Guest guest Posted December 15, 2003 Report Share Posted December 15, 2003 Hi Maralee, Its tough enough keep teenagers apart anyway let alone when they do not fully understand the consequences of their actions! Does she have any idea of sex and what happens? Is she aware of how babies are made? I know this could go one way or the other and you obviousley know her best. If I were you and this is a big if as I have not got this problem, I would suss out if she has any awareness. If she has then it might be an idea to put her on the pill (just incase) and if not then you could try to explain it all to her then she may be put off if she thinks she could end up with a baby to care for! That could go wrong though if she likes babies! This is just a suggestion please use you own discretion as to wether you want to give it a go! Sherryxx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 15, 2003 Report Share Posted December 15, 2003 yes, I've had a couple of others suggest the same thing...birth control. We definitely do not want a baby...I would not agree to keeping a baby and that would be a whole new ball of wax with her emotional challenges. Yet I hate 'going there' as I feel it gives license to proceed (which I am very much against because of spiritual and emotional and physical reasons)....and at this time they really don't have opportunity to be completely intimate..but there's a lot of (obsessive) physical touch going on...and it's only been a two month relationship. They are both developmentally disabled and so feel that they have 'found' each other and are in 'love.' We did talk frankly last night and she is not a stupid girl...told me about condoms and spermicide...but also told me of her 'plans' to move in with him as soon as possible and that they do want a daughter...she's saving her diaries for her daughter.....and that she'll get a job....to help support them...she's so idealistic and doesn't have a clue! But she's also stubborn and has never listened to me...she's always got an answer, and is always talking (doesn't be quiet long enough to listen usually). She says she can talk to people if she 'has to' and she would if she had a job. She has social anxiety and never talks to people in public.... I'm thankful he doesn't have a driver's license. He'll be 18 in February. He's talking about taking driver's ed at his local school though. I don't know if he could pass or not. And I don't think Beth will be driving either. But I've been wrong before. I remember the day.... LOL She's already planning for him coming over next Saturday. I hate it when he's here. I can't go anywhere, I'm constantly 'checking' to be sure they aren't making out...he usually camps here for 6-8 hours when he comes. And of course, we've set the 'ritual' now so he comes at 1 and leaves at 8...if anything messes with that 'schedule,' Beth has a fit. arghghgh off to work and other challenges...my other world...I get to put on my 'normal' cap now.... maralee Re: frustration..dating Hi Maralee,Its tough enough keep teenagers apart anyway let alone when they do not fully understand the consequences of their actions! Does she have any idea of sex and what happens? Is she aware of how babies are made? I know this could go one way or the other and you obviousley know her best. If I were you and this is a big if as I have not got this problem, I would suss out if she has any awareness. If she has then it might be an idea to put her on the pill (just incase) and if not then you could try to explain it all to her then she may be put off if she thinks she could end up with a baby to care for! That could go wrong though if she likes babies!This is just a suggestion please use you own discretion as to wether you want to give it a go!Sherryxx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 16, 2003 Report Share Posted December 16, 2003 Maralee, I feel akward at best at offering advice on your daughter's situation, but after weathering the teenage years with 2 of my own (now almost 21 and 22) one of which while not on the spectrum was certainly a rule pusher and quite dramatic (threatening suicide, cutting) I can tell you what I did was just say that activity will not occur under my roof and if it did the boy was told to leave. I would rather deal with the screaming and incoherent fits than deal with that activity in my face. My feeling is it is my house, I am the adult, and you will follow the rules or else. I did have holes placed in walls with fists, heads, etc but when calmed down that daughter became an expert dry waller. I will say we had the most honest discussions about sex, aids, morality, faith that any of my friends had with their daighters. They missed dates, dances, school activities when they broke rules and I think they learned from it. One daughter got caught drinking her 10th grade year at a party she lied about (yes I drove by houses and checked out where they were) and every kid at that party parents were called by me and told about it and what happened at it. Talk about total social mortification, but it worked. They are both in college and doing well now, they both try