Re: Introduction and need help coping

[Guest guest]

Hi Luci! Having been a single mom with 3 sons, I know how patience can run out

many days! As long as you're trying, you'll do better! Had to " re-train "

myself many times with patience, reactions, temper, make myself play when I

would rather relax, LOL!

Before I comment about OCD, wanted you to read another description on Aspergers

Syndrome. Just a few things you mentioned reminded me of it (taking things

literally, having to explain so much stuff, his expectations of how things

should go...). One of my sons has OCD and also has Aspergers. I describe his

Aspergers as " mild " as meeting him you wouldn't " see it " (sort of like OCD) and

maybe not notice it at all if you spent time with him unless you knew what

Aspergers is. I never thought he fit the criteria for it, thought he might fall

under the Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) diagnosis, which is where kids

have traits of autism but don't fit all the criteria.

So here's a good site to read about it:

http://www.udel.edu/bkirby/asperger/

Sounds also like he has some sensory issues, many kids do.

I'm not saying he doesn't show OCD signs, just wanted to mention the Aspergers

and see what you think first.

single mom, 3 sons

, 20, with OCD, dysgraphia, Aspergers

>

>

> Some of the things that my son does that drive me crazy:

>

> - He wants to know how many hours/minutes before the next scheduled event and

asks me or his school teachers over and over again (about once every 2 minutes)

> - He takes everything literally and it takes a lot of explaining to help him

understand (his teachers have noticed this as well)

> - He asks the same question over and over again even though he knows the

answers

> - While he is highly social and very intelligent, he is more sensitive than

children his age and starts crying over dogs barking, kids singing too loudly

etc.

> - He tends to choose being in a bad mood first

> - He has rituals around bedtime that get bigger and bigger unless I work with

him to cut his rituals down. I recently cut out 10 items that I had to say to

him before I closed his door at night with some success.

> - He cannot play independently and always needs my help even though he knows

perfectly well how to assemble that 60 piece puzzle by himself

> - He is a very worried child and reacts to anything that comes out of my mouth

that sounds of concern. I have had to learn to avoid sighing or indicating

upset at another driver because he has such a harsh reaction.

> - He has expectations of how things should go - we drive in front of daddy's

car, he answers the door for the sitter, he wakes his brother up from his nap.

If those things don't happen he gets very upset but he never has full blown

temper tantrums.

>

[Guest guest]

Welcome, Luci. Glad you found our group.

It must have been horrible for you to live with your OCD in secret.

Many of the things you described, our son has exhibited too. It's hard to know,

even for the experts at times, what can be attributed to what disorder. I've

often suspected that our son might also have AS, along with his OCD.

(By the way, thanks for the website link, I found it helpful too.)

There are some great books on OCD that we found especially helpful, Luci. It

helped me to understand our son better. Learning about OCD also helped me to

put the blame on the OCD, rather than looking at our son as the one who was

being annoying. And let's face it, OCD can be annoying. lol I don't know

anyone who hasn't lost their cool on occasion when dealing with OCD.

Anyway, here are the names of some books if you are interested in doing some

reading. . .

What to do when your Child has Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder by Aureen

Pinto Wagner Ph.D.

Freeing Your Child from Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder by Tamar E. Chansky

Helping Your Child With Ocd: A Workbook for Parents of Children With

Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder by Lee Fitzgibbons and Cherry Pedrick

Talking Back to OCD by March

BJ

>

> Hello All,

>

> I am very glad to have found this group. I could probably write a book to you

as introduction but I will try to keep it as brief as possible. I am a mother

of two boys - ages 4 and 2. I have mild OCD and Tourette's that had its onset

at around age 9. I couldn't put a name to my issues until I was about 30 years

old. I have always assumed that at least one of my boys would exhibit signs. I

hope to provide that child with a more open and supportive environment than I

received as a child. I lived with my illness in secret.

>

> My gut has told me since birth that 'something was wrong' with my oldest son.

