and perfect preparation forthe work He has called us to do." RE: overcome with anxiety> I do understand many things about your daughter though!!! I have the dry skin on my face. No one else seems to notice and often people tell me how soft it looks. but it drives me NUTS!!! It is a sensory thing. If I get really nervous, I will start picking at it and have occasionally created sores where there wasn't anything before. I am still trying to find a good enough moisturizer to help. Yet, it is the only location on my body that dryness bugs me, other than on my fingertips.> > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 14, 2003 Report Share Posted September 14, 2003 Maralee, I really have never gone through the process of being “diagnosed”… Back when I was a kid, people thought you were crazy if you needed “mental help” so my parents kept me as far away from any “shrinks” as possible… They were sure I would outgrow my “difficulties” and that I was just incredibly “introverted”. Well, now I am all grown up. For the most part, I have learned to pass myself off as “normal”. Yet, I do have oddities, traits that I share with my Aspie son. I think my being able to raise him is actually easier for me, because I know different “compensations” that he can use to overcome difficulties. I also understand many of his shortcomings, his struggles, his desires, and how much work he has gone through to overcome… I am so incredibly proud of him. He has come so far!!! Because he was diagnosed and helped early, he has not had to endure much of what I did as a child, so he has had a very positive childhood (for the most part). He is content, mostly happy, and fairly well adjusted. Sometimes I wonder if I struggle more than he does… Perhaps it is the intervention and the understanding that has made the difference for him… or perhaps I will just always struggle!!! ~winks~ As a kid: I couldn’t write hardly at all… Small and large motor skills were nonexistent. It took until junior high for my hand writing to become legible… Physical touch was almost painful and I had many sensory and depth perception problems I was afraid of everything and everyone, because life was so fast and overwhelming… even in the country where I didn’t have to deal with anyone outside of family except in school… I had a very hard time with any human interaction. I would not talk at school and would rarely talk at home. It didn’t matter if the teachers thought I was stupid or if I was hurt/teased/beaten by other kids… I would not speak, not even if the teacher threatened or I received a failing grade for not answering something out loud. This lasted until we moved right before my freshman year in high school and my dear sweet mother sat me down and talked to me. She told me that no one at the new school knew anything about me, and that I could be anyone I wanted to be there… It was weird hearing myself speak at first… I would write down whatever I planned to say and to who the night before and the various responses I might get. It was really hard, but I kept at it for all four years… but I didn’t get good at talking or interacting until I was out of high school… I would fall apart. Instead of being able to communicate what was going on with me, I would burst into tears, have major meltdowns that lasted for hours where I thought I was going to die, and would withdrawal from the world even farther… Certain things came easily to me and I concentrated on them… to a fault. I was obsessed with reading, numbers, and lines… I know the reading and numbers are fairly common, but I would take any 7 lines of equal size and move them in my mind to make different numbers and letters, adding and subtracting the lines as I went… I could watch an old original digital clock for hours on end, watching the lines change to make new numbers and waiting for certain sequences to appear… I made a conscious effort to improve and “fit in” while in high school, even though I never quite got there… I took speech classes, was on the speech team, took drama, was in scripted plays, was in FBLA and on the impromptu speech team for that club, and tried my best to make friends. Yet, I still couldn’t seem to make eye contact, had trouble carrying on a conversation, had stilted speech, and had trouble dealing with any type of social situation. I did make a “best friend” with a girl that was so shy she didn’t speak either. Instead, we wrote notes in class and passed them between each class. We wrote notes at night and gave them to each other in the mornings before school. Even when we were together, sitting side by side, we didn’t talk… We wrote… It sounds funny now, but it was the first step in my learning to communicate… As an adult: I have continued to force myself to interact I have taken classes that have taught social skills I have taken in foster kids, at risk kids, had step kids, adopted one, and have a biological son… It is amazing the amounts