to live their lives in an honorable fashion, and we survived the teen angst fairly intact although at the time I certainly thought I would kill them both or them me. Dana Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 16, 2003 Report Share Posted December 16, 2003 Oh Maralee, I really wasn't much help was I! I wish you all the best with this and I will keep you in my prayers! Sherryxx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 16, 2003 Report Share Posted December 16, 2003 Your support was wonderful, Sherry. I know there aren't always answers to our problems but just being able to share them with people who understand helps me feel better! And thanks for your prayers.... Maralee Re: frustration..dating Oh Maralee,I really wasn't much help was I! I wish you all the best with this and I will keep you in my prayers!Sherryxx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 16, 2003 Report Share Posted December 16, 2003 Wow, Dana, you go girl!!! This sounds more like me with my typical son...we had rules and enforced them and today he is a wonderful, responsible 23 year old man; married 2 years, B.A. degree, homeowner.... but it's such a different story with child #2 who is from another planet. She doesn't understand nor process information the way my son nor any normal kid does...she obsesses...she per-sev-er-ates....she is verbally abusive and sometimes physically aggressive...she barely makes it through each day emotionally...it's so tricky to 'keep the balance' in her day and in her life...it's exhausting. She is so egocentric and thinks she knows all (I guess that's a typical teen worldview!). Every single time her boyfriend is over I'm telling them to come out into the open area of the house (not her bedroom) and do something (an activity) instead of hanging all over each other. But it's that one focus obsession mindset. Beth says she just loves him and I don't think she knows that she can love him and still not touch him! BIG SIGH.... thanks.... maralee Re: frustration..dating Maralee,I feel akward at best at offering advice on your daughter's situation, but after weathering the teenage years with 2 of my own (now almost 21 and 22) one of which while not on the spectrum was certainly a rule pusher and quite dramatic (threatening suicide, cutting) I can tell you what I did was just say that activity will not occur under my roof and if it did the boy was told to leave. I would rather deal with the screaming and incoherent fits than deal with that activity in my face. My feeling is it is my house, I am the adult, and you will follow the rules or else. I did have holes placed in walls with fists, heads, etc but when calmed down that daughter became an expert dry waller. I will say we had the most honest discussions about sex, aids, morality, faith that any of my friends had with their daighters. They missed dates, dances, school activities when they broke rules and I think they learned from it. One daughter got caught drinking her 10th grade year at a party she lied about (yes I drove by houses and checked out where they were) and every kid at that party parents were called by me and told about it and what happened at it. Talk about total social mortification, but it worked. They are both in college and doing well now, they both try to live their lives in an honorable fashion, and we survived the teen angst fairly intact although at the time I certainly thought I would kill them both or them me.Dana Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 17, 2003 Report Share Posted December 17, 2003 I have to ask, do you trust the guy? By saying you're glad he can't drive it sounds like you don't. If you don't, why let her see him? If you do, wouldn't it be a good thing for them to do something other than sit around the house for 7 hours? One girl I hung out with for a while, her parents just had a simple rule.. she had to call her parents any time she changed locations and inform them where she was or where she was going, so they always had a chance to object to it. But anyways, why let her throwing a fit stop you from enforcing rules or possibly changing rules? > yes, I've had a couple of others suggest the same thing...birth control. We definitely do not want a baby...I would not agree to keeping a baby and that would be a whole new ball of wax with her emotional challenges. > > Yet I hate 'going there' as I feel it gives license to proceed (which I am very much against because of spiritual and emotional and physical reasons)....and at this time they really don't have opportunity to be completely intimate..but there's a lot of (obsessive) physical touch going on...and it's only been a two month relationship. They are both developmentally disabled and so feel that they have 'found' each other and are in 'love.' We did talk frankly last night and she is not a stupid girl...told me about condoms and spermicide...but also told me of her 'plans' to move in with him as soon as possible and that they do want a daughter...she's saving her diaries for her daughter.....and that she'll get a job....to help support them...she's so idealistic and