He had sensory issues around food, cried and got frustrated more easily than

others around him and had a terrible time with sleep. He routinely woke up once

or twice a night screaming until about age 3 when an incentive program I dreamed

up for him started to work.

>

> I routinely see a psychologist who specializes in parental anxiety. We have

noticed that I only discuss issues about my older son, never my youngest. Now

that my youngest boy is here, the issues that my older son faces are even more

obvious. My psychologist and I have recently put the pieces together and

believe that my oldest son is on the path to OCD. We don't know for sure but we

want to get me ready for the years ahead if that is the case. And that's why I

joined this group. I am not ready for what lies ahead. One would think that I

would be very sympathetic to a child with more anxieties since I have OCD myself

but I am impatient and downright rude to my beautiful boy sometimes. I have

little tolerance for his quirks and wish he would just be more like his younger

brother. That is clearly not the correct mindset and I would like to learn how

to change it.

>

> Some of the things that my son does that drive me crazy:

>

> - He wants to know how many hours/minutes before the next scheduled event and

asks me or his school teachers over and over again (about once every 2 minutes)

> - He takes everything literally and it takes a lot of explaining to help him

understand (his teachers have noticed this as well)

> - He asks the same question over and over again even though he knows the

answers

> - While he is highly social and very intelligent, he is more sensitive than

children his age and starts crying over dogs barking, kids singing too loudly

etc.

> - He tends to choose being in a bad mood first

> - He has rituals around bedtime that get bigger and bigger unless I work with

him to cut his rituals down. I recently cut out 10 items that I had to say to

him before I closed his door at night with some success.

> - He cannot play independently and always needs my help even though he knows

perfectly well how to assemble that 60 piece puzzle by himself

> - He is a very worried child and reacts to anything that comes out of my mouth

that sounds of concern. I have had to learn to avoid sighing or indicating

upset at another driver because he has such a harsh reaction.

> - He has expectations of how things should go - we drive in front of daddy's

car, he answers the door for the sitter, he wakes his brother up from his nap.

If those things don't happen he gets very upset but he never has full blown

temper tantrums.

>

> From the list above, I imagine many would say these can be typical toddler

behaviors. My psychologist agrees but feels that my son has more quirky

behaviors than most kids his age.

>

> I would welcome any feedback on coping strategies for me as I would like to be

a better mom to my son. I would also welcome any ideas to help my son with his

anxieties/rituals at such a young age. I read a bit about the worry box and

limiting questions in another post but would like to know more about how those

work and more.

>

> Thank you for reading!

>

> Luci

>

[Guest guest]

Hello Luci and welcome.

Much of what you describe sounds very familiar, it brings back memories.... I

understand your feelings around your son, wishing he would be different, easier,

more like other kids/your other son.

I wonder, since you have OCD yourself, if it reminds you of your own challenges

as a child, which must be painful? The only advise I have on this is that the

more you want it to be different the more struggle there will be. I wonder if

you can view it as an opportunity to parent your son the way you would have

liked to be?

It can feel like they are " doing " all this to us, and it's hard not to feel

resentful. When I could remember that this was just how my son was, that he was

not trying to be difficult, it was not personal, I found I could better separate

and view the situation rather than be caught in it.

BJ has given you the titles of some great books about OCD. I will mention two

books that I found really helpful -

The Spirited Child, Gail Sheedy(?) -saved both of our lives when he was young!

The Explosive Child, Ross Greene - really good strategies

You have two young children, that is challenging without OCD. With the addded

dimension of a " special " child it sends most over the edge at times. Since you

carry your own challenges it is that much more challenging to manage it all.

It's good that you have your own support for yourself, and know your needs.

When you feel like you are failing, know that you are not, you are doing the

best you can with the given circumstances. I like the terms, " compromised Mum " ,

good enough Mum. I also fall in this category and have at times despaired that

I was not good enough. I think the truth of it is we may be better than some,

because we are so hyper-aware of our " failings " /limitations. Know that you are

not alone in this, and that " perfect Mum " is not needed, just Mum.

