Guest guest Posted August 26, 2002 Report Share Posted August 26, 2002 Heidi What I am working on: Getting the courage to go do " the work, " Facing my fear of facing myself on a daily basis, facing my fear of death and the utter meaninglessness of striving. If I try to give the outcome meaning, then I remember that I am going to die, and we are all going to die. So the outcome has no value. What has value? Now? Loving what is? Nothing? Enjoy my life? I am not in charge of the meaning. God's purview. So what am I in charge of. Well Sherman once said that the only thing I can really make a choice about is, " Where you place your attention. " Right not I choose to place my attention on me. You asked. IN the confusing mystery of it all steve where is everyone? The list has been so quiet and i'm missing posts. What are you Working on? -heidi ----------------- " People should be more active. " 1. No. 3. Disappointed, alone, wishing, wondering, checking, hoping, leaving, checking again, etc... What do i think i'd have if people were more active on the list? Validation, feedback, connection, warmth... 4. More peaceful, looking within not without myself, present TA People shouldn't be more active (b/c they're not) I should be more active. ? (only if i am) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 26, 2002 Report Share Posted August 26, 2002 Hi All {{warning-long post...my ex-boyfriend, who's now just my friend sent me this article 'bout ))) What am I working on...? My excess weight Lack of money (ex-H not paying child support) Rejection 1.(potential employers chosing other applicants) 2. breaking up with boyfriend (just friends, now) Lack of sex and it's all been put on the back burner since my sis was up from Fla. for the wkend...but we had a good visit... Here's what my friend sent me...this journalist has written some great articles...glad to see that 's book is doing well: LOVING WHAT IS By Dalton Chattanooga Times Free Press 8-23-02 Spinoza said, " Become a lover of what is " and if we don't, what is will keep grinding us to a little pile of powder as long as we live. This thought hit me powerfully when I was reading a great book by Byron titled Loving What Is (Harmony Books, 2002) at the same time I received a note from a dear friend. You know, one of those coincidences you feel is a higher power talking to you. As I wrote in my book Kickstarts, " Coincidences are God's way of saying " howdy.' " 's book hit me like a Louisville Slugger. I read it three times before I was able to pass it on to my sister who wanted to read it. If you've had the tendency to worry yourself half-crazy over people you love sabotaging themselves, you might profit from reading it and answering the four questions she applies to every troubling thought: Is it true? Can you absolutely know it is true? How do you react when you think that thought? And how would you feel without that thought? Then she teaches you to do a " turnaround " of the thought. It may sound like a yawningly simple formula for personal peace. It is simple but you will do no yawning when you start to apply it to the thorns in your mind. Like me, you may wind up doing more soul-searching than you expected. At the same time I was reading and re-reading 's book, a long-time friend wrote me about a mutual acquaintance. She was worried because this person has taken so many " hard falls. " When we see this Humpty Dumpty cycle in someone's life, we always wonder how many times they can crash without giving up. As the old rhyme says, there does come a time when Humpty can't put himself together again. One of life's deepest heart-stabs is seeing this vicious cycle in people we love. I don't mind admitting I have no magic wand answers. All I know to do is to keep caring for them without getting into their blenders. We become paralyzed by the question, " Why do they keep doing this to themselves? " We may have all kinds of theories and may even be highly trained in behavioral sciences, but the fundamental fact is, they don't completely know and we don't know. The true reasons can be buried in their psyches, their pasts or even in their metabolisms. . says, " You are the teacher you have been waiting for. " Meaning that no change in Humpty Dumptyism can possibly be made until the person becomes self-observational and starts digging within for answers. That ferreting-out process may require the aid of a professional but it must become a regular life-groove to succeed. Often our involvement with those we view as self-saboteurs comes from us trying to impose our life purpose on them. speaks to that: " Maybe their life shouldn't have a purpose other than to do what is in front of them. " People do not need our grandiose schemes for their lives. As weird as the thought might be to those who have a rigid view of normalcy, we might remind ourselves now and then that some of the greatest contributors to humankind have been very un-normal people. We might ask ourselves if taking our path would despoil their uniqueness. Maybe they are needed as they are to give the status quo a karate chop or to wrestle some big-horned sacred cows to the ground. Hoffer said, " You accept certain unlovely things about yourself and manage to live with them. The atonement for such an acceptance is that you make allowances for others. " Loving and respecting someone as they are is surely the first step in helping them change, in case they really need to change, which is really their business. If your omniscience needs a good healthy jolt, and you want some practical tools to help you accept what is, read 's book. > > -----Original Message----- > > The list has been so quiet ...Working on? > > -heidi > > __________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 27, 2002 Report Share Posted August 27, 2002 > The list has been so quiet and i'm missing posts. What are you > Working on? > > -heidi Hi there, It's been awhile since I've really checked in but you all have been in my thoughts and the last few posts I sent have been in my thoughts. It was good to meditate on the response one of you sent when I said I felt left out. It took me back to a time when i was 8 or 9 and my dad was bulding a balsa wood race car " with me " . Only it turned out to be me looking over his shoulder as he worked and getting bored and feeling left out. What remains after all these years is a story of his not caring to include me and how sad that was. He should include me. Is it true? No. Reality is that he didn't. How do I feel when....? I feel left out, lonely, unwanted, judging him for being that way. Any reason to keep the story that isn't a drag? None. Can you see a reason to drop it? (And I won't try to drop it) Yeah it feels yuk. Who would you be standing there with your dad without that story? Including myself or maybe just enjoying his enthusiasm. Just okay. Seeing him as a young father who felt like he was doing something nice for his son. Turn arounds: He shouldn't include me. I should include him. I should include myself. Yeah, Nice I love this process. The other thing that I appreciated was the feedback Laurie gave when I was concerned about being preachy. Thank you. I feel like I'm a novice at the art of fostering free discussion, dialog and inquiry versus defending a viewpoint and needing to dominate. I don't know if that makes sense but I just feel such a freedom recently that is directly related to staying in this process. peace to all., Doug Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 27, 2002 Report Share Posted August 27, 2002 Hi loved ones, I had been away all last week and when I got home I had 140 messages in my inbox. I had to delete them all - it was too much. I am working on stuff related to my job. I have always felt insecure in my job and have always been afraid of being fired - which is odd because I never have been fired...also, I have started to work on this but don't know the source as yet... I am making too many mistakes and will loose my job. 1. No 3. sad, depressed, like a failure, like I have no control over the quality of my work. 4. T/A - I am not making enough mistakes and will keep my job (?) Can anyone help out with the turnaround here? Thinking the core belief is: I should not make mistakes 1. No, after all this is the only way to learn right? 3. bad all around 4. T/A I should make mistakes uh, confused... . > >Reply-To: Loving-what-is >To: Loving-what-is >Subject: where is everyone? >Date: Mon, 26 Aug 2002 14:59:44 -0000 > >The list has been so quiet and i'm missing posts. What are you >Working on? > >-heidi > >----------------- > > " People should be more active. " > >1. No. >3. Disappointed, alone, wishing, wondering, checking, hoping, >leaving, checking again, etc... > >What do i think i'd have if people were more active on the list? > Validation, feedback, connection, warmth... > >4. More peaceful, looking within not without myself, present > >TA People shouldn't be more active (b/c they're not) > I should be more active. ? (only if i am) > > > _________________________________________________________________ Join the world’s largest e-mail service with MSN Hotmail. http://www.hotmail.com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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