Guest guest Posted September 22, 2005 Report Share Posted September 22, 2005 The Coca Cola commercial..I remember! Hey, I think we are showing our age.. Liz Re: emotional advise > we could all hold hands and sing that song I forget the name but it's > something like I'd like to tell the world. Now wouldn't that be > something. > > Carol > Trishasmom > She isn't typical, She's Trisha! > > If we always do what we always did, > we'll always get what we've always gotten! > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 22, 2005 Report Share Posted September 22, 2005 It's not about letting it go, it's more about taking it in small steps and do what you can each day and then tackle more the next day. This is something that I have to constantly remind myself- to give myself time. That just because it is so hard for him to say a word today that he said perfectly and frequently a year ago, doesn't mean he is not going to get it back tomorrow or next year. Small steps is great advise- not my genetic make-up or natural inclination for anything else in my life- I am one of those boring perfectionists- but I'm learning and growing to compliment what life brings. marian Re: emotional advise In a message dated 9/22/2005 3:53:36 P.M. Eastern Standard Time, marianchen@... writes: When I've been able to let go for various amouts of time, " se la vie " and " take life in stride " , something brings me back to the fear and guilt. we all have our ups and downs and we all probably cry at times because it can be so frustrating. That is normal. None of us just let things go. But we do set our boundries and we do understand we are only human and therefor can only do so much. It's not about letting it go, it's more about taking it in small steps and do what you can each day and then tackle more the next day. There are times when I feel like the whole world is coming down on me but in reality it isn't and I know this too will pass so to speak. The reality is for all of us there will be good days and bad days and the rest will be in-between. We don't always see in ourselves what others see. Our behavior consultant is always saying how much I do and what a good advocate I am for Trisha and anyone else I can help. I don't see it that way, I see, I didn't work with Trisha today, I didn't get to go to this seminar or that one, I didn't buy all these books that everyone is talking about and so on. But when you think about it, I sat down and played with my daughter if only for a few minutes and heard her laughter and saw the sparkle in her eyes. I spent hours working with boardmaker to make overlays for her communication device so that she will have as many words as possible to use, I washed her clothes, cleaned her room, cooked her food and worried that she was alright on those long rides to and from school. Even right now, I'm torn between worrying about my grown son who just called to say he is on his way to the hospital because he hurt his back at work and feeling down because he is our ride to a special event taking place this weekend where we all would be put up in a hotel from Friday to Sunday for a family getaway and some workshops on alternate assessments. I just hope he doesn't have to have surgery on his back. But this too will all work out. Trisha came home in a great mood from school and a half hour early to boot. We'll just have to take it a step at a time and see what happens but no guilt feelings are allowed because we all are doing our best. :-) Carol Trishasmom She isn't typical, She's Trisha! If we always do what we always did, we'll always get what we've always gotten! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 22, 2005 Report Share Posted September 22, 2005 Here you go ladies, I sang in in Brownies. Were you older than that when I was singing? I'd Like To Teach the World To Sing (In Perfect Harmony) The New Seekers I'd like to build the world a home And furnish it with love Grow apple trees and honey bees and snow-white turtle doves I'd like to teach the world to sing In perfect harmony I'd like to hold it in my arms and keep it company I'd like to see the world for once All standing hand in hand And hear them echo through the hills " Ah, peace throughout the land " (That's the song I hear) I'd like to teach the world to sing (that the world sings today) In perfect harmony (Lead singer and background singers singing simultaneously) I'd like to teach the world to sing In perfect harmony Id like to build the world a home And furnish it with love Grow apple trees and honey bees and snow-white turtle doves > The Coca Cola commercial..I remember! Hey, I think we are showing our age.. > > Liz > Re: emotional advise > > > > we could all hold hands and sing that song I forget the name but it's > > something like I'd like to tell the world. Now wouldn't that be > > something. > > > > Carol > > Trishasmom > > She isn't typical, She's Trisha! > > > > If we always do what we always did, > > we'll always get what we've always gotten! > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 22, 2005 Report Share Posted September 22, 2005 LOL, Re: emotional advise >> >> >> > we could all hold hands and sing that song I forget the name > but it's >> > something like I'd like to tell the world. Now wouldn't that be >> > something. >> > >> > Carol >> > Trishasmom >> > She isn't typical, She's Trisha! >> > >> > If we always do what we always did, >> > we'll always get what we've always gotten! >> > >> > >> > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 22, 2005 Report Share Posted September 22, 2005 it finally sunk in that I was going to be a pain in the _$$@$_ (mailto:$$@$) # until they did something. Again, against my nature, but it seems to be the only way to advocate...too bad it has to be this way- it is so draining. Re: emotional advise In a message dated 9/22/2005 6:34:02 P.M. Eastern Standard Time, marianchen@... writes: I am one of those boring perfectionists- never boring I'm sure! And to be honest no matter how hard anyone tries no one walking this earth is perfect and never will be no matter how hard they try. :-) Trisha is 13 will be 14 in February, I have yet to have the first real traditional conversation with her but yet we still talk in our own way. I'd love to hear her tell me about her day or just tell me silly stories or even just tell me how she feels but if she can not ever do it the traditional way that is ok. I guess the one good thing going for me is that I do have a background in mental health so for me it was probably easier to understand and accept she had a disability than it might otherwise have been. Having multiple dx's doesn't even rattle me but I can't say the same when it comes to her education and her rights. There are times I just want to go to the schools and to quote my Dad, " knock some sense into them " but I know I can't do that but some times I have been known to pitch my little hissyfit when I just can't take their bull any more. I've been pretty good but a couple of years ago they made me so mad I remember standing up and telling them to be quiet that I was speaking and I didn't care if they liked what I said but I was going to say it and they were going to listen. That's when I told them that they were holding my child back more than her disabilites ever would and that they might be professionals as far as their jobs went but none of them had the credentials that I had as far as my child is concerned. I also told them just this past summer that if they weren't planning on following my child around the rest of her life and doing everything for her then they had better start working on finding the appropriate placement for her where she could begin to learn because if they didn't I was going to bring Trisha to them everyday to babysit! The special ed director started saying now Ms..... and I said stop right there, don't 'now' me anything, listen to what I say, understand that no matter how many times I have to call an IEP meeting I will do so until I get what I feel will work for Trisha. I said whatever it takes I ready to do it, if it means due process, going to the papers, radio, T.V. or other legal action. They just looked at me for a few minutes and then they called me by my first name and we have worked on getting Trisha's new placement. Sometimes it isn't the cookies and the gifts that open the door (I tried all that, never worked) I even withheld the cookies I took one time because I told them they hadn't earned them. What did happen though was they finally saw just how strongly I felt and I think it finally sunk in that I was going to be a pain in the _$$@$_ (mailto:$$@$) # until they did something. Carol Trishasmom She isn't typical, She's Trisha! If we always do what we always did, we'll always get what we've always gotten! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 22, 2005 Report Share Posted September 22, 2005 Same here!!! LOL Liz Re: Re: emotional advise > > > In a message dated 9/22/2005 8:25:45 P.M. Eastern Standard Time, > wfarmerswife3@... writes: > > Here you go ladies, I sang in in Brownies. Were you older than that > when I was singing? > > > > I'm afraid so!!!! lol > > Carol > Trishasmom > She isn't typical, She's Trisha! > > If we always do what we always did, > we'll always get what we've always gotten! > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 22, 2005 Report Share Posted September 22, 2005 Carol,Yes we all get down on our selves but I personally think underlying feeling is we want so much to help our children help themselves and we feel we have failed our children if we can;'t help them learn how to communicate. Remembers women/moms all that we are we are always trying to fix things, maybe it's a bad marriage,a slip that's showing or hanging down too long under a skirt, smeared lipstick but or a communication bearer. Isn't that what mom's do? Isn't that how we show that we care? Yes!We have not failed our children or ourselves just for having 1 day or 1 minute of not being a mom but being a person, that person that you were before you had children.We have to take a minute to ourselves because I know sometimes I can't even shut the door just to go to the bathroom because who will watch my son if I shut that door. It's