My son is 17 now, and I can say that it has been a challenge. I often felt no

matter what I did nothing was " right " , or worked, where it seemed so easy for

others I couldn't figure it out, what was wrong with me as a mother... I don't

think my son ever felt this way though, he knew I was right there beside him,

hanging in, yelling and losing it sometimes, but right there doing my best to be

the Mum he needed.

So, no matter what you do, right or wrong, as long as you are there and doing

your best they do know/feel this. Well, until they are a teen, and then they

are more than ready to tell you everything you are doing wrong....but you have a

few years until then!!! Mine has said he always felt loved, despite all of it,

and believe me I did not always feel warm fuzzy feelings. So there you go, no

perfect mother needed!

Hang in there you WILL find your way with all this, there is time...

Warmly,

Barb

Canada

Son, 17, OCD, LD

>

> Hello All,

>

> I am very glad to have found this group. I could probably write a book to you

as introduction but I will try to keep it as brief as possible. I am a mother

of two boys - ages 4 and 2. I have mild OCD and Tourette's that had its onset

at around age 9. I couldn't put a name to my issues until I was about 30 years

old. I have always assumed that at least one of my boys would exhibit signs. I

hope to provide that child with a more open and supportive environment than I

received as a child. I lived with my illness in secret.

>

> My gut has told me since birth that 'something was wrong' with my oldest son.

He had sensory issues around food, cried and got frustrated more easily than

others around him and had a terrible time with sleep. He routinely woke up once

or twice a night screaming until about age 3 when an incentive program I dreamed

up for him started to work.

>

> I routinely see a psychologist who specializes in parental anxiety. We have

noticed that I only discuss issues about my older son, never my youngest. Now

that my youngest boy is here, the issues that my older son faces are even more

obvious. My psychologist and I have recently put the pieces together and

believe that my oldest son is on the path to OCD. We don't know for sure but we

want to get me ready for the years ahead if that is the case. And that's why I

joined this group. I am not ready for what lies ahead. One would think that I

would be very sympathetic to a child with more anxieties since I have OCD myself

but I am impatient and downright rude to my beautiful boy sometimes. I have

little tolerance for his quirks and wish he would just be more like his younger

brother. That is clearly not the correct mindset and I would like to learn how

to change it.

>

> Some of the things that my son does that drive me crazy:

>

> - He wants to know how many hours/minutes before the next scheduled event and

asks me or his school teachers over and over again (about once every 2 minutes)

> - He takes everything literally and it takes a lot of explaining to help him

understand (his teachers have noticed this as well)

> - He asks the same question over and over again even though he knows the

answers

> - While he is highly social and very intelligent, he is more sensitive than

children his age and starts crying over dogs barking, kids singing too loudly

etc.

> - He tends to choose being in a bad mood first

> - He has rituals around bedtime that get bigger and bigger unless I work with

him to cut his rituals down. I recently cut out 10 items that I had to say to

him before I closed his door at night with some success.

> - He cannot play independently and always needs my help even though he knows

perfectly well how to assemble that 60 piece puzzle by himself

> - He is a very worried child and reacts to anything that comes out of my mouth

that sounds of concern. I have had to learn to avoid sighing or indicating

upset at another driver because he has such a harsh reaction.

> - He has expectations of how things should go - we drive in front of daddy's

car, he answers the door for the sitter, he wakes his brother up from his nap.

If those things don't happen he gets very upset but he never has full blown

temper tantrums.

>

> From the list above, I imagine many would say these can be typical toddler

behaviors. My psychologist agrees but feels that my son has more quirky

behaviors than most kids his age.

>

> I would welcome any feedback on coping strategies for me as I would like to be

a better mom to my son. I would also welcome any ideas to help my son with his

anxieties/rituals at such a young age. I read a bit about the worry box and

limiting questions in another post but would like to know more about how those

work and more.

>

> Thank you for reading!

>

> Luci

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Luci,

 I wanted to welcome you!

