Re: Help - a story about jealousy

[Guest guest]

Tabrina,

thanks for that reply to my outreach - it really helped me get started on my

work.

If I had her life I would be happier...is that true?

<<when am i not in peace? only when the story starts. >>

Thank you so much!

Reply-To: Loving-what-is

Date: Wed, 10 Jul 2002 02:05:17 -0000

To: Loving-what-is

Subject: Re: Help - a story about jealousy

[Guest guest]

Dear Tabrina, Margaret, , Etc, Etc, Etc,

" Don't compare your insides to someone else's outsides. " -- (can't remember)

__________________________________

Subj: Re: Help - a story about jealousy

Date: 7/9/2002 9:06:26 PM Central Standard Time

From: <A HREF= " mailto:tabrinaweaver@... " >tabrinaweaver@...</A>

Reply-to: <A

HREF= " mailto:Loving-what-is " >Loving-what-is </A>

To: <A

HREF= " mailto:Loving-what-is " >Loving-what-is </A>

Sent from the Internet (Details)

when i was in high school there was a girl that i envied with a fiery

passion. she had it all. perfect clothes, looks, hair, popularity -

and to add further insult to injury, she even had a gorgeous soprano

voice while i was stuck with my alto. she was even going with the

senior president, a really hunky jock everyone worshipped. this girl

and i were in madrigals together and were sent to new york to compete

with other choirs. to my total mortification, this girl and i were

assigned a room together. that night we ended up talking and i found

out things about her life that amazed me. she hated high school.

she said her parents were very demanding and expected a perfect

performance from her or else they would berate her. (It was true,

that her parents did come to the school all the time.) She said her

friends were spiteful behind her back. her boyfriend, whom everyone

thought was so great, frequently hit her. she hated performing. she

told me that she had always envied me because i could be friends with

anybody and i didn't try to fit in. she said it seemed to her that I

had a life of my own.

what a revelation. she told me that she would leave home the day she

turned 18 and never perform again. and she did. i saw her 3 years

later and she had married right out of high school, (not the jock), a

much older man, and she had 3 little kids. she was blissfully

happy. but her parents wouldn't speak to her because they had great

plans for her college career and she refused to go to college. oh

well.

in retrospect, i wouldn't trade places with her for anything. not

even if we could go back to high school with everything we know now.

for all you know the people you feel jealous of, are jealous of you.

when i feel jealous i usually find that i am pretending it is about

what the other person has as an avoidance technique.

i am avoiding me.

I don't want to look my self-esteem issues in the eye.

i think my frustration is about what i lack.

but my real frustration is that i have a story that i lack.

no story - no frustration.

when i am at peace with myself what do i lack? i have air. i have

gravity. i have endless love.

when am i not in peace? only when the story starts.

by they way, the only perfect dog is a cat!

tabrina =^._.^=

[Guest guest]

So can anyone answer me if I have been the target for jealousy?

I am new here, am I not welcomed ?

It is not easy to live a life, having to be/act less, so that others do not

direct their own insecurites, low self esteem at me!

I would like to do the work too. I deserve a full life too!

Anyone?

Bless you,

Irena

" Don't ask yourself what the world needs; ask yourself what makes you come

alive. And then go and do that. Because what the world needs is people who have

come alive. "

Harold Whitman

---------------------------------

[Guest guest]

>

> So can anyone answer me if I have been the target for jealousy?

> I am new here, am I not welcomed ?

> It is not easy to live a life, having to be/act less, so that

others do not direct their own insecurites, low self esteem at me!

> I would like to do the work too. I deserve a full life too!

>

Ilana,

That must have hurt to have nobody reply to you. I'm sorry about that

and it would be great for you to write a piece on that if you haven't

done so already.

It's their business if they are jealous of you. It does give you

discomfort so then it becomes your business.

What do you want from people that you are not getting? Love? Approval?

Inclusion? Your journey is to start giving whatever that is to

yourself.

Inquire into: I want people __________ People should __________

I need people _______

You say you get a lot of attention from the way you dress. You might

need to take a look at that. What are your motives? Be very honest

with yourself. We're talking about your freedom. You may be looking

for some attention in which case there are beliefs operating like:

Attention gives me something

Attention is love

I need attention

Then again Ilana you may be dressing just for the pure joy of

expressing yourself. It's for you to say.

Good luck with this Ilana

Love, Margaret

>

> " Don't ask yourself what the world needs; ask yourself what makes

you come alive. And then go and do that. Because what the world needs

is people who have come alive. "

>

> Harold Whitman

>

>

>

> ---------------------------------

>

[Guest guest]

Thank you Margaret, Thank you for taking the time

Just to clear up this issue I have, I dress down. I seldom ever dress the way I

like to. I used to when I was young, but after getting nasty looks from old

maids at the office and remarks from so-called friends, and even my ex husband,

I have since always dressed down. No, I deter attention. And of course, the

more I resist the more it persists. You see, I live in Hong Kong and being half

, half I was born, I had chosen to get attention for just being me. And now in

my later years, I am trying to find a way to love the attention, to ignore the

remarks, to get on with it. And not let it affect me. Not let the snide

remarks affect me. Not let those looks affect me.