like having a baby for a long long time that someone has to watch all the time.You Carol sound like a wonderful mother, a caring mother and someone Trisha I am sure is proud to call mom.It sounds like the others around you try to reward you verbally because Carol you are all that you can be. The mom 1st, the cook, the personal dress assistant, the chauffeur to Dr. appointments,the nurse and Dr. as PRN and you have a right to be Carol the person.You had an identity before this child and you still have now but, sometimes we gets lost in all the advocating we have to do. Never Never feel guilty because you took one moment just to be Carol. Have a great day you deserve it. cyndi > Carol: I am the same way. I may not be able to " help " Tori, but always > feel that maybe from our triumphs and failures I can help others. I am > always told to slow down and do something for me. And my response is " I > am. " I am doing all I can to make Tori's life easier on her. I want Tori > to be the best that she can be, even with her short-comings. I want her to > be President! But deep in my heart, I know that will never happen. I just > want her to be able to survive in this world where ignorance is still so > prominent! I want to just yell at the world- " Hey, this is my kid..and you > should only be so lucky to have a child like her! She is the greatest gift > we could have asked for... " And then I say, " What am I crazy? " when she > has a meltdown. Damn, it is so hard! > > Sorry.... > > Liz > Re: emotional advise > > > > > > > > In a message dated 9/22/2005 3:53:36 P.M. Eastern Standard Time, > > marianchen@s... writes: > > > > When I've been able to let go for various amouts of time, " se la vie " and > > " take life in stride " , something brings me back to the fear and guilt. > > > > > > > > we all have our ups and downs and we all probably cry at times because it > > can be so frustrating. That is normal. None of us just let things go. > > But > > we do set our boundries and we do understand we are only human and > > therefor > > can only do so much. It's not about letting it go, it's more about > > taking it > > in small steps and do what you can each day and then tackle more the > > next > > day. There are times when I feel like the whole world is coming down on > > me but > > in reality it isn't and I know this too will pass so to speak. The > > reality > > is for all of us there will be good days and bad days and the rest will > > be > > in-between. We don't always see in ourselves what others see. Our > > behavior > > consultant is always saying how much I do and what a good advocate I am > > for > > Trisha and anyone else I can help. I don't see it that way, I see, I > > didn't > > work with Trisha today, I didn't get to go to this seminar or that one, I > > didn't > > buy all these books that everyone is talking about and so on. But when > > you > > think about it, I sat down and played with my daughter if only for a few > > minutes and heard her laughter and saw the sparkle in her eyes. I spent > > hours > > working with boardmaker to make overlays for her communication device so > > that > > she will have as many words as possible to use, I washed her clothes, > > cleaned > > her room, cooked her food and worried that she was alright on those long > > rides to and from school. Even right now, I'm torn between worrying > > about my > > grown son who just called to say he is on his way to the hospital > > because he > > hurt his back at work and feeling down because he is our ride to a > > special > > event taking place this weekend where we all would be put up in a hotel > > from > > Friday to Sunday for a family getaway and some workshops on alternate > > assessments. I just hope he doesn't have to have surgery on his back. > > But this too > > will all work out. Trisha came home in a great mood from school and a > > half > > hour early to boot. We'll just have to take it a step at a time and > > see > > what happens but no guilt feelings are allowed because we all are doing > > our > > best. :-) > > > > Carol > > Trishasmom > > She isn't typical, She's Trisha! > > > > If we always do what we always did, > > we'll always get what we've always gotten! > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 23, 2005 Report Share Posted September 23, 2005 Oh my gosh - I remember a) the coke commercial and singing it in brownies or girlscouts! Woods wrote:Here you go ladies, I sang in in Brownies. Were you older than that when I was singing? I'd Like To Teach the World To Sing (In Perfect Harmony) The New Seekers I'd like to build the world a home And furnish it with love Grow apple trees and honey bees and snow-white turtle doves I'd like to teach the world to sing In perfect harmony I'd like to hold it in my arms and keep it company I'd like to see the world for once All standing hand in hand And hear them echo through the hills " Ah, peace throughout the land " (That's the song I hear) I'd like to teach the world to sing (that the world sings today) In perfect harmony (Lead singer and background singers singing simultaneously) I'd like to teach the world