you can learn when you are struggling to truly help another… I learned so much from the counselors, physiologists, teachers, social workers, parents, lawyers, advocates, and in classes. I have run my own business doing childcare, which has allowed me to have one on one interaction with adults, which was much easier than groups for me at first. It also gave me hands on experience in dealing with a plethora of situations that I otherwise wouldn’t have encountered… The more experience I gain, the better my skills. I have worked on my keyboarding skills… Many still have trouble with my handwriting, but it has become less important than other skills I am very detail oriented (almost obsessively so), which has helped with my occupation as well as my desire to continue my education. I was valedictorian at Mount Hood Community College and will be graduating from Warner Pacific College with a Bachelor of Science degree in Business Administration in December. I still hold a 4.0 GPA, which I probably wouldn’t have if not for my unique “personality traits”. I am fairly organized and have each day scheduled out so that I know what to expect and when. I depend upon my daily schedule to maintain some semblance of order and control in my life… It really allows me to relax, though I tend to over plan everything… ~winks~ I still read compulsively and find myself still doing the number and line tricks… These appear more so when I am overstressed or having to deal with a lot of change. I still feel uncomfortable in crowds or trying to deal with more than a couple adults at one time. One on one, I don’t miss many social cues… but in a group, they are overwhelming and I can’t process them all… anxiety continues to be a small issue… I will be looking for work once I graduate… and am hoping to find a position in which I can effectively help others but don’t have to deal with large numbers at one time. I no longer fall apart, but have positive ways to deal with my stressors… Since I can pass myself off as normal (and none of my long-term classmates or clients have guessed that I ever had social difficulties) I guess I could be considered kind of a success… but only if you decide that these traits are enough to classify me… I definitely know where my son got his traits from!!! So call me what you will… I have had one adult at a local meeting who is diagnosed who says that she doesn’t believe I ever could have been diagnosed… but my family still is cautious around me… because they still see me as that “awkward, frightened, shy, angry, uncoordinated” little girl… I will always be her to them, even with all the progress I have made… ~sighs~ Oh well… I know the differences made, and those around me would never have guessed I was “that little girl” that everyone kept their kids away from… ~hugs~ Rabecca -----Original Message----- From: Maralee Sent: Saturday, September 13, 2003 7:08 PM To: autism-aspergers Subject: Re: overcome with anxiety Wow, Rabecca, thank you so much. I really do appreciate your (logical) input on this. It helps me understand Beth's 'skin obsession' more. As you an aspie, Rabecca? Maralee . . . .. . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 14, 2003 Report Share Posted September 14, 2003 Hi, Rabecca. I ran into an acquaintace at a parents and childrens social group (which I've always attended with a great deal of fear and for 'the childrens' welfare'), who is a psychiatrist who is taking a break from practicing to raise a family. She, after talking to me for an hour and a half while watching my son play said, " he can't be AS. " Au contraire, mon fraire... he is indeed. She couldn't believe it. Even a child psychiatrist couldn't see through all of his hard work to appear normal. She also couldn't see through mine, either. I was the 'normal and worried mother of an unfortunate child', as far as she was concerned. Of course you know what I mean by that. I'm not diagnosed, but my son is. He wouldn't have been diagnosed, if I didn't know two things... first, that he's like me, and second, that I fit the bill. If I had never learned what AS means or what autism is, I would have continued to spend my life feeling awkward and wrong, ready for my mountain hermit retreat lifestyle. I would have continued crying and feeling guilty for creating a person just like me, inexplicably messed up. I felt horrible when I saw my awkwardness, my geekiness, my social ineptness shining through my beautiful child's face. It's a really hard thing for me to face, even with a diagnosis (explanation) for him, and at least a good sense of why I was the way I was, am the way I am. I had hoped for so much for him. Seeing that he was like me was just so heart-breaking. Anyway, I identify with what you said. I think it's frustrating when parents with children who are less functional than my son tell me there couldn't possibly be anything wrong with my son 'because he seems so normal'. I just feel like