I too have OCD, as well as two of my children, ages 12 and 7. They were both

diagnosed at age 5. I can certainly understand your impatience with them. I feel

that way too. It's so hard dealing with your own issues, than you have your

child's issues also.I have a daughter that will be 14 next week, and she does

not have OCD, but I still find my temper is even short with her.I find it very

hard to be optmistic.

My son has some of the same obsessions that your son has, and I know how

exhausting, and just down right draining this can be. My son is 7, and still

cannot play alone, and has severe raging.

It sounds like you  are definitely going about everything in the best way you

can!

You have found a great group here that offers a tremendous amount of support!

Is the therapist doing CBT/ ERP with your son?

Hugs

judy

[Guest guest]

>

Hi Luci,

Welcome to the group. It's so good that you are on top of things while your son

is still so young. I, like you, dealt with my own anxiety issues in silence,

not even knowing what was wrong until I was in my thirties. I knew my daughter

had some anxiety, but did not connect the dots to OCD until after she went away

to college. I often wish I could have figured it out sooner and maybe have

prevented some of her suffering last year.

My dd took a leave of absence this year and is commuting to a local university.

She's recently completed a successful intensive treatment program and plans to

return to her school in the fall. We do the best we can.

I read Barb's response to your post. She wrote some beautiful words about good

OCD moms. You are doing a great job.

Terry in NJ

> Hello All,

>

> I am very glad to have found this group. I could probably write a book to you

as introduction but I will try to keep it as brief as possible. I am a mother

of two boys - ages 4 and 2. I have mild OCD and Tourette's that had its onset

at around age 9. I couldn't put a name to my issues until I was about 30 years

old. I have always assumed that at least one of my boys would exhibit signs. I

hope to provide that child with a more open and supportive environment than I

received as a child. I lived with my illness in secret.

>

> My gut has told me since birth that 'something was wrong' with my oldest son.

He had sensory issues around food, cried and got frustrated more easily than

others around him and had a terrible time with sleep. He routinely woke up once

or twice a night screaming until about age 3 when an incentive program I dreamed

up for him started to work.

>

> I routinely see a psychologist who specializes in parental anxiety. We have

noticed that I only discuss issues about my older son, never my youngest. Now

that my youngest boy is here, the issues that my older son faces are even more

obvious. My psychologist and I have recently put the pieces together and

believe that my oldest son is on the path to OCD. We don't know for sure but we

want to get me ready for the years ahead if that is the case. And that's why I

joined this group. I am not ready for what lies ahead. One would think that I

would be very sympathetic to a child with more anxieties since I have OCD myself

but I am impatient and downright rude to my beautiful boy sometimes. I have

little tolerance for his quirks and wish he would just be more like his younger

brother. That is clearly not the correct mindset and I would like to learn how

to change it.

>

> Some of the things that my son does that drive me crazy:

>

> - He wants to know how many hours/minutes before the next scheduled event and

asks me or his school teachers over and over again (about once every 2 minutes)

> - He takes everything literally and it takes a lot of explaining to help him

understand (his teachers have noticed this as well)

> - He asks the same question over and over again even though he knows the

answers

> - While he is highly social and very intelligent, he is more sensitive than

children his age and starts crying over dogs barking, kids singing too loudly

etc.

> - He tends to choose being in a bad mood first

> - He has rituals around bedtime that get bigger and bigger unless I work with

him to cut his rituals down. I recently cut out 10 items that I had to say to

him before I closed his door at night with some success.

> - He cannot play independently and always needs my help even though he knows

perfectly well how to assemble that 60 piece puzzle by himself

> - He is a very worried child and reacts to anything that comes out of my mouth

that sounds of concern. I have had to learn to avoid sighing or indicating

upset at another driver because he has such a harsh reaction.

> - He has expectations of how things should go - we drive in front of daddy's

car, he answers the door for the sitter, he wakes his brother up from his nap.

If those things don't happen he gets very upset but he never has full blown

temper tantrums.

