Re: need some advice/opinions

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 10/7/2005 11:09:20 P.M. Eastern Standard Time,

spinningdyke@... writes:

Anyway, we are having some issues with his father and his new wife. They

brought up the fact that we keep a 'hook and eye' lock on Layne's door. They

stated that we are " locking him in his room'.

Oh , I forgot to mention in my post....feel free to print out any

replies that you may want to show Dad and new wife (don't you just LOVE when the

exes know better than you.....HA...I don't have any exes, but my sibs do and

it's been NO FUN). You can tell them that you have to protect Layne from a

life-threatening instance and that's enough for you as mothers!!!!

Congrats on the potty training!!!!

Donna

[Guest guest]

,

Our pediatrician told us that this is the safest thing we can do with Jake. He

also wanders and if all our multiple locks are not set, he will get in our cars

and play, or go to the street. Also, for our families sake, we all need good

nights of sleep. This is the only time I sleep well, when I know that Jake is

safe in his room. Everything in his room is childproofed. He has his toys,

even a TV/vcr, and nothing he can knock over on himself. When Jake wants alone

time, he goes to his room and locks himself in! That seems to be his way of

say....leave me alone for awhile.

Anyone who judges this as " locking in " doesn't get it! We are not locking him

in for punishment. We are locking him in for his safety during a time when he

is most vulnerable. Also, this is a safety issue for our entire family. What

if he starts the stove, or turns on lamps and knocks them over. Let others live

in our shoes and then judge what we do that is best for our children. WE are

not locking them in a cage....it is there room and their " safety zone. "

Holly

need some advice/opinions

HI all,

Trying to stay caught up on everyone's postings. Of course, our computer being

in the shop for 2 weeks didn't help! Anyway, here is a brief update, and our

questions. We moved to a smaller house, and Layne has done wonderfully. No

pushing over furniture, any of his 'normal' behaviors. He still does things he

knows he's not supposed to do...like take the security bar off the back door,

mess with cabinets, etc. Time out is working for him. He has a booster seat that

we use for it, and he knows time out, and that whatever toy he has at the time

is also put in 'time out'. He has made lots of progress since last year. I am

able to stay home full time now, so that has helped, he had a routine during the

summer. Anyway, we are having some issues with his father and his new wife. They

brought up the fact that we keep a 'hook and eye' lock on Layne's door. They

stated that we are " locking him in his room'. We do it for his own safety. If

he wakes up in the middle of the night (which he still

does occasionally). We need to know that he is safe in his room, not wandering

the house, opening doors (our front door goes to a main road, the back yard is

fenced, then a cow pasture beyond that). If we didn't have that safety measure,

we'd never get any sleep. I guess we just need some confirmation that what we

are doing is the right thing. If anyone can point to any 'official,

proffesional' opinions, also (we did find the one on the ASA site) Actually, his

grandma did.

Thier argument is that they don't have to do that at thier house. But, I won't

go into how little he is supervised there, and other junk. This may end up

before a judge (custody stuff), so if anyone can help me shed light on this,

we'd really really appreciate it.

On the good news front, after lots of work this summer, and some dedicated

aides and teachers at school.....potty training is working! I haven't had to

change a poopy diaper in 2 wks! He's not totally trained yet, but is getting the

gist of it.

Thanks in advance for your help!

---------------------------------

Yahoo! Music Unlimited - Access over 1 million songs. Try it free.

[Guest guest]

At 07:42 AM 10/9/2005, you wrote:

>Let others live in our shoes and then judge what we do that is best for

>our children.

That is one of the problems in a nutshell. No one who doesn't live our

life can walk in our shoes. I have to be honest before the more severe

Autism came out (late in comparison with most - following seizures caused

by a medication at 14) I probably would not have understood the behavior

and parenting done by parents with kids like Ray is now. He was

stable on meds and easy to take everywhere. I would have thought that the

child was spoiled or a brat. Now I experience the same lack of

understanding until I educate those he sees more often.

I have decided that creating a smaller community within the larger

community enables me to educate people and provide a safe and comfortable

community for Ray. I don't know how you educate family members who

won't listen but it works pretty well with restaurants, grocery stores,

bowling alleys, etc.