screaming at them, crying, and walking away. Maybe it's a compliment, but when you're reaching out to others, looking for some identification it's like hearing again, " you don't fit in here. " For a mother and child who have spent years hearing that everywhere else, it's sadly painful. I don't think most people, not even psychiatric professionals, realize how hard it is to seem normal for people like us. It's sad when parents of AS/autistic children don't even try to understand, or when diagnosed adults do that doubtful look up and down and say things like 'you can't be'. It's a matter of survival... look as normal as possible or be beaten up, don't get a job, don't survive. Of course I look normal, but damn it, IT HURTS! -Eva > Maralee, > > I really have never gone through the process of being " diagnosed " … Back when > I was a kid, people thought you were crazy if you needed " mental help " so my > parents kept me as far away from any " shrinks " as possible… They were sure I > would outgrow my " difficulties " and that I was just incredibly " introverted " > . Well, now I am all grown up. For the most part, I have learned to pass > myself off as " normal " . Yet, I do have oddities, traits that I share with my > Aspie son. I think my being able to raise him is actually easier for me, > because I know different " compensations " that he can use to overcome > difficulties. I also understand many of his shortcomings, his struggles, his > desires, and how much work he has gone through to overcome… I am so > incredibly proud of him. He has come so far!!! Because he was diagnosed and > helped early, he has not had to endure much of what I did as a child, so he > has had a very positive childhood (for the most part). He is content, mostly > happy, and fairly well adjusted. Sometimes I wonder if I struggle more than > he does… Perhaps it is the intervention and the understanding that has made > the difference for him… or perhaps I will just always struggle!!! ~winks~ > > As a kid: > * I couldn't write hardly at all… Small and large motor skills were > nonexistent. It took until junior high for my hand writing to become > legible… > * Physical touch was almost painful and I had many sensory and depth > perception problems > * I was afraid of everything and everyone, because life was so fast and > overwhelming… even in the country where I didn't have to deal with anyone > outside of family except in school… > * I had a very hard time with any human interaction. I would not talk at > school and would rarely talk at home. It didn't matter if the teachers > thought I was stupid or if I was hurt/teased/beaten by other kids… I would > not speak, not even if the teacher threatened or I received a failing grade > for not answering something out loud. This lasted until we moved right > before my freshman year in high school and my dear sweet mother sat me down > and talked to me. She told me that no one at the new school knew anything > about me, and that I could be anyone I wanted to be there… It was weird > hearing myself speak at first… I would write down whatever I planned to say > and to who the night before and the various responses I might get. It was > really hard, but I kept at it for all four years… but I didn't get good at > talking or interacting until I was out of high school… > * I would fall apart. Instead of being able to communicate what was going on > with me, I would burst into tears, have major meltdowns that lasted for > hours where I thought I was going to die, and would withdrawal from the > world even farther… > * Certain things came easily to me and I concentrated on them… to a fault. I > was obsessed with reading, numbers, and lines… I know the reading and > numbers are fairly common, but I would take any 7 lines of equal size and > move them in my mind to make different numbers and letters, adding and > subtracting the lines as I went… I could watch an old original digital clock > for hours on end, watching the lines change to make new numbers and waiting > for certain sequences to appear… > > I made a conscious effort to improve and " fit in " while in high school, even > though I never quite got there… I took speech classes, was on the speech > team, took drama, was in scripted plays, was in FBLA and on the impromptu > speech team for that club, and tried my best to make friends. Yet, I still > couldn't seem to make eye contact, had trouble carrying on a conversation, > had stilted speech, and had trouble dealing with any type of social > situation. I did make a " best friend " with a girl that was so shy she didn't > speak either. Instead, we wrote notes in class and passed them between each > class. We wrote notes at night and gave them to each other in the mornings > before school. Even when we were together, sitting side by side, we didn't > talk… We wrote… It sounds funny now, but it was the first step in my > learning to communicate… > > As an adult: > * I have continued to force myself to interact > * I have taken classes that have taught social skills > * I have taken in foster kids, at risk kids, had step kids, adopted one, and > have a biological son… It is amazing the amounts you can learn when you are > struggling to truly help another… I learned so much from the counselors, > physiologists, teachers, social workers, parents, lawyers, advocates, and in > classes. > * I have run my own business doing childcare, which has allowed me to have > one on one interaction with adults, which was much easier than groups for me > at first. It also gave me hands on experience in dealing with a plethora of > situations that I otherwise wouldn't have encountered… The more experience I > gain, the better my skills. > * I have worked on my keyboarding skills… Many still have trouble with my > handwriting, but it has become less important than other skills > * I am very detail oriented (almost obsessively so), which has helped with > my occupation as well as my desire to continue my education. I was > valedictorian at Mount Hood Community College and will be graduating from > Warner Pacific College with a Bachelor of Science degree in Business > Administration in December. I still hold a 4.0 GPA, which I probably wouldn' > t have if not for my unique " personality traits " . > * I am fairly organized and have each day scheduled out so that I know what > to expect and when. I depend upon my daily schedule to maintain some > semblance of order and control in my life… It really allows me to relax, > though I tend to over plan everything… ~winks~ > * I still read compulsively and find myself still doing the number and line > tricks… These appear more so when I am overstressed or having to deal with a > lot of change. > * I still feel uncomfortable in crowds or trying to deal with more than a > couple adults at one time. One on one, I don't miss many social cues… but in > a group, they are overwhelming and I can't process them all… anxiety > continues to be a small issue… > * I will be looking for work once I graduate… and am hoping to find a > position in which I can effectively help others but don't have to deal with > large numbers at one time. > * I no longer fall apart, but have positive ways to deal with my stressors… > * Since I can pass myself off as normal (and none of my long- term classmates > or clients have guessed that I ever had social difficulties) I guess I could > be considered kind of a success… but only if you decide that these traits > are enough to classify me… I definitely know where my son got his traits > from!!! > > So call me what you will… I have had one adult at a local meeting who is > diagnosed who says that she doesn't believe I ever could have been > diagnosed… but my family still is cautious around me… because they still see > me as that " awkward, frightened, shy, angry, uncoordinated " little girl… I > will always be her to them, even with all the progress I have made… ~sighs~ > Oh well… I know the differences made, and those around me would never have > guessed I was " that little girl " that everyone kept their kids away from… > > ~hugs~ > Rabecca > > Re: overcome with anxiety > > Wow, Rabecca, thank you so much. I really do appreciate your (logical) input > on this. It helps me understand Beth's 'skin obsession' more. As you an > aspie, Rabecca? > > Maralee . . . . . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 14, 2003 Report Share Posted September 14, 2003 Eva, It is such a relief to be understood and to “belong”… I did get my son diagnosed because I saw so much of myself in him and didn’t want him to go through the same things I went through. I didn’t want him to go through life feeling like a misfit or unable to overcome so many of the social obstacles that I found daunting, to say nothing about the physical coordination difficulties. It is sometimes hard to go to groups or to talk to people who decide that you must not “fit” because you have come so far… or because your child has. In my opinion, telling someone they don’t belong is not a compliment. Perhaps it is rooted in jealousy, because perhaps they would give their eye teeth if their children could function at the level that mine now can. Perhaps it is easier explaining my child’s successes away than it is to “compare” as some parents naturally do… It is incredibly hard to “seem normal”. It takes almost all the energy I have, and the same is true for my son. It is exhausting… but because of being able to, I am able to function in “the real world.” There are times when both my son and I use our basement as an isolation chamber, one in which we don’t have to deal with outside noises, conversations, people, stimuli… We need this just to relax and refocus. Anyway, thanks for the support!!! ~hugs~ Rabecca Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 14, 2003 Report Share Posted September 14, 2003 Rabecca, What a truly