>

> From the list above, I imagine many would say these can be typical toddler

behaviors. My psychologist agrees but feels that my son has more quirky

behaviors than most kids his age.

>

> I would welcome any feedback on coping strategies for me as I would like to be

a better mom to my son. I would also welcome any ideas to help my son with his

anxieties/rituals at such a young age. I read a bit about the worry box and

limiting questions in another post but would like to know more about how those

work and more.

>

> Thank you for reading!

>

> Luci

>

[Guest guest]

I just finished reading Worried No More as recommended by our new therapist. I

would recommend it to you also as it has a lot of helpful things in it (limiting

reassurances, dealing with transition ect).

Anxious kids are rigid and inflexible, young ones have a tough time with

separation anxiety (don't want to be alone), they want to be able to anticipate

change (transition), when anxious they are hypersensitive (more to sound I find

than anything else) and have less tolerance for frustration. Worst of all, they

lash out when overloaded because they don't have any better coping skills.

Your son sounds a lot like mine when he was a little bit younger (although many

things still apply). I think it would help him if you could explain that you

understand that he has uncomfortable feelings when dogs bark or there are other

loud noises and that you know that he doesn't like to be surprised or feels

scared when you're not around, ect... He'll probably be somewhat relieved.

Tell him that you're going to work on it.

Don't know if you're working with a therapist, but perhaps they can help. In

the meantime, that book is an easy read and as I said helpful.

Bonnie

> >

> > Hello All,

> >

> > I am very glad to have found this group. I could probably write a book to

you as introduction but I will try to keep it as brief as possible. I am a

mother of two boys - ages 4 and 2. I have mild OCD and Tourette's that had its

onset at around age 9. I couldn't put a name to my issues until I was about 30

years old. I have always assumed that at least one of my boys would exhibit

signs. I hope to provide that child with a more open and supportive environment

than I received as a child. I lived with my illness in secret.

> >

> > My gut has told me since birth that 'something was wrong' with my oldest

son. He had sensory issues around food, cried and got frustrated more easily

than others around him and had a terrible time with sleep. He routinely woke up

once or twice a night screaming until about age 3 when an incentive program I

dreamed up for him started to work.

> >

> > I routinely see a psychologist who specializes in parental anxiety. We have

noticed that I only discuss issues about my older son, never my youngest. Now

that my youngest boy is here, the issues that my older son faces are even more

obvious. My psychologist and I have recently put the pieces together and

believe that my oldest son is on the path to OCD. We don't know for sure but we

want to get me ready for the years ahead if that is the case. And that's why I

joined this group. I am not ready for what lies ahead. One would think that I

would be very sympathetic to a child with more anxieties since I have OCD myself

but I am impatient and downright rude to my beautiful boy sometimes. I have

little tolerance for his quirks and wish he would just be more like his younger

brother. That is clearly not the correct mindset and I would like to learn how

to change it.

> >

> > Some of the things that my son does that drive me crazy:

> >

> > - He wants to know how many hours/minutes before the next scheduled event

and asks me or his school teachers over and over again (about once every 2

minutes)

> > - He takes everything literally and it takes a lot of explaining to help him

understand (his teachers have noticed this as well)

> > - He asks the same question over and over again even though he knows the

answers

> > - While he is highly social and very intelligent, he is more sensitive than

children his age and starts crying over dogs barking, kids singing too loudly

etc.

> > - He tends to choose being in a bad mood first

> > - He has rituals around bedtime that get bigger and bigger unless I work

with him to cut his rituals down. I recently cut out 10 items that I had to say

to him before I closed his door at night with some success.

> > - He cannot play independently and always needs my help even though he knows

perfectly well how to assemble that 60 piece puzzle by himself

> > - He is a very worried child and reacts to anything that comes out of my

mouth that sounds of concern. I have had to learn to avoid sighing or

indicating upset at another driver because he has such a harsh reaction.

> > - He has expectations of how things should go - we drive in front of daddy's

car, he answers the door for the sitter, he wakes his brother up from his nap.