Even as a young girl, I was not outrageous, just a t shirt and jeans. Always

wore a bra, very little make up. So no, the attention getter, I am not. Yet, I

do feel anger at having to dress down, so that others will feel better. It is

not fair! And yes, they did feel better and I do get less remarks and stuff.

And I know this will never stop. And I refuse to gain lots of weight and

slouch. Yes, I like carrying myself with some dignity.

If we were to go by nne on's speech, about how we fear how great we

are, than this is me. Guess I just want to be loved. I want the opportunity ,

but since I chose my life time, as who I am and how I look, this will always be

an issue with me.

That is why I want to do the work. I want to know how to change that around,

and feel good about all this. It is not so much people I don't know that make

remarks, normally it is strangers who don't remark. It is the 'friends' that

hurt the most.

madodeane wrote:

It's their business if they are jealous of you. It does give you

discomfort so then it becomes your business.

Yes, it is and then they shove it down my throat. So I have few friends left in

3D, I have lots of friends on the net. For this I am grateful.

What do you want from people that you are not getting? Love? Approval?

Inclusion? Your journey is to start giving whatever that is to

yourself.

Yes, Love and Inclusion, but most of all some how, some way, to accept that this

is my path and to truly embrace it and not let it affect me.

Inquire into: I want people __________

to see that we are all Unique, each of us and that we need to co-operate and

love each other, not compete.

People should __________

know that life is about loving ourselves and each other. People should not back

stab, create conflicts and intentionally hurt others.

I need people _______I need people to see that they too have what it takes and

to get on with their own lives and then join me into loving this world into a

loving, peaceful non-hurtful place to be.

Thank you again Margaret for allowing me the opportunity to share.

Actually, I have started on the road to loving myself. Doing it much better

than I used to. It is just that I want to know a way to accept what others dish

out, without feeling the attack.

I am now 46. It is easier. I am older, I look older. I have no money. I am a

single parent. To me, I have nothing anyone should want. Yet, I am told, just

the fact that I am standing on my own feet, is enough to have others jealous.

Now that I am on the spiritual path of remembering and awakening, I get a new

group of people who fear me, for somehow being happier, calmer. It just does

not end.

Times like this I think there is no point to go on. Gratefully, these times are

getting lesser.

Respectfully with Love,

Ilana

p.s. I live in HK, where even part white faces are not common. I think I must

have been such a racist in a previous life so that I chose to come back and

embrace the effects, until I don't!

" Don't ask yourself what the world needs; ask yourself what makes you come

alive. And then go and do that. Because what the world needs is people who have

come alive. "

Harold Whitman

---------------------------------

[Guest guest]

People should not be jealous of me. People should not direct their

insecurities at me. I deserve a full life.

These are all thoughts that I have had too. Are they true for you?

Yes Deb! Thank you. How do I turn that around?

I am not jealous of others. Only twice in my life, and only because they were

on to my man. I Love that I have rich and famous friends. I feel good!

I direct my insecurities at others. Yes...I do do that!

I deserve a full life. Absolutley!! So where do I go from here?

Am I asking too much ?

Thank you ! With Love and Appreciation,

Irena/Ilana

---------------------------------

[Guest guest]

Dear Ilana,

It looks like you've written out your Worksheet and now you have the

opportunity to ask the four questions and do the Turnarounds. It can

be scary, exciting, shocking at times to see my truth (for my

thinking self, anyway) but well worth it.

I'm interested to see what you find. Much of what you write is my

Work too. Thank you.

Deb

>

> [snips]

>

> What do you want from people that you are not getting? Love?

Approval?

> Inclusion? Your journey is to start giving whatever that is to

> yourself.

>

> Yes, Love and Inclusion, but most of all some how, some way, to

accept that this is my path and to truly embrace it and not let it

affect me.

>

>

>

> Inquire into: I want people __________

>

> to see that we are all Unique, each of us and that we need to co-

operate and love each other, not compete.

>

> People should __________

>

> know that life is about loving ourselves and each other. People

should not back stab, create conflicts and intentionally hurt others.

>

>

> I need people _______I need people to see that they too have what

it takes and to get on with their own lives and then join me into

loving this world into a loving, peaceful non-hurtful place to be.

>

>

> Thank you again Margaret for allowing me the opportunity to share.

>

> Actually, I have started on the road to loving myself. Doing it

much better than I used to. It is just that I want to know a way to

accept what others dish out, without feeling the attack.

>

> Ilana

>

[Guest guest]

Irena,

It's difficult to do The Work on such a broad topic as " being the

target of jealousy. " It would be easier for you, I think, if you took

one typical incident that annoyed or stressed you and used that.

Write the worksheet, answering all six questions with your judgments

about that one incident. Then answer the four questions and do the

turnarounds on each statement. That will get you much more focused

than working on a general topic.

Another thing was that you mention your mode of dress. You say you

feel you should be able to dress how you want, but others are jealous

when you do. I don't, of course, know specifically how you dress, but

if you " dress how you want to, " are you really dressing to make

yourself comfortable, or are you hoping to evoke a reaction in others

by dressing in sexy or revealing clothing? If you're dressing to

evoke a reaction in others, perhaps you're succeeding in that, but

just not getting the reaction you'd like. Just a thought.

Love,

Warren