wonderful person you are. To have over come all the hurdles in life without any real help you are an inspiration to us all! I have suspicions about my mother. Whom takes meds for breakdowns which she has had. Talking about her youth the other day leads me to believe she maybe an aspie. especially when she said she used to lick the brick wall of her house cause it tasted nice! She is not interested in being diagnosed as she is happy as she is now. Anyway enough of that. Take care. Sherryxx > Maralee, > > I really have never gone through the process of being " diagnosed " … Back when > I was a kid, people thought you were crazy if you needed " mental help " so my > parents kept me as far away from any " shrinks " as possible… They were sure I > would outgrow my " difficulties " and that I was just incredibly " introverted " > . Well, now I am all grown up. For the most part, I have learned to pass > myself off as " normal " . Yet, I do have oddities, traits that I share with my > Aspie son. I think my being able to raise him is actually easier for me, > because I know different " compensations " that he can use to overcome > difficulties. I also understand many of his shortcomings, his struggles, his > desires, and how much work he has gone through to overcome… I am so > incredibly proud of him. He has come so far!!! Because he was diagnosed and > helped early, he has not had to endure much of what I did as a child, so he > has had a very positive childhood (for the most part). He is content, mostly > happy, and fairly well adjusted. Sometimes I wonder if I struggle more than > he does… Perhaps it is the intervention and the understanding that has made > the difference for him… or perhaps I will just always struggle!!! ~winks~ > > As a kid: > * I couldn't write hardly at all… Small and large motor skills were > nonexistent. It took until junior high for my hand writing to become > legible… > * Physical touch was almost painful and I had many sensory and depth > perception problems > * I was afraid of everything and everyone, because life was so fast and > overwhelming… even in the country where I didn't have to deal with anyone > outside of family except in school… > * I had a very hard time with any human interaction. I would not talk at > school and would rarely talk at home. It didn't matter if the teachers > thought I was stupid or if I was hurt/teased/beaten by other kids… I would > not speak, not even if the teacher threatened or I received a failing grade > for not answering something out loud. This lasted until we moved right > before my freshman year in high school and my dear sweet mother sat me down > and talked to me. She told me that no one at the new school knew anything > about me, and that I could be anyone I wanted to be there… It was weird > hearing myself speak at first… I would write down whatever I planned to say > and to who the night before and the various responses I might get. It was > really hard, but I kept at it for all four years… but I didn't get good at > talking or interacting until I was out of high school… > * I would fall apart. Instead of being able to communicate what was going on > with me, I would burst into tears, have major meltdowns that lasted for > hours where I thought I was going to die, and would withdrawal from the > world even farther… > * Certain things came easily to me and I concentrated on them… to a fault. I > was obsessed with reading, numbers, and lines… I know the reading and > numbers are fairly common, but I would take any 7 lines of equal size and > move them in my mind to make different numbers and letters, adding and > subtracting the lines as I went… I could watch an old original digital clock > for hours on end, watching the lines change to make new numbers and waiting > for certain sequences to appear… > > I made a conscious effort to improve and " fit in " while in high school, even > though I never quite got there… I took speech classes, was on the speech > team, took drama, was in scripted plays, was in FBLA and on the impromptu > speech team for that club, and tried my best to make friends. Yet, I still > couldn't seem to make eye contact, had trouble carrying on a conversation, > had stilted speech, and had trouble dealing with any type of social > situation. I did make a " best friend " with a girl that was so shy she didn't > speak either. Instead, we wrote notes in class and passed them between each > class. We wrote notes at night and gave them to each other in the mornings > before school. Even when we were together, sitting side by side, we didn't > talk… We wrote… It sounds funny now, but it was the first step in my > learning to communicate… > > As an adult: > * I have continued to force myself to interact > * I have taken classes that have taught social skills > * I have taken in foster kids, at risk kids, had step kids, adopted one, and > have a biological son… It is amazing the amounts you can