If those things don't happen he gets very upset but he never has full blown

temper tantrums.

> >

> > From the list above, I imagine many would say these can be typical toddler

behaviors. My psychologist agrees but feels that my son has more quirky

behaviors than most kids his age.

> >

> > I would welcome any feedback on coping strategies for me as I would like to

be a better mom to my son. I would also welcome any ideas to help my son with

his anxieties/rituals at such a young age. I read a bit about the worry box and

limiting questions in another post but would like to know more about how those

work and more.

> >

> > Thank you for reading!

> >

> > Luci

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Lucinda,

I'm not sure if the things on your list are " typical " behaviors of non-anxious

kids, but they sure are typical of anxious ones, even ones who never develop

OCD. Anxious kids worry all the time and seek reassurance even when you feel

they should be ok with something. It's made worse because little kids have such

little control over their own lives and they have a limited understanding of how

the world works. Sometimes it works in ways they don't understand, which only

fuels their anxiety. Such as having a new sibling come into your world just when

you were starting to figure out your place in Mom and Dad's lives.

They're control freaks who have little control. A tough spot to be in when

you're 4.

I just want to make two points about your post. First, you can be anxious and

not have OCD. Everyone worries. It's all a matter of degree. OCD is when your

worries control your life to the point that the worries become a disabling thing

that prevent you from living your life. Your son might not be as carefree as

you'd like, but that doesn't mean he'll develop OCD. OCD also causes the person

distress. There's a second " disorder " called OCPD Obsessive-Compulsive

Personality Disorder that can cause the person to " have to " do things, but those

things don't cause distress. If you vacuum the rug and feel pride in the lack

of footprints on the fancy carpet and get irked when someone walks on the carpet

and you re-vacuum to erase the prints, you might have OCPD. But if you have to

vacuum over and over again even when there's no dirt but you think there might

be dirt you can't see and you can't move on until you've vacuumed 5 times (but

you wish you didn't feel this way) then you might have OCD. Your son could be a

control freak with OCPD and not OCD.

Second point, regardless of the label, your son is looking to you for

reassurance in a world he perceives as scary. He can't help it. It's how he's

presently wired. He's not doing these behaviors to irritate you or challenge

you. We adopted a dog who was afraid of kids. We didn't yell at her when she

barked at the neighbor's kids. We spoke gently to her and had the kids give her

cheese and praise so she could get over her fears at her own speed. Now she's

fine. You can't get angry at your son just because he doesn't embrace things as

quickly as you'd like. Life might be easier for him if he worried less. But

getting mad at him doesn't bring either of you closer to your goal. He needs

your help to learn coping skills that will make him feel less fearful. Right

now, he's using " scripts " so he can feel in control of things. He can

eventually learn to " talk back to his worries " (works for OCD or any anxiety

related issues), but he can't just shrug things off like other kids. He'll need

to learn to do what other kids know naturally.

Finally, as someone who's learned the hard way, you have to ask yourself if you

have your own " scripts " of how he's supposed to be and if your anger at him is

because he's not following your script. Yes, support him in any way to help him

not be a victim of fears that are interfering with his enjoyment of life. But

your job is to help him bloom into his own person. Not into a " normal " kid. He

may always be quirky. You just want to make sure he's a happy quirky.

I know you just want what's best for your family. And I hope I don't sound

critical of you. I can see how much you obviously care about your children. I

just wanted to be a reminder that acceptance and assurance are important aspects

of any treatment.

Best wishes,

---------------------------------------------------------

> - He wants to know how many hours/minutes before the next scheduled event

> He asks the same question over and over again even though he knows the answers

> - he is more sensitive than children

> - He tends to choose being in a bad mood first

> - He has rituals around bedtime that get bigger and bigger unless I work with

him to cut his rituals down.

> - He cannot play independently

> - He is a very worried child

> - He has expectations of how things should go

>

> From the list above, I imagine many would say these can be typical toddler

behaviors. My psychologist agrees but feels that my son has more quirky

behaviors than most kids his age.