Peggy Lou

Lighthouse Parents

www.parentingyourcomplexchild.com

www.lighthouseparents.com

[Guest guest]

Hi Peggy,

I agree and have tried to do the same in school and in my community with Zeb. I

honestly don't care what people think. If it works for us that's all that

matters. Zeb is spoiled rotten and that's ok with me. He's my baby and I enjoyed

every minute of spoiling him.

Charlyne

Mom to Zeb 12 DS/OCD/ASD?

Peggy Lou wrote:

At 07:42 AM 10/9/2005, you wrote:

>Let others live in our shoes and then judge what we do that is best for

>our children.

That is one of the problems in a nutshell. No one who doesn't live our

life can walk in our shoes. I have to be honest before the more severe

Autism came out (late in comparison with most - following seizures caused

by a medication at 14) I probably would not have understood the behavior

and parenting done by parents with kids like Ray is now. He was

stable on meds and easy to take everywhere. I would have thought that the

child was spoiled or a brat. Now I experience the same lack of

understanding until I educate those he sees more often.

I have decided that creating a smaller community within the larger

community enables me to educate people and provide a safe and comfortable

community for Ray. I don't know how you educate family members who

won't listen but it works pretty well with restaurants, grocery stores,

bowling alleys, etc.

Peggy Lou

Lighthouse Parents

www.parentingyourcomplexchild.com

www.lighthouseparents.com

--------------------------------------------------

Checkout our homepage for information, bookmarks, and photos of our

kids. Share favorite bookmarks, ideas, and other information by including them.

Don't forget, messages are a permanent record of the archives for our list.

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/

--------------------------------------------

[Guest guest]

At 12:23 PM 10/9/2005, you wrote:

>I agree and have tried to do the same in school and in my community with

>Zeb. I honestly don't care what people think. If it works for us that's

>all that matters. Zeb is spoiled rotten and that's ok with me. He's my

>baby and I enjoyed every minute of spoiling him.

Charlyne:

It is not about whether we care (I think we do more than we realize) but

how it impacts the quality of the activity for our children. I didn't mean

that Zeb is spoiled. Ray is too. What I mean is some behavior that

might be a part of Down Syndrome or Autism may only appear like a spoiled

child.

BTW in line with Creating a Community that Works which is a chapter in

PYCC, I created a community resources page on the website. I had hoped

that many people outside of Oregon or even the USA would give me some

particularly helpful places to recommend to parents. If anyone has

businesses that are really makes taking your client out in the community

easier please let me know so we can provide those resources to parents in

your area.

Peggy Lou

Lighthouse Parents

www.parentingyourcomplexchild.com

www.lighthouseparents.com

[Guest guest]

I LOVE IT TOO!! LOL~ Viola

At 06:26 PM 10/9/2005, you wrote:

>Also, I heard of a woman who had business cards made up as follows:

>

> " Our son's behavior caught your attention. Your behavior caught ours. We

>are trying to modify our son's behavior. Please try to modify yours. "

>

>On the back it read " 1-800-AUTISM "

>

>Say no more to those judging eyes at the market!

>Holly

I love it.

[Guest guest]

At 06:26 PM 10/9/2005, you wrote:

>Also, I heard of a woman who had business cards made up as follows:

>

> " Our son's behavior caught your attention. Your behavior caught ours. We

>are trying to modify our son's behavior. Please try to modify yours. "

>

>On the back it read " 1-800-AUTISM "

>

>Say no more to those judging eyes at the market!

>Holly

I love it.

Peggy Lou

Lighthouse Parents

www.parentingyourcomplexchild.com

www.lighthouseparents.com

[Guest guest]

Hi Peggy,

I did understand. I am not certain if sometimes Zeb's behavior is from him being

a spoiled brat or part of the ds either. I think because he wears a label it is

tolerated moreso in public.

Charlyne

Mom to Zeb 12 DS/OCD/ASD?

Peggy Lou wrote:

At 12:23 PM 10/9/2005, you wrote:

>I agree and have tried to do the same in school and in my community with

>Zeb. I honestly don't care what people think. If it works for us that's

>all that matters. Zeb is spoiled rotten and that's ok with me. He's my

>baby and I enjoyed every minute of spoiling him.

Charlyne:

It is not about whether we care (I think we do more than we realize) but

how it impacts the quality of the activity for our children. I didn't mean

that Zeb is spoiled. Ray is too. What I mean is some behavior that

might be a part of Down Syndrome or Autism may only appear like a spoiled

child.