learn when you are > struggling to truly help another… I learned so much from the counselors, > physiologists, teachers, social workers, parents, lawyers, advocates, and in > classes. > * I have run my own business doing childcare, which has allowed me to have > one on one interaction with adults, which was much easier than groups for me > at first. It also gave me hands on experience in dealing with a plethora of > situations that I otherwise wouldn't have encountered… The more experience I > gain, the better my skills. > * I have worked on my keyboarding skills… Many still have trouble with my > handwriting, but it has become less important than other skills > * I am very detail oriented (almost obsessively so), which has helped with > my occupation as well as my desire to continue my education. I was > valedictorian at Mount Hood Community College and will be graduating from > Warner Pacific College with a Bachelor of Science degree in Business > Administration in December. I still hold a 4.0 GPA, which I probably wouldn' > t have if not for my unique " personality traits " . > * I am fairly organized and have each day scheduled out so that I know what > to expect and when. I depend upon my daily schedule to maintain some > semblance of order and control in my life… It really allows me to relax, > though I tend to over plan everything… ~winks~ > * I still read compulsively and find myself still doing the number and line > tricks… These appear more so when I am overstressed or having to deal with a > lot of change. > * I still feel uncomfortable in crowds or trying to deal with more than a > couple adults at one time. One on one, I don't miss many social cues… but in > a group, they are overwhelming and I can't process them all… anxiety > continues to be a small issue… > * I will be looking for work once I graduate… and am hoping to find a > position in which I can effectively help others but don't have to deal with > large numbers at one time. > * I no longer fall apart, but have positive ways to deal with my stressors… > * Since I can pass myself off as normal (and none of my long- term classmates > or clients have guessed that I ever had social difficulties) I guess I could > be considered kind of a success… but only if you decide that these traits > are enough to classify me… I definitely know where my son got his traits > from!!! > > So call me what you will… I have had one adult at a local meeting who is > diagnosed who says that she doesn't believe I ever could have been > diagnosed… but my family still is cautious around me… because they still see > me as that " awkward, frightened, shy, angry, uncoordinated " little girl… I > will always be her to them, even with all the progress I have made… ~sighs~ > Oh well… I know the differences made, and those around me would never have > guessed I was " that little girl " that everyone kept their kids away from… > > ~hugs~ > Rabecca > > Re: overcome with anxiety > > Wow, Rabecca, thank you so much. I really do appreciate your (logical) input > on this. It helps me understand Beth's 'skin obsession' more. As you an > aspie, Rabecca? > > Maralee . . . . . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 15, 2003 Report Share Posted September 15, 2003 Rabecca... I hear you very well!! Thanks for your response. Thanks for the reassurance. It would be nice to fit in somewhere. Maybe that's an elusive goal for everyone and maybe we're just socially naive enough to believe that we're the only ones (??). > Eva, > > It is such a relief to be understood and to " belong " … I did get my son > diagnosed because I saw so much of myself in him and didn't want him to go > through the same things I went through. I didn't want him to go through life > feeling like a misfit or unable to overcome so many of the social obstacles > that I found daunting, to say nothing about the physical coordination > difficulties. > > It is sometimes hard to go to groups or to talk to people who decide that > you must not " fit " because you have come so far… or because your child has. > In my opinion, telling someone they don't belong is not a compliment. > Perhaps it is rooted in jealousy, because perhaps they would give their eye > teeth if their children could function at the level that mine now can. > Perhaps it is easier explaining my child's successes away than it is to > " compare " as some parents naturally do… > > It is incredibly hard to " seem normal " . It takes almost all the energy I > have, and the same is true for my son. It is exhausting… but because of > being able to, I am able to function in " the real world. " There are times > when both my son and I use our basement as an isolation chamber, one in > which we don't have to deal with outside noises, conversations, people, > stimuli… We need this just to relax and refocus. > > Anyway, thanks for the support!!! > > ~hugs~ > Rabecca Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.