to sing In perfect harmony Id like to build the world a home And furnish it with love Grow apple trees and honey bees and snow-white turtle doves > The Coca Cola commercial..I remember! Hey, I think we are showing our age.. > > Liz > Re: emotional advise > > > > we could all hold hands and sing that song I forget the name but it's > > something like I'd like to tell the world. Now wouldn't that be > > something. > > > > Carol > > Trishasmom > > She isn't typical, She's Trisha! > > > > If we always do what we always did, > > we'll always get what we've always gotten! > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 23, 2005 Report Share Posted September 23, 2005 This is making me LOLOL! I do remember the Coke Commercial.. loved it! but I was not in Brownies or Girl Scouts.. I was in Campfire Girls and don't remember singing it! heehee A. > > The Coca Cola commercial..I remember! Hey, I think we are showing > our age.. > > > > Liz > > Re: emotional advise > > > > > > > we could all hold hands and sing that song I forget the name > but it's > > > something like I'd like to tell the world. Now wouldn't that be > > > something. > > > > > > Carol > > > Trishasmom > > > She isn't typical, She's Trisha! > > > > > > If we always do what we always did, > > > we'll always get what we've always gotten! > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 23, 2005 Report Share Posted September 23, 2005 n, I totally have he same experience. has been learning and following a schedule from 8 to 3pm and when he gets home I think he should do what he wants. But the inner demon says you have not connected with your child today!!! Some days I feel the only contact I've had with him is the face to face when I brush his teeth! Am I a bad Mommy? But if he was typical he would ask for interaction and then I would give him what he wants. So I either situation I am giving my child a break from school and what he wants - but ... _____ From: [mailto: ] On Behalf Of Jayne Hickey Sent: Thursday, September 22, 2005 9:59 AM To: Subject: Re: emotional advise n, I think we all struggle with inner demons telling us to do more for our child. I know I do! I struggle everyday afterschool when he comes home. I know I should sit with him and do more work,play, reading, computer games, fine motor activities, etc.. Afterall - I've had a break from him since 8am. BUT - he's tired, he's not interested, he's focused on his obsession - wanting to watch a movie and eat chips, I have two other children that need help with homework, and sports to taxi to and fro! The hard part is that life does go on around us regardless of what our " to do " list says. I find I go through periods of understanding what is realistic and periods of feeling totally guilty. Right now - guilty! But we know how exhausting the time afterschool is - homework, dinner, sports, bath, bedtime - it's tough just when you have typical kids. Throw a child with Ds/Autism into the picture and things really go askew! Hang in there. It helps when you talk about it out loud or at least bounce it off others - writing your feelings down is a great step in finding your happy medium. You can only do so much in a day and still be the wife/mother/friend that you want to be - We all struggle, at one time or another, with the same feelings - that's what's so wonderful about having this outlet available to us - thanks Joan AGAIN - this list is my saving grace. Hugs to you n - from someone who struggles with some of your same feelings... Now go have some chocolate! And tune into " 3 Wishes " on NBC Friday night for your good cry... Take care, Jayne n Chen wrote: Relating to Holly and 's situation, I have had very similar experiences with twice district telling me the classroom I most want for my child is full. It is already difficult trying to find a good match- kids change every year, the teachers and aides compentancy and personalities, distance of the schools...etc...THen when you finally feel somewhat decisive about one (not perfect, but will do...) they tell you its FULL?!!!! Then when you go to the placement they suggest, it doesn't work out- I feel so helpless. There is just too much at stake in this trial and error process...I feel if I knew what I was doing- making right decisions- rather than trial and error, we would be making progress. Who else but the mom feel the most responsible? This is the first year we said- no to the district's offerings and hired a lawyer. Since, they have treated me horribably. It seems if I'm a good little girl, they keep things amicable. As soon as I put my foot down, they retaliate. Whereas I volunteered in my child's classroom for the past 2 years, now they are not " allowing " me to volunteer for more than 30 min. (a rule they sited that I've found out to be none-existent). It got ugly- the teacher called the principal on me to eject me from the classroom. I was depressed for a month over that. Does anyone feel helpless and unequiped to go through this over and over? I often feel guilty over " if I only were more insistent " , or " if I onlyl were more on top of the going ons of the classroom " , " if I only knew the law better " . I've always known how to get a " job " done- what I need to do first, next, last to get yield the goal. Since taking on the job of a mom- especially the special needs world where everything seems to be a battle, every step is an uphill climb- I feel so lost and incompetent. I don't feel like I'm making good decisions. I feel like I decide something- then wait and see what happens- without any sense of control. I've become complacent about this- My husband calls it " letting go " - " do the best you can " . I've really had to try hard to do this. Afterall, who doesn't want to relax and enjoy life and not worry so much!!!! But I keep going back and forth between- " I've got to do everything for my child- it's his life at stake- if you just did a, b, or c, you could help him improve- do do do... " - to " do what you can and let it go- live your life- be happy " . I can't seem to reconcile the perspective of wanting to do everything for your child and doing " what I can " - even if my child is not thriving as much as I would like to see. I can't understand everyone's advise about " balance " when these two perspectives are philosophically opposites- you either think this way and do accordingly, or think the other way and do accordingly. I can't think and do one way some of the time, and believe and do another way the rest of the time. Anyone know what I mean and can offer some advise? n (isaac- 5.5yr) --------------------------------- Yahoo! for Good Click here to donate to the Hurricane Katrina relief effort. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 23, 2005 Report Share Posted September 23, 2005 OMG!!! This sounds JUST like ME and MY inner demons!!! WHO KNEW! LOL Glad to know I am NOT alone with my struggles in NOT being a " theraputic " type of mom and let just be him at home! A. > Relating to Holly and 's situation, I have had very similar experiences > with twice district telling me the classroom I most want for my child is > full. It is already difficult trying to find a good match- kids change > every year, the teachers and aides compentancy and personalities, distance > of the schools...etc...THen when you finally feel somewhat decisive about > one (not perfect, but will do...) they tell you its FULL?!!!! Then when you > go to the placement they suggest, it doesn't work out- I feel so helpless. > There is just too much at stake in this trial and error process...I feel if > I knew what I was doing- making right decisions- rather than trial and > error, we would be making progress. Who else but the mom feel the most > responsible? > > This is the first year we said- no to the district's offerings and hired a > lawyer. Since, they have treated me horribably. It seems if I'm a good > little girl, they keep things amicable. As soon as I put my foot down, they > retaliate. Whereas I volunteered in my child's classroom for the past 2 > years, now they are not " allowing " me to volunteer for more than 30 min. (a > rule they sited that I've found out to be none-existent). It got ugly- the > teacher called the principal on me to eject me from the classroom. I was > depressed for a month over that. > > Does anyone feel helpless and unequiped to go through this over and over? I > often feel guilty over " if I only were more insistent " , or " if I onlyl were > more on top of the going ons of the classroom " , " if I only knew the law > better " . I've always known how to get a " job " done- what I need to do > first, next, last to get yield the goal. Since taking on the job of a mom- > especially the special needs world where everything seems to be a battle, > every step is an uphill climb- I feel so lost and incompetent. I don't feel > like I'm making good decisions. I feel like I decide something- then wait > and see what happens- without any sense of control. > > I've become complacent about this- My husband calls it " letting go " - " do the > best you can " . I've really had to try hard to do this. Afterall, who > doesn't want to relax and enjoy life and not worry so much!!!! But I keep > going back and forth between- " I've got to do everything for my child- it's > his life at stake- if you just did a, b, or c, you could help him improve- > do do do... " - to " do what you can and let it go- live your life- be happy " . > I can't seem to reconcile the perspective of wanting to do everything for > your child and doing " what I can " - even if my child is not thriving as much > as I would like to see. I can't understand everyone's advise about > " balance " when these two perspectives are philosophically opposites- you > either think this way and do accordingly, or think the other way and do > accordingly. I can't think and do one way some of the time, and believe and > do another way the rest of the time. > > Anyone know what I mean and can offer some advise? > > n (isaac- 5.5yr) > > > --------------------------------- > Yahoo! for Good > Click here to donate to the Hurricane Katrina relief effort. > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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