BTW in line with Creating a Community that Works which is a chapter in

PYCC, I created a community resources page on the website. I had hoped

that many people outside of Oregon or even the USA would give me some

particularly helpful places to recommend to parents. If anyone has

businesses that are really makes taking your client out in the community

easier please let me know so we can provide those resources to parents in

your area.

Peggy Lou

Lighthouse Parents

www.parentingyourcomplexchild.com

www.lighthouseparents.com

--------------------------------------------------

Checkout our homepage for information, bookmarks, and photos of our

kids. Share favorite bookmarks, ideas, and other information by including them.

Don't forget, messages are a permanent record of the archives for our list.

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/

--------------------------------------------

[Guest guest]

,You have to do what you have to do for safety, and sleeping.

We have a half door on my sons room like a daycare door and we put

the lock on the outside of the door. We live in a 2 story house with

and open railing and I was afraid my son would get up in the nights

and fall to his death.I have a friend that lives in a rance house

and she did the same thing. Those of us with issues pertaining to

our children that are understand.Don't feel guilty about

trying to keep everyone safe.Until you live our shoes no-one should

past judgement.Now a real cage is a different subject.My son got out

in the spring a couple of years ago and I was panic strickened. WE

live on a busy street, with lakes and woods and I nearly had a heart

attack. Like your son my son goes to his room and shuts his own door

just like any kid to be left a lone and relax.Keep the kids safe and

don't be sorry for being an overprotective cause I am right there

with you. Have a great day. Cyndi

> Our pediatrician told us that this is the safest thing we can do

with Jake. He also wanders and if all our multiple locks are not

set, he will get in our cars and play, or go to the street. Also,

for our families sake, we all need good nights of sleep. This is

the only time I sleep well, when I know that Jake is safe in his

room. Everything in his room is childproofed. He has his toys,

even a TV/vcr, and nothing he can knock over on himself. When Jake

wants alone time, he goes to his room and locks himself in! That

seems to be his way of say....leave me alone for awhile.

>

> Anyone who judges this as " locking in " doesn't get it! We are not

locking him in for punishment. We are locking him in for his safety

during a time when he is most vulnerable. Also, this is a safety

issue for our entire family. What if he starts the stove, or turns

on lamps and knocks them over. Let others live in our shoes and

then judge what we do that is best for our children. WE are not

locking them in a cage....it is there room and their " safety zone. "

> Holly

> need some advice/opinions

>

>

> HI all,

> Trying to stay caught up on everyone's postings. Of course, our

computer being in the shop for 2 weeks didn't help! Anyway, here is

a brief update, and our questions. We moved to a smaller house, and

Layne has done wonderfully. No pushing over furniture, any of

his 'normal' behaviors. He still does things he knows he's not

supposed to do...like take the security bar off the back door, mess

with cabinets, etc. Time out is working for him. He has a booster

seat that we use for it, and he knows time out, and that whatever

toy he has at the time is also put in 'time out'. He has made lots

of progress since last year. I am able to stay home full time now,

so that has helped, he had a routine during the summer. Anyway, we

are having some issues with his father and his new wife. They

brought up the fact that we keep a 'hook and eye' lock on Layne's

door. They stated that we are " locking him in his room'. We do it

for his own safety. If he wakes up in the middle of the night (which

he still

> does occasionally). We need to know that he is safe in his room,

not wandering the house, opening doors (our front door goes to a

main road, the back yard is fenced, then a cow pasture beyond that).

If we didn't have that safety measure, we'd never get any sleep. I

guess we just need some confirmation that what we are doing is the

right thing. If anyone can point to any 'official, proffesional'

opinions, also (we did find the one on the ASA site) Actually, his

grandma did.

> Thier argument is that they don't have to do that at thier

house. But, I won't go into how little he is supervised there, and

other junk. This may end up before a judge (custody stuff), so if

anyone can help me shed light on this, we'd really really appreciate

it.

> On the good news front, after lots of work this summer, and some

dedicated aides and teachers at school.....potty training is

working! I haven't had to change a poopy diaper in 2 wks! He's not

totally trained yet, but is getting the gist of it.

> Thanks in advance for your help!

>

>

>

> ---------------------------------

> Yahoo! Music Unlimited - Access over 1 million songs. Try it

free.

>

>