>

[Guest guest]

I want to thank everyone who responded to my introduction post. I already feel

that I am better armed to care properly for my son. We have had a wonderful day

today because of some things that I have learned from the responses and from the

archives. I appreciate the kind words as well as the honest words about my

situation. I look forward to sharing this journey with all of you.

Luci

>

> Lucinda,

>

> I'm not sure if the things on your list are " typical " behaviors of non-anxious

kids, but they sure are typical of anxious ones, even ones who never develop

OCD. Anxious kids worry all the time and seek reassurance even when you feel

they should be ok with something. It's made worse because little kids have such

little control over their own lives and they have a limited understanding of how

the world works. Sometimes it works in ways they don't understand, which only

fuels their anxiety. Such as having a new sibling come into your world just when

you were starting to figure out your place in Mom and Dad's lives.

>

> They're control freaks who have little control. A tough spot to be in when

you're 4.

>

> I just want to make two points about your post. First, you can be anxious and

not have OCD. Everyone worries. It's all a matter of degree. OCD is when your

worries control your life to the point that the worries become a disabling thing

that prevent you from living your life. Your son might not be as carefree as

you'd like, but that doesn't mean he'll develop OCD. OCD also causes the person

distress. There's a second " disorder " called OCPD Obsessive-Compulsive

Personality Disorder that can cause the person to " have to " do things, but those

things don't cause distress. If you vacuum the rug and feel pride in the lack

of footprints on the fancy carpet and get irked when someone walks on the carpet

and you re-vacuum to erase the prints, you might have OCPD. But if you have to

vacuum over and over again even when there's no dirt but you think there might

be dirt you can't see and you can't move on until you've vacuumed 5 times (but

you wish you didn't feel this way) then you might have OCD. Your son could be a

control freak with OCPD and not OCD.

>

> Second point, regardless of the label, your son is looking to you for

reassurance in a world he perceives as scary. He can't help it. It's how he's

presently wired. He's not doing these behaviors to irritate you or challenge

you. We adopted a dog who was afraid of kids. We didn't yell at her when she

barked at the neighbor's kids. We spoke gently to her and had the kids give her

cheese and praise so she could get over her fears at her own speed. Now she's

fine. You can't get angry at your son just because he doesn't embrace things as

quickly as you'd like. Life might be easier for him if he worried less. But

getting mad at him doesn't bring either of you closer to your goal. He needs

your help to learn coping skills that will make him feel less fearful. Right

now, he's using " scripts " so he can feel in control of things. He can

eventually learn to " talk back to his worries " (works for OCD or any anxiety

related issues), but he can't just shrug things off like other kids. He'll need

to learn to do what other kids know naturally.

>

> Finally, as someone who's learned the hard way, you have to ask yourself if

you have your own " scripts " of how he's supposed to be and if your anger at him

is because he's not following your script. Yes, support him in any way to help

him not be a victim of fears that are interfering with his enjoyment of life.

But your job is to help him bloom into his own person. Not into a " normal " kid.

He may always be quirky. You just want to make sure he's a happy quirky.

>

> I know you just want what's best for your family. And I hope I don't sound

critical of you. I can see how much you obviously care about your children. I

just wanted to be a reminder that acceptance and assurance are important aspects

of any treatment.

>

> Best wishes,

>

>

>

> ---------------------------------------------------------

> > - He wants to know how many hours/minutes before the next scheduled event

> > He asks the same question over and over again even though he knows the

answers

> > - he is more sensitive than children

> > - He tends to choose being in a bad mood first

> > - He has rituals around bedtime that get bigger and bigger unless I work

with him to cut his rituals down.

> > - He cannot play independently

> > - He is a very worried child

> > - He has expectations of how things should go

> >

> > From the list above, I imagine many would say these can be typical toddler

behaviors. My psychologist agrees but feels that my son has more quirky

behaviors than most kids his age.

> >

>