doesn't have a clue! But she's also stubborn and has never listened to me...she's always got an answer, and is always talking (doesn't be quiet long enough to listen usually). She says she can talk to people if she 'has to' and she would if she had a job. She has social anxiety and never talks to people in public.... > > I'm thankful he doesn't have a driver's license. He'll be 18 in February. He's talking about taking driver's ed at his local school though. I don't know if he could pass or not. And I don't think Beth will be driving either. But I've been wrong before. I remember the day.... > > LOL > > She's already planning for him coming over next Saturday. I hate it when he's here. I can't go anywhere, I'm constantly 'checking' to be sure they aren't making out...he usually camps here for 6-8 hours when he comes. And of course, we've set the 'ritual' now so he comes at 1 and leaves at 8...if anything messes with that 'schedule,' Beth has a fit. > > arghghgh > off to work and other challenges...my other world...I get to put on my 'normal' cap now.... > maralee > Re: frustration..dating > > > Hi Maralee, > > Its tough enough keep teenagers apart anyway let alone when they do > not fully understand the consequences of their actions! > Does she have any idea of sex and what happens? Is she aware of how > babies are made? I know this could go one way or the other and you > obviousley know her best. If I were you and this is a big if as I > have not got this problem, I would suss out if she has any awareness. > If she has then it might be an idea to put her on the pill (just > incase) and if not then you could try to explain it all to her then > she may be put off if she thinks she could end up with a baby to care > for! > > That could go wrong though if she likes babies! > > This is just a suggestion please use you own discretion as to wether > you want to give it a go! > > Sherryxx > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 17, 2003 Report Share Posted December 17, 2003 To be honest, I trust him more than I trust her! She is consumed with her 'love' for him and it's all she thinks about these days. I wish they would/could do something besides sit around the house for hours, but like I said, these are aspies (at least she is; I don't know his dx) and they are interested in one or two things. Period. He loves video games (and they do play them some). She loves him. TV is of little interest, movies are of little interest, trampoline, walking, shopping, etc. (I'm glad he can't drive yet because that delays them being alone away from supervision.) I don't have a good response for your last question other than.....come and live with her for a while.... maralee Re: frustration..dating> > > Hi Maralee,> > Its tough enough keep teenagers apart anyway let alone when they do > not fully understand the consequences of their actions! > Does she have any idea of sex and what happens? Is she aware of how > babies are made? I know this could go one way or the other and you > obviousley know her best. If I were you and this is a big if as I > have not got this problem, I would suss out if she has any awareness. > If she has then it might be an idea to put her on the pill (just > incase) and if not then you could try to explain it all to her then > she may be put off if she thinks she could end up with a baby to care > for! > > That could go wrong though if she likes babies!> > This is just a suggestion please use you own discretion as to wether > you want to give it a go!> > Sherryxx> > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 18, 2003 Report Share Posted December 18, 2003 Heh well I'm just thinking of my sister, when my mom did something she didn't like she'd rant and rave and yell and cry and slam doors etc etc and my mom would just ignore her. Usually went on for an hour or so then she'd calm down. But then my sister's 5'2 and was even shorter back when she actually got in trouble and didn't pose much of a physical threat to anybody(cept for poor me when I'd make her mad). I just ignore my parents when I get mad at them. Last time my mom said something that made me mad I just got up, went to my room, shut my door and didn't come out till the next day. But then I'm 16(9 days to 17 ) so I suppose I don't understand much beyond what my own parents do and have to deal with. > To be honest, I trust him more than I trust her! > She is consumed with her 'love' for him and it's all she thinks about these days. I wish they would/could do something besides sit around the house for hours, but like I said, these are aspies (at least she is; I don't know his dx) and they are interested in one or two things. Period. He loves video games (and they do play them some). She loves him. TV is of little interest, movies are of little interest, trampoline, walking, shopping, etc. (I'm glad he can't drive yet because that delays them being alone away from supervision.) I don't have a good response for your last question other than.....come and live with her for a while.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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