Guest guest Posted October 7, 2005 Report Share Posted October 7, 2005 Laurie, Here is my free advice take it or leave it. That is the good thing about it being free!LOL! Don't compare how Mic behaves for you with your husband or his teachers. None of my kids behave the same for me as for their dad and my 4 year old is soft spoken at day care but certainly not at home. You say that the patting and bad boy words are effective. Just think about this-if they are effective why are you still having to use them and are they techniques you want to use when he is 20 years old or that you want him to use with others when he is 20? Ideas, grab yourself a piece of paper and check yourself. For one day or more mark down how many times you interrupt what you are doing to praise Mic or do something reinforcing for him when he is behaving. Also mark how many times you correct Mic in one day. I believe the researchers say that it should be 5 to 1 on the side of positive for a typical kid. I'd say much more for our kids. I know with it was always so wonderful when he occupied himself that I didn't want to interrupt but that backfires. Do you have a schedule for Mic for use at home? When specific things are going to happen and ways of incorporating Mic into those routines. Certain activities that he knows he will be doing with you during the day or evening. Does Mic have a way of getting your attention without misbehaving. I know it is easier to focus on the what do I do when he is bad issue but personally I think we have missed the boat when we get to that point. I think we need to work really hard at finding little ways for our kids to communicate their need for attention and work at routines and positive rewards and activities so we don't find ourselves having to use crutches (those oops, now he has done it and I must react things). Last but not least, pick your battles, carrying the cat by the neck can't be happening nor can hurting people but he can learn to carry other things and that he can get a reaction out of mom for doing that instead of something harmful to the cat. It is time consuming but the way to get the results in the long run. Karyn Good luck and feel free to delete. In a message dated 10/7/2005 2:03:25 PM Central Standard Time, writes: I know I could be teaching Mic to hit I even asked his teachers if he was patting them on the butt. Mic does not get slapped or grabbed he gets a pat on his diaper and very firm NO Bad Boy! Its his pride that gets him.He does not wanna be the bad boy.I just cant seem to get it if I dont show him its bad behavior hows he gonna process it. If the behavior amuses him or gives him input it becomes repetitive.He gets sensory input being rough. Its always over safety issues.I do not believe in spanking at all, I do know that right now its the only method that works. I remember my grandmother used to say " shame on you " and it worked with me.Steve has always patted Mic on the butt and Steve has more control over him than anybody.Im so confused and when Im doing it, I hate it.I have been watching Steve get control and me lose all of it so I cant take Mic in public places.We are seeing the behaviorist at the school and see what she says.At home services are not going to happen I doubt we live 50 miles away from school and its 3 hours on their day. I have offered to go to the school anytime for training but the environment is so different at home it doesnt work.I keep looking at Steve and thinking why why has he got control of Mic or at least alot better than I do, if hes wrong.UGH! Laurie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 7, 2005 Report Share Posted October 7, 2005 Laurie, Karyn has presented some good points. One thing I remember from when I was working in psych I have used with our son . That is not to use the word " bad " as it can be internalized to the person that they are bad, which is not the case it is the behavior that is " wrong " . Thus we have used the word " wrong " in signing/voice about behaviors that are not acceptable. One site that I found was very informative about Positive Behavior Support can be found at http://www.nau.edu/ihd/positive/ click on the Overview of Positive Behavior Support to read the whole document. Laurie you have weathered many things the past few years and you will figure all this out. It just takes time. In between time you can do some investigating in the school system what is available to help you. I am still learning. Louise, Mom to 43 DS, HI, ASD -- No virus found in this outgoing message. Checked by AVG Anti-Virus. Version: 7.0.344 / Virus Database: 267.11.13/124 - Release Date: 10/7/2005 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 8, 2005 Report Share Posted October 8, 2005 At 12:41 PM 10/7/2005, you wrote: >Do you have a schedule for Mic for use at home? When specific things are >going to happen and ways of incorporating Mic into those routines. Certain >activities that he knows he will be doing with you during the day or >evening. Does >Mic have a way of getting your attention without misbehaving. We have found that having a schedule and using it works better than anything else. It is not that we are medication free but most meds haven't work nearly as well as having schedules and visuals. Keeping track for a day or better yet longer is a great idea as well. When you are in survival mode it is really easy to miss triggers and patterns that you would catch if you make notes. Peggy Lou Lighthouse Parents www.parentingyourcomplexchild.com www.lighthouseparents.com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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